Winter Retreat, day two

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Yet again, I don’t have the time or energy to make this structured or a decent “looking” composition, but I am very happy to be sharing the essence, the pithy version of events from yesterday’s full day.  Hopefully I will have the time to tidy it up within a few weeks.  This is a long post…  Thank you for visiting!

Whoa!  Woke up so super groggy.  I’m lucky I put the “right” clothes on.  Drove the short distance to retreat, at 5:45 am again.  Did my prostrations to the shrine, and then sat down, my head a thicket of dense fog…

We played with a practice from Zapchen which is actually a little more advanced than the basics (so I recommend having a qualified teacher before you do this at home…).  We chanted mantras into our brains, then into our hearts and finally into our pelvises.  The idea is to enhance the clarity of mind, the compassion of the heart and the potency of the pelvis.  Very yummy!

Then I took a short nap.  I had some brief dreams / visions as I lay on the sheep skin in the darkness of the morning.  Don’t remember much from them.

37 Bodhisattva practices and reading the 8 Verses for Training the Mind.  This is good.  We mentioned which ones of these were pertinent to us on that particular day.  I am working with the “How do I find balance between having appropriate boundaries and compassion for myself, while still honoring the fact that all sentient beings have been my mother in the past – so they are basically all family?  And especially if one or two sentient beings are beings of ‘bad nature,’ then how do I remain authentic to my own heart and stay present for them.”  I think this will take at least another 10 – 20 years!  🙂   At least!  One of the mentors in the retreat suggested that I am honest about my reaction to these people – they are who they are – I am the one having various reactions depending on my moods…  Lots to ponder!

Breakfast consisted of sautéed trout and oatmeal, along with toast, jam and butter.  I can honestly say I have rarely, if ever had trout and oatmeal for breakfast.  Maybe once or twice when camping long ago…  🙂   It was so delicious – there was something (a mineral, essential fatty acid, something) in the fish skin which my body just danced to be taking in.  Luscious, delicious, and lots and lots of bones – it was a good reminder that I was eating a fellow sentient being, so don’t get too excited!

Oh – then we did Chi Kung.  This was fascinating.  The video we watched was silent (we muted the music on purpose) so it was simply a man doing the numerous Chi Kung movements with their names appearing as subtitles from time to time.  In other words, I did not know how to breath or when.  All I could do was follow the movements, and I was reminded once that I was doing them different from the video (I was very groggy – did I mention this?).  And yet, after doing the exercises, I was so exhausted and needing a nap.  Something powerful happened simply in attempting to track the Chi as I did the movements.  I experimented with breathing at different times throughout the exercises, but WOW!  I think I need to get into a Chi Kung class ASAP when retreat is over.

From 10 to 11 am, we looked at the Ganges Mahamudra text, which again, is way over my head.  But the main retreat leader asked me to say something about it.  Again I do not know much about the text itself, but I love the life stories of Tilopa and Naropa, so I talked about their complicated Guru / Disciple relationship and that provided a tiny bit of context for the actual text.  It was fun – an impromptu, super brief Dharma talk…  I think I can call it that?  But I was feeling pretty awake and alive and clear and potent after having that delicious breakfast.  I took a nap from 11 – 12.  Are you sensing a theme with me and napping yet?  I want to take lots of naps right now as there is a complex and difficult astrological configuration in the sky and it could lead to me burning out…

Yet again, a delicious lunch was had.  Lentils, cilantro, sweet potatoes, salad…  Mmmmm…  Then I went for a walk with a friend of mine.  And this was a delectable experience.  Because of the retreat, we barely talked (I was actually planning to leave retreat later in the day to go to an interview…  so I figured a little talking might actually do me good – better to gently ease back into talking and samsaric mind than to leave retreat later and be plunged into busy busy samsara life without preparation!).  But we said enough to acknowledge that we were both in awe of the mighty, roaring river.  Plus a magical mist was coming up off the river (the Rivanna) and there were little droplets of water on the trees from the earlier rain.

She is a photographer, so I got to see the world through an artists eyes for just a few minutes, but she was pointing out (very little talking – but it is amazing what you can communicate with gestures) good photo spots.  We both said, “I wish I had brought my camera at about the same time.”  She has a professional, many-adjustments camera and I had my simple point and shoot digital one.  So we decided we would take a short cut back (up the steep hill) to the retreat house and grab our gear!  Doing so I got to witness her curiosity, intuition and sense of wonder with her camera in hand.  Because I wanted to stay in retreat mind, I took my space too and tried to take some decent pictures, but unfortunately the grey sky masked the beautiful, mysterious mist rising off the grey river…  Ah Shucks!  Maybe it is time to get a better camera?

The mist changed every minute or so, which meant there were many photo opportunities.  We got back to retreat just before the start of the afternoon session!

Then…  another WOW moment.  We continued in the Hum Book from Julie Henderson which I must say is one of the best articulated books on how trauma gets locked in the body and how we can slowly and gently start to loosen the bonds of conditioned misery!  So we did more humming into our bodies as a partner tracked the hum.  Bodywork on retreat is always delightful (especially when the group can handle it).

Because I had done the humming yesterday, I got to hum further – into my arms, legs in addition to my guts, midline and brain stem.  WOW!  It was almost as potent as yesterday’s session, but I think I was a little cooked from all the retreat time leading up to that Hum Book time.

