Meditation Informs Healing Facilitation

Three Indigo Circus (Winter Retreat 2010)

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To continue the thread from the previous posts, this is a fictional rendition of the Winter Retreat 2010 at the Tibetan Meditation Center.

Saturday late night and early Sunday Morning – 1/1/11

As we left off, Mical stopped chanting at 11 pm, unable to go to sleep. And this fact had not changed. But let us step back a few minutes, to 10:45 pm. And then the reader will understand why the word “circus” is in the title. Also, please keep in mind that most people go to meditation retreats with the understanding that there are certain behaviors which are permissible and there are certain behaviors which would typically get one suspended from attending further retreats. It seems the TMC is more on the permissive side of this line. But read on and decide for yourself.

At 10:45, Khenpo Konchog Lhawang told Mical to go get the next group (to relieve the first one). Mical proceeded to tell the people in the kitchen that it was their turn to go chant, and then we went downstairs to tell several gentlemen who had been sleeping down there that it was indeed their turn. As he started down the stairs, he smelled something peculiar – a burnt off-onion odor was drifting up. So first he stopped at the closed downstairs kitchen door.

“Bang bang bang!!! Bang bang!” The sound of a hammer hitting something abruptly caused Mical to pause.

“What the…??!” He was quite confused. “Why would someone be hammering something at 11 pm, especially on this night of all nights?? Good Lord! What is going on around here?” He gently pushed in the door and found Susan, a woman from Southeast Asia slapping lemongrass with a metal spatula. “Oh.” Now he knew what the odor was, and that was the source of the sound. From previous retreats, he knew to tread carefully around this one.

“Is something burning?” He asked with curiosity. She was cooking… late at night…

“No.” Susan said. Well that was that.

Mical shut the door behind him and went toward the downstairs sleeping area. He found Alex, who is a large man, muttering under his breath, “I’m going to kill her! I swear to God, what the hell?”

“Hey Alex, you okay man?” Mical tried to intercede – no use having someone murdered while on retreat. It would not be good for any of the parties involved.

“What the f#$% is someone cooking for this late at night? And then she is slamming eel tails or burning onions on top of it all! I could not bloody sleep!!!” Alex was understandably perturbed. “I mean what country am I in for God’s sake?!”

“Hey I’m sure she will be finished soon. You wanna just go upstairs and do your chanting? I know she will be done when you finish.” Mical soothingly asked.

“Yeah, well I’m cool. But maybe I will go do a belly flop on her…” This was no idle threat coming from him. But Alex smiled as he said this so Mical knew it would be okay.

As Mical turned to follow him up the stairs, he noticed that the smell of burnt onions (lemongrass) was worse downstairs, which is where he was supposed to sleep… “Ugh!”

Back in the shrine room, the second group had started. Mical sat down at his usual spot next to the captain of that group – Ashoka. He wrote a note to his seat mate, it read:

“Excuse me Ashoka, what I am to do about the woman hammering and burning onions downstairs?? That is where I am supposed to sleep…”

Ashoka, as a captain, was one of the people helping to lead the chant. But when he read Mical’s note, he started chuckling, and he tried to chant and chuckle at the same time and it sounded real funny. So everyone in the shrine room looked over, well all six people that is. But Ashoka went on with his chanting and did not answer Mical’s question.

“Oh well, better go try to get some rest.” Mical got up and bowed and then dedicated the merit in his mind. Because now he was serious of trying to sleep.

He went downstairs, passing the “Bang bang bang!!” of the kitchen.

“Oh God!” he thought to himself. He grabbed his sleeping bag and pillow and went upstairs to sleep on a couch.

Earlier in the day he had been chatting with one of the new, young members of the center about Indigo Children. This topic is a whole other discussion which may or may not be covered at a later time. However, that same young individual had followed him up the stairs with his cushions and sleeping bag.

Jasmine was trying to get to sleep on the other couch and Jeffrey put his cushions down on the floor between the two couches. Mical lay down and realized that all three of them were Indigo Children (or adults considering Mical was in his 30’s). He said so, “Jeff, all three of us are Indigos actually.”

Jasmine piped up with, “Oh you should put that in your short story too… Good night!” She wanted to sleep. For some reason, this was another cause for a brief giggling fit from Mical.

They lay there trying to sleep for five or ten minutes. Then, “Ring ring ring!”

“Sorry…” Jasmine said sheepishly and answered her phone. At 11:30 pm, when Mical needed sleep worse then ever. “I thought I had put that on vibrate…”

Then ten more minutes of trying to sleep. The door from downstairs opened and the speaker in the kitchen, right next to the three, started to blare the haunting sound of the chanting from the shrine room. It might have been soft, but at this point in the night, Mical’s senses were attuned and enhanced so it was enough to distract and irritate him. He let out a guffaw and then got up and turned the speaker off. “Okay…” He mumbled.

“Is that smell getting worse?” This time Jeff broke the silence. He coughed several times.

“I think it is.” Mical agreed.

“It’s making me cough…” Jeff got up and closed the door.

