Meditation Informs Healing Facilitation

Frustrated in Tampa

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I am about to share some things which are a bit more personal than some of my other posts. And with this said, you (regular readers that is) are probably thinking to yourselves, “What? He already shares intimate details of meditation retreats and other areas of his life. How could this be more personal?” We will have to see.

First of all, I have moved. As I mention in previous posts, I have been prepping for a big move for some time now. When I was in Virginia, waiting for the days to pass when I could head south to start a new life, I felt ready to move. Now that I am here in Tampa, I’m frustrated.

I want to provide some background info so this new sharing is better understood. I came to Tampa for two weeks back in early August to make certain this was the place for me. It felt pretty good. My spiritual teacher is nearby, it has a great Buddhist sangha, it has pretty many alternative practitioners (at least not too far away in St. Petersburg) and it is a lush beautiful environment in which to live. Also, when I was here previously, the internet worked easily and I could have many pages open at a time.

Since I was last in Tampa, I did a bit more channelling and I helped to assist a class in Craniosacral Therapy, so I felt very embodied and relatively close with my guides. Guides here means beings who are not in a body (at least not in our dimension). Some people call guides wisdom beings, angels, etc. And some people (not me for the moment although I hope this changes shortly) have a strong connection with their guides so they have enhanced intuition and wise guidance to follow. I would consider this to be a blessing. Of course, when working with guides and other-worldly beings, you must first be discerning about those said beings’ intentions and agendas. Once you determine that they mean no harm and are beings of high frequency of love, compassion and joy, then working with them is very fruitful.

So that is my context. Now, why am I frustrated? Because I am apparently waiting for something (my guides are telling me to wait). I want to find a job now. “No wait a bit.” How long do I need to wait? “Until you feel a felt shift in the situation.” When will that happen? “Stupid question. See previous answer.” Argh!! “Back off. Slow down. Practice self care. Soften your eyes, be in your body.” More argh!!! “You are stubborn aren’t you?” Yes. I am apparently changing / shifting something internally in preparation for the future. The future is apparently involving a female partner for me, but I need to pause on that too. “Stop hurrying. Your need to know is an obstacle in this situation. There is no rush.” Okay… working on it!

So I think I know it is talking about. She is presently engaged elsewhere. I might not even have the “right” person in mind. I need to do what ten years of spiritual practice / bodywork / and somatic processing have prepared me for. Playfully resting in the moment and waiting without gripping or grasping or clinging to the outcomes I prefer. Wow – this is going to take all the skills of presence and patience that I possess. Wish me luck!

Did I mention I have not been here an entire day yet… Hoping I can relax into “don’t know mind” real quick.

Thanks for reading.

Ready to move

I am continuing my theme of describing inner and outer feelings as I prep for a move from Virginia to Florida. As I mention in previous posts, it feels like a huge piece, and yet, I am somehow prepared on the inside. I am ready for a big change.

I am helping a friend teach a Craniosacral course here in Charlottesville and then I am departing my VA residence for good the following day. And I am finally desiring this move. I’m ready to get on with my life down in FL.

My plans, as best I know them, are to move. Settle in to my new place. Find a job – preferably part time, but I will take any decent paying, not-terribly-stressful occupation and then I am strongly considering doing Massage School which will start in January. Why Massage school?

Because Florida has strict rules about being licensed to touch, which I am actually thankful for. With a higher percentage of older people in that population, the ease of fraudulent activity means there have to be strict regulations. So that is great. Plus, Licensed Massage Therapists are able to bill insurance in some instances (in Florida and some other states as well).

However, as the joke goes – “how do you make God laugh?… tell him your plans.” I am flexible and if my heart changes about what is next for me, then I will go with that flow.

I am also considering teaching some workshops on self-care – energetic self-care, emotional, physiological, etc. So we shall see what unfolds! Hooray.

Thanks for reading!