But there was one funny story I want to relate from the humming.  So when I was the outside person listening and tracking the lying-down-person’s hum…  the leader of this exercise suggested (and demonstrated with her partner) that I lean in close to my partner’s belly and chant the mantra “Om Ah Hung” in a very gravelly and deep voice.  So I did so and the sound reminded me of gears turning deep in the earth.

But what my partner said to describe it was hilarious.  She had a sparkle in her eye as she said, “Wow!  Can you do that again?  It is like having an enlightened troll dancing on my belly!!”  So I was happy to do it again.  We all laughed about it!

After Zapchen I had to leave retreat and it would turn out to be a long delay…  I also got food elsewhere and somehow ended up buying a little Buddha statue from one of the Tibetan vendors on the downtown mall who always gives me a deal (probably because I understand when he says, in Tibetan, “for you my friend, I will give you a deal.  This is normally $80 but I will give it to you for $60.”  And it is a nice looking cast brass statue that can be filled.  So I did get a deal!  I could buy one of those from a Dharma website for probably $150…  Wow!  So later, when I got back to retreat, I set up my little new Chom Den Dai statue on my table.  “He” is not filled yet (some statues can be filled – see another post from the past about how that works) so he is very sensitive – he could pick up anything around him until a Lama fills the statue with blessings and then seals them in.  🙂   Therefore I left him in the shrine room over night and he will sit there soaking in the magnificent blessings (mandala blessings) until the last day of retreat when I can go fetch him.

I had been offered a relatively free apartment in Downtown Charlottesville (having been looking at housing for the past month).  There were going to be strings attached but I was okay with them.  And the general manager said she wanted to have this resolved ASAP…  So I decided it was important enough to leave retreat (which is typically only a one-year thing in this particular case – it is a very dynamic, unique retreat!).

Oh my god!  Samsara is so distracting.  My body did not want to leave the retreat space.  It was begging and pleading with me to stay in retreat.  To stay in the mandala.  I moaned and groaned (because in Zapchen Somatics work it is a well known fact that if we try to push through something without expressing our objections, that then we start to form tight tense dense dry tissue rather than expressing our objections and at least allowing some energy to move and flow even though it might be uncomfortable – but being honest about discomfort is better than denying its existence!!!) and even that barely helped.  My body, my heart in particular kept yelling, “go back downstairs, go sit on your cushion!”  Oh well.

I probably should have listened but I am glad I went to the interview and got the living quarters that I need.  So I got the job and I got the “free” apartment.  I will be the night manager of a local Inn which means I am on call every night – with some nights not having any calls and on weekend nights there could be a few…  We will see how this goes.  I am hoping I am mainly a “we need to have someone around in case of emergencies” rather than a “we need to bother the night manager every night about the silliest little things…”

It was amazing though.  Just starting to drive away from the retreat neighborhood was difficult.  My mind started to get distracted with wanting to turn on the radio, wanting to sing a popular radio song at the moment (without having heard it for a few days!)…  Then walking among so many people on the Downtown Mall was a challenge.  Maintaining my clarity and potency were not easy – especially during my interview, but I think I did okay…

This is a long post!  Thank you for sticking with me and reading along.  May all sentient beings know happiness during these holiday times!  ❤

Winter Retreat 2013, day one

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So…  at 5:45 this morning as I drove over to the Sanctuary…  it was 70 degrees outside.  Yes, I knew it might be an unusual day before I even got to retreat place!  First day of winter in Virginia and it is warmer than some summer days…

I am still in retreat mind, so not being ultra creative right now, nor do I feel like structuring my post.  So enjoy this piece meal format  🙂

Om Ah Hung practice was nice.  So was the Zapchen stretching.  I ate a bowl of oatmeal before leaving home (meaning I had two breakfasts), but nothing like gaining some healthy weight when on retreat, right?  Delicious (!!!) food while on retreat so far.  Many choices for lunch and breakfast was a mixture of mashed squash and aduki beans – whoa!  Does food taste better on retreat or is it possible to have sweet food like that without sugar?  Wow!

After breakfast, went down to the river trail.  It has been wet over the past couple weeks so the roar of the river is right there!  In fact, you can hear it easily from the Sanctuary.  Very calming and meditative just to sit on their porch and soak it in!

But…  the rain clouds were hanging low all morning and therefore we started to get soaked on the trail.  I ran back to the safety of the Sanctuary.  Rain walk river clouds run.

After breakfast, we read through the Ganges Mahamudra text… which is extraordinarily over my head and I have not received teachings on it yet…  so when trying to contemplate it, I started to doze off.  After nearly falling off my cushion – oh did I mention I only got 4 hours sleep last night?  I lay down.

Woke up an hour later having slept through the 10 minute break between hours…  And I felt like a brick wall.  Thick, dense, hard, stubborn, resistant.  Not the greatest feeling but I am very happy my body felt safe enough to rest down that deep.  ZZZZZZ

Oh wow – then the highlight of the day was just after lunch.  We do a Zapchen session then (some movement or some breathing or some energetic awareness or some humming).  In fact, this session was all humming because we worked from Julie Henderson’s Hum Book!  And I learned how to do a new treatment when the outside person tracks the person lying down as they hum through their body.  It was so potent.

