Practicing a new flavor of potent kindness

This material is copyrighted by Kirby Moore.  Reproduction without permission is prohibited.  To support my business and blogging efforts, please visit my website. More recently, I have begun teaching Astrology classes on Trauma-Informed Astrology, see http://www.traumainformedastrology.com for more! Thank you for visiting!

a post arising from a recent retreat, about authentic kindness

Recently, I came out of a short six day retreat, but I felt like I had been accelerated very rapidly (shot out of a whirling sling to be exact) down my psycho-spiritual path. Prior to retreat, I had been lallygagging along, not really doing much practice or much in the way of deepening subtle awareness…

However, in retreat, we did silent meditation, Zapchen Somatics – taking meditation and awareness into the body through playful skillful exercises, and we also did dream acting / playing / sharing. I found this last piece to be the most potent. And I actually got to work / play with one of my dreams twice – we were a small group. It was so fascinating how one little section of one dream could reveal so much, and I’m sure I could keep working with that little tiny scene for days and days! Wow!

One result from doing this internal work with my shadow material was that I grabbed hold of my power. Technically, this potency that I found was not somewhere else, it was within me, but I accepted it, I became it, I embraced it. My voice also deepened a bit and definitely became more resonant. Once I stood in the place of my terrifying shadow, and got to say words as SHADOW and be its mysterious potency, I felt much clearer about how my fear of shadowy places is just a misunderstanding. It was a fear of the unknown, but it was not an appropriate fear. Prior to retreat, I had been reading many little quotes about stepping off the edge of a precipice into the unknown abyss. Well… That is what I needed to do! And luckily I had the resources around me to assist me with the process! And I did it.

So the reason for the title of this post is that I received bodywork a few days ago, which was a few days after retreat, and at the end of the session, I felt entirely embodied and empowered – at least as much as I had felt up to that point in my life. I was asked what I wanted to take away from the session, to take with me as I left the healing space. Taking a few seconds to become clear, I did not hesitate in saying, “I am practicing a new flavor of potent kindness.” This was pretty revolutionary for me, here’s why:

In Zapchen Somatics, Julie Henderson, the creator, says that there are three main centers in the body. The head, the heart and the pelvis each represent one aspect of enlightened mind – the head is clarity, the heart is kindness and the pelvis contains potency. She says that without authentically being in all three centers, we cannot practice the full version of any one quality (clarity, kindness or potency). What this means is that, to practice “kindness” without being clear, is foolish. To practice “kindness” without being in touch with our inner potency, is foolish. So I am referring to a wise kindness that is informed by both true clarity and authentic, embodied potency.

Side Note *** Please keep in the mind that to come into all three bodily centers can take years, seriously – for most people who live busy hectic lives, sustaining their families and social connections, doing this work can take decades. Therefore, if you are one of the billions of people who are cut off from one or two of these centers, don’t fret. Know that it is possible to come down into your body eventually, and when you do, it will be an incredible sense of liberation and ease. But until that time, do be kind and gentle with yourself and your process. End side note.

Therefore, when I say that I am practicing a new flavor of potent kindness, it is coming from the realization that previously, I did not practice authentic kindness. Because in the past I was definitely cut off from my pelvis. This is ultimately due to my karma, so it is no one’s fault but my own, however the way I could tell I was cut off from my pelvis was because of difficultly breathing really deep belly breaths, and because I had had some surgeries around my pelvis, and because I had birth trauma to work through, and… huff huff puff puff! 🙂 due to my conditioning – I don’t think either of my parents are ever in all three of their centers, so how could I have known that it was okay to fully embody them myself? Nope – not safe around them! And if my mirror neurons learned to cut off my pelvis from a young young age, how could I have known anything different?

So why do I say that I was not practicing authentic kindness previously? Because by being cut off from my pelvis and my potency, I was cut off from my creative, appropriately-self-oriented juices. By being in my head, as most Westerners are, and by occasionally drifting down into my heart, I was always “kind” and “sweet” and “well-loved.” Seriously?! No thank you! I am a man damn it! If 99% of the people I meet love me, that is actually a PROBLEM. It means that I was a big time pleaser, placator, push over, shape shifter and that I sacrificed my needs to take care of others’ needs. Again, I want to say a big, “No Thank You!!” to those energies and wish them well as I have separated from them. They served me well for 28 years and now it is time to wear my authentic power and potency all the time.

