Meditation Informs Healing Facilitation

A Buddhist view of the Astrological 12th House

This material is copyrighted by Kirby Moore. Reproduction without permission is prohibited. To support my business and blogging efforts, please visit my website. More recently, I have begun teaching Astrology classes on Trauma-Informed Astrology, see http://www.traumainformedastrology.com for more! Thank you for visiting!

November 2017 Update: Some (maybe most) of my thoughts on this topic have shifted as I work with Pre- and Perinatal Psychology (PPN) and birth process work. Seeing how working with preverbal material is so unconscious until we have an extremely safe, slow, gentle, compassionate, appropriate, held container, I would definitely equate 12th house energy with the birth process – literally and figuratively. I am going to write a new blog post about it shortly. Nov 2017. I wrote this present post 8 years ago, before I met my PPN teachers. You should read my new upcoming post to clarify how we can liberate our shadow energy which initially shows up in the 12th house. We are not stuck, the 12th house is not always a guaranteed fatalistic doom and gloom zone. It is interesting seeing my progression through learning and healing wisdom.

According to traditional astrologers, there is a feeling of gloom and doom about the 12^th house, no matter how you package it. However, I would argue that this is only partially accurate, and with a dedicated spiritual practice, this dim forecast may be quite transcend-able. It truly depends on a person’s frequency and how willing / flexible they are to work with their shadow material. In ancient, Hellenistic astrology, the 12^th house was known as the “Evil Daemon” and planets tenanting it received significant debilitation. Only the cold, dry, stern, efficient disciplinarian of Saturn “enjoyed” being in that house. This shows that there has been a stigma associated with the 12^th house for thousands of years.

The 12^th house is associated with Neptune and Pisces, and as such, it has had such billing as the house of imprisonment – being imprisoned by our addictive or escapist tendencies, imprisoned by our worries and fears (usually irrational), working against ourselves, being stuck in confusing, deluded patterns, etc. It can be a house of deceptive energy, deceiving ourselves as well as others. However, it has some positive traits, or “ways out” of its confining boundaries. Planets in the 12^th house can add heightened sensitivity to the native – physical, emotional, psychic, etc: it can certainly add increased intuition and dream guidance. And it generally rings true that service is a good remedy to challenging configurations within the 12^th – service to the community, or working within institutions such as hospitals, prisons, schools, mental institutions, etc. The 12^th house also tends to increase our powers of imagination and creativity. And ultimately, the 12^th house is where we discover the true source of power – humble conduct and wise universal understanding and compassion for all beings.

[Revision 5/1/21 – As I revise and review all these older posts, I am thinking about my good friend who took his life back in 2015. And the reason is, not just because an unexpected suicide can be complex grief requiring years to heal, that he had three planets in his 12th house. I would need to go back and look at the aspects those planets are making, and really get into the subtleties and nuance of the chart. For instance, I remember him having the Sun and Saturn there, and one other planet. Was something squaring that Sun or Saturn? How close to the Ascendant was Saturn?

He also had what many of his friends would say is undiagnosed schizophrenia. He was channelling his guides, he was extremely intuitive and I loved our philosophical conversations which were enhanced by his psychic abilities. But toward the end, apparently his “guides” started telling him that it would be better to end his life here, and that he would be reborn in a higher state. And from a Buddhist perspective, this is an affliction and certainly not healthy.

Therefore, I am now thinking (in 2021), that the 12th house is very delicate terrain. Yes, there may be ways to working with this activation, these deep currents of escapism and imprisonment. But sometimes being on medication might be the best thing for us. So working with people we trust, doctors we trust, getting second opinions, etc might be a good way of supplementing our 12th house journey.]

I would argue however, that without being born with incredible positive karma, and without having some form of diligent service or if we do not maintain some form of daily / weekly spiritual practice, the 12^th house’s deep, dark secrets and reserves of confusing energy can certainly be a cause for concern. Personally, I see the 12^th house as being that which is most hidden – you could say it is the Akashic Records – the “Divine book” that stores all of our thoughts, words and deeds throughout all of our lives. It is the deep wells of karmic unconscious energy, waiting for the causes and conditions to come about to manifest.

