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This is a continuation from a previous post. Go back and read that one first. This post is in progress. Over the next few days more will be written. 🙂
Why do relationships occasionally come to people who are wholly unprepared for one? Or which aspects do I look at to see a potential romantic relationship coming my way?
This was an interesting question! For someone who knows astrology well, then a new relationship possibility would not be a huge surprise. You can look at any number of aspects in the Timing Charts (Transit Chart, Secondary Progressed Chart, etc) to see whether there will be a possible romantic tryst (if you are into that kind of thing) or a more serious potential partnering.
These aspects include Progressed Venus conjunct Natal / Pr Mars, Natal / Pr Sun, Natal / Pr Moon (at these times love will be in the air for two to three years so you would look at shorter Transit aspects to actually see “when”). Progressed Mars in the Natal 7th house is when we have a lot of energy and drive to partner up – especially closer to the Descendant. Pr Mars will be in the 7th house for up to 50 years… so the first 10 degrees of that house are more poignant in this case. Having an accurate birth time makes a big difference in cases like these.
I wrote an entire post on marriage aspects in astrology. Go back and read through the astrology category or search marriage aspects for more on this topic.
If we have done A LOT of work on ourselves, then Transiting Saturn entering the 7th house can indicate a time of a romantic relationship deepening. More commitment, more responsibility, more discipline required to keep it a harmonious relationship. But still quite possibly a healthy, happy, lively relationship!
There are other aspects – lots of them – that indicate a time of potential pairing or even of juicy short love affairs… better to work with a skillful astrologer to discern what and when. 🙂
Keep in mind what I mention on that first article / post – if we resist meeting someone, if we do not put the causes and conditions into place to meet a potential partner, then we might be able to resist these astrological suggestions.
Is a relationship set in stone? Regarding the dynamic between the two people?
In other words, are the ways of relating between two people stuck or fixed OR subject to change and mutability?
The immediate answer to this question of course is “No.” However, there are a number of people who are “stuck in a rut” or many people say “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” So only if we are willing to acknowledge that there might be an issue, or I might have a blind spot, or that suppressed emotion is starting to really get in the way of my giving and receiving love… then we can make changes, work on improving ourselves and therefore shift the relationship to a better place. If we can peel ourselves away from self-grasping and focus on how can I make my partner’s life better today? Then this will make things change really quickly.
The Composite Chart is set in stone – it is like the Natal Chart for the relationship. So if two people have serious quarreling for years on end.. then that might be the baseline. But Progress (progression) happens, change is inevitable. But it might not be fast enough if there are too many problems in the relationship.
Being more flexible, adaptable, open, curious, spacious and having a sense of wonder of what this day will bring will help. How will I be pleasantly surprised today? How can I joyfully surprise my partner today?
Why are we attracted to some people but not others?
I do not claim to know much about the mechanisms of karma. However, we can often see attraction in the birth chart. There are many aspects that reveal this.
For starters, one of the hottest (spiciest, juiciest, etc) aspects between two charts is Mars square Venus – whether synastry or in the composite chart. This is one square the works real good. “Oh you mean there is tension between my conquering warrior and your delicate damsel, oh my…” (Don’t worry this won’t get X-rated. I hope.)
But there are some interesting aspects for attraction as well. Jupiter trine / sextile / conjunct Mars – a fun playful flirtatious competition; Jupiter / Venus – this may not be hot passion but it will mean you two are very generous and kind with each other.
There are the soul mate aspects (I’ll just leave this one blank on purpose. Some cards need to stay close to my chest. Message me for a personalized interpretation. My site is http://www.mkirbymoore.com)
Pluto / Mars aspects when soft are pretty amazing. There might be fireworks. If hard aspects, attempt to be gentle!
There is even the weird mother / oedipus attraction piece of Mars in aspect to the Moon. Especially if it is a male / female relationship and it is his Mars / her Moon. This can be another piece in the attraction puzzle. But I wouldn’t base a long-term relationship on it.
Is there one karmic pre-destined person for us to be with?
