Meditation Informs Healing Facilitation

New Year provocative statement

Hello Blogging World, Thank you for reading! And of course this material, where appropriate, is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore. Please ask permission before reproducing any of it.

At the Mani Drupchen, I had plenty of time to think about my New Year’s resolutions and my provocative statement to hold in my heart throughout this coming year. I am not sure what day it was, but I came up with a sentence that I feel is quite potent. I was pondering the states of compassion and kindness which seemed to arise while in retreat. I wanted to be able to sustain that level of potency even when I left retreat, but judging from previous experience, I was not sure I could handle this tall order.

Therefore, my provocative statement for this new year is along the lines of: May (I and) all sentient beings pierce the veils of ignorance which obscure the flow of limitless compassion (ASAP).

There you go! For me, that is at least a year long process, heh… Actually it is probably a 5,000 lifetime goal but I am slowly working on it.

Questions answered about Metta Reiki

This material is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore. Reproduction without permission is prohibited.

Hello Readers,

In this post, it is my intention to clarify what Metta Reiki is. I hope you all do not mind a few plugs scattered here and there, but considering I am self-employed, in addition to maintaining an informative blog, this is what I do “at work.” There have been many hits on the Metta Reiki page of my blog, in fact, if I were to speculate, I would say at least a quarter of the blog’s traffic views this page.

It is my intention to cover these topics: 1) as a student of Reiki, I would like to know more about Metta Reiki; 2) what benefits might I receive from exploring Metta Reiki?; 3) I have my own healing facilitation practice, how can I incorporate Metta Reiki into my practice?; 4) What can I expect in a class / workshop?; 5) How might Metta Reiki benefit me or my practice?

For a brief overview, please see the page “Metta Reiki.”

I have been fortunate with my many teachers – Tibetan Lamas (some well known, others who are / were secret yogis), process-oriented bodywork instructors, traditional Reiki Masters, practitioners of Indigenous rituals, a Sufi Master and multiple, astrologers / authors. It is my intention that what I offer please my teachers. Out of all of them, ones who taught me how to slow down appropriately and mindfully, and practice kindness to self are perhaps the most profound, and that is what I attempt to emulate in offering Metta Reiki.

My passion is in introducing people to inner resources of loving-kindness, compassion and potency (within us all). Hugh Milne has a quote in “The Heart of Listening,” that goes, “we can never go too deep, but we can go too fast.” Through practicing Biodynamic Craniosacral therapy and traditional Reiki, along with attending many highly-respected Tibetan Lamas and other realized teachers, plus maintaining a Buddhist meditation practice, I have experience with Metta practices, (energetic) field dynamics, tools for self care and a practice of compassion and skillful means.

Metta Reiki is a fusion of Tibetan Buddhist practices, simple exercises for well-being (primarily from Zapchen Somatics), Compassionate Communication and traditional Usui Reiki. One of my primary intentions is to go slow enough to allow for graceful integration and to develop a comprehensive understanding of what is possible when we rest down into our heart and listen to what it has to share. Tools for appropriate self care – energetic balancing, physical relaxing, mental calming, etc – are considered vital and are taught accordingly. These tools come from a number of modalities, including Craniosacral Therapy, Tibetan Buddhism, BodyTalk, traditional Reiki, Zapchen Somatics and Spiritual Processing. I try to share the most potent tools that I use in my personal practice.

The benefits one receives from exploring Metta Reiki are plenty and diverse. First, you slow down enough to practice kindness to yourself – to truly check in and ask, “What are my needs? Are they being met? Are they appropriate? How can I shift my lifestyle to accommodate my authentic needs?” Second, students are introduced to techniques which they can use both with themselves and with others for rapid relaxation and subsequent healing. In Craniosacral Therapy, there are states known as still-points where we can rest so deeply that our body is in a state of relaxation beyond that of sleep. The still point is where we do the most reorganization and re-patterning. Over time and with practice, there are techniques that can get a diligent practitioner to these states without needing help from anyone else. (Keep in mind I would never recommend against receiving bodywork from a qualified practitioner, but receiving, for example, hundreds of sessions can be pricey.) Finally, Metta Reiki is a great way to start one’s inner journey toward self-discovery and practicing kindness to self. It is non-sectarian, despite there being some meditations from Buddhism, and I do not promote any religion over another.

