Pondering relationships

This material is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore.  Reproduction without permission is prohibited.  Thank you for visiting.

This post could also be titled, “Pondering Instability.”

As this Libra Moon man wonders about his future – moving for and toward grad school, entering the world of professional counseling and body-psychotherapy, whether or not to pursue relationships at all – I come to the conclusion that I must, if at possible, just relax and rest in “don’t know” mind.

So far, I have been blessed to have met many incredible mentors, spiritual teachers and Western coaches / bodywork instructors.  And you know what the most potent advice I have received is?  No?  Of course not.  Well I think it would have to be, “work on yourself first and foremost, then if something good follows, you will be in right relationship to it.”  I think this is along the lines of, when you create the causes and conditions for blessings and abundance, then of course those results will follow.  But in my (speaking “Astrologese:” Libra Moon conjunct Pluto, Venus in the 7th house trine Pluto, Pisces Sun in the 8th square Neptune in the 5th) relationally-deluded case, I tend to work on myself for a few days at most, and then, once a tiny bit of light and fullness creep in, I leap off my cushion and dive back into life wondering, “are you the right thing / situation / place / job / woman for me?”  Ugh!  Dislike!

So what do I need to do?  I need to be aware of the tendency of the afflicted / discursive mind to sneakily distract me with anything – whether it be a new virtuous-seeming financial scheme, or a new potential relationship, or an adventure to India – my mind tends to create stories about any and everything it can get its grubby little hands on.  On aggregate, it is actually a very humorous situation!  That is, when I allow myself the time to step back and reflect on what I have actually been thinking for the past week or two.  The healthiest response is to laugh out loud!  And then attempt to pause the goofy mental merry-go-around.  But don’t worry, I have been meditating and receiving such instructions for long enough now that I realize one does not stop the train of thoughts, rather one changes their perspective toward said train.

So why don’t I just sit down on my cushion every day and start to develop a more stable and reliable mind?  Well, because something seems to have changed within me.  There are some days where doing just this is my perfect medicine.  And yet there are other days when doing this leads to pains in my belly which I usually associate with trying to push too hard and / or too fast.  Overall though, I think spiritual practice would be best.  I need to do a retreat, with someone who is very skilled at doing retreats (subtext: someone who is quite disciplined) and just let my mental adornments fall away.  But with my schedule, this is not easy.

But back on the tempting and distracting story of relationships theme…  I am planning to head out West in about a year to start graduate school in or near San Fransisco, provided I get into the schools of my preference.  So this leads to the automatic conclusion of: why would I want to start a relationship in the meantime?  This would be guaranteed to cause harm – whether to me or her or both.  Because I have yet to meet many women in the Central Virginia area (who live here) who could easily be in a breezy, love-you-and-then-easily-let-you-go relationship.  But let’s be honest, why haven’t I met many of these young, light, airy / fiery dakinis?  It is because I only meet people who are relative reflections of myself – and therefore I am the one who cannot be in a relationship like this at this time, so I need to penetrate through my delusions of relationship-grandeur as soon as or before they arise.  So here I sit, just waiting and attempting to practice confident patience around life’s many choices.  And realizing I just teetered on the edge of yet another pit of mental conceptions and then promptly fell in.  So this is me peeking up at you from down here.  Can you help me up?

Luckily or not, I have a decent job which provides containment.  I am not able to rush off to a foreign land, even if an incredible teacher or sublime teaching is happening.  Heck, I’m not even able to rush off to Asheville North Carolina to visit friends (a five or six hour drive one-way cannot be made in a relaxed manner within two or three days!).  So I have made the choice to be in a more-structured lifestyle than in the past, which prevents me from making (or I should say acting on) impulsive decisions.  A job where I get to interact with many different types of individuals (various reflections of my “self”) and to observe my internal reactions to them.  I get to practice being fluid and light on my toes in nearly every moment.  So you might say, that if I so choose, I get to do some secret spiritual practice at work – that would be the ultimately profound and deeply secretive practice of…  wait for it…  simple mindfulness at all times.