Perhaps another five minutes passed when Jeff’s phone went off. By now it was past midnight. Mical thought to himself, “Oh Dear Lord!” He was chuckling and irate at the same time. “I may not ever get to sleep!” He could hear Jeff talking on the phone down the hall…

Mical finally faded off to sleep, maybe around 1 am… Only to be rudely awakened by his own alarm clock at 2:45 am.

Mical staggered toward the shrine room. His half chuba (maroon colored skirt) was coming down, so he sleepily looked around. No one, so he adjusted his skirt in the hall outside the shrine room. Of course, who should walk in a second later but his root teacher, Drupon Dorje Sangpo along with a female translator. Luckily Mical was so groggy he only realized later that they may have seen him undressing (through the glass door).

Drupon asked, “Are you awake?”

“Yes Rinpoche. (I think so anyway…)” Mical answered.

Drupon, Mical and his group chanted the Sun up. Maybe one person had stayed awake the entire time, aside from Drupon-la. Most people experienced a brief nodding off.

Then the rest of the day went without a hitch and everyone enjoyed doing Lama Chopa practice and partaking of the Tsok feast (pictures available from the first post in this series).

Thanks for reading!

sleepless in sacred solitude (Winter Retreat 2010)

This is a continuation of the previous post, where I give a fictitious rendition, inspired by the real events from a day at the Tibetan Meditation Center, where the Winter Retreat was held.

SATURDAY EVENING 1/1/11

Mical felt like he was on cloud nine after the empowerment. He was charged up and very little, if anything could bring him down. He was so wound up that he was worried about getting even more “high” from all the chatter and conversations which had sprung up as everyone waited for dinner to be prepared. So he retired downstairs where he found a copy of an incredibly inspiring book about the extraordinary accounts of enlightenment stories and other tales from high Tibetan lamas. It was called “The Snow Lion’s Turquoise Mane.” And he started reading its many exceptional tales.

After dinner, everyone who would be participating in the all night chanting was gathered together and told how things would unfold. There would be a group chanting the first shift from 7 to 11 pm, then another group would chant from 11 pm to 3 am and finally a third group would chant the Sun up from 3 am to 7 am. Mical was informed that he was one of the Sunny 3 to 7 am group members. “Oh no! As wound up as I am now, I might not get to sleep before 11 pm! Oh boy!?!” He thought to himself.

He went downstairs again and recommenced reading his new found treasure. He read a section about Neten Choling Rinpoche’s enlightenment, how he had been really sick on the day of an initiation ceremony and the Great Khyentse Rinpoche, his teacher, was giving the initiation. Khyentse Rinpoche apparently clarivoyant, performed the ceremony and when it came time to put the blessing vase on Neten Choling Rinpoche’s head, he also kicked his student in the gut. Neten Choling Rinpoche let go of what the book claimed was a long, magnificent fart and of course, in the shrine room this is something to be ashamed of. So he was embarrassed and ashamed. Then Khyentse Rinpoche yelled at him, “That’s it!!” Neten Choling Rinpoche, for a split second was stripped of his conceptual chatter, realized the innate nature of his mind, and he awakened.

Now one does not read a story like this everyday. And along with the immense charge Mical was holding, he started to laugh at the book. Then Alex, who had been studying nearby, came over, on his way to bed. Alex asked, “what’s so funny?” Mical told him what he was laughing at.

Alex said, “oh yeah! The crazy stories around here are amazing. Like Khenpo’s story earlier about the yeti sitting on the rabbit hole.” Earlier in the week, Khenpo had indeed given an analogy involving marmots (rabbits) and a yeti and for some reason, Mical thought this was even funnier. He giggled and giggled, unable to stop himself. Alex asked again but finally gave up and lay down.

Mical calmed down and put the book aside to try to get some rest before his chanting shift if he could swing it.

Sure enough… He lay down at 7 pm to try to force his body to rest. He lay there for what felt like hours, going through the usual techniques for making himself pass out – a body-scan meditation, the four thoughts that turn the mind toward enlightenment, slowing down his breath… “It’s NO Use!” He knew that he had lay there for at least a few hours when he sat up and saw a clock across the room. “7:52 – Oh Dear God!!!”

“What?!? Oh no!” Well no use lying around getting frustrated at temporal anomalies. Mical went upstairs and joined in the chanting with the first group. “Oooh oooh oh maaa aaaahh aaah aahh aahnii eee eeeee eeee eeeeeme peai aaaiiii aaaaiiiii aaaiiii ayyyy aaayyyyy hhhuuunnng shriiiiiihhh…” This was the plodding-paced chant of Om Mani Padme Hung Hrih.

He chanted with the group until 11 pm, occasionally getting up for tea and to go to the kitchen to bring back goodies for the chanters. At one point, people returned who had been cooking the Tsok at another house, so there were more people in the kitchen than in the shrine room. Mical picked up a plate of cookies to take back to the shrine room. Ashoka, one of the humorous board members of the center said, “Oh now where do you think you are going with those?” Mical just grinned and continued into the shrine room to offer them first to the lamas and then the four or five lay chanters.

He returned with the nearly empty plate to the kitchen and realized he had not gotten a cookie yet. So he set the plate on the table, which had six late-night practitioners sitting around it and then he said, “oops! I better take on for myself…”

To which Marjory exclaimed, “Oh no! How many of those have you had?!” Mical grinned more. Actually he had not had one yet.