If you maintain a healing facilitation practice, then you may want to explore Metta Reiki. If you find yourself burnt out after seeing many clients in a week, or if there are some weeks when it is difficult to motivate yourself, then these workshops will provide you with tools for quality self care. How can we shift our ways of relating to others to be more appropriate? How can we develop equanimity to better handle any situation we come across? Metta Reiki provides tools for discovering alignment and resting in equanimity.

In a typical Metta Reiki workshop, one can expect to be in good company. It is my intention to have participants who are open to growth and transformation, who are willing to look at some potentially uncomfortable aspects of their lives with the purpose of re-patterning and moving forward from those old paradigms. My ideal demographic is ages 17 to 77, of diverse backgrounds and cultures, who are willing to shift conditioned patterns which no longer serve and to move toward patterns of kindness, openness and wholesome enjoyment of life. Over time, and after completing Level Three and Four, it is my intention for workshop participants to grow to understand the healing process, both in themselves and in others (their potential clients).

2nd Annual Mani Drupchen – completion

This material is copyrighted by Kirby Moore. Reproduction without permission is prohibited. To support my business and blogging efforts, please visit my website. More recently, I have begun teaching Astrology classes on Trauma-Informed Astrology, see http://www.traumainformedastrology.com for more! Thank you for visiting!

In this post: the last day of the Drupchen, my final thoughts on the inspiring and clarifying week and precious words from the prayers we were saying on a daily basis.

1/2/10 – As I mentioned in previous posts, we ended the Drupchen a day early due to a slight plumbing problem. Therefore, the lamas packed a 3 hour empowerment, lunch, the mandala dissolution and naga puja into this bitterly cold day. Khenpo Tsultrim was the Vajra Master for the empowerment, and it was a beautiful ceremony. His English is improving, so he explained all the components and visualizations with patience and expertise. He also continued to look to Hun and I for translation assistance, which I feel a little guilty about. I have been studying the Tibetan language for two and a half years, and I am only starting to get into the Dharma literary Tibetan sections. Alas.

The empowerment was three hours long because it is a full empowerment, despite being for the Four Armed Chenrezig. All four empowerments were contained within it and we visualized ourselves, almost like a higher yoga tantra (not that I know much about this stuff). There were pictures for every aspect of the empowerment and Khenpo explained what each picture symbolized – there was the clothing of Chenrezig, his retinue (consort, son, daughter, the Five Buddha Family Lords, etc) and more. At least forty people showed up to receive the empowerment.

We then had a brief lunch and then the mandala dissolution happened very quickly. Khenpo, with vajra in hand, ran his hand through the sand at each of the four “gates.” Then the other ordained members helped to move the sand to the middle and then into a crystal bowl-like container. I was the designated photographer, so I was clicking shots around and above everyone else (thank goodness I am so tall). I got some good pictures. The lamas came outside, into the freezing weather (it was 15 degrees on the mountain that day, not counting the wind chill) and then they were escorted to the river, about twenty minutes away. Unfortunately I was coming down with something, a brief flu-like episode, so I did not feel up to standing out in the sub-arctic temperatures for the naga puja. However I have heard that it went well – although, at those temps. I am hoping it went faster than last year (which was almost two hours in length).

As far as further thoughts on the Mani Drupchen, I am definitely planning to attend next year’s retreat (intensive). As one of the assistants (managers), I felt like I was able to navigate through the chatter of the living room (at meal times) and stay focused on the practice and the retreat. I was feeling the need to drop in deep – having pushed myself through another semester at UVa, so I did not join in much of the pleasant conversations going on during meals. I had a little name tag which said, “Noble Silence Please.” And that was good – I only felt the need to wear it a couple of days. Next year I am sitting away from the sliding glass doors however – the cold draft coming off of them forced my kidneys to work overtime, producing strange dreams and visions, along with making me wonder why I was so cold all the time.