Where is my mind?  What am I choosing to focus on?  Do I actually need to listen to this gossip-filled conversation right now?  Who am I choosing to spend time with?  How am I reacting?  Did I really just kick that door out of extreme frustration and angst…  I mean…  that only happened once.  🙂  Yes, a part of me dislikes being “caged” like this.  But that is the part of me I am slowly starving and releasing.  The discursive part of mind which I am slowly building a solid cage around.  Caged in choosing not to be romantic with a beautiful woman.  Caged in being unable to drive off to Frederick Maryland for a Dharma blessing to add to my already significant collection of Dharma blessings.  Caged in practicing renunciation.  I think that perhaps this inner-cagey-ness is for the ultimate good.

As I review these words, I chuckle, knowing it is going to be okay.  And all I can do is seek after the true nature of my heart, and practice loving self / others where appropriate in the meantime.  AAAaaahhh…

Sensitive Hands through Healing Touch

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My awareness of the human body, when touched through my hands is becoming more sensitive and precise.  Having spent the past eight years refining the proprioceptors in my hands and the ability to discern what they are sensing, through Reiki Energetic Healing (touch), Craniosacral Therapy (healing touch) and then Craniosacral Biodynamics and Somatic Processing (also healing touch), it has been a fascinating journey.

Recently, I realized how precise and sensitive my hands were (especially when going about ordinary life) when I picked up a hair off the floor, and between my fingertips, it felt relatively thick.  I wondered at this phenomena for a moment and then realized that my sensitivity was increasing, even when I am not touching someone.

But it is amazing what can be discerned from having skilled hands on a client who is receptive and open to healing touch.  As in, they are intending to relax and they trust the process enough to at least get on your (massage) table.  These days, I do an intake interview which takes at least 15 minutes, primarily asking about previous accidents, injuries, surgeries, etc as well as inquiring about client’s medications and supplements taken.  I also make certain that if there is any question of their mental stability that they have additional support, whether from a religious figure, counselor, therapist, etc.  So I basically ask all these questions to get a baseline of where they are starting (and of course to cover my butt – there are certain clients who I will not touch initially but this is another story).

Sometimes clients will forget to mention something – it happens at least a couple times per month – like I ask about accidents and previous injuries or surgeries and they say they have been lucky so far in their lives and therefore they have nothing to report.  Well, yes, that is most likely the case, and I am glad they see through “glass-is-half-full-eyes” but when I eventually put my hands on their head, I might feel immediate “shock!” “trauma!” “Yikes!” messages…  So I ask, have you ever been in a bad car accident or injured yourself while your body was moving (like a skiing or boating accident, etc)?  Depending on what my hands are picking up, I will vary the question.  And sure enough, every time, there is something they forgot to mention.

Yes, that time you fell off the swing as a kid and hit your head on the porch and lay in bed for two days because you had a bad concussion: this is important information to share with your bodyworker!  Maybe I need to change my line of questioning  🙂   But it is amazing what you can teach your hands to detect – if you practice, if you maintain good habits of self care and if you keep up your sensitivity through monthly healing touch.  Very cool indeed.

Actually I am doing a lot of the Somatic Process (from the Kathy Kain / Peter Levine lineage) work recently, spending a lot of time slowing down myself and then transmitting that peace and serenity to clients and getting them to drop into a deep state of rest-and-digest or parasympathetic nervous system activity (the opposite of fight or flight or freeze).  Up to this point, this is the most profound and potent modality I have practiced.  Depending on the client’s history, I spend the first session simply providing containment for the skin and when they are ready, following their awareness and body’s receptivity to become aware of fascia – the interconnecting matrix of tissue which runs between organs and through the entire body.  Then, when the client is ready, I move to kidneys, gut and eventually, when it feels safe, to the brain stem.

Long story short, I am seeing more and more clients, and gleaning more and more information from healing touch.  And of course, I still work a bit with Zapchen Somatics when it is appropriate.  I am blessed and it seems that some of my positive karma is ripening at the moment, so I am deeply grateful and I try to be present in the midst of whatever is arising – good, bad, rich, poor, fame, blame, I try to rest in “It is okay.”