I will say more later if I remember (can someone remind me – say in a week or two?)  🙂   Let’s just say my kidneys released some wildly old stuff and it felt like a hurt-so-good kind of discomfort in my gut as it released.  I am happy to be moving toward more permanent alignment and liberation!  Even if it is not always comfortable getting there.

Later as I was resting down again, I had a dream / vision where I was putting my foot down and standing my ground.  Whoa!  Maybe that kidney humming organ treatment from earlier was starting to work already!

Then a dream dance drama therapy (from Continuum) session.  We worked someone’s (else’s) dream.  Ask me if you want to hear more – I think I would send that out as a private email.

Thanks for reading!

Winter Retreat at the Sanctuary

I am writing to say that the Winter Retreat at the Sanctuary in Charlottesville is happening again.  It is a dynamic retreat, not just one practice done for hours on end.  Personally I get a ton out of doing it – coming down into my body, resting back and down with ease, finding alignment and resting in that juicy space of kindness and clarity…  The list of reasons I’m doing it go on and on.

I think there is a requirement that if you want to participate, you need to be able to commit to at least two hours over the course of 3 days (6 hours total).  This requirement allows for more continuity and stability in the space and in the practitioners who are doing more meditation time.  Yay!!  The most important thing is that you contact the host ahead of time to register and that you show up on the hour.  Don’t come in for a 10 AM sit at 10:20 – that might interrupt some people.  So try to arrive early so you are sure to be there on time.  Good good!

Here’s the link: http://janetevergreen.org/winter-retreat.php

Thanks for reading and happy holidays to everyone.  I hope all beings have good company to relax in.

Trust issues

This material is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore.  You can support Kirby’s blogging efforts by purchasing Spiritual Astrology Interpretations, Astrological Coaching sessions and Process-Oriented Bodywork from http://www.mkirbymoore.com  Thank you for visiting!

I want to write a post about trust.  Trust issues in relationships and regarding trusting ourselves.

Why am I writing this?  I feel this is a tiny bit remedial for anyone who maintains a high level of ethics and morality, but I think a return to the basics can be very vital and necessary at times!

I am going to start out by naming the 4 Stages of Trust that I learned in a conflict resolution workshop at the Eastern Mennonite University in Harrisonburg, Virginia.

1st Stage of Trust – “I trust you mean me no harm.”

2nd Stage of Trust – “I trust that you are willing to listen to my needs.”

3rd Stage – “I trust that you care about my needs and my interests.”

4th Stage – “I trust you care enough about my needs and interests that you would even represent them (and me) when I am not present.”

As I mentioned above, these Stages of Trust are important both within relationships and within ourselves.  Has anyone else ever had a rough day where they could eat any junk food in the house (or is that just me)?  Well I’ve been there!  At that particular moment, I don’t know if I trust myself enough to clear the first stage, not to mention any of the other three!!  It seems that at least for a few minutes, or half an hour, or a few hours there that I might be willing to harm myself through eating too much sugar or pretzels or…  [fill in the blank].

So…  I think most of us need to look closer at this list.  What are my deeper needs?  What am I actually interested in?  If I had the resources – time, money, support – what would I be interested in?  I think these are important questions to ask.  And of course, trust issues will arise at least on a weekly basis in most relationships.

Does your partner do what (s)he says they are going to do?  Are they manipulative at times?  Do they truly care about my needs and interests or are we just in a mutual sexually satisfying acquaintanceship?  These are very important questions and for some people, just getting past the first stage will take lots of time.

If someone has a history of trauma, then they might have some unresolved fears and anger and terror and resentment, etc!  So there are many layers to work with and strands to untangle!  Be gentle with yourself, but if you think your partner can handle it, I would recommend mentioning these in a skillful manner.

Deeply trusting someone is important for authentic intimacy.  How can we possibly open our hearts more fully to someone whose sarcastic remarks cut us to the bone?  Not going to happen right?  So we need to have a language of trust, to be able to communicate our needs and desires and to try to compromise to make a win / win situation come about, if possible.

I guess what it might come down to is, are you content with your inner landscape (do you trust yourself – do you practice self care, eat well, etc)?  And then, once that is established, are you content with your present love partnership?  If not, then what are you doing?  Why are you dragging your feet?

Now I’m not suggesting you get up and get out of Dodge immediately, but if you know you can be happier, then what are you waiting for?  At least start the dialogue about ways you could become more happy!

Explore trust.  Work with a qualified therapist or bodyworker or coach to learn more about trust.  Then when you are ready, you can play with resting in trust.  Opening to trust.  And finally trusting the Universe and letting go…

Aaahhhh…  Big sigh!

Thanks for reading!

Space to breathe

I am writing this post because I am noticing something important.

Recently, I moved back to Virginia from Florida.  Yes, I had been invested in Florida and I tried to make it work down there…  but I missed Virginia too much (and I did not find a good job down there).  So here I am.