In Buddhism, one of the predominant theories is that we take a human incarnation in a world that is fraught with confusion and ignorance. This confusion leads us to become attached to pleasure and averse to painful or challenging experiences (and people). That is how we develop close friends and loved ones as well as hatred toward enemies. As we go through life with this underlying confusion, we are never fully satisfied – in fact we generally want what we don’t have and once we acquire the object of our desire, we become dissatisfied with it. So ignorance is the root cause of this suffering or dissatisfaction, and the attachment and aversion that arise from ignorance also create suffering and further dissatisfaction.

Our mind becomes separated from the knowledge and realization that we are completely interdependent with the rest of the world – if someone else suffers, we also suffer (whether immediately or down the road). If someone (close to us) is happy, then we generally benefit (again – it might be an immediate gratification or a trickle down effect). It is this fundamental confusion – that we are completely independent, separate entities that gives rise to conduct which maintains these cycles of dissatisfaction and suffering. For instance, we continually grasp at the concept of an independent self, and we cycle through the patterns of defending this “self,” over and over again. If we fully understand that we are intertwined with everyone else on the planet and we orient toward true compassion for others, then we can be content with the way things are. We can think on a larger scale – aspiring and acting for others’ benefit will actually increase our well-being – whether in a “I’ll-scratch-your-back-if-you-scratch-mine” sort of manner or due to the positive karma and merit created by doing virtuous deeds. When we aspire to and act for the benefit of others, out of loving-kindness, wisdom and compassion, without a personal agenda, this is known as Bodhicitta – the mind that desires complete enlightenment for the benefit of all sentient beings.

However, most of this world has confusion, along with the resulting grasping and frustration of not having what we want. It is this underlying confusion that is built into the 12th house in the astrology chart. If we keep in mind that the Natal Chart is merely a template of our ego-structure, and if we start to transcend the ego using a qualified spiritual path (a path that leads to a more open, lovingly-kind heart), then we start to transcend the challenges which an afflicted 12th house might represent. But, due to the fact that most of us, myself included, are not there yet, we suffer from constant dissatisfaction and confusion. We are never completely happy and content – any temporary happiness or pleasure we encounter is always conditionally based.

It is this confusion and grasping for situations which we think will bring us happiness – pleasure, fame, gain and praise – that cause us to be stuck in this cycle – for eons and eons. When we our frequency is very dense (when we have not cultivated Bodhicitta) and we are bouncing from situation to situation, reacting and posturing for our own benefit, that is when the 12th house jumps up and nips us in the bud. The 12th house speaks of every frequency along these lines – do we work for the benefit of others and serve our community, or do we constantly blame others for the “problems” we encounter? Do we understand that any happiness or suffering we encounter is actually our karma manifesting – whether positive or negative? Are we completely honest with ourselves? Do we know about some of our hidden inner agendas? Have we done some work to make our blind spots more conscious? Do we practice generosity and patience simply to benefit others – sincerely, unstained by personal gain?

I will continue this thread in the next post, and give more concrete examples from my clients and personal experiences.

Body Talk

Dr. Veltheim is the founder and creator of BodyTalk, I am merely a humble practitioner of five of his potent techniques. Visit here for more information: <http://www.bodytalksystem.com>

I am writing this post due to the growing number of fascinating and cathartic experiences my clients describe while receiving this potent, supplemental modality. I say supplemental because I have merely gone through the first level of this extensive and comprehensive body of work, therefore in my practice, it has to be supplemental. Although there are a few clients who might be content to receive BodyTalk techniques for an entire session.

What is BodyTalk? see the above link for their description of the modality.

How does a practitioner apply BodyTalk to a session? Personally, I tend to intuit when one or more of the BodyTalk techniques will come in handy. In general, I find that when someone is very sensitive to energy work, they are more receptive and feel the resulting shifts from BodyTalk. Other people might be less sensitive and they are more receptive to mechanical forms of Cranio Sacral therapy for instance, as opposed to really getting a lot out of these techniques.

