Meditation Informs Healing Facilitation

2038 Year of the Iron Rabbit – Happy Losar (Tibetan New Year)

Hello dear readers,

You have been very patient, as I have yet to write much this year really. I am presently in Maryland, attending the Tibetan Meditation Center (one of my favorite U.S. hangout spots) for the Losar festivities. Today we did a long ganachakra feast (Tsok – or ritual food offering and blessing) to Milarepa, then around noon we went outside into a chilly (yet compared to years past, quite comfortable) outdoors for a Sang Chos (smoke offering) where we visualize the fragrant smoke blessing and making the local deities, obstacle makers and wisdom beings happy (may all sentient beings know happiness and its causes!).

At least 50 to 60 ppl showed up for the Milarepa Tsok and then more people arrived (including many Tibetans from D.C. and Virginia) so we had at least 80 people for the smoke offering and pot luck lunch. It was great to see old friends and new comers – there were about 10 students from a college near Cumberland Maryland – they were attending to complete a requirement for a course. They were curious though and seemed happy to pry us with questions.

Tomorrow the plan is for Khenpo to teach on the Buddha’s miracle (I think specifically on the 15 miracles) and then we will do a long life practice for all sentient beings in the new year, called Amitayus practice. Good good good. More soon.

Processing Academe

I just wanted to write a post in February… I apologize for anyone hoping for something spectacular 🙂

However, I am doing well in my completion of my undergraduate work in psychology at the University of Virginia. Somehow (I have some theories) I am acing exams and attending every class – something I was want to do in my procrastinating days of yore.

I’m also receiving and giving emotional-process-oriented bodywork, so I am doing some good processing of this present streak (may it continue long in the future) of success.

As transiting Saturn recently made a station conjunct my Natal Pluto (something I would highly recommend against if you can help it). 🙂 So for a week or more, I barely got out of bed, except to go to class, study for exams and see the rare client. That was it – my self care was limited to lying in bed wondering “Oh my god! What is going on with me?!” But then I realized Saturn was doing its delaying / contracting business. Ouch! But it is okay – some extra downtime can’t do any harm, and I am a big proponent of self care and nap taking. (I just never imagined I’d be taking 3 – 4 hours of naps over multiple days…)

So everything is going well for me. I could use more clients, of course, but I am very blessed, very grateful and I am attempting to see the abundance around me every day. Thanks for checking in!

By the way, I have started a number of posts, but I am having difficulty focusing on them to get them clear and succinct and to finish them. I have a feeling it might take a little while to get my head clear. I feel like there are elements of too much energy blended with sluggish, muddy waters (Uranus, Jupiter, Mars and Mercury in my chart along with Moon / Neptune and the aforementioned Saturn / Pluto combination).

Resting and calming the mind

This material is copyrighted by Kirby Moore. Reproduction without permission is prohibited. To support my business and blogging efforts, please visit my website. More recently, I have begun teaching Astrology classes on Trauma-Informed Astrology, see http://www.traumainformedastrology.com for more! Thank you for visiting!

This is a post about calming the mind, which for most of us here in the West, means reducing the amount of stressors in our lives.

In Tibetan medicine, Loong means wind which has to do with nervous energy or excess anxiety (when it increases beyond a reasonable amount). So for those of us, which turns out to be most Westerners, who have excess Loong or Loong disorders, then this post is for you. By the way, Loong seems to correlate strongly with excess Vata energy from the Ayurveda system

So what do Tibetan doctors (or Ayurveda) recommend for a Loong disorder?

Tibetan doctors (amchis) recommend several things for this condition: eating less of the following or avoiding – sugar, grilled (or roasted) foods, spicy food, raw onions, no apple juice; and they recommend that if I am feeling at all anxious, then exertion is out of the question as this will only exacerbate the issue. Plus they recommend doing calm, relaxed activities which keep my stress levels down – this part is a no brainer – I bet this goes for everyone – if you want to be cool calm and collected, then do peaceful activities! Duh… But they also recommend that I do meditation or Dharma practice that relaxes me as well as prostrations (if I want to exercise, here is my choice apparently, especially if I am stressed).

