Energetic repatterning with a healing drummer

This post is from an empirical, Buddhist practitioner-oriented perspective (I am just being honest).

http://www.healingdrummer.com

Recently I had a healing drum session with Toby Christensen. Frankly, I had mixed reviews going into it, but now I want to explore these sessions further. And coming from someone who has dabbled in… hhmmm… at least a couple dozen healing modalities, this means two big thumbs up! And now to describe the session in detail.

As many of you dear readers know by now, I am a Sun-sign Pisces, indicating certain personality traits, such as an openness to most things new and if it claims to have mystical benefits, then you can typically sign me up. However, these open-faith-in-life and naive enthusiasm are now balanced with a healthy dose of empiricism. As a sincere Tibetan Buddhist practitioner, I am now cautious about what I subscribe to or put another way, what I pay attention to, because my mind-stream has become more sensitive. Plus there are hundreds of Tibetan Buddhist practices which supposedly benefit any walk of life, so why would I want to add anything else? Well isn’t that attitude troubling?!

This was the attitude I went into Toby’s session with. I was gifted the session by a generous friend for a graduation present. So I wanted to participate with an open heart, but honestly I was not expecting anything spectacular. However, I was quickly surprised:

First we did a cowrie shell divination. Let me explain (as best I can). There was a mat which had the four directions represented, in a typical Indigenous American (and even Tibetan) fashion, along with various pictures of elemental archetypes. On top of the mat were various Indigenous American tools, crystals, leather items, a talon, etc. Then in the middle was a pile of cowrie shells, coins, stones and various metal jewelry and other similar items. It turned out Toby had studied with an African teacher, but it seems like Indigenous practices are similar around the globe.

He had me state my intention and then sift the pile around the mat three times. As previous posts indicate, I have been working with the I Ching for several years now, and it was very fascinating how his interpretation of the divination mat confirmed much of what the I Ching has been telling me for the past year or so. That was very good – it was almost as if another set of guidance was coming through with his interpretation. I felt like some of my hidden qualities and potentials were seen and expressed and I benefited greatly from this cowrie shell reading.

Next, we went up to the healing space. He instructed me to lay down and then he explained how he would use a rattle to move my energy around and then he would stand over me and play healing, elemental rhythms on his djembe drum. Again, to be honest, I was a bit skeptical. He wanted me to do what? But luckily I have been through several Indigenous rituals in the past, not to mention some very fascinating and far out rituals with Tibetan practices, so it was not so much what he was going to do physically. I was more skeptical about the way in which he said that the sounds of the drum could work with my energy body and flush out anything that should not be there. Plus he mentioned that it was possible to heal traumas without actually bringing back the memories of it. I was not so certain.

I had recently had a car accident and I was suffering from another back injury, so I could sure use what he was talking about. I just did not believe it, that was all. However, I lay down and did as he asked, allowing him to play the rattle as I got comfortable. I had requested a blanket so I was nice and cozy by the time he started playing the drum.

He stood over me, facing my feet. The drum was slung over his shoulders and he was wearing it in front of his waist. That made it so the opening of the drum came down through his legs and was pointed at my chest and throat. Then he started to play. Whoa! It was loud! We had negotiated a way for me to ask him to stop, without using any sounds (by hitting him on the leg), and I came close to doing so. I thought the volume would be too much for my ears! Seriously, it sounded like he was getting rid of centuries of resentment himself on his drum, meaning I was the recipient of its loud pleas for help!

But then an interesting thing started happening. Maybe it was a few minutes into the drumming session, maybe it was more, but I started to nod off. I was very confused. How in the world could I be falling asleep when in fact there were incredibly loud vibrations pouring forth from the drum, not 10 inches away from my chest??!! But there it was. So I recognized that I was not actually falling asleep, but rather I was nodding off into a healing trance. When I saw this, I allowed my mind to drift off. And sure enough. I did not remember most of my dreams, but I knew I was having them.