Finally 11 pm rolled around and he left along with the first group when they were replaced.

blessing ceremony (Winter Retreat 2010)

This post is a fictional rendition of a night at the recent ManiDrupchen.

The pictures on this post are from the Lama Chopa Tsok feast on Sunday. The Lama Chopa Tsok is an offering to the wisdom beings and lineage lamas and it is offered after major retreats / religious events as a way of dedicating the merit gained during the practice. It is said that if Lama Chopa and Tsok are offered with sincerity, then the lineage lamas must attend, either in person or through the ether. This particular Tsok was particularly delicious and special (to me) because most of it was homemade and as a result, it had much less sugar than is typical (when dozens of people bring Tsok offerings on their own).

Remember… this is a fictional rendition. Short disclaimer: A spiritual aspirant should always seek a qualified teacher from a reliable and respected tradition before engaging in meditation or spiritual practice of any sort. Relying on books does not confer a bit of living blessing whatsoever. With that said, please enjoy…

SATURDAY 1/1/11

“Oh my god! How long is this going to last?” Mical thought to himself. The words of the blessing ceremony were starting to blur together. He was very happy to be there, but on this particular day, he had a bit of a headache and he was pretty sure the homeopathic medicine he was taking was causing his pineal gland to shift in a most peculiar manner. Plus it felt like he had walked through a foggy cloud-bank and had yet to emerge.

The translator continued: “this picture is symbolic of the inseparability of wisdom and compassion…” Mical was groaning within. He was struggling to stay present and focus on each picture. He wanted to ingest the blessing which was spoken so highly of, regarding this particular empowerment. Apparently this was a special royal lineage empowerment from one of the Great Tibetan Kings. He had heard inspiring stories of times past, when enlightened deities incarnated among humankind, became leaders and occasionally extremely rare and precious treasure texts would start raining from the sky. Maybe if he could focus just a little bit longer…

“Ugh! My head is aching like never before!” Again he thought to himself. No use moaning in the crowded shrine room and drawing attention to himself.

“Now visualize the retinue as such…” Mical caught a snippet of a missed conversation. “Oh no! Who is in the retinue? What do they look like? I missed it! Argh!” This day was not going as planned. Whoops! That sounded important.

“…this allows you to conquer possessiveness which comes about through the false view of duality…” Mical tried to focus and catch a solid image of that particular picture being displayed.

Again thinking to himself, “why do they keep saying the same thing but with different words…? Can we get on with it already?!” Patience was normally his strong suit, but this was a particularly trying day for some reason. This might have been the first time he had EVER regretted the teacher being so thorough… Yikes!

The Vajra Master, or Tibetan Lama in charge of the empowerment, said, “Now we will break for lunch. You have received one of 40 empowerments of this sacred initiation.”

In his mind, alarm bells started ringing, Mical wanted to jump right out of his skin and dive into a pool of perfectly warm, herb-filled milk, or go escape to a spa, or roll most uncomfortably down the mountain. And definitely go for a hike. “Anything but this! Why is it so hard for me to stay focused and awake today? Oh my God! And we still have 39 empowerments to go? What am I going to do?!…”

Lunch was delicious, having been brought to the meditation center by a generous Vietnamese family. And then Mical spent time joking around with one of the Tibetan monks – Lama Tenzin Gendun. They spoke about fixing cars, traveling and all the simple topics Mical could think of, considering how limited his Tibetan was…

The empowerment continued, along with Mical’s inability to be present and joyful in the moment. At least the lunch break provided a nice distraction. Back in the shrine room, the Vajra Master was holding up pictures which had profound symbolic meanings. “Just try to stay awake!” Mical inwardly scolded himself.

Thankfully the remaining 39 empowerments did not take nearly as long as the first one. The first one, along with the Vajra Master’s introductory teaching took the entire morning. The master was being very specific and giving detailed instructions – so much so that it was hard for questions to arise. Unfortunately Mical could barely get beyond the question of, “why can’t I go downstairs and take a nice, long nap?” He grinned to himself at that thought. Here he was, extremely fortunate to be able to attend a single moment of a precious empowerment, and in spite of this fact, his mind was unbelievably restless. Apparently just a drop of the Dharma essence might be able to liberate people with immaculate karma. Yeah, Mical was beginning to wonder about his curious karma.

More pictures were displayed. More of Mical struggling to keep his eyes open and take in each one. A golden implement here… a deity there… more inseparability of sound and emptiness… inseparability of bliss and emptiness… appearance and emptiness…

“Tea break.” Several people in the audience did not understand, but Mical knew those magical words. Meaning it was time to lie down, without missing any of this precious ceremony. “30 minutes…”

“Whoa! I can take a nice little nap… Sweet!” Mical bowed reverently when the Vajra Master went by. And then shortly, he followed him out, went downstairs and lay down on a couch. People were coming and going, but he did not care. He was able to shut his aching eyes and rest…

“Click” A light was turned off nearby. “Where am I? Oh, the meditation center basement. Who is turning out the light? Alexander. Okay good… wait… Oh no! Did I miss the end of the empowerment?! Oh no!” Mical scampered upstairs. He only slowed down upon entering the sacred shrine room.