Therefore, I would recommend that you analyze your life, analyze your relationships, reflect on the way you react to certain people. Does everyone you meet love you? Do you bend over backwards for one type of personality or gender? Are you aggressive and hyper-competitive, meaning most everyone you meet does not love you? Do you feel cut off from your pelvis? Do you have sexual inhibitions or difficulty letting go and fully experiencing personal pleasure? If you can answer yes to any of these questions on a regular basis, then it means you are not entirely embodied yet, but don’t worry, you have lots of company 🙂

And yes, the rare individual can be in their heart only and neglect their head and pelvis, and there might be the rare individual who is in their pelvis, but neglect their hearts and heads (meaning they would be seriously driven, selfish, sexually motivated and have very little capacity for empathy, rationality and altruism). So it is good to determine where you are on this spectrum. But simply notice it – do not judge it. We are where we are for a reason. And we should start where we are. Don’t worry, don’t fret, just take a deep breath and try to relax, knowing that if you got this far through this blog post, then it means you most likely can embody fully with some work, with some effort and under the guidance of a qualified teacher. And most importantly, be gentle.

Our body tends to respond easier and more swiftly to kind actions and thoughts versus those contraction-creating methods in which we beat ourselves up. For me, I came to this little tiny, insignificant clarity/kindness/potency realization within seven years of cultivating deeper embodiment and intensely striving to gently pulse through the frozen tissue within. Now don’t get me wrong, I still have tons of work to do! I have just glimpsed what is possible and I still have years to go to stabilize this level of empowered embodiment! And I am human, meaning I make mistakes, I stick my feet in my mouth and I am very rough around the edges at times! So I have lots to do, lots to refine and luckily I have quality heart teachers to continue leading me down appropriate and authentic paths.

May sentient beings be blessed with auspicious circumstances and insights.

Craniosacral Awareness Re-emerging

Recently, I started assisting a friend of mine as she taught a Craniosacral class. It is a class for beginners, looking at the basics of healing touch, alignment, self care and of course going through the fundamentals of Craniosacral work.

For anyone out there who does not know what Craniosacral Therapy (or Craniosacral Biodynamics) is / are, they are modalities that work with balancing the cerebro spinal fluid, deepening awareness as energy, as body and as fluid awareness. CST has been very beneficial in treating a number of issues associated with head injuries, headaches, back problems, pelvic issues and many things in between. In particular, Craniosacral Biodynamics, which is the more holistic of the two (Craniosacral Therapy is more mechanical in orientation), is extremely potent for those people who are sensitive to it. The layers of contact and healing touch are simply extraordinary. Each day I practice, I realize more fully how one could spend an entire life practicing CS Biodynamics and be learning up to the day of death. Wow!

And what I am becoming aware of, having now assisted with two three-hour classes, is that my personal experience and awareness of the Craniosacral rhythms is deepening to points I did not think were possible. To clarify, the tides or rhythms at which the cerebrospinal fluid ebbs and flows are known by three names as 1) the Cranio Rhythm (once every 3 – 5 seconds), 2) the Mid Tide (once every 20 seconds or so) and 3) the Long Tide (once every 50 – 100 seconds). These tides can be tracked and perceived once a practitioner has a lot of hands on practice under the guidance of a qualified teacher. Sometimes when a client goes into a deep state of healing relaxation, these tides cease altogether or become so slow as to not be perceivable. This cessation is known as a “still point.”

For most practitioners, they must put their hands on a client to feel these rhythms. I am beginning to notice that as I walk around the class, holding space (being aware of the vastness of the sky above and bringing my attention out to the horizons behind me and to the sides), if I focus on someone’s table – students work in pairs, one giving a practice treatment and one receiving – I can tell if / when someone goes into a still point and when they come out of it. Plus I have the same breath changes as they do. Pretty amazing!

It seems my depth and intensity of practice is starting to pay off. Also, when the students were working on each others’ occipital bones, I felt mine open and widen and appreciate the change in the energetic field. Similarly, when students started working on each others’ sacrum, I felt a shift in my own as it opened and began to loosen its strong attachments. Very cool!

I will keep tracking what I notice and keep y’all updated. Thanks for reading!

Back from retreat, August 2011

Our brief little 5.5 day retreat ended today, with a beautiful pot-luck luncheon. It was great to see community members supporting us and the food was exquisite (anyone ever heard of rice-cous? Someone made a delicious low-sugar cake out of it and twas most scrumptious!).

I have a lot to chew on… I worked a dream piece twice – at first wrestling with my shadow parts, then witnessing new possibilities and finally stepping into the shadow parts of me. Whoa I said some funny stuff! And I now own my power – it will be a balancing act and pendulum swing for a few weeks I suspect as first I will need to get used to this new information (clarity, directness, potency, fiery-kindness) and then of course once it gets to be normal for me, then my friends and family will need to get used to it. Well, tis about time! Yummy stuff!

I will say more about this soon. But I definitely have some homework from this potent time of meditating, processing and dancing the shadowy dreams. It is so fascinating how, when we are really really busy, that we can have some of the most potent dreams and yet never be able to access the hidden, subtle (and so powerful) messages hidden within them. It is only when we slow down… name the sensations that are arising… then name the subtle needs of these reacting parts… and finally we can play, dance, share and process all the numerous possibilities that arise. Whoa! Actually, now that I think about it, there are no words which can do justice to what I just witnessed and the way our group came into possession of new fiery wisdom.