Then, the last time I drifted off (it happened several times), I definitely had a vision which I remembered. It was not anything magical or extraordinary, but it was mine, and I realized that something had happened between me and the drum. Then his rhythms slowed, indicating that he was wrapping up. Long ago, before I practiced Buddhism, I had dabbled in shamanism through Michael Harner’s teachings, so I noticed a couple similarities between this drumming session and those previous adventures.

Toby took off his drum and then used the rattle again to close the session and then he sat down to discuss what he noticed. I noticed that he just had an incredible work out as he was drumming over me for at least 20 minutes, but I suspected that it was more like 30 to 40 minutes! Wow! Anyway, he told me what he sensed as he drummed through my chakras, and somehow, I had noticed what he was describing. I did not want to mention anything, as I wanted to see what he could determine on his own, without any information offered. As I just recently graduated with my BA in psychology, I wanted to be as empirical as possible, despite being open to new therapies and modalities. So, in spite of my silence, he described which of my chakras were open, where the energy was flowing, which ones were processing or sluggish, etc. And it seemed he was right on. I was not certain how much was strictly personal for me and how much he might tell most of his clients, but it seemed very accurate.

Then I slowly got up. And I felt much different. My neck felt better, my back felt like its discomfort was more diffuse and somehow warmer, and my pelvis felt better. I remarked that I felt much different, even though I meant to say that I felt different in a very good way. But long story short, I am now very glad I went through with the divination and the drumming. And I am no longer so skeptical about what he claimed was possible through that particular healing process.

When he comes back through Charlottesville in October, I plan to purchase another drumming session from him. I am very pleased with what he offered.

Challenging T-Squares; part two; A Change Requested? (Western Astrology)

This material is copyrighted by Kirby Moore.  Reproduction without permission is prohibited.  To support my business and blogging efforts, please visit my website. More recently, I have begun teaching Astrology classes on Trauma-Informed Astrology, see http://www.traumainformedastrology.com for more! Thank you for visiting!

Continued post about the recent Astrological T-Square involving Uranus, Saturn and Pluto.

The first thing to come to mind when dealing with aspects involving both Uranus (rebellion, liberation, progress) and Pluto (potency, transformation, intensity, healing journeys), is revolution extraordinaire. The recent upheaval in the Middle East is incredibly tumultuous, intense, dangerous and unpredictable (all key words of Pluto and Uranus). And the potential for government change and reform is huge, which I think reflects the potency of this particular combination of planets. Again, I cannot stress how rare it is to have this combination (these three planets) – at least once a century there is a significant T-Square involving three outer planets (Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and/or Pluto), but just to reiterate, this particular combination is closer to once every 200 years. Therefore this is a very potent combination as the recent protests and rebellions might reflect.

Uranus was within the eight degree orb of being a square for nearly the past year. Therefore, along with Saturn, these three giants may be a reflection of the intestinal fortitude required to protest in a country where you can be beaten or killed for simply acting against the status quo. Just look at the Middle Eastern revolutions arising over the recent months:

Tunisia, Egyptian revolution – January 2011; Yemen protests – February 2011; Saudi Arabia, Syrian protests March 2011 plus Morocco, Iran and other countries. Not to mention all the domestic American protests involving governors attacking organized labor for fiscal reasons!

Generally T-Squares indicate tension, struggle and growth-opportunities, to put it lightly. And when dealing with Pluto, you can add the potential for cathartic change to the list. Any hard aspect in general (opposition, square, some conjunctions) can lead to pressure or a fulcrum being applied to the planets involved, which means that through stress, we can gain deeper awareness, understanding and then eventually and hopefully, maturing. Therefore, in addition to social revolution and reform, these planets in a T-Square aspect represent personal change and growth.