I felt my heart shift from a tight, self-orientation to an open, warm, expanded vastness. I went from feelings of revulsion and being harsh to myself to attraction and being compassionate with myself – quite a polar shift. I allowed some sunlight into the dark crevasses of my shadowy cellars and I made a deeper connection with emptiness and the Dharma in general. I became more at ease with my vulnerabilities, slowed down my process of self- and other-judgment, and I established some inner stability. And most importantly, I became a slightly better human being.

As one of my friends said, who has some experience on 90 day retreats, “when reality starts to bend, that’s when you know you are detaching yourself from the traditional ego structures.” This was very reassuring because that definitely happened to me – although now that I am back in life, I am struggling to find a good balance of practice and living so as to maintain what I have discovered and not fall back into the egoic patterns of action / reaction.

Khenpo, when asked about a possible desire to marry a Westerner in order to gain easier citizenship, responded instantaneously with, “I am focusing on my future lives! Why would I want to do that? I am surviving for this life and focused on next life.” It was a great answer. (Not that there is any possibility of it coming true.) He also mentioned something that I was glad to be reminded of. He said the Buddha lives, breathes and thinks every action for the benefit of sentient beings – if a breathe did not benefit sentient beings, the Buddha would not have breathed it.

Finally, a series of lines from the Supplication Prayer to Chenrezig which we said several times per day during the retreat – I find it to be very beautiful: Please bless my confused body that does not understand the dual appearance of holder and held, and so grasps at a self, to obtain a stable generation stage that moves as the illusory vajra body and completely appears as the uncontaminated form kayas. Please bless me to obtain realization of the completion stage so that all phenomena, bound by confused ignorance mind, permanently arise as the appearance of the Dharmakaya, luminous, self-appearing, self-liberating, the union of bliss and emptiness.

I take this to mean that everything in this world is like a dream. Dreams are like dreams, within the larger dream. View everything as illusory and practice the Dharma – allow non-attachment to arise as you familiarize yourself with emptiness and interdependence.

Have a lovely January!

2nd Annual Mani Drupchen – Day Seven plus

This is a brief addition to the previous post – about the surprising event which occurred Friday evening.

1/1/10 – continued – The Mani Drupchen was originally scheduled to have the empowerment on the first Sunday morning, with Gyabra Tritsab Rinpoche and then it was going to culminate on the following Sunday with dedication, dissolution of the mandala, distribution of the mani pills (Tibetan medicine pills) and the naga puja at the river where they pour the sand mandala into the waters. However, due to Rinpoche’s visa issues and not being able to come to the United States at this time, the empowerment was pushed back to the end of the retreat.

Then, as we were practicing on Friday evening, there was a bit of chaos as one of the drain pipes in the basement backed up. It took some discernment but it was quickly determined that no more water or waste could be drained. So there were about 20 people at the center with the intention of spending the night when we were told that we could only use limited (slight trickle) water at the sinks and no toilets. There was a variety of reactions – some people were obviously disturbed by this information, while several people slept through all the commotion.

It was decided to make Saturday the last day, as we only had a single port-a-potty for forty to fifty people (there were many people there to attend the empowerment). Therefore, the empowerment, the mandala dissolution and the naga puja happened on the same day. I will save that beautiful description for my next post however, as I want to mention some fascinatingly comical facts.

I do not know what kind of karma I have, but recently I have been experiencing some rather bizarre situations involving plumbing. For instance, in my basement apartment, over the past few months, I have had to deal with two separate pipe-backing-up events or some minor flooding as it were. Therefore, I had some experience with plumbing problems before the little incident occurred at the center.

What was strange however, was that the only person’s belongings who got really soaked, was me. I had my personal food and my overnight bag next to the washing machine, and that is where the outlet for the backed-up water was. It was kind of funny. There is this plumbing problem, with a little bit of water spilling over – it was surreal actually. I think my being on retreat made it much easier to take, but I am really pondering what metaphor the universe is trying to get me to observe – or if I just have some strange waste-water karma at the moment (transiting Uranus is crossing my watery Pisces natal Sun as we speak).