Because I did not have a place lined up to live in, I temporarily moved into my parent’s guest room.  Let me be more descriptive, as this guest room is a whopping 8′ by 9′.  So maybe you could say I moved temporarily into my parents’ walk-in closet…?  Yeah, it was as comfortable as it sounded.  🙂

Two weeks of living with them, I am 34 years old by the way, and I practice a different spiritual path than either of my parents, and I was ready to run for the hills…  at least when my parents did their raised voice thing with my 16-year old brother…  Don’t get me wrong!  I love my family, I am very grateful to have a place to land should I find myself on shaky ground and need a refuge to take me in…  but my heart was feeling the weight of other people’s burdens.

I am a Buddhist practitioner (if you are new to this blog).  My parents are Christians – and very kind hearted, generous, ethical individuals.  So we do have some things in common – most religions are actually very similar when you look at their basics.  (Philosophically this is a different story.)  But more importantly, the reason I needed to grab my own space was because I have done a bunch of personal growth work.  Whether through process-oriented bodywork, or from studying my own and others’ astrology charts from a psychological perspective, or from spending time around authentic spiritual masters, my sensitivities are heightened.

So I am more attuned to emotional needs, to facial expressions and maybe even to non-visual cues (who knows?).  Anyway, I am now house sitting for a friend of mine, and it is a breath of fresh air.  It is a simple house, with beautiful Asian artwork – Japanese screens, Indian paintings and beadwork, Tibetan Thangkas and Chinese images.  Therefore I can fill it with my energy if I choose, or just leave it nice and peaceful.

I love my family and I am very blessed to have them in my life and especially for the kindness of my parents!  They have done amazingly generous things for me and supported me through all of my many various walks of life.  But I think there is something to be said about the statement, “when your kids are fit to live with, they are living with someone else.”  I wonder if the reverse is true, “when your parents are fit to live with, you should be living with someone else.”  🙂

This is just my random thought for the day.  Thank you for reading!

By the way, I am now back in Charlottesville pretty much for good (at least for another year or more).  So if you would like an Astrology interpretation or some Craniosacral work, just contact me or leave a comment here.

May all beings know happiness and its causes!

Who knew the teeth could be so insightful

This material is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore.  Reproduction without permission is prohibited.  Thank you for visiting!  If you would like to support Kirby’s blogging efforts, you can click on the ads below and / or visit his website at www.mkirbymoore.com  

Not too long ago I invested $30 in an updated version of the I Ching.  If you are a regular reader, you would know that I occasionally check in with this divination tool to see what currents are presently passing through and around me.  Fortunately I use one of the best interpretations (at least for psychotherapists, bodyworkers, somatic practitioners, yoga practitioners, and meditators), an interpretation by Julie Henderson, PhD.

Also not too long ago, I asked the I Ching what would be a good practice to rest down / relax in the midst of everything.  I was having a difficult time in Florida at that point, unable to find a job I wanted, not sure what was next.  And believe it or not, it said, “Relax your teeth.”

Now you may not see this as being very profound.  But as someone who has some challenging aspects in my astrology chart, especially involving my kidneys (Saturn opposite Mars, 2nd / 8th house) and other nefarious type aspects, I pay attention whenever the I Ching mentions body parts.  Because it is usually right on.

In the past, I used to wear a mouth guard because of grinding my teeth, and I still do it from time to time.  Basically I can tell when I have been doing it for a number of reasons, but there is usually some type of stress which causes it – whether within or without.  My dentist keeps trying to get me in a mouth guard, but I tried one of his hard (static, plastic) mouth guards and it did not allow my teeth to move and shift at all (even tiny micro-movements are vital), so I woke up with a rocking headache.  Then the dentist mentioned that if I continue to grind away at my teeth, I may lose some of them prematurely…  Not good.  Long story short, my teeth are pretty important to me.

Luckily I had a day off.  I relaxed down into the bed, trying to relax each body part consciously.  Then I moved awareness and attention into my oral areas.  I felt into my maxilla and mandible – the upper and lower jaw bones.  Likewise I slowly moved awareness around and between each tooth – molars, pre-molars, etc.  Each tooth I swept my attention through and around, inside surface, outer surface.  Then I hummed into each tooth, into the roots.

This process may have taken at least half an hour, possibly closer to an hour.  But you know what?  It was a very profound experience.  In the past, I have sort of neglected some of my body’s messages about self care and its limits.  By analyzing and sweeping all my teeth with awareness, I discovered something helpful.

I have had my wisdom teeth removed, to that means I have 28 teeth remaining.  Of those, 8 are molars.  That means I should have four chewing surfaces between those eight teeth.  But guess what?  Two of my molars grew in different directions, meaning the upper tooth lands outside of the inner tooth.  So that means I only have 3 chewing surfaces!  And one of those molars has had extensive cavaties…

Basically I realized I cannot mess around with my teeth.  I can’t think, “Oh you know, I have many teeth, I can afford to lose one.”  No!  The body is interconnected.  If there is stress in the torso, the teeth may be affected.  Like the myriad connections between emotions and body parts, I believe the body parts themselves cannot be taken as independent entities.  The liver may need something specific, but maybe it is lacking in support from another organ.

These are just some random thoughts I have.  From here on out however, I am practicing better self care, realizing the dentist’s words may prove to be true if I don’t take care of my body (and mind).  Therefore, I plan to retreat from anything which causes harm or which does not move me along on my spiritual or life path.

Sometimes we come to these conclusions in unusual ways.

Thank you for reading!