And the same is true of situations in life, no matter what the subject matter. If we can listen well enough, we can foresee and avoid most crises; but most of us have delusions or desires that we stubbornly push for. However, these planets generally have to do with establishing realism and living a practical, authentic lifestyle. And of all ten planets and luminaries, these three are the most oriented with change and maturation. All three of these planets have to do with transformation, change and growth, although they go about it in differing ways:

Saturn goes about change in a controlled, organized and structured way. It has to make sense and Saturnian types will probably check and double check all contingencies. But when change is deemed necessary, no one goes about orchestrating it like an authentic Capricorn (Sun, Moon or Rising sign). And keep in mind many people here in the West are Saturnian types whether they are Capricorns or not (having Saturn in hard aspect with one’s Sun, Ascendant, Moon or Mercury can easily indicate conditions for a highly controlled / structured / disciplined upbringing). Also, having Saturn in a strong sign like Capricorn, Aquarius, Virgo or Libra along with being in aspect to another personal planet (Venus or Mars plus the list above) can indicate strong Saturnian tendencies.

Uranus is the planet of unpredictability, shock and disruption. So of course change is inherent within those descriptions. Unfortunately most of us don’t listen well enough, or we resist our true path for too long and life comes along and throws an incredibly surprising curve ball. Uranus is the most visionary and intuitive of all the planets – when Aquarians (ruled by Uranus) come down out of their heads and rest in their heart (of wisdom), there are no clearer, compassionate or kinder people on the planet – not that this is an easy feat to accomplish!

On a side note, I have been studying the Tibetan language for several years now and I love how they have multiple words for mind and heart and all of these words are inter-changeable. Another Uranus keyword is impermanence. We must consider that everything (basically) in life is impermanent – our job can change, our vehicles change, our spiritual path should shift if we are sincere in our practice, our house will change. You name it, there is change. Impermanence is Uranus’ language. It is when we stop listening to its wise words that we can get in trouble. For those of us like myself, who stubbornly hold on to the way things are… Just remember that it is good to let go occasionally before life makes the oft-resisted, formal request!

Last but certainly not least, Pluto is the master of transformation. Think about it, as the ruler of the underworld, Pluto (Hades) dealt with the greatest transition of all, death and the underworld journey. Therefore, astrological Pluto has to do with many levels and layers of transformation: thoughts on the death process and what happens after we die, deeper thoughts and desires around sexuality (in French – le petit mort, “the Little Death” is a metaphor for orgasm), occult practices and theory, healing journeys in general (degeneration, generation, regeneration). As I mentioned previously, Pluto has association with the most intense arenas of life – the deepest suffering (psycho-pathological disorders, intense drug use, obsession, compulsion) but it also has to do with the greatest psychological, emotional and spiritual healing and understanding. That is why some esoteric astrologers feel that whenever we speak of Pluto we must also mention Minerva (the goddess of wisdom and healing). And in actuality, the planet Pluto is known as a binary system with its largest moon Charon (the mythological ferryman from the surface to the underworld). Therefore some esoteric astrologers feel that Minerva’s energy is already present and ready to be assimilated by the masses.

As the reader can discern, Pluto, Uranus and Saturn are the planets involved with reform, revolution (within and without), maturity and healthy growth.

Thanks for reading!

[I realize Pluto is now designated as a “dwarf planet” but until astrologers as a whole decide to strip Pluto of its astrological significance, and until I notice Pluto losing its psycho-spiritual parallels within the human psyche, then I too treat Pluto as ruler of Scorpio and the planet associated with the 8th Astrological House and beyond.]

Challenging T-Squares; Saturn, Uranus, Pluto; part one

This material is copyrighted by Kirby Moore.  Reproduction without permission is prohibited.  To support my business and blogging efforts, please visit my website. More recently, I have begun teaching Astrology classes on Trauma-Informed Astrology, see http://www.traumainformedastrology.com for more! Thank you for visiting!

A post about the recent Astrological Aspect with respects to Saturn, Uranus and Pluto.

I just thought I would write a few words from the top of my head about the recent Astrological T-Square involving Saturn opposite Uranus, both square Pluto. A T-Square is a particularly challenging aspect, especially when difficult planets are involved – such as Saturn, Mars, Uranus, Neptune or Pluto. And yes, I just named all three of the planets that are involved in the recent configuration.