[Revised 4/26/21: I’m not sure why I thought it was funny (although on the retreat itself it could easily have been the sleep deprivation – but I wrote this after the Drupchen was over…), rather having piss water soak ones few possessions is rather disgusting. Period. In retrospect, it may have been the Nagas trying to communicate something to me – it turns out things did not work out with that ex-girlfriend.]

2nd Annual Drupchen – Day Seven

This material is copyrighted by Kirby Moore. Reproduction without permission is prohibited. To support my business and blogging efforts, please visit my website.

More recently, I have begun teaching Astrology classes on Trauma-Informed Astrology, see http://www.traumainformedastrology.com for more! Thank you for visiting!

1/1/10 – Happy New Year! Hey Hey – we are in a new decade! Although, here on retreat, it was difficult to tell – the chanting continued and the sleep deprivation continued, resulting in, “Happy New Year!” “What’s that?… Oh… right.”

I am starting to feel sick – sinus issues and a rapidly developing head cold – ugh! I wonder if I am pushing myself too hard. Need to rest down. I notice that most people start to nod off several times throughout the retreat, whereas it only happens legitimately to me once or twice. Am I pushing enough, too much, or just right?

Interesting conversation between Hun and a young man who attended the retreat but who mainly poured over books from the bookstore. In a nutshell, Hun presented evidence that there is no way to fully trust our mind and therefore we need the help of outside influences to achieve enlightenment. It was inspiring to be apart of that.

The lamas add one session of calm abiding per day and today, I had a little bit of an experience. I focus on a speck of lint on the carpet about ten feet in front of me (keeping my gaze downward) and I work on relaxing my mind – forcing thoughts to dissipate before they form completely. If I get the whiff of a thought forming, I say to myself, “no mind…” As I do this, for fifteen minutes or more, my mind gets into a state where it quiets down and eventually I notice a ton of heat forming from several organs – definitely from my guts and my liver – maybe pancreas as well. The heat rises and as it intensifies, I try to wrap my mind around it and then it vanishes just as quickly as it arose, leaving me wondering what it was, how it occurred, etc.

Impermanence is really coming home to me at this retreat. I have now been attending TMC for four years now, and I am starting to see the affects of aging, as many (regularly participating) members are between 55 and 70. It is sad and yet it is a sign that it is time for me and younger generations to step up to the plate. Be gentle Kirby but keep practicing with diligence!

Then, on this evening, a plumbing problem manifests… See the next post for more! It is pretty funny.

2nd Annual Mani Drupchen – Day Six

12/31 – early morning… I swallowed some irritation toward a fellow practitioner. I need to speak my truth here, if gently and compassionately. What a test! Now my jaw is tight – maybe as a result? I have heard that to truly practice patience, we must be fearless – yep, I need to speak up.

I am noticing a correlation. In the past, I have tended to eat too much while on retreat. This time I am practicing more moderation and with that comes the observation that the more I eat, the more my discursive mind is active. I am still churning over girl issues (especially when I eat more than I need to).

Wow – the 2 am to 3 am hour is the longest hour of my life. I got up several times and unfortunately only 5 to 10 minutes have passed in between kitchen visits… argh! Finally the time for a brief rest comes around. Is it possible that the acid in my mouth from eating is that much stronger now or is it the fact that while I am on retreat, I am that much more sensitive. I need to brush my teeth.

I have a dream about the young woman I have been thinking about and of course my retreat-muddled mind claims to need to send her an email. Therefore I snag a friend’s laptop and do that. I notice my adrenals being more active as I am about to do so. Then, throughout the next 24 hours I regret doing so – I am so distracted!

Today the CD started skipping, and the little player is sitting on a cushion in front of the microphone. So the yogi next to me commented and said, “Yep, we all slide off our cushions sometimes.”

Due to the lack of sleep, we are all suffering the affects, like this afternoon’s deep topic was, “How is it that the fortunes inside of fortune cookies are not oily and runny?”