 

*** Kirby Moore is not a licensed health care provider.  This information is provided purely for entertainment or educational purposes only.  If you have questions about your health, please contact a licensed professional.

Healing Power of Mantra

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What is mantra?

Mantra, or sacred sounds / phrases / chants, can be a very powerful tool in the healing process. Mantra is considered capable of “creating transformation” [from Wikipedia].  Also known as devanagari or ngak (in Tibetan), mantra is found in Hindu, Buddhist and other religious traditions.  I am a Buddhist practitioner, so I know the potency of mantra within Buddhist practice and traditions, so that is what I am referring to here.

Are there examples of spiritual teachers using mantra to heal?

I have heard stories of many Tibetan Lamas (monks and teachers) who use mantra to help their students and families heal.  There are stories of high Lamas chanting mantras and then blowing on butter, and having their sick students rub the butter on the sore parts of their bodies.  And there are countless stories of Mani-Drupchen(s) where millions of mantras get chanted around the clock.  Tiny little medicinal pills are created especially for this ceremony, and in some Drupchens, these pills actually multiply on their own (a miracle to be sure).  That is why these pills, called Mani Ribu, are so sought after.  And finally, Tibetan doctors use mantra to imbue their medicine with additional spiritual healing qualities.

Why does mantra work?

There are four inconceivable powers in Buddhism, that is, we as ordinary human beings cannot conceive of the complete possibilities of these four.  These are 1) form, 2) mantra, 3) samadhi and 4) karma.  We cannot conceive of all of the manifestations of any of these.  When we chant a mantra with faith and conviction, then there is no end to the healing potential of it.  And even better, if we have received a transmission of the mantra from an authentic lineage holder in a living lineage of Tibetan Buddhism, then the mantra may have more potency.  I have heard that if we have faith in the Yidam, or Buddhist Deity, of whom we chant the mantra – for instance, if we chant Green Tara’s mantra with faith and reverence – then an actual Green Tara deity (wisdom being) goes out from us and performs benefit for others in the world.  If you believe it, then that sounds pretty powerful indeed.

Do I personally use mantra for healing?

Personally, I use mantra in my practice of healing facilitation.  When I work with someone, they will typically request a specific modality – either Craniosacral Biodynamic work or Somatic Processing or a combination of the two.  But I will usually ask if it is okay to silently use mantra in the session.  The client never knows I am doing it, but if I get a “Yes,” that it is okay to use it, then I quietly chant a few mantras and then blow on my hands, giving them additional potency and requesting for the wisdom beings to also benefit the client on the table.  I find this to be a powerful supplement to my practice.

As seasoned readers hopefully know, I am not attempting the foolish attempt to compare myself to the individuals I mention above.  I am just an ordinary human being, but I have been trained in legitimate (empirically based) healing facilitation modalities such as Craniosacral Therapy, Visceral Manipulation and Somatic Processing.  And if I include a tiny bit of mantra, perhaps it helps, perhaps not.

I have received multiple initiations into certain lineages of healing practices such as Medicine Buddha and White Tara (longevity), along with other practices.  Therefore I hope I have received authentic transmissions of these mantras, which might benefit my clients that much more.

I just recently moved into a new office which is beautifully decorated with colorful and soothing abstract artwork.  It is a soothing environment for healing and resting down.  I offer sessions most weekday mornings and by appointment only.

If you want, come visit my new-to-me-office and receive a treatment, which can include the healing power of mantra.  I offer Craniosacral Therapy (more biomechanical – good for more gross levels of healing), Craniosacral Biodynamics (for healing more subtle layers of trauma and stress) along with Somatic Processing (working with the Vagus system and helping the body to relax and release further trauma and tension).

Self Care 115 – Gently Treating Insomnia

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Honestly, I’m not sure any longer if I can treat my own rare bouts of “insomnia.”  At least, I believe that term is what our Western culture would call lying awake in bed for an hour or two before being able to unwind and go to bed.  I have noticed though that the more media I watch / listen to during the day, the longer it takes me to rest down into sleep.  Plus being emotionally charged tends to keep me up longer as well.