What do each of these planets represent? Saturn, Uranus and Pluto: All three of these planets want to be the boss, they each represent an aspect of power – whether psychological (Pluto), financial (Pluto and Saturn), leadership (all three), intellectual (Uranus and Pluto) or through material possessions (Saturn and Pluto). Then each planet has individual traits – Saturn represents discipline, efficiency, structure, a desire to be in control and to be organized. Saturn is the most material of all the planets – the most worldly – where do you think the name Satan came from? Saturn can indicate the most grounded type of individual – present in the world and direct in thought and word.

Uranus is the unpredictable power behind rebellions, reform and revolution. It is the lightening bolt of enlightened activities when we are virtuous, wise and clear-headed; or it is the obstinacy and rebellion of repressed anger and unknown afflictive emotions expressing themselves through mysterious and unconscious channels. Uranus is the least predictable of all the planetary energies – it is the mad scientist creating visionary reality in an ahead-of-their-time lab or it is the incredibly progressive politician, pushing for great reforms and beneficial change to the status quo. Anyone traditional, conventional and conservative dislikes Uranus when they first hear its ideas. Over time though, Uranus’ incredible intellect and vision can win out.

Pluto is still a planet in the astrological pantheon. [See the continuation of this post for more on this subject.] Pluto represents obsession, lust, manipulation, psychological power in all forms – both seen and unseen, it has to do with anything hidden (mining, oil exploration, nuclear power, etc) and Pluto has many positive characteristics when we are fully in touch with our psychological process of growth, maturity and emotional processing. For those rare individuals who desire to have their faults pointed out so that they can change for the better, they constantly accept challenging social, emotional and psychological situations, these are the people who are using Pluto to its highest potential. As you can tell, Pluto rules the depths of depravity and suffering – venom and poison (a couple of its symbols are the scorpion and serpent) but it also has to do with the highest levels of sacrifice, understanding and humility – true healing (which are represented by its “higher” symbols of the phoenix and the white dove).

These planets are at 10` Libra, 4`Aries and 6` Capricorn respectively. As you will notice, 3 of the Cardinal signs are activated. A T-Square generally represents three signs of a four sign quality (whether the Cardinal, Fixed or Mutable signs). Therefore, there is always a piece missing as it were. In this case, the final Cardinal sign of Cancer is not represented (at least not by a slower moving planet that could hold its own with these three giants mentioned above). A T-Square can be explained by the analogy of a four-legged table that has a missing leg. Something can come along and cause the table to tip, to lose its balance and to come out of alignment.

T-Squares involving the Outer Planets (Uranus, Neptune and Pluto) do not occur often. For instance, in order to have Saturn opposite Uranus by itself, we must wait once every 50 years or so. And then, to wait for Uranus to come around and square Pluto, this only happens twice every 100 years. And then to have both of these aspects occurring simultaneously… then we are looking at close to once every 200 years.

This particular aspect has actually been around for quite some time as Jupiter was recently in the earlier degrees of Aries as well. Therefore, if you have planets in the early degrees of cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn), you may have noticed more stretching and growth-opportunities than normal over the past year. Actually, when people talk about the outlandish and unsupported theory that 2012 will be much more intense than anything we have seen before, I wonder if the series of challenging aspects like this one play into that equation. Personally, I do not believe 2012 will be more difficult for everyone than years prior, but 2012 will have its share of cathartic aspects too. In fact, this present T-Square will actually be more challenging than anything that is arising in 2012 (Uranus square Pluto exactly, Jupiter square Neptune). So keep practicing self care now, get plenty of rest, allow your body to unwind and process what it is asking for (see previous posts for more on this); that way you can get through the final remnants of this aspect.

This present T-Square is dissolving as we speak. Pluto is heading retrograde in Capricorn, moving away from Saturn which is now direct and moving forward. The Pluto / Uranus square is heating up, but Saturn will be out of the picture by September 2011. Hooray!

What does this particular T-Square mean for us? Please see my next post. I will write about what it means to have this T-Square pulling, tugging, straining at each individual planet.

I offer Spiritual Astrology interpretations, both in person and over the phone, specializing in the Timing Aspects (Transits, Progressions and Solar Arc Directions), Natal Astrology and Medical Astrology (although I am not a doctor, so this is purely speculative). Let me know if you are interested in receiving an interpretation.