“The 28th empowerment is as such…” The translator started. Mical looked in his notes.

“Wow! It seems I have not missed anything! We left off at 26 or 27 before the break. Maybe I was awakened at just the proper moment. Awesome!” Mical was very grateful to Alex.

For some unusual reason, Mical’s ability to focus and to sit calmly, both inwardly and outwardly, seemed to be different. “What is different here? I took a little nap… Maybe that I was all I needed?! I can think clearly and my head isn’t aching so badly! Who knew that 10 minutes could make that much of a difference?” He was able to peacefully watch the Vajra Master, or shift his focus to the translator – and not be irritated if it seemed like each picture’s inner meaning was remarkably similar to the previous 17’s.

During the final session of the empowerment, Mical marveled at the intricacy of the process (and the Buddhist masters who penned it all) – it seemed like everything was being covered. Everything that is from starting the process of purifying the seeds of rebirth in each of the six realms to union with each of the six Lords of the Buddha families. Whoa! That wisdom seemed quite beyond Mical in that moment.

At the end of the empowerment (or 40 mini empowerments), the Vajra Master said, “okay all finished.” It was precious to hear him speak in English. In general he has a translator for his teachings or empowerments, probably because the language can be technical and precise. Then, despite having given the empowerment, which lasted from 9 am to 5 pm with several breaks, he continued with the planned schedule of telling the audience about the benefits of and significance of the Om Mani Padme Hung mantra.

“Amazing!” Mical thought, regarding the Tibetan lamas, their persistence and endurance just blew him away. It seems that having to maintain a visualization all day as enlightened deity, in order to bestow the empowerment, would wear anyone else out. But not this particular teacher.

End of Part One, thanks for reading

leading up to Winter Retreat 2010

Dear Readers,

Happy New Year! Wow – 2011. As you are probably aware, I was in a brief little retreat for New Year’s Day, so my 1/1/11 was not as celebratory as others. Although we had a very potent blessing ceremony conferred.

Here begins various tales about my experiences at Winter Retreat 2010 at the Tibetan Meditation Center in Frederick, Maryland. Before I begin however…

There is a theory that goes something like this:
If one goes to retreat and finds their transition to the retreat regimen to be joyful and easier, that indicates that one’s normal, everyday lifestyle is in alignment with the Dharma and full of mindful awareness, etc. If one goes to retreat and feels like jumping out of their skin (getting away from the retreat premises) and observes incredible resistance arising, well that might mean, among other things, that their ordinary lifestyle is not in alignment with meditative stabilization.

Well let me tell you… for a couple days on retreat, I was not a happy camper. Much resistance and irritation arose within my stream of awareness. This could be due to a number of influences: I had been working 40 – 50 hours a week for the three months up to this point, and I had run around connecting with family before heading up to retreat. So the pace of my life was too fast, for 90 days straight, and it was difficult to do full days of rest and practice during that time. But at least I improved my finances 🙂

Getting to retreat, the schedule was something like this (for me):
– wake up and slowly move toward leaving to go up to TMC (between 8 and 9 am)
– arrive at TMC a few minutes after the teachings had begun (I needed this restful time and pace!)
– Khenpo Tsultrim taught on an incredibly potent text – “The Heart Treasure of the Enlightened Ones: The Practice of View, Meditation and Action; A Discourse Virtuous in the Beginning, Middle and End.” He taught from 9 am to 12 noon. I will include a post about these transformative teachings.
– from 2 to 5 pm, Khenpo Chophel would lead, along with the other lamas, ManiDrupchen-like chanting (plodding, gradual chanting of the Mani mantra)
– then from 6 to 8 pm, further chanting of the Mani Mantra

On Saturday, Drupon Thinley Ningpo (Nyingpo) gave an extensive and exhaustive empowerment in the King Songtsen Gampo Royal Lineage tradition of the Great Noble Heart Chenrezig. This was the same empowerment that we had received the previous two years from Traga Rinpoche and then Khenpo Tsultrim. However, Drupon went into depth on each aspect and it took about six hours total, including his brief introductory teachings. Later he gave brief teachings on the significance of the Mani Mantra.

Starting at 7 pm on Saturday, we began all night chanting, taking shifts like the previous years. We would conclude chanting at 7 am on Sunday. Then at 10 am we did a smoke (sang) offering and then did Lama Chopa and offered a Tsok feast. I will include details of each.

off to retreat

Hello to all my wonderful readers,

I am headed up to Maryland this afternoon, for eight days of resting down and back into a vast mandala of healing wisdom. There is an annual retreat held at the Tibetan Meditation Center. This year, the focus will be on the practice of Chenrezig (Avalokitesvara) and the mantra Om Mani Padme Hung Hrih. In the mornings, Khenpo Tsultrim Tenzin will teach on many of the levels and layers of this expansive, compassion-engendering practice, then in the cold wintery afternoons and evenings, we will warm up our hearts by reciting the mantra for the benefit of all sentient beings. Yay!