Marriage aspects in Western Astrology

This material is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore.  Reproduction without permission is prohibited.  If you would like to support Kirby’s blogging (and living) efforts, you can purchase Astrology interpretations and bodywork treatments at www.mkirbymoore.com  Thank you for visiting!  Another easy way to support Kirby’s blog is to click on the ads – you don’t have to watch much of them, but every click helps.

In this post, I am going to start revealing some secrets of professional astrologers.  For the record, I want to point out that while I am a professional, I am not THE expert and I am still learning as I go.  I do love seeing the various manifestations of Astrological aspects across many different people (and clients!).

Why this topic?  Because it is a vital part of Relationship Astrology and that is what I have been posting about off and on recently, possibly with more to come.

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This post will be almost entirely about the Natal Chart – what are the “Marriage” Aspects in one’s own individual chart?  I will post about potential “Marriage” Aspects in Relationship Astrology charts later.  By the way, I have “Marriage” in quotes because not everyone chooses to marry their partner.  So you could say these are primary intimate possibly serious romantic partnering aspects – and ideally, who do we want to marry – our best friend, our inspirer, our coach, our peer, our cheering on and cheering up person.  So let’s just say it is complicated – many people get married for various reasons, but if those reasons are not covered here, then maybe I believe there are gradations of positivity along the reasons-for-getting-hitched spectrum.  How ’bout that?

What is “The Classic Marriage Aspect?”  Honestly I don’t know if this exists, but if I personally had to choose, I have read over and over and seen in several of my clients’ charts that when Progressed Venus crosses the Midpoint of the Natal Sun and Moon in the Progressed (to Natal) chart, then you would have to work really hard to avoid meeting a high-quality partner, possible even a soul-mate.  I guess if you were in a solitary three-year retreat, you might avoid it, but even then this partner might come to the monastery where you are practicing, so you would have been in close proximity even if you did not actually meet (at that time).  And I should point out that if you are already happily married, and your partner also feels the same way, then having this aspect come about may be about improving your present marriage rather than meeting someone new – but you never know.  Best to be sure about who and what your heart wants and be certain how committed you (and your partner) are to the relationship.

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What is another popular marriage aspect?  Look at the Ascendant!  It is one of the two major relationship lines in the chart – the other being the opposite of the same – the Descendant (the 7th house cusp line).  Fresh starts, new beginnings and re-births occurs when major planets transit or progress over the Ascendant.  Therefore Transiting Jupiter can indicate a new positive relationship in your life, maybe not marriage per se; but probably the best partner you have attracted to yourself up to that point.  If Progressed Venus crosses the Natal Ascendant (it will be there at least a year or two because of its slower movement), then that will be a very fortunate and possibly “fated” time as far as relationships go.  Keep in mind this is the 11th or 12th house Venus progressing out of the shadows and into visible life – your attractions and enjoyment and generosity of the heart will be more palpable and certainly more visible.

Are there more favorable “Marriage” aspects?  Yes, but I do want this to be a teaser – no use revealing all our secrets at one time, now is there?  🙂    So what I will say is this.  Relationship Astrology is complicated and complex – knowing the ruler of your 5th, 7th and 11th houses is also important.  Then seeing what aspects those planets make in your Natal Chart can show who and what you are attracted to and why.  Next, you can see what planets are making Transiting aspects to the rulers of those houses and then you will see relationship juices start flowing (inner, mental, etc).  Also there will most certainly be changes if Transiting Pluto, Uranus and even Neptune aspect those planets.

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This is why it is important to have your chart done by a professional Astrologer at least once a year (approximately).  We all have blind spots – meaning, even if we are the most discerning person on the planet, there is probably a good chance we still want our life and our world to be a little different than the way it is.  In other words, our expectations, hopes and dreams can blind us to the precise reality of our present situation and that is why we need support, we need good coaches and we especially need an outside, objective perspective on our charts and our lives.

So go out and get your chart done professionally.  If you have relationship questions, just know that this is a very complicated “science.”  Therefore if you expect a 2-second glance at your Natal chart to reveal everything about “Am I meant to be married?”  “When will it happen?”  “To whom?”  Then you have a surprise coming!  Rather it takes a qualified astrologer at least several minutes with each chart – the Natal Chart, the Transit Chart, the Progressed Chart AND the Synastry Chart and Composite Chart.  It takes a lot of time and energy to prepare a solid Astrology Interpretation and then to give it in an inspiring, skillful manner.  Hence the reason we Astrologers need to charge for our services.

Stepping off my platform now…  Thank you for reading!

By the way, I offer phone sessions (and In-Person) interpretations.  Contact me for rates and services offered.  Obviously, Relationship Astrology is one of my speciaties.  Email is kirby [at] mkirbymoore [dot] com

Positive Disenchantment

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Thank you for visiting!

I am writing this post as an update for my “progress” in Florida, and to comment on the phenomena of disenchantment or disillusionment being able to be positive and a potentially maturity-oriented noun. Another reason I might be writing this is to clarify my thoughts on what has been a confusing process.

So I moved down here to Florida, or at least I should say now, I moved about half of my stuff – mainly physical possessions. I have visited Florida several times and I thought it might be a good fit. I have some friends down here and there are many Drikung Kagyu practitioners of Tibetan Buddhism (which is the lineage I feel a close connection with). That and my primary spiritual teacher has his residence down here, for when he is not traveling or teaching elsewhere.

