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Archive for the ‘Metta Reiki’ Category

I am going to write about how clarity can arise during meditation.  And it can also arise when we are offering bodywork.

Garchen Rinpoche is one of my heart teachers.  He is one of the few individuals on the planet who I honestly think, loves everyone and everything around him.  He is the embodiment of loving-kindness in my eyes.  And he is more than that as well, his wisdom fire is vast and deep, so he also embodies the wisdom-gnosis of Manjushri.  If I get the chance to attend his teachings, I make every attempt to go.

In a recent post of one of his teachings, he mentions that with devotion to the Guru or to one’s root lama, that clarity can arise when we meditate.  If we have the dedication of years of practice, and if we are truly devoted to our heart teacher, then clarity can easily arise when we do Guru Yoga or offer a Tsok feast and Lama Chopa practice (offering a delicious feast to the blessing-bestowing lineage holders of one’s particular Tibetan Buddhist lineage).  If we have a question, we might not need to ask our root lama in person, unless it is easy.  [Of course it is good to check in from time to time to make certain we are not being blown about by the winds of delusion]  Rather, if we have a question, we can ask it at the beginning of a meditation session or before we do Guru Yoga, and Garchen Rinpoche says that by the next morning, we might have our answer.

I believe there are some definite parallels between meditation and doing professional, compassionate, skillful, ethical bodywork.  I personally practice Craniosacral Therapy, I work with a little bit of trauma resolution by working with the Vagus nerve and the Polyvagal system and I am starting to get into Pre- and Perinatal therapy (PPN therapy) and Birth Process work.  I have been giving and receiving bodywork for over 12 years now, and I feel that the levels of embodiment I am discovering are very difficult to describe in words and that my body communicates with me on a regular basis.

If we are doing bodywork and something comes up in the session, we can get to the point where we can ask our own bodies – “what is going on here?”  And we can get a definite, accurate answer.

Here is an example of this:

I was giving a treatment a little while ago when I started to feel the client’s pain coming out into my hands.  This can occur anytime someone has emotional or physical trauma and we as healing facilitators are both wishing them well and attempting to get their body to release old stuff.

The problem with the above situation though, is that I want to be able to give a treatment session and have some energy remaining to enjoy my day.  I want to be able to give at least four treatments in a day without feeling drained.  So if I am starting to take on my client’s stuff, I have to pause and notice the yellow flags my body is raising.  “Hello Kirby – do you really want to continue down this path?”  No, I don’t.

Therefore, I paused and asked my body – specifically my gut and my kidneys, “What do I need to know right now?  Why am I taking on this person’s stuff?”

And it was pretty wild.  I got an instant response of, “There is nothing to do, nothing to fix, nothing to make [as healing facilitator].  I am merely connecting to this person’s innate health which is never lost.”  I stated something like this out loud – that their body knows how to heal itself and that I am just coaching their process.

And within seconds, I stopped taking on anything from this person, despite my hands remaining on them the whole time.  I got them to do a little technique to move the energy through and out of their body (without me as middle man!) and they deeply appreciated the session.

It is always good to remind ourselves of the basics.  Going back from time to time to review the basics is very helpful for me.

I think I was taking on this person’s stuff because I had temporarily fallen back into an old pattern of trying to help or fix one of my parents (an old pattern of mine).  Once I named and noticed it and shifted my intention and my awareness, I was able to no longer be hooked by my old pattern.

Likewise, we can get questions answered when we sit on the meditation cushion.  Or we can answer our questions (sometimes instantly) by having years of experience working with our bodies and having a tradition enhanced with wisdom to lean into.  In other words, we can bring meditation into various contexts we are working in.

Thank you for reading!

~km

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I have been having second thoughts about my trip to the Northwest, to train in pre- and perinatal psychology and birth process work.  It is going to be expensive (for me) as I fly to Spokane Washington, and then drive to Nelson Canada.  I will have to pay a dog-sitter, parking at the airport, tuition, food, etc.  It will be tough to leave our dog – Emma – who I have been enjoying spending time with (she keeps me in good shape by taking me for walks every day).