With that said however, if I were to recommend something, and you wanted to hear about it…  but first a little disclaimer: And you, as reader, must keep in mind that I am neither a doctor, nor a registered dietician, so take all of these suggestions with a grain of salt.  They are purely for educational or entertainment purposes only.  Do not change your lifestyle without consulting a licensed medical practitioner.

Homeopathic medicine can work, in fact, if I were needing to be dependent on anything for a long period of time, it would have to be homeopathic remedies, essential oils or flower essences.  No use damaging our liver or kidneys with heavy over the counter / prescription sleep meds when there is little need to do so.

Honestly though, I wonder if changing our lifestyle or late evening habits would be best overall.  Adding exercise seems to be the prescription to many of life’s ailments.  Some cycling, walking, hiking or swimming would at least help to process our “stuff” through the body and not to mention cause the body to become more tired.

For me, what has worked off and on in the past, is one of several things.  Valerian or kava kava or other herbal sleep remedies (the Tazo tea “Calm” does it for me too) are good.  Although if you are really sensitive, Valerian might make you wake up feeling a little woozy, especially if you need to wake up in less than 8 hours.  Taking some rescue remedy (flower essence) is a good way to cut any edge you might be feeling.  And definitely take rescue remedy for emotional shocks as well as physical ones, as it helps the body relax a little bit more.  Not sure though about rescue remedy for sleeping.

Taking a small amount of magnesium powder, which claims to also balance calcium intake helps me if I am feeling both depleted and a-buzz with nervous energy.  I would say that at this time, this is the most helpful of all.  I warm up water and then pour in some Mag. powder, which fizzes and spits for a second, letting me know that the magnesium citrate is being created.  Then I slowly drink it down.  It is nice now, as my body lets me know when it has had enough.  I get a strong distaste for it once I have had enough, so I occasionally need to dump out what is left.

Coffea cruda (homeopathic) supposedly helps to eliminate caffeine from the system and also can help us to unwind.  I’m not so sure anymore.  If I am alert and awake, the slight softening it provides no longer does what it used to.

So I guess what I am trying to get across is be gentle and try natural remedies first before going for who-knows-exactly-how-they-will-affect-your-body prescription drugs for sleep.  Yes they do many studies before the FDA gives it the green light, but we are all unique individuals.  If you have not gone through the study, do you think the scientists and doctors will know exactly how their drugs will affect you?  I’m just asking, I’m not saying anything one way or another.

Maybe it is a good idea first to try unwinding earlier in the evening – having some calming tea, turning off the TV, staying away from media late in the evening, etc.  And adding exercise or sport would probably help us fall asleep faster.  And if none of the above work, then perhaps it would be good to try one of two things: an authentic spiritual path (I find doing the Refuge practice from Tibetan Buddhist Ngondro to both help me sleep and it improves my dream-awareness) and / or receive massage or other forms of bodywork, where your body will actually be able to process some of things on your mind.

And remember, trust your intuition, trust your sensations.  Do not take my word for anything.  Consult your doctor or other licensed health care provider and get on with it.

Thanks for reading.

Cofea Cruda, other homeopathics, Magnesium, herbal teas, pace of life? consciously slowing down, diet, caffeine reduction, eating late?, slowing down after 8 pm, benefits of lying down for kidneys after 10 pm,

Summer of 2012 outlook

At present, my summer is shaping up in a pleasant, if not voluptuous manner.  For about the past two to three years, as I have gotten more and more out of touch with the Tibetan language, having studied it formally for over two years prior, I have been praying to be able to live with someone who speaks the central Tibetan dialect fluently.

Well guess what?  My prayers were answered and then some.  It is as if the wisdom beings have been conspiring to spring this huge surprise on me for some time.  Somehow I am presently staying with Dr. Chok Tenzin, who is one of the department heads of the Library of Tibetan Works and Archives.  He is teaching me how to pronounce the basic Tibetan syllables… I’m no longer sure I ever learned them “properly”  🙂   Wow!  Going back to the basics will obviously help as I have a decent vocabulary which, if I dust off the rust, can get me bumbling through many topics.