Some people are calling this a ManiDrupchen but I think that is erroneous as we are not chanting around the clock and there is not a sand mandala being created (see my previous posts). I would call this the annual TMC Winter Retreat whose focus is on the Mani mantra. Khenpo Tsultrim, Khenpo Chophel, Lama Gyaltsen and Drupon Thinley Ningpo will be leading us and I am particularly looking forward to Saturday and Sunday in the New Year (the first and second). Then we will chant the Mani mantra all through the night. Yummy.

When I return, I plan to finish some threads I started previously. I am no longer working (for someone else) so I will have more leisure time and energy – I am still seeing clients for bodywork and spiritual astrology (and I need more clients of course).

Well, many blessings to you and if you want, you could chant the Mani mantra with us this week. We will be chanting from 2 to 5 pm (EST) and 7 to 9 pm through the week, then from 7 pm to 7 am on Saturday night. Hope you can join us!

Clear Light in Virginia Beach

Driving down to Va Beach to attend Drupon Thinley Ningpo, my heart teacher and root lama. What a blessing – no matter what he is teaching on.

Early December, no telling what the weather will bring, but not expecting anything spectacular. As I transit past Richmond and beyond Williamsburg, the leaves are still aflame – beginning to remain on the trees, like I’m traveling back in time. In actuality I’m heading toward the moderate temps of the coastal climate. The leaves are beautiful as I get into Newport News – reds and oranges still hanging on for dear life, or fearing to let go – both metaphors sound quite familiar.

I cross multiple bridges across great swaths of water – the mighty James and parts of the Chesapeake, on my way to Portsmouth, where I will be staying during this blessed weekend. I am extraordinarily grateful for my hosts’ hospitality and kindness – unrivaled. Flowers next to my bed, simple yet Amazing. Crows and vultures give way to gulls and pelicans – yes, I am near a Great Ocean.

Friday evening. Drupon reviews several vital pieces for the upcoming full Saturday and Sunday – the precious nature of Tantric teachings – do not take one grain of tantra for granted as it can be the cause of liberation. Virginia Blum translates. Tantra is imbued with the living blessings of an ancient lineage of authentic masters. Don’t spread these teachings to just anybody, as wrong view can make teachings on emptiness lead to extreme nihilistic tailspins. (Don’t worry, I won’t say too much.) He mentioned that authentic practice relaxes the mind and makes it more malleable. Drupon says that despite not (m)any in the audience being ready to practice these advanced teachings, he says that if we develop a solid, stable foundation, then any teachings and practice become a method for accumulating merit and wisdom. [Sounds to me like a foundation I have not yet formulated.]

The Six Yogas of Naropa are an advanced set of teachings and practices. First, practice the Outer Preliminaries – the Four Thoughts that Turn the Mind (toward Enlightenment) – these could take a year each. Although I have also heard of people taking 10 days for each of these while they are in solitary (closed) retreat. Next, complete the Ngondro practices (inner preliminaries) – these can take one to twenty years depending on one’s level of dedication. Then move on to work on the Five Fold Path of Mahamudra – we are looking at three to twenty further years… (Anyone else out of breath yet…? Huff, huff… pant, pant.) And then, if you are in retreat and you have your teacher’s blessing, then you can practice these potent, subtle-body-clarifying Yogas.

I do not plan to say much more about the actual practices myself. I am grossly under-qualified. But I will share a curious anecdote or two… Five years ago, when I first met Drupon (before I knew he was my root lama – oh, another tangent, I would normally never have chosen a root lama so soon if several extraordinary events did not occur…), I did not know much at all about Tibetan Buddhism. I had just taken several classes on Craniosacral Therapy, Reiki and Zapchen Somatics and done a little bit of chanting with some of the local Sangha members, not that I knew what I was doing or saying. But I felt drawn to the Dharma. Anyway, when I first met the Drupon, I eventually had the chance to have an interview with him. Of course, in my ignorant / extremely naive state… I asked him to teach me Dream Yoga (not knowing it was one of the Six Yogas of Naropa, an advanced practice, and of course not evening knowing what or who Naropa was…). He promptly said, “Have you finished your prostrations?” Huh?

“What does that mean?” I thought, “How do you finish?” So my answer was honest and I said no. Then he told me that he would teach me Dream Yoga when I did so. Later, when he found out how naive [read ignorant] I was, he told me to first meditate on the Four Thoughts (that Turn the Mind). It took me more than a year to understand what that meant… In case you have not gotten the picture, I am one slow bloke! 🙂 And now, between May of 2006 and December of 2010, I’m still not finished with my prostrations… But I just had the good fortune to attend Drupon’s teaching on Dream Yoga… Very curious indeed. Maybe something clicked into place?

Saturday teachings were on Clear Light. Also known as Radiant Light or Inner Radiance or Luminous Clarity.

Sunday’s teachings were on Dream Yoga and a little bit on the Bardos.

Several things I will say that I took away from this weekend are these: Drupon emphasized over and over again how important it is to practice now, while we have the leisures and endowments. He stressed this because Clear Light and Dream Yoga are two practices used to purify the Bardo state (the realm we enter when we die). In order to have a decent shot at enlightenment when we transition at the time of death, we must practice now, we must familiarize ourselves with the process. That way we have a good chance of recognizing the illusory Bardo realms for what they are. Or we can be fortunate and conscious as we glimpse the true nature of the mind (Clear Light). And if we choose not to practice meditation, then at least we can try to make ourselves as calm and clear headed as possible around the time of death. It seems very important according to numerous traditions (makes sense).