In BodyTalk Access, the workshop I was trained in, there are 5 techniques taught: Cortices, Switching, Hydration, Body Chemistry and Reciprocals. These are some of the foundational BodyTalk techniques and they come up fairly often, even when the practitioner has the full BodyTalk training (and many many additional tools from the BodyTalk repertoire). Cortices works to balance the hemispheres and individual, specific cortices of the brain. This is a beneficial technique for calming someone after a traumatic event, or for calming the body if there has been an injury (I used it when I sprained my ankle with very positive results). Switching helps to calm the kidneys and the adrenal glands – if we are Mercurial types, this is a great technique to sooth the system and relax immediate worries. Hydration helps the body receive and integrate water. I also suspect there are deeper psycho-spiritual ramifications to this technique (like the deep moisture of authentic compassion and loving-kindness). Body Chemistry is a potent technique which helps to aid the body in identifying and removing toxins, allergens and anything poisonous to the body – I have had some detoxifying experiences using it with clients – see below. Finally, last but certainly not least, Reciprocals are an incredibly potent technique which basically puts the body’s connective tissue back into alignment. Reciprocals takes the longest out of all five techniques as it is very comprehensive – connecting the limbs to the torso, the head to the shoulders and torso and urging the pelvis, spine and base of the skull to come into alignment. There are many benefits to this practice, some of which I mention below.

What are some of the experiences clients have described? Someone who is very sensitive to energy-work usually has significant shifts from BodyTalk techniques. One client in particular responds with rapid calming and settling to reciprocals, cortices and body chemistry. It is almost as if she is, by far, an energetic being having a human experience, and this work provides a direct link to her energetic body.

Another client wanted to receive all five tools in a session, which I was happy to provide. She was interested in the potential healing shifts, along with being introduced to the work. However, she called me the next morning and said, “Kirby! What did you do yesterday??!!” I was surprised by this direct question, and asked her what she was talking about, so she asked about the session. I told her I had only done what we were trained to do in the Access workshop. She then said, “I am excited because this morning was the first time in twenty years that I woke up without pain!” Wow! That is exciting – I had not realized it, but she said her jaw really bothered her but that morning and for another three weeks, it was pain free. She went on to take at least three levels of BodyTalk and she is still studying it. That was two years ago… :^)

Finally, when I was doing the actual BodyTalk Access workshop, my partner and I, who is a friend, were doing Body Chemistry with each other. He is also a sensitive fellow, someone who can see the aura and observe shifts in his client’s energetic body. As I did Body Chemistry with him, I started to notice that he was perspiring more than usual. Soon thereafter, a pungent odor arose, which I had smelled before, and one that I associate with someone detoxifying. I asked him about both of these things, and he made a curious excuse about needing to eat lunch. Personally I am certain that he was detoxing and that Body Chemistry was a major reason for his doing so. Talk about a direct experience! His perspiration and detoxing occurred within 5 minutes of doing BodyChemistry.

Revised 4/27/21 – About this last (Body Chemistry) experience, my friend mentioned later that he had a vice and that was eating fast food. Like he would stop at Burger King once or twice a week at least. And I believe that was why he started to detox so fast. Although Body Chemistry seemed to bring it out! Wow that was fast – less than 5 minutes.

Thanks for reading!

Charlottesville Ratnashri Sangha (Drikung Kagyu)

This is a post that is dedicated to sharing information about the Charlottesville Ratnashri Sangha, which is a small group of sincere Tibetan Buddhist practitioners which gathers weekly. The C’ville Ratnashri Sangha is a not-for-profit group that hosts teachers and desires to contribute to the sustenance of the Buddha-Dharma in the West. The group comes together every other Sunday evening for a discussion group, which is open to the public. At present the C’ville Sangha has been discussing one of Dilgo Khyentse’s books. If you would like to get on their email list or to learn more, leave a comment here and I am happy to connect you.

Ratnashri is the Sanskrit name of a Bodhisattva, a highly realized human being who works for the benefit of others. The founder of the Drikung Kagyu lineage, Jigten Sumgon, was said to be an emanation of Ratnashri. Khenchen Rinpoche, Konchog Gyaltsen, is the founder of the Tibetan Meditation Center in Frederick Maryland, a Drikung center. He suggested we use this name.