Feeling better… resting down, Summer 2011

Hello Dear Readers,

It has been a while, with good reason, but I do miss writing. It has been a tumultuous spring to say the least. Pushing hard to finish school, graduating, throwing a big grad party, moving out of previous apartment, little car accident, resting and recovering… etc. Whoof!

I recently returned from Spring retreat (teachings in Tibetan Buddhism) which was potent and full of blessings as usual. However, I could not overcome my resistance to being there. In the past, this resistance might last a few days but then I could push through it and enjoy the rest of retreat. My mind is definitely not in a clear, “Dharmic” place. Ooph! Hopefully I will have ample opportunity to settle, pause and relax, allowing my mind to rest in what is. But yes, this is a high aspiration indeed!

So now that I am back, I am seeing clients in Craniosacral Bodywork and for Spiritual Astrology interpretations. So let me know if you are interested in either of these modalities.

I am also living with a Buddhist monk for the summer. Technically I think they are not supposed to do this but I think I got grand-fathered in as we were friends before he ordained, and his lama said it was okay in my case (it makes sense to presume that I have multiple previous lives as a Buddhism monk “under my belt,” but this is a whole other story), and I am a sincere practitioner, at least at times. Luckily I tend to imprint upon people I am around, so if I’m around monks and lamas, mind becomes clearer and very easily virtuous. Living with him, I am learning a ton, as he has many texts memorized and I am learning about Vasubhandu and Asanga’s Abhidharma texts. Yay! Tis good to learn.

Well I think that is it for now. Enjoy your summer!

Graduation weekend

Wow! I was toasted with words from the depths of friends’ and family members’ souls. Feeling like I went through an initiation of loving-kindness; an evening to celebrate me. Ooph! A lot to take in, but with help, I was able to stay present and to meet each person’s loving comments with an appropriate and heartfelt response.

Delicious food, beautiful setting (the Evergreen’s home), gorgeous weather; my brother in law was the grill master (Thank you Dave Robbins!!!) and he did great – we had kabobs, grilled veggies, burgers and many salads, etc etc. Too much food even…

Then Sunday was graduation day. I did not sleep well so it was kind of a foggy day for me. The Gov. of Virginia did our commencement speech – entertaining but due to my grogginess, I do not remember much. However, seeing thousands of happy and celebrating parents and students on the Lawn was special. I felt a definite sensation of completion as I crossed the stage in the Aquatic and Fitness Center gym (where the psychology department had their diploma presentation). Yummy indeed!

Thank you all for so much juicy support!

Graduation party poetic reflection

Hey all,

I wrote this poem a week or two before my graduation party, which was actually a secret initiation into a profound community of loving-kindness 🙂

This poem describes my process over the past 10 years or so… Enjoy!

Sleeping peacefully beneath the waves,
Naive ignorance seems bliss,
Mercury Retrograde hibernation;

Storm gathers force above,
Dreamy reverie fills with doubt,
The wintry ice is melting;

Shockingly compassionate, divine hands plunge into water,
Scooping body, depositing on cool beach,
Spring has sprung!

Fall back asleep on warm sand,
seeds planted, much integration;

Eating drinking breathing Astrology, Reiki,
Seeds timidly open, ready to sprout;

Desire to heal gains momentum, meeting Heart Teachers,
Attending summery workshops,
glimpse spiritual vehicle in the distance;

Fresh storm brewing, dash to vehicle,
Take refuge, learn Craniosacral therapy, play with Zapchen Somatics;

Vehicle starts with little effort, much potency,
Move with purpose, make aspirations,
Start UVa, Study Tibetan, height of summer;

Spiritual momentum pays off, rewarded with pilgrimage to Ladakh India,
The days begin to shorten again;

Outer energy wanes, wave of transformation turns within,
Cool breezes change leaves;

First snow falls and I pause,
Reconsidering my path, I fantasize about exotic adventures;

As winter continues without,
Relaxed and alert, I watch for subtle changes in the hoarfrost,
Completion happens with ease and grace.