Having been here for two months, I think the word “moved” is erroneous. I should have been clear from the beginning – this was really an experiment. Can I weave into the physical environment here? Can I find some similar kindred spirits who I can share my presence with and who will provide me with good company? Do I feel like my potent gifts of awareness and emotional clarity are a decent fit down here, do people appreciate me for who I am and what I can offer them? Are my skills with bodywork able to be put to use?

Unfortunately, almost every answer to these questions are a definite “NO.” I am someone who enjoys a deep connection with the Earth, I like to hike, to swim, to bike and to be outdoors. Whether it is watching the sunset or just enjoying the leaves change to winter, I am fed by my connection with nature. And so far, I have only been on edge being outdoors here. I don’t know how to deal with alligators and people keep reminding me that there are many (new and foreign-to-me) venomous snakes here. And of course, there are panthers and large bobcats here too. Ooph!

I am finally feeling like my expectations of finding a decent job and enjoying time with my spiritual teacher (soaking up his awesome teachings and presence and fiery potency!) are dissolving in these autumn breezes. I have applied to dozens of jobs and so far, all doors are closed to me. I have been rejected, even by some jobs I thought I was qualified for. So I think it is time to throw in the towel. No need to try to push onward in a situation where I am trying to move a mountain by myself. I have nothing to prove to myself.

Yes, I will tire of explaining why Florida did not work out, but my true friends will understand. My ego might take a little bit of a hit – I wanted this to work out, I wanted to slay my dragons away from the beautiful land where I have spent 27 years of my life. And it is okay. My ego could use a good dose of reality from time to time!

I’m not sure when I will actually say goodbye yet, but I think my time in Florida is now limited.

Thank you for reading.

Transiting Saturn square Natal Venus

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This is a post about Western Astrology and specifically about Transits to the Natal chart. This post will go into Saturn mixing it up with Venus.

A lot of what I am going to say might also be applicable for any hard aspect between Tr. Saturn and Na. Venus (applying square, opposition, separating square or the conjunction). Remember, conjunctions can either be hard or soft aspects depending on which planets are involved. But typically whenever Saturn is involved in a conjunction, we consider it to be a hard aspect.

I am presently experiencing the separating square between Transiting Saturn and Natal Venus. Considering Saturn’s orbit around the Sun takes about 29 years, these hard aspects tend to fall about 7 years apart. So, one way to see what may be coming is to look back and see what was happening 7 or 14/15 years ago – the last time a hard aspect went down between these two.

I recommend getting your chart done by a professional astrologer. I could post hundreds of instances here about various astrological configurations and still be WAY OFF the mark about your individual precise chart. Because I don’t have the time to write the 144 posts about, “if your Venus is in the 1st house and Saturn is squaring it from the 10th…” or 2nd house, or 3rd house, etc. Eae Gads that would be a ton of work!

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What I am saying is that this particular square will be different depending on whether you have an Angular Venus (1st, 4th, 7th or 10th houses), AND this aspect will be received differently by the individual depending on what other aspects are happening. For instance, if we have Jupiter making a Trine to the Natal Sun, along with Progressed Venus making a conjunction with the Sun (both typically positive aspects), then this particular transit might not be challenging in the least. However, if we have several difficult transits going on at the same time this is in effect, then some of the more extreme forms of what I describe below may be experienced.

What is Saturn? Saturn represents reality, pragmatic energy and structure among other things. Saturn says to us, “Get real, get your head out of the clouds, make a plan, develop a strategy for attaining your goals, and if you don’t… then you may feel lonely, down in the dumps, pessimistic or cynical.” Planning, consensus, laws, restrictions, limitations, practical common sense, caution, boundaries and grounded process are all Saturnian key words.

What is Venus? Venus is what we want. It represents what we like, what we desire, who we desire, etc. Without afflicted aspects, Venus is refined, charming, generous, compassionate and kind and oriented toward aesthetics (especially when in Libra, Taurus or Pisces). It is how we like to be romanced. If Venus had its way however, we might not ever leave the comforts of a beautiful luxurious home – picture the Romans eating grapes and drinking wine on comfortable divans – and then you are reaching one Venusian paradise. Venus also has to do with what fashions we appreciate, colors, do we lean toward symmetry or asymmetry? Depending on the sign, house and aspects, Venus can show if we are more traditional in our dress and mannerisms or if we are more bohemian or rebellious.

So what happens when the down-to-earth, get-real-or-have-your-eyes-rudely-awakened Saturn makes this hard aspect to potentially rose-colored-glasses-wearing Venus? Well, depending on where you are in life, this can be a rough wake up call to be sure! Perhaps you just divorced or got out of a serious relationship not too long ago – this aspect could lead to feeling lonely or sad about relationship decisions. (Of course we can feel lonely whether or not we have recently been in a relationship!) Or, if you are in relationship with someone, if might lift the veil of illusions and say, “Whoa! Who am I with and why? Why aren’t they moving forward in life? Time to get real or get out.” In this case, Saturn can indicate tests and challenges to your relationship. Of course, if you have a partner who is open and growth-oriented, mature and willing to change for the better, then you have very little to worry about!