No matter what though, do not do any advanced practices without the explicit permission of a qualified teacher. Drupon was very clear on this point. He said, “No one in this room is to do these practices outside of retreat… These are [extremely] potent practices and you need to have [serious containment and] guidance.” This was the first time I heard him speak so firmly. Which pretty much cleared it up for me – I doubt I will do these practices (consciously, purposely) in this lifetime, as I plan to marry and have a family…

Wow – what a downer! Only the retreat-oriented Dharma can bring marriage and loving partnership to its knees… But on the bright side! Our karma manifests in so many wonderful ways – meaning I am looking enthusiastically ahead to growth through relationship yoga. And speaking of which, I am very grateful for my karma of being able to spend a weekend with my teacher. No matter what is involved. And as I mentioned, I was twice as blessed, as a potent teaching was involved too.

Oh – and I received an Ayurvedic transmission from my hosts. They shared much information from their recent adventures to India where they did much yoga and cleansing of their diets. Yay! Time to take better care of what I put in my body. 🙂 Of course!!

[By the way, forgive any mistakes I have made in attempting to convey Drupon’s words. Any errors are on the part of me, an ordinary, afflicted human being. This was powerful subject matter to be sure. And it is my intention to merely be clear, humble and honest.]

Importance of quality resources on spiritual path, Pt. 1

Part One, introduction

I believe that if our early childhood needs are not met in a timely fashion, that deficiencies can develop in our cognitive processes (there is much research to support this – the developing central nervous system has certain windows of time in which certain needs must be met to grow in a healthy fashion). I go on to suggest that if these deficiencies are not addressed before one starts out on a potent spiritual path, then potent spiritual practice will aggravate and cause these deficiencies (unmet needs) to surface unexpected, possibly alarming manifestations. I believe that developing and strengthening inner resources (meeting these needs as adults) is a vital and necessary facet of spiritual practice, another foundation if you will. I describe a little of my personal process as an example. And just for the record, I am a humble, ordinary human being, who has much to work on. I am neither a psychotherapist, nor a licensed counselor. So if you are in need of support involving what I am describing here, please go out and get it. I am not the person to contact. Call a psychotherapist and ask if they do DNMS, EMDR or meeting childhood needs work. See below for good support suggestions. This blog is for informational purposes only – it does not intend or pretend to cure, heal, treat or prevent any disease. With that said however, I have been blessed with many incredible teachers who have given me living examples of kind adult parts of self and psycho-spiritual conceptual resources to bring onto the path.

What is a resource? According to the Development Needs Meeting Strategy website (and book), resources are mature adult parts of self that can help child parts heal. Many people have these resources within them, they may just need strengthening. In certain extreme cases, people may need to reconstruct these inner resources.

For those of us (Americans or members of the human race in general) who have busy and productive yet caring Western parents, there is a good chance that some of our needs as children were not met. Yes, you might be thinking – how can any parents meet all the needs of their children – impossible!!??!! Well you are correct in thinking ALL of our childhood needs could be met. However, there are some needs that are vital, which if they are not met within a certain window of time, it hinders the developing brain. There is much research being conducted on this subject as we speak. One resource on this subject is the Circle of Security Project – http://circleofsecurity.net Click on the resources button in the top right and then click on downloads. They have much information available for free. See below for more resources on resourcing children.

Now if you are so lucky to be born into more of a traditional culture, for instance in Central America, South America, some African cultures or among Tibetans to name a few, then maybe you had the majority of your needs met as a kid. Your parents would be kind, attentive, present and unconditionally loving (some of the most important needs of all children). If that is the case, then you may not learn much from reading this article. However, you may know someone who is affected by what I describe in this series. And for the rest of us, these words might just strike a chord.

There are some needs children have which if not met, as I mentioned, can affect the child’s developing nervous system. I have heard recently that there is the theory that children make the decision very early in their development, possibly even in utero, whether to pursue a life of “consciousness” (creativity and abundance) or “survival” (contraction and inappropriate hyper-vigilance – just trying to get by). For those of us born into Western families, many people have healthy environments (uteri) to develop in and healthy families to be born into, leading to many inner resources already being present and accounted for. However, for those of us with the karma to survive a traumatic (pre-)birth or a traumatic first three years (a time of increased central nervous system growth and development), we might have some resources which just were not modeled for us or which our parents did not even know to be concerned about. Keep in mind I am not trying to blame anyone here. Generally speaking, our parents are doing the best they can! 🙂

Here are some resources which are vital throughout a child’s developmental years (and hopefully beyond): parents protect child, comfort child, delight in child, help child, watch over child, helps child organize their feelings and enjoys things with the child. These are just a few of the resources which are necessary throughout multiple developmental stages – and of course the basic resources of providing food, shelter and safe, comfortable housing go without saying. These resources above are from the Circle of Security Project and the Development Needs Meeting Strategy website. Also, for any mothers reading this, you are doing a great job! Just do your best and seek support as much as you are able to (there are many resources available to you in the community). Keep in mind I am not a mother but I am growing to understand the vast importance of kind, appropriate mothering to our society as a whole.