Little Mahakala retreat

This material is copyrighted by Kirby Moore.  Reproduction without permission is prohibited.  To support my business and blogging efforts, please visit my website. More recently, I have begun teaching Astrology classes on Trauma-Informed Astrology, see http://www.traumainformedastrology.com for more! Thank you for visiting!

Friday’s agenda: pick up friends truck, filled with meditation cushions for the center; drop off children’s books that a client left in my healing space – on top of Afton mountain at Swannanoa; drive to Maryland, Lama House and Tibetan Meditation Center; talk with Lama – questions about upcoming year

Saturday’s agenda: sit, eat, rest, chant mantras

Sunday’s agenda: see above; give bodywork treatments to monks

Monday’s agenda: rest, discuss Drikung texts that need translating

Actual events…

Arrive at friend’s house, discover the entire back of his truck is full of meditation cushions. His truck is older, so the rear hatch gate on his truck cap is gone. Instead, there was bubblewrap, packing tape keeping it securely in place. Truck is musty, moldy. It is also extremely foggy on Afton mountain… Throw my stuff in the cab… whoa not much room for me…

Starting off, I quickly realize I may be in way over my head. I gun the truck by accident and it sounds like I have never driven a stick before. My friend told me about how the truck struggles to go into reverse… yep, I eventually grind it into place… Ugh! No power steering fluid! OMG! I begin to realize I might be driving a death-trap…

Attempting to navigate the narrow roads around Swannanoa in dense fog, getting lost. Keep in mind the truck bed is full of cushions, and I can neither see through them nor the bubble wrap… Attempting to keep this truck on thin driveway tire tracks as I get stuck in a dead end which I can’t turn around in… Driving in reverse is a nightmare.

I give up and then head up to Maryland. Thankfully there is very little need to stop on interstates, which also means I don’t realize how sluggish the brakes are compared to my car… Hmmm, luckily I did not hit anyone, but did come close later… And they wonder why my kidneys and adrenals are shot? Oh, did I mention the fact that this old truck had limited windshield wiper capacity? Yikes!

Luckily I get the clunker to the Lama House where Khenpo Chophel and Lama Gyaltsen have just returned from doing a sand mandala at a private school – that was a great story in and of itself. The translator is there, so I get to ask her some questions about Tibetan and I eventually help her with some textual phonetics fixes. My main teacher, Drupon Thinley Ningpo is out doing shopping for the upcoming retreat.

I eat dinner with the lamas then head up to the center to welcome any late comers for the retreat weekend. No one shows up for a couple hours, so I unload the truck bed by myself, get a little scraped up but somehow manhandle the huge, bulky boxes of cushions into the foyer of the TMC. Later another fellow arrives and he helps to move them downstairs – thank goodness! Else I might have tried to either carry or roll the boxes down the stairs… Kirby – not smart! Practice self care please 🙂

Sleep well. Saturday: Wake up early, still foggy – it was somehow foggy for 48 – 60 hours straight, strange weather weekend. Trudge down the mountain to the lama house, eat breakfast and start the retreat. Very enjoyable retreat.

Morning session: long meditation on four thoughts that turn the mind toward enlightenment, Mahakala sadhana and mantras, tea break and more mantras. Afternoon session: same sadhana, then Achi protector practice to finish around 4:30 pm. Evening session: Tea offering ceremony to all the many Kagyu protectors.

Sunday: slept downstairs in the TMC basement (bookstore). Pretty certain something was in the other room chewing on stiff cardboard. When I got up with my flashlight to make certain there wasn’t a large rodent nearby, the chewing stopped. But then I lie back down and it resumed. C’est la vie! I think my sleep is affected but oh well. Note to self – next time sleep with other people in the room so there are strength in numbers.

Similar schedule for Sunday except we end around 4 pm so people can get home and start their week. There were seven people total, so a very intimate experience and it seemed like we got personal teachings on tea offering and sang ceremonies.