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[Update from Nov 2017] Here we must bring frequency-based astrology into play: meaning, if you are really evolved and mature, then you have most likely attracted and gone after a mature and responsible partner. If this is the case, then Saturn making a hard aspect to Venus might only be a little speed bump! But if we are mainly operating from our subconscious reactions and we have not done much personal growth work, then the tests and trials will definitely show up during this aspect. Especially regarding intimate relationships.

And that is just one area where this aspect might indicate introspection. Another area is money and the way in which we acquire it. Working is one of the main ways we earn money, and Venus rules money (what we value), so working is closely influenced by Venus. On top of this, Saturn’s desire for structure and planning plays a prominent role in many jobs. As a little tangent, if we have a well-aspected Venus in Taurus, then we may be willing to work 50 – 60 hours a week for a few years to acquire that nice town house in a beautiful part of town, and / or that nice BMW, and / or that exquisite cherry furniture we have had our eye on for years now… Right?! But if we have a poorly aspected Venus in Aquarius or Pisces or Virgo, then we may say, “Work 50 – 60 hours a week? Are you INSANE?! No, I would rather be content with Goodwill clothing and be able to enjoy my simple pleasures, plant my own garden and be HAPPY most the time.” 🙂 This is why you see a professional astrologer – there are so many variables to factor in, that no Astrological recipe book is going to fit you exactly (unless you write it, and even then it will stay static while you continue to evolve and grow).

So back from the tangent… Saturn transiting Venus in a hard aspect can lead to the realization that you are not up to the task(s) that you have set for yourself. Maybe you have been thinking, “you know, I could be a great general manager! I could easily earn $100,000 in a few years.” Well, if you don’t have this capacity, or lack any executive ability, then GOOD LUCK! And guess when you would rudely confront yourself about your lack of skills for what you have planned? Yep – during this transit! You will come down to earth one way or another.

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So to wrap up, I actually love Saturn. Sometimes the truth hurts, but I would rather know the truth than wander around in a deluded fog all my life! I love how Saturn indicates, “Are you sure? How do you know? What makes you think that? What is your plan for attaining those goals? Do you REALLY have those skills or that capacity?” It asks the difficult questions which are necessary to have some gain and growth and structure in your life. Whether it is aspecting the Sun, or Venus, or Mercury, we will have the chance to confront some aspect of ourselves. And that confrontation may be uncomfortable. But who among us is extremely comfortable with the unknown, comfortable with change, with transformation?

Mythologically, I think there was a reason that Saturn (Cronos) ruled the Universe for a time – and under his rule, it was a Golden Age! The reason is that without rules, without consensus, without a clear understanding of our limitations, without appropriate boundaries, we will be recklessly depleting our energy, we could just bounce from job to job without ever growing, without learning the life lessons which are constantly being presented.

So this Aspect might be rough when you are in it, but you will look back on it and say, “you know, I’m glad I saw that part of myself in a raw, objective fashion. Otherwise who knows what I might have done?!” So be grateful for Saturn. Do the work it is suggesting, receive its hard-nosed, common sense blessings. And you will be better for it.

Good luck! (To myself included)

Thanks for reading.

About Nagas

This is a post about the spirits known as Nagas. Also known as Lu in Tibetan. I need to start out by saying that any errors from my transcription are purely my own. They do not reflect on the teacher. This information comes from Lama Dawa who is a Nyingma Lama, and other lineages of Tibetan Buddhism and certainly other religious traditions would have different information about this topic. These words come from a teaching given on Saturday November 2nd, 2013. Please note that if you want to do a specific spiritual practice, including Naga offerings, you should get instructions from your teacher.

I will paraphrase the questions asked and the answers given, unless you see quotation marks – these are the Lama’s quoted words. Anything in brackets are my own thoughts and speculations. Again, pardon any confusing answers or errors.

First of all, where was I? I was at a Buddhist teaching in a practitioner’s home. There was a large shrine room that easily fit about fifteen people.

Who taught on this topic? Lama Dawa Chhoddak Rinpoche was the teacher. He is a lineage holder in the Dudjom section of the Nyingma lineage of Tibetan Buddhism. He gave these teachings on Nagas and how to do a Naga offering.

Next, what is a Naga? A Naga is a spirit. It is basically a long living animal (spirit). Most humans do not have the karma to perceive Nagas directly. Nagas are most often associated with the animals in the reptile kingdom – and snakes in particular. Basically Nagas are serpent spirits with extremely long lives.

Are Nagas malevolent? No. Generally speaking they mind their own business. There are some rarer classes of nagas who are “ill tempered.” In all cases however, Nagas cannot affect us at all unless we create the karmic connection for them to do so. See below.

Nagas have been around a long time! There are eight main kingdoms of Nagas. The Naga Kings (eight of them) are Buddhist practitioners. Some consider them to be Bodhisattvas – beings who have been traversing the spiritual path a long time and who manifested as Naga Kings to benefit other sentient beings and/or to guard holy scriptures not meant for this present time. Chenrezig, Vajrapani and Padmasambhava subjugated many Nagas, possibly even the Naga Kings. But the majority of Nagas are not Buddhists. And compared to the number of Human beings in this world, Nagas far outnumber us.

