Resting my big heart down, an introduction

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Yesterday I was fortunate to receive bodywork from a solid practitioner of the modality called Somatic Experiencing (SE).  I have been doing this trauma resolution type work – both giving and receiving for at least three to four years, and in fact, if you count Biodynamic Craniosacral work as being similar, then I have been going at it for closer to eight or nine years.

I do not mention this “time-in-service” to boast.  I mention it to show how long it can take to truly peel away the layers for healing and renegotiation of trauma.  In previous posts I have discussed both of these modalities, but I am nearly always amazed at the creativity and uniqueness of SE’s methods of gently yet firmly going through the layers of frozen tissue and organ systems, uprooting misunderstandings and wounded emotions wherever it encounters them.

What I am trying to say is: “WOW!!!”  And “Holy Toledo!!!”

Yesterday’s work felt like a little culmination of a few years of Pre- and Perinatal Psychology (read Birth Process) work I have been doing in addition to insights into my Astrology Chart in addition to this work in Somatic Experiencing.  Yes – you read this correctly; many pieces and many layers – it was pretty big!

I know I tend to say that phrase often.  Or at least I used to say that fairly often – I would come home from an SE treatment or from a class and go, “WOW!  That was big and amazing!”  And that was true.  Each layer tends to produce deeper and more complex discoveries and insights.  And you neither know how each layer will unfold, nor in what order the layers will unravel.  One of my fellow students said it best yesterday (it was an all day class in which I received such an incredible gift of open hearted embodiment):

She said, “Most people think that true freedom is being able to do what we want…  But actually, true freedom is being open to the mystery of the unknown.”  I think that sums up what is possible with Somatic Experiencing pretty darned well!  And she could easily be a teacher in her own right – these classes tend to attract some amazing and wise folks.

I am hesitant to describe the session without supplying some background context information.  Because how else could I possibly convey how big this is without doing so?  And I want to be compassionate about showing how much information and how many layers must be resolved before one can start to get to the “bottom” of the layers of trauma.  I mention I am getting to the bottom of my traumas, but I’m not sure.  I suspect I will be pleasantly surprised by all the discoveries still to come.  But once you are ready to start the deep mediastinum work (mediastinum is the complex matrix of connective tissue connecting and embracing and wrapping around all the tubes, nerves, organs and glands in the chest – the pericardium is a part of the mediastinum), it means that you have unglued many stuck parts and melted a number of frozen layers to get there!  So I must be doing something right.

So in a future post, very soon completed, I will elaborate.  🙂

Thank you for reading!

 

late summer 2014 update

Hello dear readers,

I have started going back to school (again).  This time I am more prepared and disciplined, so I anticipate applying to nursing schools within 18 – 24 months if not sooner.  I am presently enrolled in Microbiology and the accompanying lab.

The possibility of an e-book on astrology is floating around in my mind, however, considering the fact that I am working 32 – 45 hours per week to support my school and life endeavors, I’m not sure if / when I would have time for such a fascinating enterprise.

I may not have time to post much between now and December, but I will try.

Thanks for reading!

Bodhicitta in the workplace

Not too long ago, a fellow sangha member was supporting me when I was sick.  I am grateful for his support (in the form of hearty soups and other good food) and I am very grateful too for the fascinating conversation we had at the time.

We discussed non-duality and what is possible for a serious practitioner of Dharma (or any authentic spiritual path).  Basically we can change our perspective on the world and therefore change our world!

And at one point in the conversation, he mentioned that one of our mutual friends had been in a situation (work environment) that was less than healthy.  Our friend, who is a dedicated practitioner, dropped in the question: “What would it be like to work in an environment that was informed by Bodhicitta?”  (or something along those lines)

And apparently, within a few weeks, major reforms started to happen at his job sites.  The toxic management was told to leave and things started to improve within a few months!  Whoa!

So I am a skeptical guy.  Yes I have had some experiences which should lead me to have more faith, but I feel that some level of skepticism is healthy 🙂    I am a Pisces after all, so I actually have much more faith than I am letting on to.  But in my skepticism, I said to my friend, “Well my work environment kind of sucks as well.  But I don’t think I could create any change by dropping in a question.”  To which he just sat with me, present.  I think he disagreed – I was sick at the time.  He probably did not want to rile me up.

But guess what?  Soon after talking with him, after I started feeling better, I did drop in the question for my own work situation.  I said, “What would it be like to work in an environment that was supportive and inspired altruistic conduct?”

And within the past month, I was a part of meetings which involved the corporation that owns my employer coming in and stirring the pot in a good way.  There have apparently been a couple of anonymous letters written to the local papers about the less-than-morale-boosting environment at my job…  And that apparently got this ball rolling.  So yes, the reforms which are slowly happening at my job began many many months ago.  And I just dropped in the question not too long ago.  So of course I did not cause this current stream of reforms.  But, I wonder if it is somehow connected.  I did stick around with the job long enough to see these changes start to happen.

So if you are in a toxic environment at work and you have some form of spiritual practice, maybe you could drop in an “innocent” question while you are there.  Ask something along the lines of more happiness, more compassion, more recognition or more of a team inspiring environment.  Maybe things will start to change soon thereafter.