Resistance to surrender

I surrender. I admit it. Reluctantly. I would LOVE to visit with at least 30 more friends before I leave for Florida (I’m moving in about 10 days). However, I have now been sick twice in the past two weeks, which is very unusual for me considering the level of self care I try to maintain. So, I do not have much of a choice left. I surrender. The lunches and dinners I have currently planned I am attending. Otherwise, I need to rest down to allow the inner work to percolate and integrate.

It has only taken me three or four years to get to this point. And due to living in this rat race oriented culture, a goal oriented, doing, intensely focused, strung out culture… I might get peer pressured into rushing rushing rushing… No strong opinions there! He he he. Not good. But at least I am getting better at overcoming my resistance to letting go. Or perhaps the right word might be becoming aware of my resistance. Seeing that the universe actually does take care of me – clients tend to only come to me when I least expect it (subtext: when I exude tons of effort, I get very few lasting clients), I can slowly relax through more and more layers of rush rush hurry hurry.

There are a few clients I am seeing, but then I can be found in my bed. Doing the most important work to date – allowing what is mine to come to me. 🙂

Thanks for checking in! Until soon, kirby

Capturing my heart’s thoughts around transition

Dear Readers,

Are you still out there? 🙂 I sometimes go weeks these days between posting here, so I wonder… Anyhow, I am writing today about my on-going transition. I am moving to Florida in less than two weeks. Wow! It is really happening, and I am going whether I feel ready or not. I am ready, but I still feel a little trepidation. I have faith and I am aware of a desire to know what I am going to be doing once I am down there.

So I was speaking with a friend recently and she (you will know who you are if you read this – thank you for the clarity by the way!!!) articulated something which really resonated for me. I have been walking the dog in the mornings here, and sometimes the clouds are clinging tightly and precariously to the mountains behind my parent’s house, in a most beautiful way. I wonder if they are a reflection of my inner state – am I clinging on to my life here because it is what I know. I could grow, I could expand, but that is unknown and I am at best anxious about the unknown.

Sometimes I see the misty mountains in the distance. They are shrouded in moist air or the distance makes them blur and blend into the far horizon. Nonetheless, my heart tells me that there is a poem that needs to be written about Virginia, about the Rockfish Valley, about leaving my life here. So she asked me, “is there any grief around your leaving?” “Do you have any melancholy about this big shift?” And I’m honestly not sure – if I do, I have not given it time to articulate itself. I barely feel it. I have slowed down so much over the past year or two, and yet, do I need to be going slower to truly feel what my heart is trying to express?

I like something else that she said. I mentioned that I got sick last week in a strange and mysterious manner. I said I thought it was because I was stretched so thin, that I did a house call with a new client and that might have put me over the edge. She mentioned that she was “Pacing [her]self [energetically and] emotionally. That it was basically like running a marathon.” Now I don’t know about marathons, but what she said definitely resonated. Maybe I need more “me” time. Maybe my adrenals and endocrine system need an entire day off with nothing, and I mean absolutely Nothing, to do. I don’t know.

And that is okay! I am capable of resting in “I don’t know” mind. In fact, this is where I go nowadays when I meditate. I try to let go just a little bit more. But this move is big. This unknown is big. So I rest back into wisdom company. I try to remember my teachers and the joy that brings me. I stub my toe and curse and then I keep moving forward in a mindful, healthy manner.

So maybe soon (I’m hoping!) there will be a poem about misty mountains and clouds gripping the edges of the slope and about my sadness at leaving my motherland. Wish me luck!

And thank you for reading.

Rebirth continues

Well yesterday I made the announcement that I am moving to Florida. So it is happening 🙂

I still feel like Virginia is home and there is something about Central VA that is softening. There are no big cities, there are beautiful mountains and the wildlife is vital without being dangerous (not that I worry about that in FL). So I am going to miss being a Virginia resident. But it is time to move on. It is time to open a new chapter in my life. I’m still not entirely certain why I am being called to move there, but I have some ideas. Before I share any of those however, I want to continue with my theme about this move being a major transition. Big enough even to compare to my actual birth.