The answer to this question is “No.” I believe that there might be a primary relationship with whom we have a strong karmic connection, someone who will provoke us enough to grow and mature and ripen. With that said however, if I choose not to be with that person (for any number of reasons), then I also believe that there are many secondary relationships out there which will also poke and prod us into growth and evolving for the better.
Actually, different people will inspire or reflect what we need to see / feel / experience in order to work through some deep psycho-spiritual issue. And different people will reflect different aspects or levels or ages of what we need. Here is an example:
I am currently dating a woman who has a four year old daughter. The woman I’m dating is just wrapping up a divorce. (They signed the separation agreement long before we started dating – I made sure of this. No need to commit any sexual misconduct!) When I started seeing her, her daughter was three and a half years old.
This current relationship I’m in, which is going really well by the way, was the perfect catalyst for me to see how wounded I was by my own parents’ divorce (which I was three and a half years old!). Previously I thought most of my unmet needs / wounds came from a difficult birth… (I have done a lot of work on myself btw.)
Now, having brought this unconscious wound(s) to the surface, I lean into support as I work to resource my little 3 and 4 year old parts, I repair his / my nervous system / brain and I work to slow things down. Because the big ball of emotions was too overwhelming for a three-year-old nervous system at the time. Now we can skillfully, patiently, compassionately and gently untangle that big psycho-spiritual knot!
In conclusion, there may be several people who reflect different things I need to work on. I am very happy and content being in this current relationship. But say I had chosen differently 6-8 months ago, I might be with someone else who reflects another unconscious part of me that need healing.
Why does it seem that some people can’t resist being with their partners?
This was another interesting question! Are we compelled to be with someone? People sometimes talk about irresistible lust. And when we are younger, and the reproductive hormones are flowing mightily through our veins, then maybe it might seem irresistible. But for most rational people, we always have a choice.
It might seem we are “fated” to be with someone – always bumping into them at the store, being in class with them all the time, sharing the same spiritual path, or whatever. But if we can meditate, if we can peel our minds away from the groove we have started making – about how they are the perfect partner or about how they will solve all our problems – go for a walk in nature, spend time gazing at the vast sky, go for a trip to physically get separation from them – then we would see that it really is a choice.
If you feel you need to be with someone, then go for it. I am not saying not to! If you feel the irresistible urge to partner / be near them / romance them, then there is probably a reason. Learn from them. Grow with them. Practice generosity! And on a different note…
Being aware of our early unmet needs and developmental wounds is very important. Because this is what causes this magnetic attraction. As an example, the abandoned part of me will be fulfilled by the giving assertive part of you. And if my early developmental unmet needs template matches up very closely with yours, then it will feel like the “perfect match!” But in reality, it can be unconscious forces at work.
And of course it might be the case that we have a strong positive healthy karmic connection to someone or maybe multiple someones. And in this case, we feel drawn toward them, we love spending time with them, it feels like we grow or get fed by being with them. Then this is very positive and healthy! Go with it!
So if we have done a lot of work on ourselves. If we are pretty clear about our psycho-spiritual drives and needs, then we can go into a relationship with less unconscious yearning (inappropriate feelings of will-you-take-care-of-my-little-one?). Then we can have a co-creating, inspiring, supportive, spacious, reliable, committed, generous, light, lively, spontaneous, grounded partnership! Yay!
Is there a monastic signature in the birth chart? When you see this, you might think to yourself, yes this individual (at least on some level) does not want to be in a romantic relationship this lifetime?
Whether it is personal choice or due to our karma… if you see someone with Venus in the 12th house and in Virgo, then unfortunately (sorry folks) relationships might not be easy for that person. This could also be true for Venus in Scorpio – although for a different reason. Venus in Scorpio in the 12th house could be more on the scheming / manipulative side and therefore have trouble keeping relationships as a result.
But even this combination is not a life sentence of being alone. We must take into account aspects! Jupiter trine either of these Venuses in the 12th house and maybe they will benefit quite nicely from a relationship (and benefit their partner(s)).
So yes there could be a monastic signature, but it is complex. A good astrologer can help you to sort this out.