I took a nap downstairs and I was out like a rock. The guy I told me to wake me up said he tried three times – no wonder I felt a sense of de ja vu when he finally succeeded! I stay in sluggish sleep mode for several hours and I am glad. I am finally putting the pieces together – I am sitting in front of the sliding glass doors in the shrine room and they are not the greatest insulated panes. Therefore I am realizing that my kidneys have been struggling to stay warm for like, the entire retreat up to this point! From my experience with bodywork I know this is highly not recommended. It would explain some of my vivid, strange little dreamlets that I have when I lie down in the shrine room. I close the curtains and make certain to keep extra layers on me.

Today I learn that the prayers inside my prayer wheel are pretty much junk. It turns out the merchants put old looking scrolls in there to add to their appeal but the prayers are not old at all – just smudged and unclear… (they were not legitimate prayers to begin with in this case.) Harrumph! I need to purchase good quality prayers. And I am wondering about all the previous rotations of my wheel – do they still “count” (toward merit earned?). I definitely had faith in my prayer wheel being a productive thing to spin. And then what about all the people who I handed my prayer wheel too – does my faith keep them covered? Very curious indeed.

Tonight had delicous tukpa – Tibetan noodle soup. Unfortunately I remember too late that my body cannot really take much in the way of processed grains (flour), and I start to feel sick again (stopped up). How can I guard my mind from turning sour when I feel sick?

2nd Annual Mani Drupchen – Day Five

This material is copyrighted by Kirby Moore. Reproduction without permission is prohibited. To support my business and blogging efforts, please visit my website.

More recently, I have begun teaching Astrology classes on Trauma-Informed Astrology, see http://www.traumainformedastrology.com for more! Thank you for visiting!

12/30 – Fun with tormas! Around 5 or 6 am every morning, the lamas who were on that particular chanting shift do a torma practice. This means chanting a special prayer and opening the curtain to the mandala, getting out a little plate of tormas and putting them on the lamas table. On this particular morning, Khenpo Chophel sprinkled salt in the middle of the three tormas making them slump over. These tormas were small and made from oatmeal, so I guess the salt dried them up further, causing them to droop. Then Khenpo Tsultrim requested the camera and he took pictures of the sagging tormas. Pretty funny – they got a good laugh out of it anyway!

I made my table into the picture of a face with cough drops and my mala – to which the yogi sitting next to me added eye brows and a mustache. I got a serious laugh out of this. My sitting partner had a mug with a Walt Witman quote on it – I celebrate myself and I sing myself or something along those lines – to which he modified to be “I celebrate no self…”

I desperately need a nap. My body is tired and my kidneys are continuing to ache. I do the opening prayers and supplication and then go and crash for a half hour. I feel better – integrating, calm, settling and more grounded.

It snowed over night here, so I wander out into the chilly, wind swept white TMC terrain. The Stupa is magnificent as usual, but the snow seems to bring out the vividness of the prayer flags. The ice crunches beneath my feet as I ponder a plethora of possibilities. Fresh prayer flags catch the gusts, whipping prayers into the cosmos for all beings.

Ice crackling purification. 20 degrees F – this is more like being in Tibet eh? Except over there, the winter lasts for 8 months and it is bitterly cold (so I have heard).

brief interlude from Mani Drupchen – about teachers and attitudes

Recently, both during the Mani Drupchen and over the past few months, I have been learning about many great masters. I am slowly evolving and developing and changing my mind, thankfully. Especially in the arena of dogmatic attitudes. When I met my lineage – the Drikungpas – I felt like I had come home. There is a feeling of embrace in being with fellow Drikung Kagyu practitioners. However, at first I think I projected my early conditioning in Christianity onto my new found tradition. What I mean is that I was very(!) skeptical and even disdainful about other lineages of Buddhism – if it was not Kagyu, it was not cool in my book.

However, soon thereafter I met Geshe Jampel Thardo, a Gelugpa, and since then my attitudes have slowly been changing. And what I am now aware of is that there are so so so many masters, and each lineage has their legitimate Dharma Lords. I have been reading about Patrul Rinpoche, the Khyentse lamas, known and unknown teachers plus tertons who had miracles occur every time they taught (how cool would it be to have termas – secret treasure texts – fall from the sky still hot while a lama is teaching?).