It is for me.  🙂

Thanks for reading!

Wonderful, Heart Warming Movies

I have been watching a new genre of movies recently with my girlfriend.  It has been fun to see these creative and outside the box types of films.  I’m not sure if all these movies fit in the same genre, but they are definitely worth watching!  Plus all of these movies are suitable for any ages (at least most are).

How To Train Your Dragon (1 & 2 are very good)

Howl’s Moving Castle

Dark Crystal

Princess Mononoke

Wall-e

Anything by Hayao Miyazaki

Plus I love a lot of Wes Anderson films – in particular Darjeeling Limited and The Grand Budapest Hotel

Let me know what you think!

Random acts of spontaneous compassion

In case you are new here, I am attempting to blog every day for a month.  I think this plan will actually end up as 30 posts – some random, some insightful, some moaning and groaning…  Maybe it will take me 45 days to accomplish this, we shall see.

In this post, I want to mention something which crossed my mind yesterday.  In Buddhism, you hear about certain masters who could only attain a certain level of realization after they had done some act of pure compassion.  And keep in mind that by pure compassion I mean unadulterated, unconditional, agenda-free conduct – just wanting to be kind or generous or helpful to another being with nothing promised in return.  I think pure compassion is difficult for most people.

This thought came to mind last night as I am presently cat sitting and house sitting at a friend’s apartment.  I was wearing a fairly nice shirt as I lay down on the bed next to their ancient cat (he is 13 or 14 and he seems very arthritic).  He is also very friendly so he immediately came closer to me, attempting to get his paws on my hip.  That did not work, so I picked him up and put him on my chest.  After a few seconds of lying there, my stomach gurgled in a good way (indicating I was comfortable and safe and moving toward a state of relaxation).

So I would say I did an act of pure compassion – wishing the cat well – but then, later, I realized that he had been lying on my nice shirt!  So suddenly attachment crept back into the equation.  However, this made me wonder about something.

If I felt compelled because of certain vows I have taken to recite a certain number of prayers every night, how much benefit is that actually bringing me?  How much merit is continued or created if I have inner resistance toward doing my practice?  While at the same time, if I am truly doing an act of pure compassion, how much merit is created in that instant – if it is actually possible to practice purely?  I wonder.

I might think that in terms of a day to a day comparison, the random act of pure compassion might be more beneficial than a mala round of mantras done with resistance and angst.  However, at the same time, continuing the momentum of doing that practice, resistance or not, would probably be the better bet.

These are just my thoughts on the matter.  I am not realized to know which is more correct.  And…

After sleeping there the first night, that friggen cat must have woken me up five or six times…  so I’m no longer sure there will be much pure compassion being bantered about!  🙂  Especially after it lay down on my head several times, for no obvious reason (it had food in its dish).

Thanks for reading,

K

Abusive relationship with your job?

Remember how I said I was going to blog every day for a month? …  Yeah, well a few days in and I’ve missed my timeline  😦

At least I have a viable excuse!  I have been working and due to my co-workers being on vacation, I have been working longer hours and busier shifts, meaning I need more time to recover.

As for the title, I sometimes wonder if I’m in an abusive relationship with my job.  I am a waiter at an upscale resort in the Charlottesville area (which is all I will say! [and all I can say due to a certain form I signed]) and from time to time, we are short staffed or unprepared for the mad rush of bodies we get through our door.  Of course, most waiters who are comfortable being stressed and strained for hours on end (and making money hands over fist) would love this situation.  Well, considering I am someone who cares first and foremost about practicing self-care and having a few moments from time to time to check in with my mind and body and say, “Hey body, how ya doin’ ?”  So I struggle through these busy shifts and from time to time my manager buys me dinner or saves a cheese cake for me as a treat…

It almost sounds like someone who kicks you and then later says, “Oh, I’m sorry, here are some flowers…”  Just kidding!  It’s not that bad!

I threw the I Ching about my situation earlier tonight and it said that I need to stick with it for the short term foreseeable future.  The plus side is that I get to attend class in the morning, I do get one guaranteed day off per week to go to my lab (class), and from time to time, I can make relatively easy money.  Oh and I don’t take any work home with me.

So I guess I need to stop whining and get on with class and eventually I will graduate out of this occasionally roller-coaster-stressful job.

As an aside, I think most waiters get through these stressful times using various chemicals – coffee, 5-hour energy shots, other drugs…  But that is not where I am at.  So I think I am now looking at saying “No.” more often.  There are hundreds of details to take care of in a given shift, and once I cross my threshold (like if I have not eaten in over 6 hours for instance), I will just slow down and eventually become the weakest link on the team.  I’m tired.

Anyone feel like sponsoring a semester of me taking classes?  🙂   🙂    I could be your embodiment coach in exchange.

Just a thought!

Thanks for reading (my griping)!

Svaroopa Yoga

In this post, I will mention a teeny tiny bit about Svaroopa Yoga.  I was first introduced to this gentle and supportive form of yoga about seven years ago.  I was fortunate that the teacher lived in my neighborhood and she offered an early morning class just a few blocks away.  Else I might not ever have attended.