You can find a link to their website on the right side of this blog ——–>

The C’ville group sponsors teachers to come to C’ville, several times a year to teach on various subjects related to Tibetan Buddhism. Here are some of the teachers that have been sponsored and some of what they have taught. Khenchen Rinpoche, Konchog Gyaltsen, Drupon Thinley Ningpo, Khenpo Tsultrim Tenzin, Khenpo Chophel, and Dr. Hun Lye have come to town in the past to lead weekend teachings – ranging from meditation practice (Shamatha), to the Jewel Ornament of Liberation (a book that contains a summary of the complete path to Buddhahood) as well as to bestow empowerments and blessings of various Buddhist deities and protectors, including Green Tara, Vajrayogini, Achi Chokyi Drolma and Mahakala.

Om Mani Padme Hung Hrih

Living Metaphors

braving mountain – hopping in iron horse and driving up, slowly, carefully, ascending great heights

passing signs of bear warnings, driving up into and across sleet / ice line, diving into fast paced environment

much courage and bravery are required, or ignorance of where one is treading

drifting off, wading through a field of others’ suffering, alert mind fading

gazing out window, sleet and ice at least an inch thick

remembering Garchen Rinpoche’s advice – “to allow the ice around our hearts to melt”

Recently I have started working at the local ski resort in a restaurant. There are some pros and cons to doing this, but it feels good to be mixing it up again – meeting many people, practicing humility, interacting with various types and most importantly, making some much needed $$ (I used to be in the food and beverage industry prior to 2006). However, in spite of taking a “regular person’s job” as a waiter, I am not able to escape the subtleties of life. That is, when metaphors come alive, and little things – like plumbing problems, freezing rain, thick fog, flooding, etc – keep coming up to grab my attention.

Down in the valley and in the city, there has been no inclement weather (yet, in the past week), but on the mountain, I have had to chisel my way into my car twice, and then I broke an ice scraper last night trying to free my windshield of a thick layer of frozen rain and sleet… This has happened two nights in a row. And it is just my second night of working! Oh, that is not to mention the soupy, mesmerizing fog I drive through to get down off the mountain.

You could say I took a job in a place that is known for its rough weather. And that would be quite true. You might also suggest that it is just melodramatic timing. And that seems to be the case as well. But I also wonder about the “melt the ice around your heart” statement and how there has been so much freezing rain up there. So far, on the job, I am doing an excellent job of keeping a low profile, maintaining inner neutral and saying something appropriate (truly compassionate) when someone who does not even know me starts talking about their suffering – nope sorry, I do not need to hear about it – at least not yet. Maintaining boundaries is a good practice, especially for an empathic Neptunian / Piscean type like myself.

In the midst of many changes, I am feeling some angst. I believe this inner drive has to do with practicing more, and as I attempt to honor my heart teacher’s recommendations, it is my intention to melt the ice around my heart. It’s like some spiritual astrology books say, “eggs cannot hatch in the refrigerator!” We need to introduce some lasting warmth and kindness into our lives, analyze our reactions and our mental habits and let go of that which no longer serves us – gently and at an appropriate pace.

My personal, provocative statement for this year is: may all sentient beings pierce through the veils of ignorance which prevent a limitless flow of compassion. To me, having to come down the mountain through veils of thick fog is reminiscent of living this provocative statement. I’m not saying the metaphors are that direct and instant for me, maybe when on retreat, but it is fascinating nonetheless.

Finally, between September 2009 and New Years 2010, I have been in buildings / apartments where three separate plumbing problems have occurred. There was flooding involved in two of those cases and once it was rather drastic. At the time, I was involved in a relationship where I was living out an old addictive pattern (among other things). You might say I was flooding my body with the “fight-or-flight” adrenaline, as I was feeling shock and severe contraction. I’m not sure why, but sometimes, I believe that if our system is in the midst of enormous changes (say transiting Uranus is crossing our Natal Sun), then it is good to rest way down and avoid many of the more normal human behaviors – when appropriate of course. Long story short, the flooding / plumbing metaphor had to be drilled into me on several occasions as I just did not seem to listen or contemplate its meaning at first.

Practicing kindness to self is very beneficial, as well as other tools for self care. Allowing the inner heat of authentic meditation to gradually melt the icy edges of the heart is also beneficial (not that I know anything about this). Knowing yourself and your patterns is helpful to making wise decisions. And so is being aware of the living messages – however nature gets them to you, open your mind and your heart to the possibility, and you may be amazed at what follows.

New Year provocative statement

Hello Blogging World, Thank you for reading! And of course this material, where appropriate, is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore. Please ask permission before reproducing any of it.