Therefore, if you notice yourself gravitating toward one particular lineage, that is great. But don’t hold out against the others – because wow! Of course, now I am wondering about other religions – maybe I need to expand my sphere of non-judgment – what a concept!

Okay, on that note – Happy New Year!

2nd Annual Mani Drupchen – Day Four

This material is copyrighted by Kirby Moore. Reproduction without permission is prohibited. To support my business and blogging efforts, please visit my website.

More recently, I have begun teaching Astrology classes on Trauma-Informed Astrology, see http://www.traumainformedastrology.com for more! Thank you for visiting!

In this piece, you may notice that mind was beginning to peel apart as I had pushed really hard up to this point. Considering the next day I would draft an email to my ex-girlfriend, and then spend the following 24 hours worrying about it, this may have been the deepest I was into the retreat, despite several days to go.

12/29 – Fresh wrestling match with my conditioned / discursive mind. I continue to stare at whatever speck on the carpet to train my mind and to continue to look downward. Last year I had some people, whose advice I deeply respect, tell me that when I close my eyes, they roll up in my head and that action could lead to being less than grounded (mind wandering off). I am more conscious of where I am looking now when I sit, even if my eyes are closed. It is slowly getting easier to practice. Although I am beginning to wonder about my mind – I have been hearing my name being whispered in the midst of conversations? How much should I push my mind? Or should I say, how much should I trust my mind? Heh…

By the way, during Drupchens, no cleaning is allowed of the shrine room. Just practice, eat, sleep, practice, rest. Therefore, the carpet accumulated specks of lint, scraps of paper, etc. I am surprised the lamas allowed me to clear their wrappers and orange clementine peels.

Yesterday was a very productive breakfast making day. I was already up at 6 so I went into the kitchen and did everything along with having time to stretch and enjoy the solitude. This morning I awake at 6:45 (late) to do breakfast. I am being really hard on myself as a result. Luckily help arrives and I am told it will be okay. The meal was fine, just a few minutes late. I need to be more gentle with myself.

I wonder about something – last night my giddy laughter started. Not sure what about, but I had a good giggle fit. This morning I am very hard on myself when I make a mistake – I wonder if these two events are correlated (my pendulum is a swingin’!). Need to find a healthy balance. I want to let go the next time I laugh – I was stifling it a little last night. Just be free and do what my body wants when I laugh – allow the pleasure to move freely and healthily.

I want to explore resting my awareness in my three bodily centers – head, heart and pelvis. It seems that if I am in my head, the laughter comes easier. I will experiment later. What happens if I rest in my heart?

I wonder what the universe is up to. Despite my best efforts to secure a job and / or fresh clientele, I have had a pretty dry month. Therefore when I rolled into town for the Drupchen, I only had enough money to cover January’s rent. I have no idea where the money will come from to pay my other bills (and not to mention beyond!). I am only able to contribute my service for this intensive which brings up some guilt – I would love to give offerings to the lamas at the end of the retreat. They really do so much! I am lucky though to be healthy enough to contribute hard work.

In addition to being broke, I have just broken up with a beautiful, kind-hearted, tres intelligent young woman, which seems for the highest benefit (although parts of me still want her). So there is lots for me to chew on during this retreat. On top of these heart aches, now my knees are starting to hurt. At least my belly has begun to function properly. Sitting for hours on end is not easy, although, compared to five years ago, I have made great strides! Well done Kirby! Well done.

Whoa! I just drank some Chai. I normally do not touch caffeine, or milk for that matter, so my system is buzzing hard! Wow – at least I am no longer tired. The lamas were offered Chai by some women who had to leave, and later they asked me if I wanted what was left. I generally do not turn down anything a lama offers me. I am beginning to re-think this assumption. I am noticing my kidneys are hot (cooking) – not sure if this is the caffeine or something I am processing. There are some perks to serving the lamas… don’t think like that Kirby!

Some funny conversations with the old yogi sitting next to me. Hun opens a window in the shrine room, despite the fact that it is 20 degrees F outside. My sitting partner leans over to me and says, “Wow! Opening a window now?! He’s insane! I mean he’s a nice guy but he’s crazy!!”