Tibetan doctors also recommend that I eat heavier (oily) foods, cooked foods rather than raw and soups over dry foods. Warmer is better than cooler foods.

What I have also observed is that too much time in front of screens – TV’s, computers, etc – increases my Loong. And now that I am in school, spending too much time pushing myself through books and studying also can increase it. What I am trying to say is that I tend to get Lung-y by doing anything for too long – anything that is besides resting, doing sky-gazing meditations or just sitting. So when I procrastinate and get sucked into a sudoku puzzle book or start reading the tempting murder mysteries for hours on end… that is when the symptoms arise. The key is for me to recognize signs that I am at my limit – feeling rushed, anxious or very restless. So I really just try to relax my mind – I guess like the Dzogchen masters of late recommended – just allow the true nature of my being shine forth. Well I’m trying, but my tendency to excess and extremes is deeply ingrained. But with mindfulness and an earnest desire to walk the middle way, I am making small improvements.

I wonder if making little adjustments is what I need? Such as being aware of how tightly I am squeezing the steering wheel, or leaving a touch earlier so that I can walk at a leisurely pace. I do wonder if relaxing my mind has to do with relaxing my body – and any conscious little changes I can make for the better seem to help.

Updated – a brief addition: I recalled that there are several remedies which I have found work wonders on an anxious and worried mind. One has to do with Tibetan medicine – but they actually make tea which benefits people like me – Loong Tea as well as Loong Incense. I have found positive results from both of those, and the incense is not too strong. Plus there is a magnesium powder which helps. First though, before taking magnesium I would strongly encourage everyone to check with a qualified health professional – at least talk to a nutritionist about it. For me, I know that my medical astrology chart shows that I can benefit from it (a plethora of Uranus transits), so I take a little with hot water when I need it, which turns out to be once or twice a month on average.

Dharma family versus Spiritual Friends

I am writing this post because a recent “squall-line of interactions” has gotten me thinking about what I want in the ideal friend.

So what do I mean by “Dharma family?” When we study Buddhism, it is said that our fellow audience members become our Dharma Sisters and Brothers. So this is what Dharma family means.

Sometimes spiritual teachers are referred to as spiritual friends. This is not what I am referring to here. Just to be clear – when I say spiritual friend, I mean someone who is a peer (but more than a friend, read on!).

To me, a “Spiritual Friend” is someone who is more than just a friend – but not for any romantic reasons. To be considered a Spiritual Friend, one must have the capacity and the desire to be coached. And one must have the compassion and skillful means to be able to carefully point out faults in other spiritual friends (to offer coaching). So basically, if we are humble enough and if we are hungry to grow and transform for the better, that means we will be able to accept constructive criticism. And I don’t mean all the time – when you are around a spiritual friend, things flow easily because there are very few limitations on the conversation and you are more real, transparent and authentic with each other. Think about it – less inhibition leads to greater authenticity. While there is mutual respect and caring, you care enough about the other person to mention something if it seems appropriate. And you are not afraid to mention it because a spiritual friend does not react or get easily defensive – they have worked through their stuff enough to be able to rest in neutrality and equanimity as their spiritual friend mentions a foible.

Being a spiritual friend is not easy. It is not what most people want in a friendship – it requires discipline, compassion and a desire to coach and be coached. It is not for everyone. Most people want a friend who is accepting of who they are (including faults and vices), who shares some common interests and who is relatively easy to hang out or do outings with. Well this can be a spiritual friend too, but not often, see below. Because you also have to add the above components of compassion and skillful means.

And the most important trait about a spiritual friend is someone who is walking an authentic spiritual path who yearns to open their heart (work to become more kind and compassionate, while resting easily in equanimity) and to become a better human being. This means that spiritual friends do not want to waste time gossiping or talking just for the sake of talking – idle chatter is lessened when both people yearn to “sit on meditation cushions” which can take many forms. So clearly, being a spiritual friend is not easy and it is not for everyone.

Having attended one or two Dharma teachings in my life, I have a number of Dharma brothers and sisters. And I am very happy and grateful to have them. Not all of them however are able to be spiritual friends (in my opinion). We come to the Dharma when a certain karma manifests. But that does not mean that we have gotten over a strong defensiveness or reactiveness (egos come in many sizes and shapes). And I have one friend who I consider to be a spiritual friend who I have never attended teachings with – he is however a practitioner of a different school of mindfulness.