But I am resolved to go through with it, no matter how many tiny obstacles keep cropping up.  I am hoping to learn about my own personal birth process as this workshop will focus on conception, time in utero and the actual birth.  That is where it stops however – the developmental psychology pieces from birth onward are covered in the next workshop level!  But that is enough.  What little misunderstandings about my conception, about my parents, about my birth are holding me back?  What unconscious obstacles are preventing me from expressing the fullness of my loving heart?  These are questions I am hoping to uncover as I delve deeper into my psyche during this workshop.  Plus it will be spent with exceptionally good company.

I have done a previous Birth Process Workshop with the main teacher, Myrna Martin.  She is very knowledgable and skillful and compassionate and she is known as one of a half dozen highly trained experts in this field in North America.  You can visit her site below.

http://www.myrnamartin.net

Wish me luck on my journey!  And I wish that all sentient beings take a little provocative risk toward opening their hearts and leaving their comfort zones to learn and grow!

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For some reason, I have been avoiding this topic in principle for years.  That would be the topic of giving treatments to babies.

I’m not sure why – perhaps because babies seem so fragile, or because I would not want to have the parents asking me all sorts of questions when my mind is in intuitive bodywork mode.  It could also be because I have or had some unprocessed psychological stuff around my own birth and early upbringing (this is most likely the case).

My main bodywork teacher, Janet Evergreen, gives free treatments to newborns and any babies under 2 years of age.  She is possibly one of the most gifted spiritual healers on the East Coast of the United States.  And I do not say that lightly – I have had many teachers.  I have taken numerous empowerments and numerous Dharma teachings from many legitimate Tibetan lamas and yet Janet offers something unique, something a little bit different.  She is Buddhist, but she follows her heart.  She has a powerful root lama and yet she forges her own path at times.  She does not go by the book.  I do not quite know what to make of her.  But as far as teaching bodywork, there is no one else I would rather learn from.  (I have witnessed her work miracles with her clients in the most empowering way possible – we all have the ability to heal ourselves, and she does not want her students putting her on a high pedestal.)

She has been treating babies for years, and I have been taking her classes for years.  I have taken nearly all of her classes at least twice each – Craniosacral I, II, III, Supervision; Zapchen Somatics, Zapchen retreats, Advanced Zapchen 10-day retreats; Organs (visceral manipulation); Working with the Vagus system I, II.  I even joined a support group that she hosted for artists and bodyworkers and yogis and I was a part of that radically advanced and dynamic group for close to 3 years.  And this exhaustive list does not include the dozen of advanced Buddhist retreats that we were a part of together.  But I have never taken her Babies class.

Maybe I thought that I did not need to work with babies.  Maybe I thought that I would only be good at working with teenagers or adults (the populations I have had success with up to this point).

I have only worked with 3 or 4 babies with her – in 11 years of taking classes from her!

Yes, I fear that I have subconsciously been avoiding this topic.  Until today.

Today, I was blessed to be a part of treating two babies – two 6-week old baby boys.  The fact that they were baby boys resonates with me.  I was a baby boy once.  There is a baby boy part of me.  I, like other baby boys, do not wish, did not wish to hurt my mother during my long birth process.

Today we treated 2 babies in under 3 hours and I was a part of it!  I held the second baby’s occiput and helped with its rebirth process (where the baby is going through a re-do of its birth, how it spiraled its way out of the birth canal, pushing against the top of the womb with its legs).  They were miraculous treatments.  She did re-births with both babies.  She checks the dura tubes of the babies, the diaphragms, the vault holds, the vomer bone (because this has a lot to do with their ability to suck on a nipple), and the craniosacral pump – she listens for the spiral dynamics still in the birth memory of the cells and she follows the baby as they unwind any birth trauma that their bodies are willing to reveal at the time.  And she has many skills and knowledge (and wisdom) from working with Myrna Martin and pre- and perinatal psychology workshops.

It is a lot.  But babies are more flexible, more plastic, more able to change traumatic patterns within a few minutes.  Therefore they might be able to do a ton of releasing work in under an hour!

It is not a simple process.  Years of preparation and personal growth work have gone into her ability to do this.  She is not an ordinary human being.  Janet Evergreen is a dakini.  And (at the same time) she has a few human foibles (which she is working on).  But she is constantly working on herself and working to improve her classes and her teaching skills.

Somehow she combines the transcendent wisdom of the Buddha Dharma with the embodied wisdom of Zapchen and Continuum dynamics and Somatic Experiencing.  It is an amazing process which I am blessed to be a senior student of.