At the Mani Drupchen, I had plenty of time to think about my New Year’s resolutions and my provocative statement to hold in my heart throughout this coming year. I am not sure what day it was, but I came up with a sentence that I feel is quite potent. I was pondering the states of compassion and kindness which seemed to arise while in retreat. I wanted to be able to sustain that level of potency even when I left retreat, but judging from previous experience, I was not sure I could handle this tall order.

Therefore, my provocative statement for this new year is along the lines of: May (I and) all sentient beings pierce the veils of ignorance which obscure the flow of limitless compassion (ASAP).

There you go! For me, that is at least a year long process, heh… Actually it is probably a 5,000 lifetime goal but I am slowly working on it.

Questions answered about Metta Reiki

This material is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore. Reproduction without permission is prohibited.

Hello Readers,

In this post, it is my intention to clarify what Metta Reiki is. I hope you all do not mind a few plugs scattered here and there, but considering I am self-employed, in addition to maintaining an informative blog, this is what I do “at work.” There have been many hits on the Metta Reiki page of my blog, in fact, if I were to speculate, I would say at least a quarter of the blog’s traffic views this page.

It is my intention to cover these topics: 1) as a student of Reiki, I would like to know more about Metta Reiki; 2) what benefits might I receive from exploring Metta Reiki?; 3) I have my own healing facilitation practice, how can I incorporate Metta Reiki into my practice?; 4) What can I expect in a class / workshop?; 5) How might Metta Reiki benefit me or my practice?

For a brief overview, please see the page “Metta Reiki.”

I have been fortunate with my many teachers – Tibetan Lamas (some well known, others who are / were secret yogis), process-oriented bodywork instructors, traditional Reiki Masters, practitioners of Indigenous rituals, a Sufi Master and multiple, astrologers / authors. It is my intention that what I offer please my teachers. Out of all of them, ones who taught me how to slow down appropriately and mindfully, and practice kindness to self are perhaps the most profound, and that is what I attempt to emulate in offering Metta Reiki.

My passion is in introducing people to inner resources of loving-kindness, compassion and potency (within us all). Hugh Milne has a quote in “The Heart of Listening,” that goes, “we can never go too deep, but we can go too fast.” Through practicing Biodynamic Craniosacral therapy and traditional Reiki, along with attending many highly-respected Tibetan Lamas and other realized teachers, plus maintaining a Buddhist meditation practice, I have experience with Metta practices, (energetic) field dynamics, tools for self care and a practice of compassion and skillful means.

Metta Reiki is a fusion of Tibetan Buddhist practices, simple exercises for well-being (primarily from Zapchen Somatics), Compassionate Communication and traditional Usui Reiki. One of my primary intentions is to go slow enough to allow for graceful integration and to develop a comprehensive understanding of what is possible when we rest down into our heart and listen to what it has to share. Tools for appropriate self care – energetic balancing, physical relaxing, mental calming, etc – are considered vital and are taught accordingly. These tools come from a number of modalities, including Craniosacral Therapy, Tibetan Buddhism, BodyTalk, traditional Reiki, Zapchen Somatics and Spiritual Processing. I try to share the most potent tools that I use in my personal practice.

The benefits one receives from exploring Metta Reiki are plenty and diverse. First, you slow down enough to practice kindness to yourself – to truly check in and ask, “What are my needs? Are they being met? Are they appropriate? How can I shift my lifestyle to accommodate my authentic needs?” Second, students are introduced to techniques which they can use both with themselves and with others for rapid relaxation and subsequent healing. In Craniosacral Therapy, there are states known as still-points where we can rest so deeply that our body is in a state of relaxation beyond that of sleep. The still point is where we do the most reorganization and re-patterning. Over time and with practice, there are techniques that can get a diligent practitioner to these states without needing help from anyone else. (Keep in mind I would never recommend against receiving bodywork from a qualified practitioner, but receiving, for example, hundreds of sessions can be pricey.) Finally, Metta Reiki is a great way to start one’s inner journey toward self-discovery and practicing kindness to self. It is non-sectarian, despite there being some meditations from Buddhism, and I do not promote any religion over another.