So… raise your hand if you had all of these above resources at least for the first three years of your life… probably no one. How many of us had most of these resources going for the first three years? Maybe some. Well guess what – for those of us who did not raise their hands to the first question, we may be in need of a bit of solid resourcing to replace these deficient inner resources.

As I mention above, I believe that starting down an authentic (and often potent) spiritual path too soon, that is before one has done childhood needs resourcing work, or before one understands where the path leads, can be a dangerous or a fruitless journey. I believe the body and the mind want to heal, and that if given the time and space to rest, they will start to unwind and show their person what is needed. In the next piece, I will talk about my own experience and introduce further points.

Continued in Part Two.

Circle of Security downloads: http://www.circleofsecurity.net/cos_downloads.html

There is a great, if a bit of a monotonic, overly-simplified slide show on the following site – Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy website: http://www.dnmsinstitute.com/

A description of DNMS on Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Developmental_Needs_Meeting_Strategy_%28DNMS%29

Spiritual Currency

This is a post as much for me as it is for readers. How many of us have a secret, or not so secret, yearning or desire. We want something and we want it NOW! But we don’t have it and it seems like life is conspiring to prevent us from obtaining our secret love – whether it is a romantic relationship, or a new Mercedes, or the house with the white picket fence. This is a post about obtaining what you desire (especially if it falls in the reasonable, appropriate and realistic realms). I should announce a slight disclaimer here, that I need to practice the advice offered below as much, if not more than anyone as my mind is very lazy and afflicted and I have much to purify.

From my own experience, I have had weeks, months and sometimes even years (believe it or not) where I feel kind of stagnant and that every direction I push seems to resist my efforts. Well?… There might be a way through or around these obstacles, which is what this post is about, on the other hand, this case might be a time to rest and lay low, waiting with patient confidence. If it feels like there should be movement, or that you have been down and out for a long time, then one way forward is to build up your “spiritual bank account” or to accumulate spiritual currency.

What do I mean by spiritual currency? In Buddhism, one of the words we use is “merit.” By practicing sincere altruistic thoughts, words and deeds, we build up positive merit. Some people might use the word “karma” but I find there are some who associate karma with its negative connotations, so let us stick with merit for now. The idea is to build up as much merit as possible, which if practiced with an authentic heart, comes back to us multiplied. So how do we increase our stores of merit?

We build up merit through the practice of sincere kindness and altruism. Many people help others to get something in return – we have all seen this, but I am talking about letting go of all thoughts of politics or self-gain. True service, expecting nothing in return, is how to build up merit the fastest, or so I have heard. In Buddhism, everything we do is for the benefit of all beings – this potent motivation underlies all aspects of our lives. Does this mean that we are perfect? Of course not – we all make mistakes. And, one person’s skillful means can be interpreted in a variety of ways. So it takes time to make this motivation truly come out in our everyday behavior – it can take many years and depending on how deeply entrenched our habits are, even longer.

Let me present an example: sometimes we don’t even know what we want, on a deep level, because we have never been introduced to it before. I am going to use my own experience here. Starting in the summer of 2006, I had just come home from my first potent Tibetan Buddhist retreat, where multiple Tibetan lamas taught for two weeks. Many aspects of it were cathartic for me, and I chose to stay in retreat rather than deal with a family issue that arose. Also, I decided to start my preliminary practices, the Ngondro almost immediately. It just felt right, despite my not knowing much, if anything, about it. Fact was, I did not even know what the four thoughts that turn the mind were when I started doing prostrations. But I was doing as many prostrations as I could handle with an authentic heart – I was putting my lamas advice into practice for the benefit of all beings (as opposed to doing it for personal gain or another such agenda).

To continue this example, I did almost 25,000 prostrations in six months, I was flying and it came through in papers I was writing for school and in my new-found capacity to take on new clients in my private practice. But these perks were just peripheral benefits to sincere practice. I did not even know what was coming yet. If you, the reader, are very skeptical, you might balk at what I correlate, which is fine, but at least hear me out. Soon thereafter I had the opportunity to go to Tibet, and I started saving money for this special endeavor. I also asked for support, as it was to be an almost month long pilgrimage. Support came to me from the most unusual sources and from people I did not even know, so in other words, I was able to save enough money to go. By the time I actually got on the plane heading for India (there were political problems in Tibet by this point, so we opted for Ladakh – Little Tibet), I might have done 35,000 prostrations total. I fully believe that it was this store of merit (and previous positive karma) which allowed me to go to India with such ease.

Like I mentioned above, I did not even know what I was missing. Traveling to India as a pilgrim (Ladakh which is also known as Little Tibet) was such a novel and fascinating experience that I was amazed on a daily basis – what had I been missing? You can search in the Dharma category on the right for Ladakh Pilgrimage for a detailed account of what I experienced. It was heavenly and it certainly increased my devotion and understanding of Tibetan Buddhism. And again, I believe that my doing many prostrations, with a sincere heart, that helped to overcome the obstacles to my going on this incredible voyage.