After working with babies today, I feel like I have discovered a new way to taking refuge (in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha).  I do not say that lightly.  Taking refuge in the 3 Jewels is a sacred and rare path toward enlightenment and joyful bliss.  I loved working with babies.  I loved having my hands on babies.  I want to learn more.  I have much to learn.  But I am eager to get started.

I fear that I have been wasting much valuable time.  It is time to get an office space going.  To attract new clients and to put out the willingness to help new babies unwind their birth trauma (and generational trauma).  Babies are the future.  Babies are extremely pliable.  If I can hold self-care and wisdom and compassion and wide, spacious awareness; then the babies will respond positively and reveal how to unwind them into the health that is never lost.

I am excited and nervous and worried about this promise to my heart.  Walking my talk, removing all that is harmful from my path, living in embodied visceral wisdom is not easy, nor is it comfortable.  But that is why I have taken this incarnation.  I seek to have a meaningful life.

I wish for all sentient beings to know happiness and its causes.  I wish for all beings to never experience suffering.  I wish for all babies to be free from suffering and its causes.

May it be so.

(Thanks for reading!)

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If you are curious about what Process Buddhism is, then please go back to previous posts from December of 2008.  I attempt to describe this complex topic there.  Process Buddhism has elements from psychotherapy, Buddha-Dharma (Vajrayana), bodywork and trauma resolution among other potent, efficacious modalities.

Over the past few months, I had been suffering from some foggy-headedness as I was barely staying ahead of nursing school assignments and I was working full time.  Add to that watching the show Elementary and I had almost no time for me to rest down.  I was feeling a bit dissociative and I was on the verge of being overwhelmed almost daily.  So I called my friend and mentor and coach and bodywork teacher, someone who is a true spiritual healer, Janet Evergreen.  I have worked with her and taught workshops with her and learned from her since 2005 (in this lifetime).

When this new spring semester started, I was taking way too many classes and I did not use my few days of transition time very well, so when I started this semester of nursing classes, I was definitely overwhelmed.  Add to this a little health niggle I have been observing for a few months, and I was quite concerned that I could not handle my class load.

So I pressed the pause button on nursing school and I am taking care of me.  A part of me is / was quite pleased with this decision.  I am feeling more free and energized and relaxed.  And a part of me is conflicted – there was one class which is only offered in the spring, so by pressing the pause button, I am basically setting myself back a year.  This is disappointing.  I desperately need to rest and I believe I probably could have scraped by and at least made a “B” in that class.  I am still not entirely clear about my decision.

I knew I needed to “call in the big guns” as it were if I wanted to kick my old patterns and clear my head.

In my next post, I will go into detail about the session that I had.

So far, in the five days since, I am feeling more embodied, more potent, warmer and somehow more full.  Plus the pattern of beating myself up about withdrawing from that class is lessening.  I am practicing a little bit of metta loving-kindness everyday after that session and I am more in touch with my heart, gut, kidneys and body in general – more than I have been in months.

Therefore it was a great session.  Much needed.

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I am writing this post 2 days after receiving my second full ZB session.  Go back and read my most recent post about Zero Balancing (ZB) if you haven’t already.

I should point out that off and on for the past 5 years, I have been dealing with neck stiffness.  Sometimes I even experience torticollis – a condition where muscle spasms high in my chest make it so I can’t turn my neck without having a lot of pain – and on those days, I have to turn my entire body to look a different direction.  Fortunately those days only come about twice a year or so.

Also, I’m the type of person who yearns for any kind of compassionate bodywork done by a skillful (or caring) practitioner – massage, Craniosacral, ZB, acupuncture, etc – count me in.  So if nothing else, these 3 free ZB treatments are providing excellent maintenance to keep my system more loose – softening my edges as it were.

I noticed several positive changes between this recent treatment and the first:

  1. First and foremost, my neck stiffness feels much different.  Overall I would say the level of discomfort has dropped at least 50%.  Not only that, but the texture of the pain has shifted.  Instead of being a full blown pervasive stiffness, it is now localized tenderness – like I am more aware of the few areas of discomfort.
  2. Second, I relaxed very deeply during the treatment.  I was grateful to Connie for being silent unless I was the one talking.  She would only say something if it was necessary or maybe once every 10 minutes.  This allowed me to drop much deeper into a relaxed, aware state.
  3. Off and on for the past couple of years, I think due to my being a waiter, I have noticed right shoulder discomfort when I move it in certain ways.  My range of motion is fine, but there is stiffness with certain regions of movement.  I think that is slightly shifting as well.