So I have been staying at my parents’ home in Afton Virginia – another beautiful area in the Rockfish Valley. It has been good overall to spend time with my folks and my “little” 6’4″ brother Stephen – he is finally able to compete with me mentally and physically. So I am thoroughly enjoying my time here before I move. It was very interesting though – recently they had a guest over. I had some of my stuff outside of the guest room, and understandably my mother put it in my room. Well let me share that the guest room in their house is a mighty 8′ by 8′ – it is tiny! So with my boxes and suitcases already covering the unused parts of the room… there is presently no room to step around the bed. It feels like my room (womb) is getting tighter and tighter. I am feeling more and more (energetically) unwelcome here and it is time to get on my way.

I am excited about checking in with little Kirby parts of myself regarding this move. I am realizing more and more that I was born with at least a few wisdom beings around me, they helped me through some of the birth traumas I had to navigate and they are also encouraging me (this is all speculated – I do not speak with them yet) to grow and move forward. I do believe that I am a spiritual being having a human experience now. And I think that baby Kirby knew this. I think I had some pretty ambitious agendas lined up when I was born and thankfully I suspect I may still be on track for some of those.

When I go to Florida, I am initially unable to practice process oriented bodywork (Craniosacral Biodynamics, trauma resolution, embodiment coaching) until I am licensed to touch. So that is one of the first areas I am going to explore – when and where could I start massage school? I wonder if I am going to be teaching workshops soon after I get settled. That is definitely a possibility. And of course I am continuing to do astrology interpretations for clients week in and week out.

So I am being mindful of this process. I have shipped most of my books down there already and they are waiting for me to depart. Just have to say good bye to several more friends, wrap up with some clients here and then I will be on my way.

Thanks for reading!

Chance for a re-do, new transition, re-pattern please

What in the world does this title imply? I have studied and experienced a lot of process-oriented bodywork and pre- and peri-natal psychology. This means I am aware of many facets of my birth process and I have done some work in healing misunderstandings and resourcing wounded childhood parts of myself. Let me explain in a little more depth.

When I was born, first I had the umbilical cord wrapped twice around my neck. I did not need to be resuscitated but I am sure this was one birth trauma. Second, the medical staff felt they had to use forceps to pull my head out of the birth canal. This is another birth trauma. And third, and possibly the most traumatizing, was that because of my Indigenous American blood, I had dark splotches on my lower back. Well, the doctors in Hawaii had never seen anything like this before, so I was taken from my mother and placed in a NICU for at least 12 to 18 hours. This was definitely a third birth trauma. Research has been coming out recently about the need for babies to have skin to skin contact with mother to be psychologically resourced and to feel safe. Because as the newborn baby orients to its world, unconsciously its nervous system is deciding: “is this world safe or do I have to struggle to survive?” Although, let’s be honest, this unconscious decision often gets made long before the baby is born. If the mother is struggling, or making a major move, or working in a stressful job, or dealing with stress in the relationship with the father, then those stress hormones will probably already have the baby in utero deciding that the world is not a safe place.

With this context in place, now why do I have the above title?

Because I am about to move to Florida. This is going to be a major transition for me. And I am now in charge. And due to the large amount of personal growth work I have done on myself, this is the most conscious I have ever been in this lifetime. Therefore, if I notice feelings arising with regard to this big move, I can now slow down and say, “Okay body. I hear you. I feel [blank]. Now what do I need to come back into alignment?” (for instance) Yes I have moved about a dozen times previously, but those moves were all within Central Virginia – I had friends, family, teachers and I knew the area very well. In Florida, I have one spiritual teacher who I know well and a handful of friends and acquaintances and that is it. I don’t know the area and I don’t have a job. Plus I am not able to practice bodywork there until I become licensed to touch. So this transition is huge for me!

What I am trying to say is that my upcoming move to Florida is like entering a new world. Similarly, when I was born, it was like entering a new world. So I am comparing and contrasting my birth with my move. But now I am more conscious than I was as a newborn. So I will have more choice in how ease or challenging this present transition is.