Thanks for reading anyway! 🙂

As an update, I am continuing to see clients for bodywork (Craniosacral, Reiki) as well as offering Spiritual Astrology interpretations. I am planning to be with these new waves of awareness, and to continue radically changing my skin as it were. More to follow soon.

A Dynamic Retreat

This is a brief post about a retreat I am heading off toward.

Down the road a bit, I will enter a retreat at my friend’s shrine room (which is also her healing space). In the past, these retreats have always elicited serene waves and deepened presence. And I am anticipating the same here. It is a few days in length, so I will be out of touch for a little bit.

The retreat schedule looks like this:
6 – 7 am: opening prayers, mantra and silent sitting
7 – 8 am: eight verses for training the mind, contemplation, Zapchen exercises from Julie Henderson’s book, Embodying Wellbeing
8 – 10 am: breakfast, tea, walk, yoga, rest

10 – 11 am: opening prayers and silent sitting
11 – 12 noon: silent sitting, long life prayers, dedication
12 – 2 pm: lunch break, walk, rest

2 – 3 pm: Zapchen practice and napping 🙂 (my favorite part)
3 – 4 pm: silent sitting practice
4 – 5 pm: metta loving-kindness practice
5 – 6 pm: light dinner break

6 – 7 pm: group dreamwork (play-acting our dreams, very potent and insightful)
7 – 8 pm: silent sitting practice
8 – 9 pm: silent sitting and dedication prayers

So that is the schedule. I am just an ordinary human being who is mentally foggy, deluded and easily distracted, but I am holding the aspiration to clear my central channel and to rest there, naturally and effortlessly. Let you know how it went on the other side. Thanks for reading.

Living with a Venerable Monk, a Re-Education, summer 2011

This is a post about Kirby’s experiences of living with a Drikung Kagyu Western monk.

This material is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore and reproduction without permission is prohibited.

This summer I have been living with a Drikung Kagyu monk, a venerable being who keeps many of his qualities secret. However, as I have slowly opened myself to him, I have been learning much. Perhaps I should say, re-learning.

A re-education:

Previously, I tended to use the words “wisdom beings” a little too often. I have no inner qualities, so if I was saying “wisdom beings” once or twice a day, it was purely conjecture and I had no idea whether or not actual wisdom beings were behind what I was claiming. In living with a monastic, I am learning that we should only share our spiritual realizations or experiences with our heart teachers and NO ONE ELSE. I have many poor habits but I am glad I have the opportunity to clean some of them up.

One of the reasons we avoid speaking about anything remotely special is that it can water down any merit or blessings one is receiving. Because the moment the Ego gets involved, ooph! Things can get hairy. For instance, saying, “the wisdom beings won’t let me send an email to a friend who I am presently in contact with,” tends to say more than I mean. I don’t know if this statement is true – it could be a faulty connection, a poor router, etc.

We should also be careful what we say regarding the Dharma. My intuition is rather refined and I go as far as saying that I am proud of the work I have done around this topic. Just because my intuition is refined a little, does not mean however that I can or should be confident about things I only know superficially! I am becoming reeducated around truly knowing something versus intuitively knowing it. So you have a great intuition, can you tell me what Vasubhandu says about that subject? Nope! So get educated, then and only then can you speak with confidence. No matter how many Dharma brothers and sisters have repeated something, it might not be true according to the root texts (in Sanskrit, Tibetan, Pali, etc). Confidence derived from intuition is a little dangerous, because without wisdom, compassion can be very very foolish. I am unlearning a lot this summer…

There are many careless people in the West. When I say the word “careless” here, I do not mean to be derogatory. Rather, there are many people who talk about subjects that they should reflect about first. I myself am VERY GUILTY of this conduct, or now that I know, hopefully I will change my ways.

Those people who know and who are qualified to teach about “Mahamudra,” “Dzogchen,” “Chod,” “Emptiness,” “The Five Buddha Families,” “Winds, Drops and Channels,” “Six Yogas of Naropa,” any Highest Yoga Tantra, etc etc only say the bare minimum if anything at all, and these teachers who are qualified to teach about advanced topics know when to stop. These teachers have special inner qualities derived from many years of study and time in supervised, solitary retreats. They know when a student has heard enough, they know what to talk about and when. And most importantly, they know if a student is at all ready to hear about a certain subject.

So often you hear relatively new people talking about advanced topics and you know they don’t meet any of the following criteria to be teaching about these advanced subjects:
– attending a Buddhist philosophical school (Shedra or monastic college is anywhere from 10 to 20 years in length).
– attending a Buddhist Tantric college after completing a teacher’s degree as a Buddhist monastic (that means they have completed Shedra).
– completing at least a three year retreat under a qualified master, although many masters do anywhere from 6 to 21 years of solitary retreat.
– having many years of study and practice under their belts and then, out of sheer merit (and humility, refining of their ego, developing good qualities, etc), having an honorary teaching degree conferred on them, like Khenpo, Khenmo, Lopon, Drupon, etc.