And I am not alone in this hypothesis – that is, if one wants to overcome obstacles, whether big or small, then one should practice with sincerity and devotion. There are multiple stories of Buddhist masters pushing through horrible diseases and suffering by practicing with intense devotion. And when I say practice, it can be any authentic spiritual path, or just a form of altruistic service – where we are not looking for fame, or anything than to help others. These obstacles I refer to could manifest both within or without.

There may very well be physiological reasons that prostrations “create so much merit,” in addition to “spiritual” reasons or causes. Maybe the cardiovascular exercise improves the mental outlook, or perhaps it is the stretching of the viscera and organs which helps to improve one’s attitude. Whatever the case may be, when I am feeling stuck or surrounded by stagnant energy, I try to do some prostrations.

Whatever the case may be, authentic service benefits the do-er at least as much as those who benefit. But that subtle esoteric fact must be kept out of the mind when deciding to serve. I would suggest talking to an authentic spiritual teacher – someone who is apart of a qualified and established lineage of healing wisdom – to see what they would recommend for your personal practice. Often times, due to our unique mental dispositions, there are practices which benefit one person much more than others.

Whatever you choose to do though, if you practice authentic service, you cannot go wrong. This is due to raising your capacity to practice generosity and kindness, plus it increases your stores of merit. The trick is to have a sincere heart all the while you do the service. And sure, the rough edges will show themselves for polishing occasionally, so don’t expect service to always be easy, but it is definitely worth it. Please be gentle – practice the service of slowing down and practicing kindness to yourself first, then it will be easier to practice with others. Thanks for reading!

Oh – another disclaimer. Someone left a comment saying this “could go both ways.” I’m not entirely sure what that means (please elaborate when you are leaving comments) 🙂 But one thing I want to mention is that, as we all know, life is not all about peaches and cream. They say that when people start practicing with a sincere and altruistic heart, that their karma starts to purify at a faster pace – more “stuff” comes up as we create the space to handle it. As more stuff comes up, our lives could potentially become very full and we might need to take months or years to process that which is arising. Yet another reason to be gentle. So do not start down a spiritual path expecting life to immediately improve for the better – sometimes blessings come in unusual forms. And be thankful for the opportunity to purify any negative karma which arises. At the very least, remember that every day we are given, is a gift.

be my friend

Every moment I am with you

a dance of two kind expressions of

universal love; our hands brush,

briefly, I pause

and notice, savor the touch,

both giving

and receiving

your affection and admiration;

No contraction, no defensiveness, just presence;

I would like for your highest qualities to peek out,

bravely revealing their golden hue,

I can show you mine;

I want you to meet me in the space of awareness,

full, vast and empty, and be okay with the way

things are; I truly just want you to be.

nature poetry and listening to the trees, beauty in November

feel the pulse ebb… notice it flow…

something deep within is expanding… ten seconds later, contracting…

different trees seem to have differing frequencies and depths…

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it (as a Craniosacral Therapist) is to go out and feel the fluid rhythm is one or more trees.

My friend and I had our hands on trees, and as we are both experienced with listening to the deeper rhythms of the cerebral-spinal fluid with Craniosacral Therapy, we were listening to the rhythms of the Earth, to the fluid dynamics of the oaks, pines and beeches in a local Wilderness Preserve. It was a very beautiful day – not a cloud in the sky, the sun was starting to warm up the little meadows and forest, making the bark on the pine trees smell like sunshine.

We did a short hike, only 2 miles. At one point, we stopped as a doe had just gotten up, not 15 feet in front of us, we both spoke reassuring words to her, and she stayed still, like us. Who was watching who? Who was more surprised? It was obvious she was used to humans, as this little stand off lasted a minute or two. Then a blue jay landed right above me with a strong pull of air and wings. A fellow hiker came along behind us, either indifferent or oblivious to why we were standing still in the middle of the trail. He walked right up next to the doe who took off, and he kept hiking like this was a normal event. Then my friend’s phone rang – a voice from New York, checking in. Hello! Who is in nature? Did you think you could escape? 🙂

The conversation ranged from Radionics, to Craniosacral Therapy, Core Dynamics and Polarity Therapy. All the way back to life in New York City (where he is from) and the happenings around C’ville. We spoke of birth trauma and the possibilities around reversing its affects. I am hoping to spend time with him again soon. Perhaps a trip to New York is in my future. Maybe I can seem like a crazy outsider as I have my hands on some trees in Central Park.

To emulate the subtle mytho-poetic essence of this day, here are some suggestions:

Go out in nature. Slow down. Check in with your body – if you want to walk, do that. If you want to lie in the grassy sunshine, then do that. Or go sit by a body of water. Now, slow down some more. Notice what is around you – everything from the feel of the soft, wispy autumn weeds/seeds; take a moment to really smell the air – not just a quick snort, but really embracing what you notice; watch for little changes in terrain, wildlife, leaf color, etc; listen to the various sounds of nature – the guardian crows above, the symphony of bird calls from within the fringe, the gurgling of a little stream… Take it all in, oh – and slow down some more so you can truly listen.