And judging from the description of my birth above, there are definitely reactive childhood parts of me still deep in my subconscious who are influencing my emotions and making their own judgments about what is going on around me. Therefore it is my intention to do things at a manageable pace. I am slowing down enough to stay grounded and present in my body, despite the rare days when I start to drift away. And luckily I have set things up so that I do not have to find a job ASAP upon arriving in FL. That would be nice, but I need for that job to be part-time or very supportive. Too much stress and I am just repeating old lessons that lead to pain and suffering – NO THANK YOU!

With all this said, I have set certain boundaries and I intend to maintain those with regard to dates and my activities. If I feel I need a day off, then I am taking it. If I have a busy few days, then I would like to have the day prior to that window be slow and gentle. I am proud of myself so far. I have been fairly disciplined and I am noticing what is arising without too much judgment. Yay! <Patting myself on the back.>

Now I just have to take things one day at a time and stay relaxed and alert. We will see if I can manage this massive transition with ease and grace. And we will see if I can notice the reactive childhood parts of me as they raise their yellow and red flags of concern, and then I will sooth them and tuck them back in, safe and snug until I am ready to work with them (on my time of course).

Thank you for reading and wish me luck!

Recent Insights

In speaking with a friend recently, I articulated an inner conflict I have been noticing for quite some time. This is not new, and it is certainly not unique to me. In fact I wrote about something in a post not too long ago.

Some context: Most Christians and Catholics (this is what I know from how I was raised, but I suspect that perhaps Judaism and Islam may be similar to what I am about to describe) go through some form of self-inflicted guilt trip, which actually stems from a wrong view within their philosophy. The idea that we are born sinful is erroneous. Don’t worry, this is not the reason I am writing this post. I do not want to attempt to knock anyone over the head with the theory that their religious book is wrong. If you feel your religion works for you, then stick with it!!! You may just want to check in with your body though, when you are still and calm and ask, “which do you prefer, the concept that there is original sin? or the concept that we are all born with at least a drop of purity, a potential for wisdom and compassion?” Just a thought…

So we have established that A) I was raised Christian and B) that most Christians have the mistaken belief that they are born sinful and somehow dirty or tainted. This led me to feel guilt on a number of occasions – including the mistaken belief / saying that “idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” In other words, I felt that if I was not moving toward a goal, if I was not busy, then I was “doing it wrong.” And of course, on a deep level, this feeling that I am evil for having been born will in fact take years to root out and eliminate. But I am getting there.

As it turns out, if you are regular reader of my blog you will already be in the know here, I am a Buddhist practitioner. My mother, who is a devout Christian, told me, “Kirby, I think you were actually a Buddhist before you know what that meant.” I think she was right. When I met my Tibetan teachers in the lineage I felt closest to, I really felt as if I had come home. I felt that the practitioners studying and practicing in that lineage were the closest thing I knew to family. Yes my family of origin is close to me and I am very blessed to have them in my life, but they are not spiritual family. There are some secrets they may not ever understand about me and me about them.

Why am I mentioning this? Because I have establish that I was raised Christian and that led to having a lens of guilt – my perception is / was skewed by the guilt. And now that I am a Buddhist practitioner, guess what. I simply shifted my focus from Christianity, to atheism, to exploring multiple religions, to Buddhism. But my guilt-infused lens has stayed with me. And I only realized that recently. Hopefully I can make a breakthrough soon. Let me explain further.

In Buddhism, like other religions, there are constant refrains of “don’t be lazy,” “don’t waste any of your precious time,” “being in a human body with a functioning mind is a rare, rare opportunity – don’t waste it!” And then there are a number of preliminary practices called the Ngondro meaning to go before or do before. And these take someone who is extremely dedicated 3 hours of practice a day for about 5 years. That is not me (not anymore anyway). I was able to devote three hours a day of practice for about 3 months, then I fell off the Yogi Wagon 🙂 And that is okay! I have to realize that as we meditate day in and day out, our perception and our capacity will shift – should shift! If we just continue to do the same practice every day for the rest of our lives, where is the growth? Where is the maturation? Where is the transformation? Now, if this is a completion stage practice, and if we are truly ready for such an advanced practice, then maybe it would be good to stick with it for a long time. I don’t know. I’m not there yet. But I hope you see my point – as we grow, as our capacity shifts, our practice should shift as well.