I wonder however if it is someone’s aim to teach, if they should be allowed to do so. Because we should first spend many years cultivating the desire and yearning to be a better student, and only a student. However, if someone just prefers to practice – like the story of Drubwang Konchog Norbu Rinpoche, who did not want to leave retreat until H.H. the Dalai Lama told him he had to go out in the world and teach – then they are probably ripe for teaching!

The reason I am explicit about who should be teaching and who should be working on modesty is that occasionally you get people with secret shadowy sides – some hidden pockets of narcissism that they keep a secret for a long while. Then, without meeting the above criteria, they eventually attain the status of “senior student” and they feel they are ready to teach. Not good. Luckily this does not occur very often.

Finally, if you are still with me… Here are some final does and don’ts that are getting reinforced as I live with a Venerable member of the monastic community.

If you happen to live with a monastic, don’t bring any romantic partners home with you. No, I have not learned this the hard way and don’t plan to, but I’m just saying, in case… There is a field or a frequency that is generated from living with a sincere, practicing (completely celibate) monk who keeps most of his 200 plus vows and strives to improve himself on a daily basis. Disrupting this energetic field is not good.

Don’t engage in the “crazy” behavior described above. Simply put, know your limits and don’t go wandering into territory where only qualified Lamas and Masters should be venturing.

Do cultivate as many good qualities as possible: the six perfections – intelligent generosity, sound moral ethics, fearless patience, skillful persistence, well-instructed meditative concentration and profound wisdom awareness. Right view – get a qualified teacher to explain this one. The Four Immeasurables – Loving Kindness, Vast Compassion, Sympathetic Joy and Equanimity without Indifference. Then you will gain the trust of the monastic community and many blessings will befall you – but you must be sincere. Without a little bit of gentle but firm effort, we will never attain effortlessness – I love it when Khenchen Rinpoche says this!

Do be very mindful of all your conduct – actions, words and thoughts – if you stay on really good terms with your teachers and venerables, they possess potent teachings which they might share with you if you are ready.

I realize I have been very didactic, but if you stuck with me, thank you for reading. Do not fret – more posts in the future will be more laiszez faire.

The Joys of Practicing Dharma

This material is copyrighted by Kirby Moore.  Reproduction without permission is prohibited.  To support my business and blogging efforts, please visit my website. More recently, I have begun teaching Astrology classes on Trauma-Informed Astrology, see http://www.traumainformedastrology.com for more! Thank you for visiting!

This is a post from the blog’s creator about his relationship with Buddhist practice. The title could also be “the joys of practicing Buddhism”

I just want to start out by saying that I am no one special, I ain’t got extraordinary qualities and often times, my mind is caught up in confusion and afflictive emotions. However, I try to maintain a dedicated practice within the Drikung Kagyu tradition of Tibetan Buddhism (since 2006). I have attended and received numerous teachings and blessings from qualified Lamas, professors and teachers in several authentic lineages. So these are simply my little thoughts on the subject. Any errors in writing are the fault of my obscured, afflicted mind.

Recently I wrote a post entitled, “Buddhist Vows: What have I gotten myself into.” Due to the ambiguous connotation implied in this title, I wanted to write a post pointing out the many positive results one receives from sincerely practicing the Dharma.

I want to start out by saying Buddhism is a joy to practice, provided the practitioner meets several criteria. The Buddha said that salvation comes from within (unlike Theistic religions where aspirants seek total assistance from an outside Deity), and having said this, the Buddha gave teachings on how to become free from suffering and confusion – it is up to the individual practitioner how far along the path they travel.

Buddhist practice does take effort – continual, daily, sincere effort. Not too much effort mind you, one goal is to realize an alert, relaxed state, mindful and calm. We neither want to be strict ascetics, sitting under a tree starving, nor do we want to be utter hedonists, lazily plodding through life seeking every pleasure we can get our paws on. We want to tread the middle way.

Rather, in order to practice Buddhism, we must be willing to reflect on our behavior, our words and eventually, our thoughts. And then we should change that which leads to suffering or dissatisfaction – whether harming ourselves or others, we need to abandon this conduct. So yes, there is a little bit of “work” involved in practicing Dharma. But I have heard that we will notice results if we practice as little as half an hour per day. That’s not asking too much right? With the tangible results of additional clarity, kindness and gradual lasting happiness, who would rather waste all of their time, sitting in front of the TV for hours?