Svaroopa Yoga is very beneficial for the pelvis and the spine and for opening the heart.  It uses about as much support (blocks, blankets, etc) as I have ever encountered in a yoga method.  And even today I still do one of two core sets of exercises – there is the bed yoga set and the chair yoga set.

I have a dream to attend Svaroopa yoga classes and to become certified to teach it one day.  It is not at the top of my list of priorities, but hey – if you are looking to sponsor someone, then look no further and let me know!  🙂

Here is a link to their main site: http://www.svaroopayoga.org

Thank you for reading!

Karmic stench leaving

So yesterday I said I would blog every day for the next month…  Not sure if I will be able to keep up that pace, AND I’m not sure you will be wanting to read what I have to say…  but here goes nothing:

Authentic practice –

Old shadowy fears,

Sleek, seductive, less-than-healthy patterns,

Little maggots of attachment and aversion,

Crawling, pushing, being forced out,

no longer permitted the job of veiling the central channel,

At the surface, tiny insects of hatred and lust,

Liquify, melt, start to pool,

Ancient beads of karmic sweat,

Drip, drip…

Aaahhhhhh…

[Thanks for reading!]

A new blogging plan

Hello to all (2) of my readers!

I just wanted to inform you that I intend to start a one-per-day blogging scheme for the next 30 days.  So expect to see something everyday.  Just don’t expect much more of that, because after the first week or so, I may run out of creativity and start posting Haikus about the rigors of blogging too frequently.  🙂   Ha!

Thanks for following my blog!

Stressors, Trauma and Driving fast unconsciously

I have been taking classes in Trauma Resolution for several years now, and considering whenever you touch someone else in a professional, platonic, ethical manner with the intent to provide a space for their system to heal, then you might inadvertently be doing some form of Trauma Resolution work.  Do keep in mind though that there are specific classes which make a practitioner very skilled at holding space for any type of trauma to arise and be released.  I will mention those modalities at the end of this post.

For now however, I am writing this particular post about a recent phenomenon I have noticed.  And I think it was only through taking the above classes that I could notice it.  If you find yourself driving, and you are normally a safe driver who rarely ever pushes the speed limit, and you find yourself thinking about something scary or daunting or overwhelming (or if you are listening to the present news in the world…), then I bet you will unconsciously start to press on the accelerator.  Now keep in mind this has to be spontaneous and unconscious – you can’t purposely try to listen to scary news, take the present outbreak of the Ebola Virus in West Africa, and then see if your foot starts pressing while you consciously watch the speedometer.

No.  What I am referring to is if your mind starts to wander off.  You have the news on.  You have the windows down in the car.  It is a comfortable evening.  Suddenly the BBC switches over to talking about the horrific situation happening in the Gaza strip…  and then a few seconds later you are doing 75 in a 55 mph zone.  That’s what I’m talking about.

Now why would we start to drive faster if we are scared or overwhelmed?  I think it has to do with the Fight / Flight or / Freeze pattern.  In human beings, and I suspect in other mammals as well, there are two systems that are a part of the Central Nervous System (CNS).  One system is called the Sympathetic Nervous System – think sympathetic to stress – and this is the system the instantaneously decides whether a new stressor is a threat, and if so, it then decides (completely unconsciously I might add) based on our psychological resources whether we should turn and fight this threat OR if we should run away OR if we might be better served by playing dead.  This is the Fight / Flight / Freeze pattern I was referring to above.

The other system that is a part of the CNS is the Parasympathetic Nervous System and this is also known as the Rest and Digest system.  When we feel safe and comfortable and especially when we are in good company, then the gut and the brain know that we can calm down, rest back and digest our food.  Those of us who act as healing facilitators attempt to rest in a Parasympathetic state most of the time and we intend to bring our clients to that state and teach them how to rest in the state for longer and longer periods of time.

And I believe that this is a part of the reason why we start speeding unconsciously when we thinking about something scary or intimidating or about someone who threatens us, etc.  Maybe this is yet another reason why it would be good to go out and receive some quality bodywork from a trained practitioner.  Someone who walks their talk and is able to rest down on a regular basis.  Someone who is quite stable and who shows up.

As I mentioned above, some of the modalities which are good at providing resource for trauma resolution (and whose work sticks with us) are Somatic Experiencing (SE), Biodynamic Craniosacral work and Pre- and Perinatal Psychology (working with birth dynamics).  Actually all three of these modalities tie together well.  I have also experienced some Continuum Movement Therapy which was good at resourcing trauma as well as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and DNMS (Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy).

In my experience though, and in talking with some trusted mentors and bodywork teachers, nearly everyone says that the most efficacious modality for doing Trauma Resolution work is Somatic Experiencing.  Peter Levine, PhD, founded this system of resourcing the Central Nervous System and the Vagus System (from the Vagus nerve) and it is very efficient.  It allows the practitioner to go slow enough to catch all the little conflicts which arise when trauma is put into the system.

Yes there are other modalities out there which can resource trauma.  But do experiment and see if they are gentle enough for you and you really need to investigate to see whether or not these modalities are inspiring long-term change.

Thank you for reading!