Moving toward conclusion, I am a Buddhist practitioner who, up to this point, has brought a guilt-infused lens of perception to focus on a new religion. Realizing this, hopefully I can relax just a little bit more and stop being so hard on myself when I don’t do any preliminary practice in a busy day. Just taking three mindful breaths can be a daily, wholesome practice (as the sublime monk Thich Nhat Hahn mentions).

Now, I am still walking a delicate balance with my root lama, my Guru. I wish to put his advice into practice as swiftly as possible while being gentle and as kind to myself as possible. This shifts from day to day, but if / when I find more of a stable balance, and after I practice it for a while, I might pass along whatever little insight I discover. Until then, I am going through life one breath at a time, softening wherever possible.

Thank you for reading.

Horary Astrology

I am presently studying Horary Astrology – a slightly different use of the Western Astrology chart. It is primarily used as a divinatory tool. A lot of the rules are the same regarding the planets, aspects and the houses, but the Horary chart is used to answer one or more questions about an upcoming event / situation / possibility. Then the chart is no longer needed.

If anyone is interested, I am offering a special offer. I am looking to practice with at least 10 people, and through September 15th I am offering a Horary chart interpretation for $35. Basically if you have (a) question(s) about an upcoming event or application or promotion or situation, the interpretation can tell you “Yes” or “No” or “Not now” and it will tell you how the event will proceed (how it will end and any potential obstacles along the way).

Let me know if you are interested. You can call me to set up an appointment at 434 (area code) 465.0603

Enjoy the rest of the summer!

Further torma videos

Continuing the videos from the torma making class with Drupon Thinley Nyingpo, see below. This was for an Amitayus long life retreat but he said that the main offering torma – the kator – can be used for other practices as well. I would suggest asking your teacher which torma you should use (I personally know very little about it). See the previous post for more info on how to make tormas (and another video).

Note the ice water required for shaping the butter:

Watch as the torma is complete! Wow!

Thank you for visiting!

Torma making class

This material is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore. Reproduction without permission is prohibited. You can visit Kirby’s website at http://www.mkirbymoore.com to purchase Astrology interpretations and bodywork sessions. Please support Kirby’s blogging efforts. Thank you and enjoy!

I recently attended parts of an Amitayus long life retreat at Drong Ngur Jangchubling in Wesley Chapel, Florida. Drupon Thinley Nyingpo gave the empowerment and then led the six days plus of practice. It was very potent and clarifying for me, as I would drop in for one or two sessions each day and then rest and integrate.

Drupon la gave a short demonstration of how to make Kator – the offering torma for Amitayus (and other practices). This is the torma that is left on the shrine until one accomplishes their intended accumulations (usually 100 K). The smaller ong chu (sp?) bloom looking tormas are offered to the main torma during each meditation session.

Drupon Thinley Nyingpo mentioned that one can use barley flour, roast barley flour (tsampa in Tibetan), oat flour – just not wheat flour. There is a special type of Malaysian butter which melts at higher temperature. If one can get a hold of this butter it makes shaping the butter parts easier. Regular butter works also but you will need to fill a bowl with ice cold water and shape the butter under the water (so it does not melt all over your hands).

One thing not mentioned in the videos – Drupon la said that one should always add the six types of medicinal herbs to a torma mix – just a pinch is fine. The ingredients of the six medicinal herbs are as follows:

saffron

nutmeg

green cardamon powder

black cardamon powder

cloves

and the final ingredient is very difficult to obtain (may omit if unable to acquire it), it is a white clay substance from the waters around Mt. Kailash region of Tibetan called Chugang (sp?)

See the comment below by Cameron for further info on these 6 medicinal herbs.

Good luck with your torma making!