On the other hand, we should be aware that practicing the Dharma sincerely will “stir the pot” as it were. If we are willing to put in some effort over a long period of time, then we should consider learning Buddhist meditation. Be aware though that meditation causes mental detritus (our “stuff”) to rise to the surface in order to be released. Yes, meditation and sincere practice can lead to healing the mind and the body, but it can be a little uncomfortable along the way. Once we have a little experience under our belts however, this slight discomfort becomes the norm and then gradually it falls away completely (or it is joyfully embraced as a part of the process).

If we are seeking a “magic silver bullet,” that is if we want to magically transform overnight, then we should take our aspirations elsewhere (Buddhism will only disappoint in this case). Authentic change is like water dripping on a rock – the rock will be molded and refined by the water, but it could take years. Eventually however, that rock will become as smooth as a baby’s bottom. Unfortunately, many people in the West are seeking quick solutions and they get discouraged when meditation gets uncomfortable or if it doesn’t work within a few months. That is why it is good to examine multiple teachers and then choose an authentic spiritual teacher who we feel a strong connection with.

For beginners, I would recommend seeking out Zen Buddhist centers, Insight Meditation groups, Theravada teachers or Tibetan Buddhist teachings on the gradual stages of the path (Lamrim teachings). This way we can get a sense of our capacities. We need to be aware that it can take months to get used to the new routine of added introspective time. Be gentle and rewards will come. Sometimes our dispositions require that we be firm, but do be gentle.

Keep in mind that the harder we push along the spiritual path, the closer we must work with our teachers and with a group of dedicated practitioners – the Sangha or Buddhist group who helps us to stay on the path. The harder we push along the path, the trickier the footing becomes – thorns appear out of nowhere and sometimes the trail follows along the edge of a steep, dangerous precipice. If this happens too soon, then you are going too fast. There is a saying that I love from Hugh Milne, a bodywork instructor and Buddhist practitioner: “we can never go too deep, only too fast.” So slow down and we must be willing to accept our teacher’s advice and solutions if we become stuck or confused.

If we are one of the rare individuals who can maintain solid ethics, persistent effort, pure faith (simultaneously on a daily basis) and we have investigated the above mentioned Buddhist groups, then we might choose to work with a Tibetan Lama or someone who can see beyond our superficial processes and reactions. This person can recommend potent, transformative practices that are individually tailored for our unique dispositions. And by doing these practices, our process of purifying negative emotions, cleansing mental obscurations and moving toward clarity, kindness and integrity are accelerated.

If one finds someone like this, spend as much time as possible attending their teachings. Then, when feeling clear and confident about what the specific practices are, go home and do them. Eventually, no matter what soil you may have planted previous seeds in, if you rely on an authentic spiritual master, your inner garden will bloom with brilliant radiance.

No matter what though, start where you are. Do not bite off more than you can chew. Spiritual heroes are people who are gentle and kind, along with being persistent and disciplined. And remember, wisdom is the antidote to ignorance (the cause of suffering) and vast compassion is the antidote to self-grasping and stinginess. Develop these qualities and you will not go astray.

Thank you for reading.

Do we have to get sick after Dharma teachings?

This material is copyrighted by Kirby Moore.  Reproduction without permission is prohibited.  To support my business and blogging efforts, please visit my website. More recently, I have begun teaching Astrology classes on Trauma-Informed Astrology, see http://www.traumainformedastrology.com for more! Thank you for visiting!

A post about sickness as purification after potent Dharma teachings.

The answer to the above question is an emphatic: “No!” Or maybe it should be, not for the reasons you are suggesting.

So often I hear the sentiment that after a potent weekend or a week or more of Dharma teachings (or retreat), that coming home, settling down and getting sick is the norm. Often times one might hear someone talking about potent, purifying practices. Well, in case you have not noticed, I disagree. And in this post I discuss my opinions about this subject.

The idea for this post came to me when I came back from Winter Retreat a while ago, and five or six days later I was floored by a nasty sinus infection. When I told a Sangha member about my illness, she said, “yep, it means these were potent teachings.” Whoa!? That is quite the causal statement!! Suddenly my sickness was caused by the Dharma… I’m not sure about that logic. I would rather attribute my sickness to several “temporary compensatory behaviors” I engaged in upon returning – for instance, I ate junk food, and then started an old habit of playing computer games. Sometimes I stayed up late. With or without potent teachings, I was on the fast track toward sickness with those activities in the virile-germ filled winter (in Virgina, winter time temps range from 15 to 50 degree Fahrenheit so flu season can be a bear).

I was thinking of shelving this topic for good, but then, yesterday I got back from the Kalachakra teachings in Wash. D.C. with the Dalai Lama, and someone asked me if I had gotten sick. Uh oh, here we go again. I’m hoping this is not something personal and no one else notices it. Am I (Kirby Moore) often sick after teachings? Although, seeing so many people sick after such profound teachings has me wondering… It has me wondering if there might be a parsimonious conclusion.