So far, I would say that ZB is approaching my body in a new beneficial manner.  I think it works with certain physiological AND emotional layers of the body.  It helps to bring awareness to the chest and ribs, breathing, and to the hips and legs, as well as the shoulders and neck.  And I think I might continue on with it – after my 3 free session, I intend to get 2 sessions of ZB per month.

And like I mentioned above, if nothing else, if ZB helps to abate the stiffness in my neck, I would go back every month!  When I get the torticollis, I am pretty much laid low for a day or two – if I have to go out, I literally look like a frankenstein’s monster  🙂   It is sad really.  So, I am grateful for what I am learning about my body from ZB – and I think a lot of that learning is happening subconsciously.

I must admit (for the sake of science), that there are several variables to be aware of (full disclosure):

I am staying massively busy with nursing school and work.  I wonder if I would notice even more breakthroughs with ZB if it weren’t for these large burdens on my shoulders.  Also, while I suspect ZB is what is responsible for my neck improvement, I can’t be 100% certain – correlation does not equal causation  🙂   But I am very certain about that – considering I am not doing much different over the past few weeks.

And I should point out that I am extremely sensitive to bodywork practitioners – if someone is not very conscious or aware or compassionate or caring, I feel that and I would not go back for a second or third treatment – even if it was free.  [Because in energy work – energy always flows from a higher source down to a lower source – like electricity or gravity.  So if I am significantly more energetically full than my bodyworker, then they would potentially be energized for treating me!]  And I say that with as much modesty as possible – it is just what I have been taught by my teachers.

So Connie is a phenomenal practitioner – she does massage and Craniosacral work as well as ZB.  But she is trying to promote Zero Balancing, so if you contact her, she might give a discount if you need one (at least for the first treatment).  Here is her contact info:

434.996.2640 or email her at conniemstaley [at] yahoo [dot] com

Thanks for reading!

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The material is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore.  Reproduction without permission is prohibited.  Thank you for visiting.

I want to start out this post by saying that I love my parents dearly and by doing some deep psychological and process-oriented work on myself, I understand my parents better and I am so grateful that they gave me the chance for this precious human rebirth.

As Uranus (transiting) crosses the opposition point to my Hades Moon – Tr. Uranus is in Aries currently and it is about 1 degree away from exactly opposing my Hades Moon.  I have Pluto conjunct the Moon in my natal chart – less than a degree separates these two unlikely bed-fellows.  This conjunction falls in my 3rd house in Libra.

The most obvious layer, and when I say obvious – I have had several astrologers just glance at my chart and they say within seconds: “Wow, you have a lot of karma with your Mom, don’t you?”, of a Hades Moon is just that – my perception of my Mother or my relationship to the person I see as my mother is quite complex.  I am aware of the Hades Moon in my chart probably reflects the enmeshment which developed over my childhood years – an enmeshed relationship with my single mother (who did the best she could).

And my mother has Pluto squaring her Moon.  So there is a good chance that a pattern of enmeshment has been “handed down” from her to me.  This enmeshed relationship arose due to a number of reasons – first of which was that my Dad was not around much physically and when he was around, he was never emotionally or psychically present (sorry Dad – but you still have some psycho-emotional stuff to work on).  Therefore I clung to my Mom as my source of nourishment and shelter etc.

The roots of this enmeshment go all the way back to my birth.  When I was born, due to the Indigenous American Indian blood from my father’s lineage (a wonderful gift to say the least), I had a purplish rash on my back and butt.  The doctors did not know what was “wrong” with me so they put me in the NICU – natal intensive care unit where my mother could only visit for an hour at a time or so.  I was there for at least 24 hours – maybe closer to 36 hours and when I was deemed “non-contagious” and handed back to my Mom, something had changed in me and in her.  I have intuited that she felt some subconscious guilt for letting the medical personnel take me and that inherently changed our relationship, tying yet another layer onto an already fated and possibly tangled relationship.