To be a spiritual friend, one needs to have spent some time either analyzing oneself or working through one’s issues with support. That way we can have a clear picture of where we are on our path. Then if we have a spiritual friend, we can compare their words and their perception with where we are on our path. That is how we rest in neutrality when someone points out their observation of our faults.

So to summarize and wrap this up…

Being a Dharma sister or brother means that we have attended teachings or blessing ceremonies (empowerments) with someone. This is someone whom we should be extremely kind and patient with as there are greater responsibilities when people are in the same Sangha (spiritual group) together. We should take deep breaths and do our best to be supportive of each other – no matter what they are manifesting. And of course, when appropriate, perhaps we can skillfully point out glaring flaws in their character (if we know they have a good chance of hearing us). Whereas, a Spiritual Friend is a bit different.

A Spiritual Friend is someone who might be in the same Sangha, but they are further along on the path, meaning they do not take offense when someone carefully points out their faults (because they are often more than willing to skillfully point out other’s faults as well). And they are definitely making strides along their path – spiritual friends care about each other enough to support the vows that fellow spiritual friends have taken.

There is a saying from a Native American tribe regarding this new age that is dawning: we are on the edge of a great river and we should not grab tightly to the shore. Instead we need to let go, we need to drift out into the middle of the river and allow its strong current to bring us to new, undiscovered places. Like this saying, we can slowly (or rapidly) let go of the shore and allow ourselves to be guided and coached by wise spiritual friends. Or we can hold on to past patterns and conditioning and remain resistant and defensive. The choice is ours and we must be gentle with ourselves – it takes time, intention and practice to get (t)here.

In conclusion, may all beings eventually move to the point of being and becoming and receiving spiritual friendship!

Presently abiding, observing change, finishing school

An update, completion looms…

I have postponed my plans for India, until soon. For now, I’m completing my undergrad at the University of Virginia – a major in Psychology. As recently as November, I had no desire or thought of finishing… I had resistance yes, and I did not see the point. There is of course, a lot of bureaucratic forms, classes with undergrads who look like they are 12 years old and mundane work to be done, and at age 32, I did not see the point of finishing. This was of course my resistance (anger) speaking… So what changed?

Recently I started a Radionics remedy from mygentleremedies.com. This pseudo-science is not for everyone, but I would definitely recommend it if you are a sensitive type – anyone who meditates, who receives craniosacral therapy treatments, anyone who wants to grow and move forward? Anyway, this might not be “the reason” I am ready to complete my school work and get on with my life, but listen to this: the remedy came back – a blend of flower remedy and homeopathic pills, but more interesting is the frequency with which I have to take it. I take it twice a day, wait nine days, take it twice a day and repeat this cycle for a total of 81 days. A friend of mine heard this story and commented that the number 9 has to do with completion. Ho ho! Really? Well, I wonder what else will be completed this year?

Time will tell. Anyway, see you around the bend. In the past, as I attended university, my brain was stretched and I wrote some fascinating posts. Perhaps this trend will continue.

There are also some trends in my personal astrology chart – the Progressed Chart to be specific. Perhaps the causes and conditions came together (of course!) because I am in no way saying Radionics is a silver bullet. I have definitely done a little bit of work on myself and my Dharma practice continues…

Overall Thoughts on Winter Retreat

Dear Readers,

Here I will post final reflections on the Winter Retreat. I certainly did not wish to give the wrong impression from my fictional farces (posted previously). Yes, Saturday night was a little hectic, but it was also full and rewarding.

Khenpo Tsultrim taught on a potent text – the Heart Treasure of the Enlightened Ones and every day I learned something I had never heard before. Like the significance of the prayer beads or mala: it is 108 beads typically, which represents the 108 deities in most retinues for higher tantric practices, but it is more than this too. The mala has the guru bead (the larger one) which we start from and end at, we never cross over the guru bead – rather we imagine each bead is a step along the path to enlightenment and when we reach the end, we start over again! How refreshing is that?! Then on top of the guru bead there should be either a three tiered stupa bead or three beads of differing sizes. This stupa bead represents that all three kayas (bodies of the Buddha) are different yet inseparable. Plus there was more!