[On a tangent, away from my primary line of reasoning. At a teaching where there are at least dozens and most likely, hundreds of living Buddhas walking around, it might actually be best to push ourselves past our limits. Below I mention the importance of practicing Self Care, but if we have the chance to meet the Karmapa but we are feeling stretched and overextended already – it is probably best to go meet him! However, under normal circumstances (not involving His or Her Holiness) it is good to notice our body’s limits. This can prevent colds or flu from taking hold.]

Yes, I have several problems with this theory – the title of the post. First of all, it makes getting sick seem normal and acceptable after teachings. Not that there is anything wrong with getting sick – but after every teaching? [Temporary tangent: Maybe getting sick can be equated with purification, but on a side note I have heard that getting sick at least once a year is good for the immune system, or it can be an indication that we are processing something on a deeper level and the sickness is the body’s way of saying, “time to slow down up there!”] But I don’t think it should occur after every retreat we engage in. What if I had come back from Winter Retreat and eaten well and rested down. I can assure you, that with a healthy regimen, I may not have come down with anything. But we make choices and live with the consequences.

And on a similar note, here in the West, we are not really prepared to do full weekend or week-long retreats / practice schedules – even attending a full day of teachings can be a vast difference from our normal hectic lifestyle. In order to do a retreat, we act like monastics for a week, diving in deep, raising our frequency in some regards, slowing down in other ways. Sure this manic behavior could lead to our getting sick when we come out of it, but there are other options available. Who wants to be sick that often anyway?

We need to find balance. If red flags are coming up – as our body tells us we are stretching ourselves too thin – then perhaps we need to back off. Find a way to be balanced as we dive in to a full weekend. If we need to nap some, or sleep in, or stay somewhere that we can have personal space, then do it! And please, while we are at it, let us stop propagating this strange adage that most people get sick after potent teachings or retreats. It is possible that we are practicing solid self care and getting sick nonetheless – but I have rarely seen this to be the case.

There is a theory that I appreciate for when we are doing a retreat: we should gradually ease into it, then it should be the most potent in the middle and then we gradually ease out of it. This allows for a gentler pace. Think about it – how can anyone go from say 1 hour of meditation a day to 8 hours, keep it up for a week, and then try to immediately back it down to 1 hour a day as they get on with their busy work-lifestyle? This sounds like a recipe for disaster. If I know I have a retreat coming up, and I have the leisure time to do it, I spend two or three days ahead of it resting down. I purposely lie down for an hour, whether I am tired or not. This slows me down.

And then more importantly, the time after a retreat is crucial. How do we integrate what we encountered? How can we ease back into life as we knew it? If we are used to a fast pace, when we return from retreat, we are often faced with empty time. How do we fill that empty space? We have the space (you could say mental capacity) but we no longer have the container (provided by the Lamas or the sacred retreat space a.k.a. mandala) to engage in the deep practice with ease. So do what you can and then rest down. Sometimes it is tempting to turn on the TV or watch a movie or mess around on facebook, or write in our blogs, etc. Practice some self care and then maybe you won’t get sick. And yes, as per some comments to this post – wash your hands, don’t eat / drink after others, and imagine there are new strains of viruses on these new people from out of town. Then we might shape up, eh?!

Yeah I know the sutras talk about the importance of waking up early and practicing. But they also talk about kindness – and kindness to self is the most important type! If we can’t be kind to ourselves, how can we expect to authentically practice it with others? So instead of diving from work to retreat back to work, how about leaving a couple days open for a break. Take a day off. Then maybe the teachings can sink in deeper and we can embody them more fully.

By the way, knocking on wood, I am not sick yet after attending all the teachings by the Dalai Lama. I am practicing self care, I plan to continue taking care of myself and I am happy to rest down a little extra to integrate. But I have had much practice on this path of kindness to self. Yay! I wish the same for all beings. Thanks for reading my rants. 🙂

One Fine Day, Summer 2011

a brief post about a fine day at the Kalachakra in Washington D.C. with His Holiness the Dalai Lama

After witnessing some of the lower self behaviors in my peers at the Kalachakra event yesterday… today was blissful, bustling and brilliant!

Woke up early. Felt the usual buzzing energy as my nervous system gears up immediately. Ugh! Good ole Loong disorder 🙂 Checked in with the I Ching – to practice Dharma or to practice self care by sleeping in. It came back with “Do just enough and not more.” I wanted clarity. It said “rest down, don’t push.” No problem, went back to sleep.

Yesterday was pre-empowerment, so I thought a little about those things before falling back asleep. Realized I did not actually require kusha grass to have auspicious dreams, not that I had anything special.

Ate breakfast, walked to metro, thankfully not too hot. But still sweating upon arrival at terminal. Uh oh – I might stink. Metro to downtown, Chinatown stop. Called friend, had lunch with friends – some old and others new. Was introduced to some incredibly delicious Chinese food at the Full Kee restaurant in Chinatown – but the chicken and egg plant (cooked in a fish sauce) turned me off; one out of seven dishes is not bad. Luckily I had already eaten a lion’s share. Outside restaurant, started speaking with someone I had never met, in this lifetime. We exchanged “where are you in life” stories and found out we are both Biodynamic Craniosacral therapists! Wow!

