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Yesterday, as I drove home from a Dharma teaching in the Tidewater region (about 2.5 hours away from home), I had the good fortune to be questioned by a friend and Tibetan scholar about how does relationship astrology work? He grew up as a monk but gave up his robes and vows around the age of 23.
This is going to be a post in progress. So if you come back, you can read more over the next few days. 🙂
First off, what is relationship astrology? What in particular do you look at in the astrology chart?
Relationship astrology in general refers to looking at two people’s charts and comparing them, using the synastry between them and sometimes even creating a new chart of the relationship called the Composite Chart. With that said, first we will look at how we can see someone’s relationship needs from their own Natal Chart – their birth horoscope.
All of the planets, signs and houses in the astrology chart can play a role in relationship astrology, however Venus and Mars would be the best place to look first. Venus represents what we want (what do we desire?) in the simplest explanation, and Mars represents how we go about getting what we want.
This sounds very straight forward right? Well, astrology is a very complex topic. So it isn’t that simple. For instance, Venus’ sign can tell you a bit about how the person will like to love and be loved. It will tell you about their sensuality level, their passion or lack thereof, what kind of aesthetics they prefer, are they more romantic, do they like to take their time, how do they like to be wined and dined, etc. But here is the catch – so will the house position of Venus, so will the aspects to Venus, so will planets in the 2nd and 7th houses of the birth chart… Are you getting how intricate and interconnected astrology (in general and relationship astrology in particular) can be?
Likewise, Mars’ sign will tell you how assertive someone will be, how competitive, how driven, how direct, how aggressive, how passionate, how sensual, how romantic, how sexually driven, etc. And likewise so will the house placement, the aspects to Mars and planets in the 1st or 8th house.
Either of these planets aspecting Uranus, Neptune or Pluto will tack on an entire new level of dynamic twists and turns to either Mars or Venus. People have written entire books about each of these planets alone.. so I won’t go too deep here. Saturn or Jupiter in aspect to either relational planet will have different unique effects and persuasions.
Relationship astrology – why do some people yearn for a relationship really hard but never get one?
First of all, we are social creatures, so pretty much all people need social contact. Ideally we like to touch and be touched (consensual, comfortable, loving, appropriate touch), we want to be seen and heard and appreciated. But how much touching do we enjoy? Are we a Type A personality – driven, muscling through, a “no pain, no gain” type? Or are we more laid back? Are we more sensitive? And does that affect our romantic needs? (It often does!)
The first place to look is at the Natal Venus. The sign and house placement will tell you A LOT about the individual’s needs in relationships – and possibly if they even want one at all. By the way, it is rare for someone to be totally averse to any type of romantic relationship (see the last question below). Even if someone has less sexual hunger, we still get lonely and benefit from human contact!
Venus in the 2nd house will be different from Venus in the 5th and very different from the 12th house! So house position is quite important. The sign plays a major role, and alas, so do aspects to Venus.
The astrology chart is a reflection of our gross karma. So if someone has abused their power in relationships in the past (lives), then it is possible they will have poor relationship karma. But keep in mind that karma is not permanent – it can be transformed. If you have a spiritual practice, it can be transformed even faster. Negative karma can be worked off as it were.
Also we need to put the causes and conditions into place. If we are abrasive and angry, then we need to work on ourselves before we could possibly attract a harmonious relationship! And the conditions involve meeting people. There might be a great partner out there for us, but if we are too scared to go out, or to try GreenSingles or MeetMindful or other legit dating sites, then we might successfully avoid them for a while.
But the key is to work on yourself first. I told my mother back when I was 20 that I was going to work on improving myself so that down the road I could attract a good partner. That is how you can be prepared. If we don’t work on ourselves, then the “universe” (or really our inner need reflected in an outer person) will send someone who really triggers us around our blind spots.
To answer this question… be wary when you see the word “never.” You can be more prepared by working on yourself. Especially work to resource your inner developmental parts – this work is done via Birth Process Work (PPN Work), EMDR, Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy (DNMS), some Somatic Experiencing if the practitioner is really experienced and a few other modalities.
Why do we need to be aware of our developmental needs and unmet needs? Because this is what gets stirred up as soon as we get intimate with someone – we go straight back to our attachment style with our caretakers. This is true when we start having sex with someone and especially when we start living with someone. So do repair work for your little one. 🙂
Then you will have less unconscious stuff to be triggered by! And we will have much more psychic energy to put into creativity and joy!
To be continued in the next post!
Thank you for reading!
KM
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