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What in the world does this title imply? I have studied and experienced a lot of process-oriented bodywork and pre- and peri-natal psychology. This means I am aware of many facets of my birth process and I have done some work in healing misunderstandings and resourcing wounded childhood parts of myself. Let me explain in a little more depth.
When I was born, first I had the umbilical cord wrapped twice around my neck. I did not need to be resuscitated but I am sure this was one birth trauma. Second, the medical staff felt they had to use forceps to pull my head out of the birth canal. This is another birth trauma. And third, and possibly the most traumatizing, was that because of my Indigenous American blood, I had dark splotches on my lower back. Well, the doctors in Hawaii had never seen anything like this before, so I was taken from my mother and placed in a NICU for at least 12 to 18 hours. This was definitely a third birth trauma. Research has been coming out recently about the need for babies to have skin to skin contact with mother to be psychologically resourced and to feel safe. Because as the newborn baby orients to its world, unconsciously its nervous system is deciding: “is this world safe or do I have to struggle to survive?” Although, let’s be honest, this unconscious decision often gets made long before the baby is born. If the mother is struggling, or making a major move, or working in a stressful job, or dealing with stress in the relationship with the father, then those stress hormones will probably already have the baby in utero deciding that the world is not a safe place.
With this context in place, now why do I have the above title?
Because I am about to move to Florida. This is going to be a major transition for me. And I am now in charge. And due to the large amount of personal growth work I have done on myself, this is the most conscious I have ever been in this lifetime. Therefore, if I notice feelings arising with regard to this big move, I can now slow down and say, “Okay body. I hear you. I feel [blank]. Now what do I need to come back into alignment?” (for instance) Yes I have moved about a dozen times previously, but those moves were all within Central Virginia – I had friends, family, teachers and I knew the area very well. In Florida, I have one spiritual teacher who I know well and a handful of friends and acquaintances and that is it. I don’t know the area and I don’t have a job. Plus I am not able to practice bodywork there until I become licensed to touch. So this transition is huge for me!
What I am trying to say is that my upcoming move to Florida is like entering a new world. Similarly, when I was born, it was like entering a new world. So I am comparing and contrasting my birth with my move. But now I am more conscious than I was as a newborn. So I will have more choice in how ease or challenging this present transition is.
And judging from the description of my birth above, there are definitely reactive childhood parts of me still deep in my subconscious who are influencing my emotions and making their own judgments about what is going on around me. Therefore it is my intention to do things at a manageable pace. I am slowing down enough to stay grounded and present in my body, despite the rare days when I start to drift away. And luckily I have set things up so that I do not have to find a job ASAP upon arriving in FL. That would be nice, but I need for that job to be part-time or very supportive. Too much stress and I am just repeating old lessons that lead to pain and suffering – NO THANK YOU!
With all this said, I have set certain boundaries and I intend to maintain those with regard to dates and my activities. If I feel I need a day off, then I am taking it. If I have a busy few days, then I would like to have the day prior to that window be slow and gentle. I am proud of myself so far. I have been fairly disciplined and I am noticing what is arising without too much judgment. Yay! <Patting myself on the back.>
Now I just have to take things one day at a time and stay relaxed and alert. We will see if I can manage this massive transition with ease and grace. And we will see if I can notice the reactive childhood parts of me as they raise their yellow and red flags of concern, and then I will sooth them and tuck them back in, safe and snug until I am ready to work with them (on my time of course).
Thank you for reading and wish me luck!