I feel like I could write at length about what I have learned from my Hades Moon.  About all the different permutations my liberation has gone through in terms of putting healthy space between my mother and I.  But I am writing this post today to mention a new piece of information.

I received some powerful bodywork yesterday that really rocked me to my core.  Some sessions are like that, others are more maintenance oriented – less potent and more resourcing and relaxing.  But I had purposely scheduled

I received a session of Somatic Experiencing – a.k.a. S.E. (blended with process-oriented pre- and perinatal psychological understand and probably with some Craniosacral Therapy thrown in for good measure).  In S.E., the goal is to get the client (me) to feel the emotions associated with challenges to the polyvagal system – that is the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system divisions also known as the Fight / Flight / Freeze system (sympathetic) or the Rest / Digest system.  The goal is to strengthen and resource and turn on the parasympathetic or Rest and Digest system.  But the way to do that is to clear the trauma (or emotions or misunderstandings) which are stuck in various body tissues – clear where the body is stuck in Fight or Flight or Freeze status.  Obviously, this is very tender and vulnerable work, so I would only recommend going to see a qualified practitioner for it – someone who has done years of work on themselves.

What is wild is that we have a choice.  Once we determine what it is that is challenging the system or what misunderstanding or event is being held in the tissue (a fall, birth trauma, etc), then we can choose to do it differently in our minds – while being held by skillful, resourced, regulated, compassionate hands – and then this can lead to lasting neurological changes in the body.  And it is awesome and potent and nourishing when it is all over.  But I must say that occasionally the adage: “you must feel it to heal it” is appropriate, so sessions are not always comfortable – at least not all the way through.  But they are well worth it.

Before I mention what I learned yesterday, let me mention one thing: double binds.  A double bind is a psychological term for a situation in which we have two or more choices and all of the choices have difficult or challenging outcomes.  For instance, many double binds happen every day when we have elective surgery – if I get that mole removed, it means I will have to be cut and that is sharp and painful.  However, then I can get the mole biopsied and I will look better cosmetically.  So to keep the mole might invite danger.  But to get the mole removed means I will get cut.  This is a typical double bind – option A is painful but option B might be even worse down the road.

Likewise, many double binds occur for children.  As kids, we are stuck with one or both parents, not having any actual options for running away from inappropriate care-takers.  For instance, if we have the choice of suppressing our needs to prevent getting spanked, guess what?  Most kids clam right up.  This is a very common double bind.  Suppressing our needs, somehow learning to not say “No!” in order to avoid the pain of spanking and our parent’s anger or wrath, is terrible either way – we put our foot down and say “No!” and then we get whacked or whipped.  Or we learn to shut our mouths (and many people become pleaser / placaters / shape-shifters in the process of living these double binds).

So what did I learn in this last treatment?  Or what double bind did I discover?  As an aside, because Somatic Experiencing involves gentle, skillful hands-on time, when we do discover a double bind, we can slowly and skillfully help the client (in this case, me) to process it out of their system.  I discovered that my kidneys were holding onto a lingering piece of the Hades Moon karma – that is, when I was young, it was sometimes difficult to stick with my mother (and even worse to spend time with my father – see the paragraph above) and yet the other option – of leaving her would have brought up the worst, most unthinkable terror so it really wasn’t a choice.  Therefore, the essence of the double bind is that being with you is tough but any other option is horribly terrifying.  Imagine the baby part of me – there is no grey area for babies – it is either I am safe and content OR I am in pain, or hungry, or afraid, or I have a dirty diaper.  Therefore the baby part of me does not know how to ask for appropriate space.  I wonder how many kids go through this at least at some point in their lives?  Ack!!

But in my kidneys, and in my gut and in my meninges (around my brain) I felt this buzzing energy which only started to settle down when I admitted (acknowledged) this double bind and then using my adult resources – looking at the practitioner and realizing that I am safe, here and now, and looking around at the beautiful nature outside the windows – saying to myself, “May you (Kirby) be safe” and “May you kidneys be safe” – and bringing the session back to my child parts, saying now you have a choice.  Do you want to feel the way it was back then (painful) or are you ready to try something different (possibly a win-win situation)?  By realizing that my parents’ both probably suffered from this same double bind, I was able to compassionately hold them.  So they are really off the hook – it is my karma which led me to this point and which led me to choose them as parents.  They did the best they could with the resources available to them.  And they did a great job!  I was loved and well-fed and clothed and I was in a decent home throughout my childhood.