If you maintain a healing facilitation practice, then you may want to explore Metta Reiki. If you find yourself burnt out after seeing many clients in a week, or if there are some weeks when it is difficult to motivate yourself, then these workshops will provide you with tools for quality self care. How can we shift our ways of relating to others to be more appropriate? How can we develop equanimity to better handle any situation we come across? Metta Reiki provides tools for discovering alignment and resting in equanimity.

In a typical Metta Reiki workshop, one can expect to be in good company. It is my intention to have participants who are open to growth and transformation, who are willing to look at some potentially uncomfortable aspects of their lives with the purpose of re-patterning and moving forward from those old paradigms. My ideal demographic is ages 17 to 77, of diverse backgrounds and cultures, who are willing to shift conditioned patterns which no longer serve and to move toward patterns of kindness, openness and wholesome enjoyment of life. Over time, and after completing Level Three and Four, it is my intention for workshop participants to grow to understand the healing process, both in themselves and in others (their potential clients).

2nd Annual Mani Drupchen – completion

In this post: the last day of the Drupchen, my final thoughts on the inspiring and clarifying week and precious words from the prayers we were saying on a daily basis.

1/2/10 – As I mentioned in previous posts, we ended the Drupchen a day early due to a slight plumbing problem. Therefore, the lamas packed a 3 hour empowerment, lunch, the mandala dissolution and naga puja into this bitterly cold day. Khenpo Tsultrim was the Vajra Master for the empowerment, and it was a beautiful ceremony. His English is improving, so he explained all the components and visualizations with patience and expertise. He also continued to look to Hun and I for translation assistance, which I feel a little guilty about. I have been studying the Tibetan language for two and a half years, and I am only starting to get into the Dharma literary Tibetan sections. Alas.

The empowerment was three hours long because it is a full empowerment, despite being for the Four Armed Chenrezig. All four empowerments were contained within it and we visualized ourselves, almost like a higher yoga tantra (not that I know much about this stuff). There were pictures for every aspect of the empowerment and Khenpo explained what each picture symbolized – there was the clothing of Chenrezig, his retinue (consort, son, daughter, the Five Buddha Family Lords, etc) and more. At least forty people showed up to receive the empowerment.

We then had a brief lunch and then the mandala dissolution happened very quickly. Khenpo, with vajra in hand, ran his hand through the sand at each of the four “gates.” Then the other ordained members helped to move the sand to the middle and then into a crystal bowl-like container. I was the designated photographer, so I was clicking shots around and above everyone else (thank goodness I am so tall). I got some good pictures. The lamas came outside, into the freezing weather (it was 15 degrees on the mountain that day, not counting the wind chill) and then they were escorted to the river, about twenty minutes away. Unfortunately I was coming down with something, a brief flu-like episode, so I did not feel up to standing out in the sub-arctic temperatures for the naga puja. However I have heard that it went well – although, at those temps. I am hoping it went faster than last year (which was almost two hours in length).

As far as further thoughts on the Mani Drupchen, I am definitely planning to attend next year’s retreat (intensive). As one of the assistants (managers), I felt like I was able to navigate through the chatter of the living room (at meal times) and stay focused on the practice and the retreat. I was feeling the need to drop in deep – having pushed myself through another semester at UVa, so I did not join in much of the pleasant conversations going on during meals. I had a little name tag which said, “Noble Silence Please.” And that was good – I only felt the need to wear it a couple of days. Next year I am sitting away from the sliding glass doors however – the cold draft coming off of them forced my kidneys to work overtime, producing strange dreams and visions, along with making me wonder why I was so cold all the time.

I felt my heart shift from a tight, self-orientation to an open, warm, expanded vastness. I went from feelings of revulsion and being harsh to myself to attraction and being compassionate with myself – quite a polar shift. I allowed some sunlight into the dark crevasses of my shadowy cellars and I made a deeper connection with emptiness and the Dharma in general. I became more at ease with my vulnerabilities, slowed down my process of self- and other-judgment, and I established some inner stability. And most importantly, I became a slightly better human being.

As one of my friends said, who has some experience on 90 day retreats, “when reality starts to bend, that’s when you know you are detaching yourself from the traditional ego structures.” This was very reassuring because that definitely happened to me – although now that I am back in life, I am struggling to find a good balance of practice and living so as to maintain what I have discovered and not fall back into the egoic patterns of action / reaction.