Lama Gyaltsen does incredible work behind the scenes, always cheerful and modest. I stick around, intending to give bodywork treatments to the lamas, so I help him clean up. I do not realize how much work he does, even for a PDL retreat. But this time he was the cook, the clean up man and he set up the tea station. Plus he vacuumed everything. Whoa! He also entertains me with stories about how he used to practice driving up and down their road, I laugh for at least ten minutes straight as he tells me about strange idioms mechanics and tow truck drivers used to say to him about his beaten practice car.

Monday went well except almost ran out of gas as I discover my debit card has expired… several weeks early? Strange! All in all, a quality, resourceful weekend. Had nice, relaxing time hanging out with and making offerings to the lamas. Somehow they treat me like I am an honored guest – but nothing special about me, rather it is Tibetan hospitality to treat guests like royalty. Wow!

Spring resting down, recovery

I just read in a Craniosacral Biodynamics book that one of the author’s mentors enjoyed lying on the couch, despite being 33 years old. When the author confronted his mentor about this activity, the lounger responded, [paraphrasing] “I have frazzled every wire, exhausted every sinew and burnt out every fuse. There is nothing else to do.” Whoa! Finally someone is on the same page as me.

Really there is not much more to say… So I’m getting ready for graduation, throwing a little shindig and then prepping for Spring Retreat at the Tibetan Meditation Center (yes, this is turning into quite the tradition – this is my sixth year in a row). Nubpa Rinpoche, a recognized master from Drikung Til in Tibet is teaching and giving some rare blessing ceremonies (empowerments). Plus the resident lamas are teaching, so it is a time of great virtue and merit. Generally I do a little volunteering, attend most of the teachings and enjoy a peaceful time. Here’s hoping it stays that way! 🙂

This summer I am intending to study more Tibetan (language) and slowly learn more about literary (Classical) Tibetan – the textual tradition.

Within all of this, I intend to rest down much further than ever, to see clients and to practice speaking Tibetan. And that is it [period]. Time to recover – these circuits are fried, these bones are tired. My aspiration is to rest down until effort is easy and effortless. So if you know me, don’t be too surprised if I say no right off the bat – “No! Gotta rest, maybe next time.” Hooray!

meditative progression

A post about Kirby Moore’s personal reflections on his attempts at meditating and how the process is shifting.

In speaking with one of my heart teachers recently, it is clear that my awareness and sensitivity regarding meditation sessions have shifted. This concept is reinforced by my weekly conversations with the I Ching, which, when I work with a quality interpretation of the “Book of Changes” (I Ching), reveals humorous, informative and occasionally poetic observations.

So what has changed? Or maybe a better question is what has not changed? Heh.

First, in my conversation with Julie Henderson (Ph.D, founder of Zapchen Somatics, a recognized Khandroma – meaning a woman teacher of Tibetan Buddhism or in her case, the word Yogini seems to be a better fit), I was reminded that of course my relationship with meditation is changing. That is normal and the way of things. If it was not changing, that might be a problem!

Julie pointed out that most people need years [anywhere from 3 to 20] of initial sitting – we gotta get our butts on the cushion! But then we internalize some form of the practice and we start to progress along the path. At first, we carry all our neuroses with us to our meditation sessions, but eventually, we can truly rest the mind when we sit. This next sentence is a bit of a joke: It’s really quite simple – we are moving toward resting the mind in a light, easy natural state; simply relax the mind. Ah, if it was only that easy.

Okay, so what is changing? In the past, I had a tendency to push. I wanted to force my way to enlightenment – push my way through any and all obstacles I encountered! No prisoners… Ugh! Well that has given way to being consciously gentle and kind, on a moment-to-moment basis.

As Julie says, and please keep in mind this takes years of practice, “first, free your breath [using techniques I and others have taught you], next return to alignment [this would be emotional, physical and motivational alignment – again using techniques from Zapchen, Dharma and other modalities] and then soften your eyes [this last suggestion is the hardest by far in our Western culture, and it also takes years of letting go to arrive at a point where we can notice (energetic) eye strain].” It really does not get any more difficult than this. Of course, there are practices which I have agreed to practice, but other than those, there is no longer any need to push, no need to force anything, and especially no need to insist on my way being right. Doh!