She heard that I graduated in psychology from UVa and she suggested I look into somatic psychology at UC Santa Barbara – a school I had considered previously. Terrific! Got back to the Verizon Center where the festivities were being held. Somehow no lines, despite it being soon til His Holiness would start. Nice!

Bag searched. Metal objects out. Walk through metal detector, no problem. Ticket scanned, I’m in! Crowds not too bad today, but one gentleman in a suit beckons us all to keep moving. I sit down in my usual seat – 400 L, way up high in the stands. I hear a more-and-more-familiar “Kah-bee, hey Kah-bee.” Wait a minute? That could be my name being said with that standard Asian accent where certain languages don’t have the “Ker” sound. Sure enough!

My friends Samduk, Nawang and Tsering were sitting very close by. I move to sit near them and discover they have the tix for those empty seats and other friends were not arriving until later. Two kids at the moment, a boisterous little Aries who is four years old named (pronounced) “Tse-pai” and a bumbling, brash seven year old named (pr.) “Tai-nam”. Their names are important because I would spend the next six hours with these families.

Got to catch up a little before teachings started. It’s so funny how I have to come up here to DC to slow down and actually catch up with friends from Charlottesville… ugh! I need to be more social down there!

His Holiness the Dalai Lama came in the Arena with a man in a curious red skull cap, who was dressed in black with red trimmings. Then I saw the big silver cross hanging down his robe front – oh. It was the Arch Bishop of Washington D.C. HHDL and he reminisced a little and talked about the benefits of interfaith dialogue. It was precious when the Dalai Lama presented him with a Buddha statue and said, “for you, the Buddha is just thinker and philosopher. That’s all.” Amazing! Did the Arch Bishop realize how special that statue might be? (Or how much anyone in the audience might pay to acquire it? Joke joke!)

His Holiness the Dalai Lama gave a little empowerment. Nothing special.

Then we were informed that the schedule had been changed around. No surprise there. The mandala viewing would now be tonight as they wanted to get His Holiness as much rest as possible. Good call! So we would be dismissed by sections to come down and view the SUBLIME mandala. Unfortunately I realized that I and my Tibetan friends were sitting in the top of the arena, meaning it might be hours before we could view it. Well that was a good assumption.

We decided to go out and eat, then come back to view the mandala, considering they said it could be a couple hours… Decent Thai food. But more important than that, I got to spend time with Tibetans in a familial setting. I love how their culture is so much different from ours, despite these Tibetans living and working amongst the rest of us in Charlottesville. When two of the kids started fighting, all eyes went to them, with compassionate hearts. When one child started crying, everyone tried to comfort him. I secretly hoped it was okay that I was, in addition to participating in the dinner conversation, studying their reactions when different situations arose. They’d probably think, “what’s the point of that?” They are so in the moment – how refreshing! In Tibetan, the words “Thug Je” basically mean Noble Heart, or Compassion and “Thug Je Chen po” means Great Compassion. This phrase basically sums up what I love about Tibetan culture and people.

Back to the Arena. Somehow we slipped in a side door, no security(?). I asked Tse-pai if she wanted to ride on my shoulders, that was fun. Plus it kept her out of trouble. She is very fiery, so I think some of her joie-de-vivre may have rubbed off – I definitely need to get in touch with the fiery four year old part of myself! Anyway, we eventually bump into friends of theirs who are from, no other than, Charlottesville by way of none other than, California. Okay – not only am I seeing old friends up here from my home town, but I am meeting new ones… How bizarre! 🙂

I meet a PhD. student from UVa, his wife and two children. Then he introduces me to his friend, a monk from India who is originally from Long Beach California. California seems to be on my subtle mind?

We gradually get to stand in line to view the mandala. I play with Konchog – a one and a half year old toddler. Yay! The mandala is incredible, there is plexiglass up on the sides and we are moved through pretty quick. I touch my prayer beads to several shrines, seeking blessings.

Tse-pai rides on my shoulders again as I help my friends keep track of her. Hard to lose her when I am 6 feet 3 inches tall to begin with… 🙂 He has to get their stroller. She watches the kids. I say my farewells and head back to metro. Ticket in machine. Hop on yellow line. Eight stops later, I’m in Alexandria. Walk to my sister’s beautiful home. Check in with my generous, creative brother-in-law. Here I am.

So what did I learn from today? I love spending time with joyful children, I may need to look into school in California, and I love to network. I could just be high from seeing so many living Buddhas. Oh well, off to bed to rise afresh.