What does Nagas energy do? Naga energy affects health, wealth and weather. If a Naga(s) gets sick, the person (people) responsible for making the Naga sick might also get sick.

How could we possibly make Nagas sick? The most direct way to affect a Naga is to pollute water. Pissing in water is considered bad [the Tibetans say that pissing in water will cause the Nagas to give one skin problems]. Ejaculating in water (especially lakes, rivers, the ocean) is the WORST. Putting toxic chemicals in water can make Nagas sick. Then indirectly, polluting the planet in other ways can make Nagas unhappy.

Unhappy Nagas make bizarre weather patterns. It will be hot when it should be cold. It will be excessively rainy. It will be a bad drought year. Nagas are especially associated with the fertility of soil and the rain required to grow crops. Make the Nagas unhappy, and the crops will probably suffer. How much depends on how unhappy they are.

What sicknesses are Nagas connected with? Leprosy, boils, cataracts, kidney problems among other diseases.

Sometimes Nagas are considered Dharma protectors. This could literally be the case as some Nagas are guarding Buddhist scriptures which are said to be revealed at a later time. It could also be the case that Padmasambhava subjugated the Nagas and told them to protect the Dharma in our realm.

Nagas can take several forms [if they appear to us at all – and I imagine there must be karmic reasons to see them at all]. They can be entirely serpentine (snakes). They can be half snake, half human. They can be fishes. They can be alligators / crocodiles. They can be half fish, half human [- mermen, mermaids come to mind here].

Nagas are not associated with any specific disease – meaning, they do not go out of their way to harm human beings. They do not make weapons to cause harm – only humans stockpile weapons for war! If we have caused pollution, in turn causing Nagas to get sick, that is why we do Naga Pujas or offerings. We do these practices to make the Nagas get well and to pacify any injury we have caused them. In other words, we do these practices to pacify the negative karma we may have created in this or previous lives.

Some Nagas live in fresh water springs, some live in rivers, others live in lakes and yet others live in the oceans. If a Naga lives near a spring, in rare cases, they may choose to live in a tree like a Juniper. Therefore, if you see a short tree near a spring, a tree that never gets old but which also never grows really tall, do not cut it down! The Naga is living in that tree.

Doing Naga practices can increase [our connection to the Nagas thereby increasing] our wealth, health and fertility. [Plus, we might get better weather in the area in the process.] The Eight Buddhist Naga Kings listen to requests. We just have to know how to make them. [As in we have to offer something to them to get something back in exchange.] A Naga King is a powerful being – they have more wealth than any human and they are in control of Nagas in a large area of land or sea.

Are there better days on which to be doing Naga practices? Yes! There are some days when Nagas are sleeping and they do not want to be disturbed. Do not disturb them on these days! Conversely, there are other days when Nagas are so active that they cannot receive our offerings – in Tibetan these days are called Naga return days because our offerings will be returned “unused” as it were. According to Kalachakra astrology, we can find out which days are good for doing Naga Pujas and which days are ideal. Basically there will be 0, 1, 2 or 3 days a month on which to do offerings for Nagas. Consult a good Tibetan calendar or there are several good websites which have quality Tibetan calendars on them, detailing these days.

There is a special incense to burn during Naga offerings and smoke ceremonies. It is in the Vetiver family. [I think it is the root.] I could not find this on Google, but the Indian name of the incense is Chet-a-mam-sa? It is definitely in the Vetiver family because we all smelled it afterward and Rinpoche said it was from a plant that was like a grass [Vetiver does this] that can grow in large fields.

In rare occasions, a Lama [or Tibetan Astrologer] might do a divination [or see it in the chart] and see that an individual needs to do a large number of Naga Pujas to pacify some negative karma OR they might recommend that the individual put a Naga Vase in the ground on their property. Creating a Naga Vase is an elaborate ritual involving writing mantras on special types of paper, including gold paper, putting in precious substances, metals and stones and then there is a 2 week period of practice where the Lama does an accomplishment [which I am assuming is a large number of prayers or mantras if it takes two weeks]. Then the Naga Vase is put in the ground and that part of the yard is respected from then on – no humans or pets should be allowed to pee in that spot.

Why do we do Naga practices? In addition to what has already been mentioned… [This was a very skillful answer.] Because we want all suffering to come to completion and end. We want all wars pacified. We want all famines to end. We want all sentient beings who have been our mothers in past lives to be happy and free of sickness. Basically we do Naga practices to generate bodhicitta – the mind that wishes for the happiness and well-being of all sentient beings (may all beings attain complete enlightenment).

So basically, we may want to consider doing a Naga practice to befriend the local Naga(s). They are considered guardians of wealth and sacred texts, so they are like “bank managers” and “librarians” and we could certainly benefit from being on their good sides. Plus, if we become spiritual masters down the road, we might want to borrow a text from their libraries, so we will need to know how to ask for them. 🙂

Hopefully this was not incredibly confusing. Maybe it was even a little helpful. Thank you for reading.

[Perhaps this information is all superstition. I don’t know. Perhaps you want to test this theory by going to the ocean or a local lake and peeing in the water. Then see if you get a skin problem or a cold sore in the next week or two. 🙂 Just saying. Up to you. I don’t know what your karma is though, so I would not recommend doing this.]