People come, and go. Get together and separate. Some new faces arrive, some familiar ones leave to go back to their lives. I’m starting to lose my voice – uh oh! There are still several days left. My heart is starting to open more and warm up, soften and make room for more beings. How can I maintain this state of beingness?

Due to the aforementioned caffeine intake, I do not get to sleep until midnight – meaning less than 3 hours sleep. That was in spite of drinking the Chai around 4 pm… ugh! My lovely sensitive body…

The old yogi leans over to me again and says, “Tuesday is Dewachen.” I ask what he is talking about. He says it’s like being on a tour – “Sunday is Venice, Monday is Paris and Tuesday is Dewachen.” Hey – I like the sound of that! (By the way – Dewachen is the Buddha Amitabha’s pureland and Chenrezig is considered to be the son of Amitabha. And the Mani Drupchen is the vast heart celebration accumulation of Chenrezig’s practice and healing mantra.)

2nd annual Mani Drupchen – Day Three

12/28 – I am assigned to the group that chants the 3 am to 7 am shift first. And wow am I not in retreat mode yet! I am so restless – I get up, walk around a bit, stretch and do yoga. When 6 am comes, I am so thankful that I volunteered to cook breakfast.

Breakfast is typically the same each day – although there were a few changes throughout the week. I sneak downstairs to boil some eggs for my personal consumption. I say sneak because at the last Mani Drupchen we were not allowed to consume them in the public space. In doing so, I discover that the downstairs stove has an electrical problem. I stick a metal spoon in the water to pick up an egg and I notice a foreign, shocking feeling. I think to myself, “What the heck??!!” However, due to the fact that my mind is a little fuzzy from chanting on top of waking up at 2:45 am, it takes several shocks for me to realize that electricity is passing through my body… So basically I electrocute my eggs (ah kha!) – it turns out they are only soft boiled despite being in the boiling water for twelve minutes.

I am noticing pain in my abdomen – my digestion is stopped up and I suspect it is from the soy I ate on Saturday night… :^( Well I press on with chanting and I make a mental note to massage my viscera later.

During the day, when all the retreatants are in the shrine room chanting, like 9 to 10 am, I notice people doing a variety of activities (sometimes while chanting the Mani mantra and sometimes with the exclusion of chanting). Someone is drawing musical scales – I learn later it is for the tune we are singing during the day, someone else is staring wistfully out the window, yet another person is nodding off (this is just the first full day of chanting – wow!), the lamas are tying protection cords while they chant and the funniest thing up to this point – one young man, who proclaimed that he is not a morning person, came in at 9 am and put on thick sunglasses! Of course there are many people spinning prayer wheels and clicking malas (counting mantras). And you might say that I am busily watching the other members of the intensive as opposed to fully focusing on the practice.

Sometimes my finger clicks the mala without my thinking about it, sometimes, if I want to actually be accumulating an accurate number, I must focus my mind on my fingers to will them to click at the appropriate time. Sometimes I start day dreaming and I chant dozens of mantras which go unaccounted for… alas. Luckily this Drupchen is about the time (a week) and not the number of mantras accumulated (most retreats go for 100,000 plus mantras per person).

It turns out I do not have to sign up for any jobs – not because I am on the facilitator team, rather because I am put in charge of hydrating the lamas and the ordained. I serve them hot water or coffee if they request it. In addition to bringing them occasional snacks and clearing any refuse from their little tables.

I have taken to staring at spots on the carpet as I chant, as a way to force my mind to be single pointed, and not distracted by what is going on around me. Therefore, when I finish a mala round, I am only too happy to get up and take care of the lamas.

As an aside, I find many ways to distract myself when I am up. I say distract, but actually I find that many little jobs are left undone – like washing the kitchen / bathroom hand towels, or taking out the compost, or making certain a particular door is left open to prevent pipes from freezing, etc. I am secretly overjoyed to be out of the shrine room, yet being of service elsewhere. So I do a job and then chant, I water the lamas and chant some more, wash, rinse and repeat.