Khenpo Chophel led us each day in chanting the Mani Mantra and when we had the full empowerment with Drupon along with the significance of the mantra teachings, it was very potent and fulfilling on multiple levels. It was nice to stay off premise this time around to have some space to myself and be able to take some time off if need be. I only backed out of one evening, but it was nice to have that option.

Saturday was indeed bizarre, as I went through multiple waves of resistance, irritation and then un-phase-able bliss later on. I was less than grounded as I experienced the bliss and ease – so much so that I could not sleep (yes the fictional piece is based on the real events). But I did fine and somehow, during the drive back the Charlottesville, it took much less time and less gas than usual – all while I drove at or under the speed limit? I was with my friend, Wes, who is an old yogi. Things like this seem to happen around him.

So I am very happy to have attended the Winter Retreat at the TMC. The Tsok was a nice touch as well – homemade and very healthy. Awesome!

Three Indigo Circus (Winter Retreat 2010)

To continue the thread from the previous posts, this is a fictional rendition of the Winter Retreat 2010 at the Tibetan Meditation Center.

Saturday late night and early Sunday Morning – 1/1/11

As we left off, Mical stopped chanting at 11 pm, unable to go to sleep. And this fact had not changed. But let us step back a few minutes, to 10:45 pm. And then the reader will understand why the word “circus” is in the title. Also, please keep in mind that most people go to meditation retreats with the understanding that there are certain behaviors which are permissible and there are certain behaviors which would typically get one suspended from attending further retreats. It seems the TMC is more on the permissive side of this line. But read on and decide for yourself.

At 10:45, Khenpo Konchog Lhawang told Mical to go get the next group (to relieve the first one). Mical proceeded to tell the people in the kitchen that it was their turn to go chant, and then we went downstairs to tell several gentlemen who had been sleeping down there that it was indeed their turn. As he started down the stairs, he smelled something peculiar – a burnt off-onion odor was drifting up. So first he stopped at the closed downstairs kitchen door.

“Bang bang bang!!! Bang bang!” The sound of a hammer hitting something abruptly caused Mical to pause.

“What the…??!” He was quite confused. “Why would someone be hammering something at 11 pm, especially on this night of all nights?? Good Lord! What is going on around here?” He gently pushed in the door and found Susan, a woman from Southeast Asia slapping lemongrass with a metal spatula. “Oh.” Now he knew what the odor was, and that was the source of the sound. From previous retreats, he knew to tread carefully around this one.

“Is something burning?” He asked with curiosity. She was cooking… late at night…

“No.” Susan said. Well that was that.

Mical shut the door behind him and went toward the downstairs sleeping area. He found Alex, who is a large man, muttering under his breath, “I’m going to kill her! I swear to God, what the hell?”

“Hey Alex, you okay man?” Mical tried to intercede – no use having someone murdered while on retreat. It would not be good for any of the parties involved.

“What the f#$% is someone cooking for this late at night? And then she is slamming eel tails or burning onions on top of it all! I could not bloody sleep!!!” Alex was understandably perturbed. “I mean what country am I in for God’s sake?!”

“Hey I’m sure she will be finished soon. You wanna just go upstairs and do your chanting? I know she will be done when you finish.” Mical soothingly asked.

“Yeah, well I’m cool. But maybe I will go do a belly flop on her…” This was no idle threat coming from him. But Alex smiled as he said this so Mical knew it would be okay.

As Mical turned to follow him up the stairs, he noticed that the smell of burnt onions (lemongrass) was worse downstairs, which is where he was supposed to sleep… “Ugh!”

Back in the shrine room, the second group had started. Mical sat down at his usual spot next to the captain of that group – Ashoka. He wrote a note to his seat mate, it read:

“Excuse me Ashoka, what I am to do about the woman hammering and burning onions downstairs?? That is where I am supposed to sleep…”

Ashoka, as a captain, was one of the people helping to lead the chant. But when he read Mical’s note, he started chuckling, and he tried to chant and chuckle at the same time and it sounded real funny. So everyone in the shrine room looked over, well all six people that is. But Ashoka went on with his chanting and did not answer Mical’s question.