In the process of all this, I had to feel through several waves of fear.  Only once I felt the fear and slowly processed it and released it could I rest in a settled, less-reactive place.

And then my kidneys dropped down, resting back and relaxing; they both started to rock rhythmically back and forth indicating they were happy and grounded and felt safe.  My meninges (the shock-absorbing cushion layer around the brain) settled down, relaxed and the buzzing melted away.  And finally there was big spreading in my gut as the practitioner completed the treatment there.

Because it is still fresh in my system and because it involved childhood parts going way back, I expect the balancing to continue for at least a few weeks, possibly more.  I am being more gentle with myself and lying down when I have the time.  No use doing this deep work and then throwing a wrench in the works by pushing too hard or by doing an activity which causes my kidneys to clamp up again…  🙂

So just to reiterate.  This is extremely deep work.  I have been doing process-oriented work on myself since 2005, receiving hundreds of treatments.  I still have work to do.  But you should not dive right in and expect these kinds of insights and shifts in the beginning.  It is a process, there is a learning curve and lasting results will take time.  Especially if serious trauma is involved.  PTSD can be slowly resourced, but it will take lots of time.  Remember to be gentle.  Go slow.  Breathe.

And may all beings realize that they have a choice: we can re-do parts of our childhood which were less than resourced and move into an awareness of why it was and how it can be different.  And then re-orient from there.  It is a beautiful process if you are willing to do the work.

Thanks for reading!

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This material is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore.  Reproduction without permission is prohibited.  Thank you for visiting!  If you want to support Kirby’s blogging efforts, you can also view his website at www.mkirbymoore.com


 

Yesterday I was fortunate to receive bodywork from a solid practitioner of the modality called Somatic Experiencing (SE).  I have been doing this trauma resolution type work – both giving and receiving for at least three to four years, and in fact, if you count Biodynamic Craniosacral work as being similar, then I have been going at it for closer to eight or nine years.

I do not mention this “time-in-service” to boast.  I mention it to show how long it can take to truly peel away the layers for healing and renegotiation of trauma.  In previous posts I have discussed both of these modalities, but I am nearly always amazed at the creativity and uniqueness of SE’s methods of gently yet firmly going through the layers of frozen tissue and organ systems, uprooting misunderstandings and wounded emotions wherever it encounters them.

What I am trying to say is: “WOW!!!”  And “Holy Toledo!!!”

Yesterday’s work felt like a little culmination of a few years of Pre- and Perinatal Psychology (read Birth Process) work I have been doing in addition to insights into my Astrology Chart in addition to this work in Somatic Experiencing.  Yes – you read this correctly; many pieces and many layers – it was pretty big!

I know I tend to say that phrase often.  Or at least I used to say that fairly often – I would come home from an SE treatment or from a class and go, “WOW!  That was big and amazing!”  And that was true.  Each layer tends to produce deeper and more complex discoveries and insights.  And you neither know how each layer will unfold, nor in what order the layers will unravel.  One of my fellow students said it best yesterday (it was an all day class in which I received such an incredible gift of open hearted embodiment):

She said, “Most people think that true freedom is being able to do what we want…  But actually, true freedom is being open to the mystery of the unknown.”  I think that sums up what is possible with Somatic Experiencing pretty darned well!  And she could easily be a teacher in her own right – these classes tend to attract some amazing and wise folks.

I am hesitant to describe the session without supplying some background context information.  Because how else could I possibly convey how big this is without doing so?  And I want to be compassionate about showing how much information and how many layers must be resolved before one can start to get to the “bottom” of the layers of trauma.  I mention I am getting to the bottom of my traumas, but I’m not sure.  I suspect I will be pleasantly surprised by all the discoveries still to come.  But once you are ready to start the deep mediastinum work (mediastinum is the complex matrix of connective tissue connecting and embracing and wrapping around all the tubes, nerves, organs and glands in the chest – the pericardium is a part of the mediastinum), it means that you have unglued many stuck parts and melted a number of frozen layers to get there!  So I must be doing something right.

So in a future post, very soon completed, I will elaborate.  🙂

Thank you for reading!

 

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