Khenpo, when asked about a possible desire to marry a Westerner in order to gain easier citizenship, responded instantaneously with, “I am focusing on my future lives! Why would I want to do that? I am surviving for this life and focused on next life.” It was a great answer. (Not that there is any possibility of it coming true.) He also mentioned something that I was glad to be reminded of. He said the Buddha lives, breathes and thinks every action for the benefit of sentient beings – if a breathe did not benefit sentient beings, the Buddha would not have breathed it.

Finally, a series of lines from the Supplication Prayer to Chenrezig which we said several times per day during the retreat – I find it to be very beautiful: Please bless my confused body that does not understand the dual appearance of holder and held, and so grasps at a self, to obtain a stable generation stage that moves as the illusory vajra body and completely appears as the uncontaminated form kayas. Please bless me to obtain realization of the completion stage so that all phenomena, bound by confused ignorance mind, permanently arise as the appearance of the Dharmakaya, luminous, self-appearing, self-liberating, the union of bliss and emptiness.

I take this to mean that everything in this world is like a dream. Dreams are like dreams, within the larger dream. View everything as illusory and practice the Dharma – allow non-attachment to arise as you familiarize yourself with emptiness and interdependence.

Have a lovely January!

2nd Annual Mani Drupchen – Day Seven plus

This is a brief addition to the previous post – about the surprising event which occurred Friday evening.

1/1/10 – continued – The Mani Drupchen was originally scheduled to have the empowerment on the first Sunday morning, with Gyabra Tritsab Rinpoche and then it was going to culminate on the following Sunday with dedication, dissolution of the mandala, distribution of the mani pills (Tibetan medicine pills) and the naga puja at the river where they pour the sand mandala into the waters. However, due to Rinpoche’s visa issues and not being able to come to the United States at this time, the empowerment was pushed back to the end of the retreat.

Then, as we were practicing on Friday evening, there was a bit of chaos as one of the drain pipes in the basement backed up. It took some discernment but it was quickly determined that no more water or waste could be drained. So there were about 20 people at the center with the intention of spending the night when we were told that we could only use limited (slight trickle) water at the sinks and no toilets. There was a variety of reactions – some people were obviously disturbed by this information, while several people slept through all the commotion.

It was decided to make Saturday the last day, as we only had a single port-a-potty for forty to fifty people (there were many people there to attend the empowerment). Therefore, the empowerment, the mandala dissolution and the naga puja happened on the same day. I will save that beautiful description for my next post however, as I want to mention some fascinatingly comical facts.

I do not know what kind of karma I have, but recently I have been experiencing some rather bizarre situations involving plumbing. For instance, in my basement apartment, over the past few months, I have had to deal with two separate pipe-backing-up events or some minor flooding as it were. Therefore, I had some experience with plumbing problems before the little incident occurred at the center.

What was strange however, was that the only person’s belongings who got really soaked, was me. I had my personal food and my overnight bag next to the washing machine, and that is where the outlet for the backed-up water was. It was kind of funny. There is this plumbing problem, with a little bit of water spilling over – it was surreal actually. I think my being on retreat made it much easier to take, but I am really pondering what metaphor the universe is trying to get me to observe – or if I just have some strange waste-water karma at the moment (transiting Uranus is crossing my watery Pisces natal Sun as we speak).

[Revised 4/26/21: I’m not sure why I thought it was funny (although on the retreat itself it could easily have been the sleep deprivation – but I wrote this after the Drupchen was over…), rather having piss water soak ones few possessions is rather disgusting. Period. In retrospect, it may have been the Nagas trying to communicate something to me – it turns out things did not work out with that ex-girlfriend.]

2nd Annual Drupchen – Day Seven

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More recently, I have begun teaching Astrology classes on Trauma-Informed Astrology, see http://www.traumainformedastrology.com for more! Thank you for visiting!

1/1/10 – Happy New Year! Hey Hey – we are in a new decade! Although, here on retreat, it was difficult to tell – the chanting continued and the sleep deprivation continued, resulting in, “Happy New Year!” “What’s that?… Oh… right.”

I am starting to feel sick – sinus issues and a rapidly developing head cold – ugh! I wonder if I am pushing myself too hard. Need to rest down. I notice that most people start to nod off several times throughout the retreat, whereas it only happens legitimately to me once or twice. Am I pushing enough, too much, or just right?