“Oh well, better go try to get some rest.” Mical got up and bowed and then dedicated the merit in his mind. Because now he was serious of trying to sleep.

He went downstairs, passing the “Bang bang bang!!” of the kitchen.

“Oh God!” he thought to himself. He grabbed his sleeping bag and pillow and went upstairs to sleep on a couch.

Earlier in the day he had been chatting with one of the new, young members of the center about Indigo Children. This topic is a whole other discussion which may or may not be covered at a later time. However, that same young individual had followed him up the stairs with his cushions and sleeping bag.

Jasmine was trying to get to sleep on the other couch and Jeffrey put his cushions down on the floor between the two couches. Mical lay down and realized that all three of them were Indigo Children (or adults considering Mical was in his 30’s). He said so, “Jeff, all three of us are Indigos actually.”

Jasmine piped up with, “Oh you should put that in your short story too… Good night!” She wanted to sleep. For some reason, this was another cause for a brief giggling fit from Mical.

They lay there trying to sleep for five or ten minutes. Then, “Ring ring ring!”

“Sorry…” Jasmine said sheepishly and answered her phone. At 11:30 pm, when Mical needed sleep worse then ever. “I thought I had put that on vibrate…”

Then ten more minutes of trying to sleep. The door from downstairs opened and the speaker in the kitchen, right next to the three, started to blare the haunting sound of the chanting from the shrine room. It might have been soft, but at this point in the night, Mical’s senses were attuned and enhanced so it was enough to distract and irritate him. He let out a guffaw and then got up and turned the speaker off. “Okay…” He mumbled.

“Is that smell getting worse?” This time Jeff broke the silence. He coughed several times.

“I think it is.” Mical agreed.

“It’s making me cough…” Jeff got up and closed the door.

Perhaps another five minutes passed when Jeff’s phone went off. By now it was past midnight. Mical thought to himself, “Oh Dear Lord!” He was chuckling and irate at the same time. “I may not ever get to sleep!” He could hear Jeff talking on the phone down the hall…

Mical finally faded off to sleep, maybe around 1 am… Only to be rudely awakened by his own alarm clock at 2:45 am.

Mical staggered toward the shrine room. His half chuba (maroon colored skirt) was coming down, so he sleepily looked around. No one, so he adjusted his skirt in the hall outside the shrine room. Of course, who should walk in a second later but his root teacher, Drupon Dorje Sangpo along with a female translator. Luckily Mical was so groggy he only realized later that they may have seen him undressing (through the glass door).

Drupon asked, “Are you awake?”

“Yes Rinpoche. (I think so anyway…)” Mical answered.

Drupon, Mical and his group chanted the Sun up. Maybe one person had stayed awake the entire time, aside from Drupon-la. Most people experienced a brief nodding off.

Then the rest of the day went without a hitch and everyone enjoyed doing Lama Chopa practice and partaking of the Tsok feast (pictures available from the first post in this series).

Thanks for reading!

sleepless in sacred solitude (Winter Retreat 2010)

This is a continuation of the previous post, where I give a fictitious rendition, inspired by the real events from a day at the Tibetan Meditation Center, where the Winter Retreat was held.

SATURDAY EVENING 1/1/11

Mical felt like he was on cloud nine after the empowerment. He was charged up and very little, if anything could bring him down. He was so wound up that he was worried about getting even more “high” from all the chatter and conversations which had sprung up as everyone waited for dinner to be prepared. So he retired downstairs where he found a copy of an incredibly inspiring book about the extraordinary accounts of enlightenment stories and other tales from high Tibetan lamas. It was called “The Snow Lion’s Turquoise Mane.” And he started reading its many exceptional tales.

After dinner, everyone who would be participating in the all night chanting was gathered together and told how things would unfold. There would be a group chanting the first shift from 7 to 11 pm, then another group would chant from 11 pm to 3 am and finally a third group would chant the Sun up from 3 am to 7 am. Mical was informed that he was one of the Sunny 3 to 7 am group members. “Oh no! As wound up as I am now, I might not get to sleep before 11 pm! Oh boy!?!” He thought to himself.