Refuge Vows continued

Another post continuing the previous stream about Buddhist Refuge vows and commitments

Again, I want to stress for the record that it is highly beneficial to take refuge and to attempt to live up to a few of these commitments than to shy away from them because of feeling intimidated or overwhelmed. Start where you are. Be gentle. It is my intention to inform, not to cause anxiety.

Also, most of these actual commitments are from Alexander Berzin, PhD and the berzinarchives.com. The commentaries are my own, plus I have received teachings from numerous lamas on this same subject.

Believe it or not, there are other commitments we make when we take refuge. First we take seriously our devotion to the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha and we don’t worship any other totems, spirits or gods of another religion. The Triple Gem provides ample protection and refuge, hence the name. We also agree not to accumulate (greedily) as much material wealth as possible – what is more important than worldly possessions is good qualities. So we commit to attempt to improve ourselves and develop compassion, loving-kindness, discernment, persistence, etc.

Personally, as someone who feels I must eat meat for my health, I believe I constantly break or weaken this next commitment. In fact, in Buddhism this might be one of the stickiest of topics: eating meat vs being a vegetarian. The commitment is to cause as little harm as possible – to all beings, including humans and animals. A Buddhist should never directly take a life, whether animal or human, and a Buddhist should not have or partake of anything killed specifically for them. Of course, considering I do not hunt, I don’t have a slaughter house and I don’t believe someone is killing for me, I have not transgressed this commitment directly. But I eat a lot of meat (my doctors say this is best in order to stay grounded). Therefore I am extra aware of this when I eat meat around other practitioners or vegetarians. The suggestion though is to be mindful that a being was killed for this meat – therefore don’t rejoice in killing anything – and better yet, say some prayers for the animal that was slaughtered. Maybe it can have a positive rebirth.

To honor the Sangha Jewel, and especially when we are first starting out (meaning we are more impressionable or weak in our knowledge and confidences), we should avoid spending time around negative people. Of course there are caveats to this commitment. We need to work – right livelihood. And for the most part, there are negative people in the world and we probably have to work with several of them. So we do the best we can in certain situations. Therefore I think this commitment has to do with our leisure time – who do we hang out with for fun? Who do we date or have romantic relations with? If we are serious in our practice of improving ourselves, then Buddhism is certainly an appropriate path to be on, and we then must consider who has a positive influence on us and who has the reverse influence.

As a sign of respect, we commit to honoring any Buddhist image, statue or even a scrap of robes from a monastic practitioner. This also includes tsa tsas – plaster images or statues of Buddhist beings. There is also a story about someone protecting Buddhist items and generating merit from doing so. This includes all Dharma books (and some people go on to include any positive book or letters, because learning to read and write allows one to study, practice and teach the Dharma with more ease) and we commit to respect anyone who has taken and upheld their monastic vows. To conclude this section about respecting Buddhist images etc, if we need to dispose of Dharma texts or other items, it is best to respectfully burn them.

Due to this post creeping up in length, I will briefly mention the final commitments, even though they are no less important than what I have discussed previously. First, we want to consider how fortunate we are for having met with the Three Jewels – or at least one of them – on a daily basis. Second, we offer the first portion of our (Berzin mentions hot food or drink) food and beverages to the Triple Gem – he mentions that we don’t have to say the food blessing prayer in Tibetan or even in English – we can simply say, “Please Buddhas enjoy this.” Third, we commit to sharing our knowledge of the Triple Gem with interested parties – I stress the word “interested.” There is no such thing as a Buddhist missionary, and if you meet one, then that person is committing a non-virtue (using idle speech). So we lead by example, and then if someone asks us about our path, we tell them. But we also are aware of what they can take in – to speak of emptiness to someone who is not ready to hear about it is another problem (violation of Bodhicitta vows).

Fourth, we commit to saying a refuge prayer and / or remembering the benefits of taking refuge six times a day – three during the day and three at night. Berzin mentions that it can be done three times in the morning and three times before going to bed. Fifth – we commit ourselves to taking refuge especially in times of crisis. By studying the Buddha’s wisdom, we discover that we can eliminate the causes of problems, and therefore taking refuge during a crisis is actually the most appropriate thing to do to resolve it (or at least gain greater understanding of our situation). Sixth, and finally, we commit ourselves to never give up our refuge vows. Even if we are being threatened with death, we do what we can, but we never give up our vows in our heart. This way, each lifetimes builds on the previous one – we continue to improve ourselves and to benefit others, which also benefits us in the long run.

There are five vows (complete upasaka precepts) that are occasionally mentioned during the refuge ceremony – these are to avoid killing, avoid stealing, avoid committing sexual misconduct, to avoid lying and to avoid taking any intoxicants of any kind. Technically, we choose at least one of these vows to keep during our refuge ceremony. But the suggestion is to be realistic – if we know we have a few glasses a wine each week, then we don’t take that vow! But we can take one, two, three or four of the others instead.

Thanks for reading.