Interesting conversation between Hun and a young man who attended the retreat but who mainly poured over books from the bookstore. In a nutshell, Hun presented evidence that there is no way to fully trust our mind and therefore we need the help of outside influences to achieve enlightenment. It was inspiring to be apart of that.

The lamas add one session of calm abiding per day and today, I had a little bit of an experience. I focus on a speck of lint on the carpet about ten feet in front of me (keeping my gaze downward) and I work on relaxing my mind – forcing thoughts to dissipate before they form completely. If I get the whiff of a thought forming, I say to myself, “no mind…” As I do this, for fifteen minutes or more, my mind gets into a state where it quiets down and eventually I notice a ton of heat forming from several organs – definitely from my guts and my liver – maybe pancreas as well. The heat rises and as it intensifies, I try to wrap my mind around it and then it vanishes just as quickly as it arose, leaving me wondering what it was, how it occurred, etc.

Impermanence is really coming home to me at this retreat. I have now been attending TMC for four years now, and I am starting to see the affects of aging, as many (regularly participating) members are between 55 and 70. It is sad and yet it is a sign that it is time for me and younger generations to step up to the plate. Be gentle Kirby but keep practicing with diligence!

Then, on this evening, a plumbing problem manifests… See the next post for more! It is pretty funny.

2nd Annual Mani Drupchen – Day Six

12/31 – early morning… I swallowed some irritation toward a fellow practitioner. I need to speak my truth here, if gently and compassionately. What a test! Now my jaw is tight – maybe as a result? I have heard that to truly practice patience, we must be fearless – yep, I need to speak up.

I am noticing a correlation. In the past, I have tended to eat too much while on retreat. This time I am practicing more moderation and with that comes the observation that the more I eat, the more my discursive mind is active. I am still churning over girl issues (especially when I eat more than I need to).

Wow – the 2 am to 3 am hour is the longest hour of my life. I got up several times and unfortunately only 5 to 10 minutes have passed in between kitchen visits… argh! Finally the time for a brief rest comes around. Is it possible that the acid in my mouth from eating is that much stronger now or is it the fact that while I am on retreat, I am that much more sensitive. I need to brush my teeth.

I have a dream about the young woman I have been thinking about and of course my retreat-muddled mind claims to need to send her an email. Therefore I snag a friend’s laptop and do that. I notice my adrenals being more active as I am about to do so. Then, throughout the next 24 hours I regret doing so – I am so distracted!

Today the CD started skipping, and the little player is sitting on a cushion in front of the microphone. So the yogi next to me commented and said, “Yep, we all slide off our cushions sometimes.”

Due to the lack of sleep, we are all suffering the affects, like this afternoon’s deep topic was, “How is it that the fortunes inside of fortune cookies are not oily and runny?”

I took a nap downstairs and I was out like a rock. The guy I told me to wake me up said he tried three times – no wonder I felt a sense of de ja vu when he finally succeeded! I stay in sluggish sleep mode for several hours and I am glad. I am finally putting the pieces together – I am sitting in front of the sliding glass doors in the shrine room and they are not the greatest insulated panes. Therefore I am realizing that my kidneys have been struggling to stay warm for like, the entire retreat up to this point! From my experience with bodywork I know this is highly not recommended. It would explain some of my vivid, strange little dreamlets that I have when I lie down in the shrine room. I close the curtains and make certain to keep extra layers on me.

Today I learn that the prayers inside my prayer wheel are pretty much junk. It turns out the merchants put old looking scrolls in there to add to their appeal but the prayers are not old at all – just smudged and unclear… (they were not legitimate prayers to begin with in this case.) Harrumph! I need to purchase good quality prayers. And I am wondering about all the previous rotations of my wheel – do they still “count” (toward merit earned?). I definitely had faith in my prayer wheel being a productive thing to spin. And then what about all the people who I handed my prayer wheel too – does my faith keep them covered? Very curious indeed.

Tonight had delicous tukpa – Tibetan noodle soup. Unfortunately I remember too late that my body cannot really take much in the way of processed grains (flour), and I start to feel sick again (stopped up). How can I guard my mind from turning sour when I feel sick?