He went downstairs again and recommenced reading his new found treasure. He read a section about Neten Choling Rinpoche’s enlightenment, how he had been really sick on the day of an initiation ceremony and the Great Khyentse Rinpoche, his teacher, was giving the initiation. Khyentse Rinpoche apparently clarivoyant, performed the ceremony and when it came time to put the blessing vase on Neten Choling Rinpoche’s head, he also kicked his student in the gut. Neten Choling Rinpoche let go of what the book claimed was a long, magnificent fart and of course, in the shrine room this is something to be ashamed of. So he was embarrassed and ashamed. Then Khyentse Rinpoche yelled at him, “That’s it!!” Neten Choling Rinpoche, for a split second was stripped of his conceptual chatter, realized the innate nature of his mind, and he awakened.

Now one does not read a story like this everyday. And along with the immense charge Mical was holding, he started to laugh at the book. Then Alex, who had been studying nearby, came over, on his way to bed. Alex asked, “what’s so funny?” Mical told him what he was laughing at.

Alex said, “oh yeah! The crazy stories around here are amazing. Like Khenpo’s story earlier about the yeti sitting on the rabbit hole.” Earlier in the week, Khenpo had indeed given an analogy involving marmots (rabbits) and a yeti and for some reason, Mical thought this was even funnier. He giggled and giggled, unable to stop himself. Alex asked again but finally gave up and lay down.

Mical calmed down and put the book aside to try to get some rest before his chanting shift if he could swing it.

Sure enough… He lay down at 7 pm to try to force his body to rest. He lay there for what felt like hours, going through the usual techniques for making himself pass out – a body-scan meditation, the four thoughts that turn the mind toward enlightenment, slowing down his breath… “It’s NO Use!” He knew that he had lay there for at least a few hours when he sat up and saw a clock across the room. “7:52 – Oh Dear God!!!”

“What?!? Oh no!” Well no use lying around getting frustrated at temporal anomalies. Mical went upstairs and joined in the chanting with the first group. “Oooh oooh oh maaa aaaahh aaah aahh aahnii eee eeeee eeee eeeeeme peai aaaiiii aaaaiiiii aaaiiii ayyyy aaayyyyy hhhuuunnng shriiiiiihhh…” This was the plodding-paced chant of Om Mani Padme Hung Hrih.

He chanted with the group until 11 pm, occasionally getting up for tea and to go to the kitchen to bring back goodies for the chanters. At one point, people returned who had been cooking the Tsok at another house, so there were more people in the kitchen than in the shrine room. Mical picked up a plate of cookies to take back to the shrine room. Ashoka, one of the humorous board members of the center said, “Oh now where do you think you are going with those?” Mical just grinned and continued into the shrine room to offer them first to the lamas and then the four or five lay chanters.

He returned with the nearly empty plate to the kitchen and realized he had not gotten a cookie yet. So he set the plate on the table, which had six late-night practitioners sitting around it and then he said, “oops! I better take on for myself…”

To which Marjory exclaimed, “Oh no! How many of those have you had?!” Mical grinned more. Actually he had not had one yet.

Finally 11 pm rolled around and he left along with the first group when they were replaced.

blessing ceremony (Winter Retreat 2010)

This post is a fictional rendition of a night at the recent ManiDrupchen.

The pictures on this post are from the Lama Chopa Tsok feast on Sunday. The Lama Chopa Tsok is an offering to the wisdom beings and lineage lamas and it is offered after major retreats / religious events as a way of dedicating the merit gained during the practice. It is said that if Lama Chopa and Tsok are offered with sincerity, then the lineage lamas must attend, either in person or through the ether. This particular Tsok was particularly delicious and special (to me) because most of it was homemade and as a result, it had much less sugar than is typical (when dozens of people bring Tsok offerings on their own).

Remember… this is a fictional rendition. Short disclaimer: A spiritual aspirant should always seek a qualified teacher from a reliable and respected tradition before engaging in meditation or spiritual practice of any sort. Relying on books does not confer a bit of living blessing whatsoever. With that said, please enjoy…

SATURDAY 1/1/11

“Oh my god! How long is this going to last?” Mical thought to himself. The words of the blessing ceremony were starting to blur together. He was very happy to be there, but on this particular day, he had a bit of a headache and he was pretty sure the homeopathic medicine he was taking was causing his pineal gland to shift in a most peculiar manner. Plus it felt like he had walked through a foggy cloud-bank and had yet to emerge.