So what else is changing? Well I am no longer able to sit for such long periods of time. Actually, I suspect I have never been able to sit for long periods while resting in easy alignment. But that is another change – recognizing easy alignment, recognizing messages from my body/mind and honoring what I hear. What do I do if I’m not able to sit for long periods? Well for one, I can do shorter sessions and more of them if I like. So instead of trying to rock out hundreds of prostrations at a time (which the I Ching continually tells me causes me to get “tangled” and “exhausted”), I can do a dozen or more, over several sessions in a day.

Let me unpack a few of these concepts – what is resting in easy alignment? I define this as being aware of our needs – on physical, mental, emotional and psycho-spiritual levels. If we need to rest, as in lie down, there is no point in our trying to push through a half-hour meditation session. That is definitely not easy alignment – if our neck, or shoulders, or head, or jaw (or something else) starts to contract and tighten up, then listen to what your body is communicating! Rest down or deal with the emotional component of the body’s request if need be. And in case you are unaware, prostrations are a form of bowing, which in Tibetan Buddhism is one of the preliminary practices, and they are associated with going for refuge (in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha or enlightened community).

Julie mentioned that some of her advanced students sit for only three to four minutes per hour. Huh? When I heard this, my mind was unable to process the information at first. That did not seem to compute. But now, upon reflection, it makes complete sense. (Oh – I also realized I am definitely not one of her advanced students!!!) If we dedicate our lives to being more kind and compassionate towards ourselves (because this is how we translate these vital traits onto others), then our practice should soften and refine itself in response.

So my life is changing as a result. Instead of pushing to do an hour plus practice each morning, I do a little, check in, maybe eat breakfast, then do a little more, then go about my day. If I need to rest, I do that first and foremost! Imagine that, liberation upon napping… In the afternoon and evening, if I have the energy to do more practice, then I do a little more. I try to constantly check to see if / where I am contracting and what that might mean. Softening, sensitizing, mindfulness is becoming easier. Good good.

But I still have much work to do. The I Ching pokes fun at me from time to time, saying things like, “your response to stagnation is shameful,” or “you are surrounded by abundance, that would be the abundance of obscuration [delusion].” Ouch! But the truth hurts, and as one of the characteristics of enlightenment is clarity, and one aspect of clarity is a willingness to know the truth (no matter what we discover!), then I am slowly and painstakingly making progress. I’d rather know how I can improve than to wallow in my normal affliction-filled patterns. 🙂

Very grateful for my experience at UVa

In thinking back to where I was when I started the University… oh, goodness! I’ve come a long way! I am very grateful for where I am presently. Of course, as the rest of my blog attests, I have been busy with extracurricular personal growth work. But back to UVa!

The Grounds are by far some of the most beautiful in the country, having lived in and around Charlottesville for most of my life, unfortunately I take the rolling hills, pristine gardens, dogwoods and the Greco-Roman / Southern architecture for granted. Wandering toward the Darden School of Business will make the viewer think they had somehow transported to a beautiful school in the deep South, while the stoic and reserved Law School speaks volumes with its practical, functional architecture. And the new South Lawn walkway and commons are just an extraordinary phenomena – sitting in that plush, deep grass, you forget you are sitting above a busy road below (until an ambulance happens by).

Being someone who started out very alternative and had difficulty fitting in to the mainstream-seeming crowd of students, it has been a social education of sorts as well, which I guess is to be expected. But I have also made strides in this regard – personally, I feel that the empirical push of psychology did the most good for me in this area.

And then I remember I am graduating in less than a month… bittersweet to be sure. New beginnings and necessary completions, what life is all about. I am ready though. This is the right time.

While the timing is perfect, I will still miss some of the temporary friends I have made here, and once I start my life… I will miss Charlottesville as well. Yep – I’m graduating, but I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Seriously – I have narrowed it down to be sure. So, I will keep you updated.