The translator continued: “this picture is symbolic of the inseparability of wisdom and compassion…” Mical was groaning within. He was struggling to stay present and focus on each picture. He wanted to ingest the blessing which was spoken so highly of, regarding this particular empowerment. Apparently this was a special royal lineage empowerment from one of the Great Tibetan Kings. He had heard inspiring stories of times past, when enlightened deities incarnated among humankind, became leaders and occasionally extremely rare and precious treasure texts would start raining from the sky. Maybe if he could focus just a little bit longer…

“Ugh! My head is aching like never before!” Again he thought to himself. No use moaning in the crowded shrine room and drawing attention to himself.

“Now visualize the retinue as such…” Mical caught a snippet of a missed conversation. “Oh no! Who is in the retinue? What do they look like? I missed it! Argh!” This day was not going as planned. Whoops! That sounded important.

“…this allows you to conquer possessiveness which comes about through the false view of duality…” Mical tried to focus and catch a solid image of that particular picture being displayed.

Again thinking to himself, “why do they keep saying the same thing but with different words…? Can we get on with it already?!” Patience was normally his strong suit, but this was a particularly trying day for some reason. This might have been the first time he had EVER regretted the teacher being so thorough… Yikes!

The Vajra Master, or Tibetan Lama in charge of the empowerment, said, “Now we will break for lunch. You have received one of 40 empowerments of this sacred initiation.”

In his mind, alarm bells started ringing, Mical wanted to jump right out of his skin and dive into a pool of perfectly warm, herb-filled milk, or go escape to a spa, or roll most uncomfortably down the mountain. And definitely go for a hike. “Anything but this! Why is it so hard for me to stay focused and awake today? Oh my God! And we still have 39 empowerments to go? What am I going to do?!…”

Lunch was delicious, having been brought to the meditation center by a generous Vietnamese family. And then Mical spent time joking around with one of the Tibetan monks – Lama Tenzin Gendun. They spoke about fixing cars, traveling and all the simple topics Mical could think of, considering how limited his Tibetan was…

The empowerment continued, along with Mical’s inability to be present and joyful in the moment. At least the lunch break provided a nice distraction. Back in the shrine room, the Vajra Master was holding up pictures which had profound symbolic meanings. “Just try to stay awake!” Mical inwardly scolded himself.

Thankfully the remaining 39 empowerments did not take nearly as long as the first one. The first one, along with the Vajra Master’s introductory teaching took the entire morning. The master was being very specific and giving detailed instructions – so much so that it was hard for questions to arise. Unfortunately Mical could barely get beyond the question of, “why can’t I go downstairs and take a nice, long nap?” He grinned to himself at that thought. Here he was, extremely fortunate to be able to attend a single moment of a precious empowerment, and in spite of this fact, his mind was unbelievably restless. Apparently just a drop of the Dharma essence might be able to liberate people with immaculate karma. Yeah, Mical was beginning to wonder about his curious karma.

More pictures were displayed. More of Mical struggling to keep his eyes open and take in each one. A golden implement here… a deity there… more inseparability of sound and emptiness… inseparability of bliss and emptiness… appearance and emptiness…

“Tea break.” Several people in the audience did not understand, but Mical knew those magical words. Meaning it was time to lie down, without missing any of this precious ceremony. “30 minutes…”

“Whoa! I can take a nice little nap… Sweet!” Mical bowed reverently when the Vajra Master went by. And then shortly, he followed him out, went downstairs and lay down on a couch. People were coming and going, but he did not care. He was able to shut his aching eyes and rest…

“Click” A light was turned off nearby. “Where am I? Oh, the meditation center basement. Who is turning out the light? Alexander. Okay good… wait… Oh no! Did I miss the end of the empowerment?! Oh no!” Mical scampered upstairs. He only slowed down upon entering the sacred shrine room.

“The 28th empowerment is as such…” The translator started. Mical looked in his notes.

“Wow! It seems I have not missed anything! We left off at 26 or 27 before the break. Maybe I was awakened at just the proper moment. Awesome!” Mical was very grateful to Alex.

For some unusual reason, Mical’s ability to focus and to sit calmly, both inwardly and outwardly, seemed to be different. “What is different here? I took a little nap… Maybe that I was all I needed?! I can think clearly and my head isn’t aching so badly! Who knew that 10 minutes could make that much of a difference?” He was able to peacefully watch the Vajra Master, or shift his focus to the translator – and not be irritated if it seemed like each picture’s inner meaning was remarkably similar to the previous 17’s.

During the final session of the empowerment, Mical marveled at the intricacy of the process (and the Buddhist masters who penned it all) – it seemed like everything was being covered. Everything that is from starting the process of purifying the seeds of rebirth in each of the six realms to union with each of the six Lords of the Buddha families. Whoa! That wisdom seemed quite beyond Mical in that moment.

At the end of the empowerment (or 40 mini empowerments), the Vajra Master said, “okay all finished.” It was precious to hear him speak in English. In general he has a translator for his teachings or empowerments, probably because the language can be technical and precise. Then, despite having given the empowerment, which lasted from 9 am to 5 pm with several breaks, he continued with the planned schedule of telling the audience about the benefits of and significance of the Om Mani Padme Hung mantra.

“Amazing!” Mical thought, regarding the Tibetan lamas, their persistence and endurance just blew him away. It seems that having to maintain a visualization all day as enlightened deity, in order to bestow the empowerment, would wear anyone else out. But not this particular teacher.

End of Part One, thanks for reading

leading up to Winter Retreat 2010

Dear Readers,

Happy New Year! Wow – 2011. As you are probably aware, I was in a brief little retreat for New Year’s Day, so my 1/1/11 was not as celebratory as others. Although we had a very potent blessing ceremony conferred.

Here begins various tales about my experiences at Winter Retreat 2010 at the Tibetan Meditation Center in Frederick, Maryland. Before I begin however…

There is a theory that goes something like this:
If one goes to retreat and finds their transition to the retreat regimen to be joyful and easier, that indicates that one’s normal, everyday lifestyle is in alignment with the Dharma and full of mindful awareness, etc. If one goes to retreat and feels like jumping out of their skin (getting away from the retreat premises) and observes incredible resistance arising, well that might mean, among other things, that their ordinary lifestyle is not in alignment with meditative stabilization.

Well let me tell you… for a couple days on retreat, I was not a happy camper. Much resistance and irritation arose within my stream of awareness. This could be due to a number of influences: I had been working 40 – 50 hours a week for the three months up to this point, and I had run around connecting with family before heading up to retreat. So the pace of my life was too fast, for 90 days straight, and it was difficult to do full days of rest and practice during that time. But at least I improved my finances 🙂

Getting to retreat, the schedule was something like this (for me):
– wake up and slowly move toward leaving to go up to TMC (between 8 and 9 am)
– arrive at TMC a few minutes after the teachings had begun (I needed this restful time and pace!)
– Khenpo Tsultrim taught on an incredibly potent text – “The Heart Treasure of the Enlightened Ones: The Practice of View, Meditation and Action; A Discourse Virtuous in the Beginning, Middle and End.” He taught from 9 am to 12 noon. I will include a post about these transformative teachings.
– from 2 to 5 pm, Khenpo Chophel would lead, along with the other lamas, ManiDrupchen-like chanting (plodding, gradual chanting of the Mani mantra)
– then from 6 to 8 pm, further chanting of the Mani Mantra

On Saturday, Drupon Thinley Ningpo (Nyingpo) gave an extensive and exhaustive empowerment in the King Songtsen Gampo Royal Lineage tradition of the Great Noble Heart Chenrezig. This was the same empowerment that we had received the previous two years from Traga Rinpoche and then Khenpo Tsultrim. However, Drupon went into depth on each aspect and it took about six hours total, including his brief introductory teachings. Later he gave brief teachings on the significance of the Mani Mantra.

Starting at 7 pm on Saturday, we began all night chanting, taking shifts like the previous years. We would conclude chanting at 7 am on Sunday. Then at 10 am we did a smoke (sang) offering and then did Lama Chopa and offered a Tsok feast. I will include details of each.