So that is one awesome aspect of this coming summer.  Second, I continue to work (FULL) “part time” at a local golf / tennis resort, which also sends up hot air balloons and is between C’ville and Ivy.  I’m not allowed to mention their name in my blog, so I am doing everything but.  I am waiting tables for the most part and enjoying the rare room service day, plus my schedule is always changing as I am one of the only people to “volunteer” to work whenever they need me.  Youch!!  My body is getting tired of this over-work though, which brings me to my next, more up-beat piece.

I am sharing office space with a local acupuncturist, Kim Starbuck.  She has an absolutely beautiful office and I will be able to do sessions with clients (bodywork – Craniosacral Biodynamics, Somatic Processing, Visceral Manipulation) in the mornings.  I am looking forward to this as I get a lot out of giving sessions (such as feeling more centered, grounded and balanced as I offer presence and unconditional kindness to others).  Very cool.

Then, in August, I am excited as I am planning a trip out West to visit friends, family, warm beaches and potential graduate schools for next year.  I’ve not planned all the details, but there is a good chance for a dolphin swim, whale watching, attending a huge rodeo, riding a Pacific train, and doing a bit of wind surfing.  This will be a five week excursion, which is about the only thing keeping me going as I work 50 – 60 + hours a week.

So basically I am living in several worlds at once, or in the same “day.”  One world of healing facilitation (morning) or Tibetan language (morning), working with well-off worldly people in the evenings and studying Somatic Processing and working with the Vagus Nerve whenever I get a free moment.  And of course, resting down as often as possible and practicing as much self care as is kind on top of it all.  Holy jamoly!

Wish me luck if you like as I gratefully ride this full wave.

Thanks for reading.

Saga Dawa Duchen

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Tomorrow (Monday) is Saga Dawa Duchen, or one of the most auspicious (four) Buddhist holidays of the year.  It falls on the Full Moon of the Fourth Tibetan lunar month, so it is not a set date every year.  It is known as the Festival of Vaishakha, and it celebrates the Buddha Shakyamuni’s enlightenment and parinirvana.

Supposedly, at least in Tibetan Buddhism, any virtuous activities we engage in on this day are multiplied millions of times.  So we gain great merit from being generous, for avoiding harm, etc.  But on the flip side, our non-virtuous or harmful behavior is also multiplied millions of times, so it is typically a good day to be extra mindful and patient.  And when I say patient here, I mean the resisting-angry-reactions patience.

Some teachers have said that it is good to practice meditation on this day.  And I have also heard that we can do one or more of the following practices on this day to take advantage of the Full Moon and the extra auspicious fortune around this particular holiday.

If we are Buddhist practitioners:

We can do Amitabha practice – the Buddha Amitabha, or the Buddha of Boundless Light, is supposed to help beings when they die, so this is a good Full Moon practice to do in general.  If we have the training and the transmission from an authentic teacher, I have also heard that Phowa is a good Full Moon practice.  Phowa (pronounced with an aspirated “P”) is a ritual that is done in preparation for the time of death, and it is done to benefit beings who have recently passed away.

If we are not entirely sure about Buddhism, we can do the following prayer:

If we don’t have a lot of time, then it might be good to read aloud the King of Aspiration Prayers, (or Samantabhadra’s Aspirations to Good Conduct) as this is supposed to be a very powerful prayer.  And if it is auspicious to read this aloud on a normal day, imagine how meritorious it might be to read it on a day when the benefit is multiplied by millions of times.  Not that this is an excuse to be lazy on non-holidays, but it can be auspicious to read this prayer on eclipse days and on Buddhist holidays.  It is also auspicious to read this when someone is sick or has just passed away.

We might also choose to do a confession of our non-virtuous actions (Confession of Bodhisattva’s Faults), we could also chant the Heart Sutra several times.  If we feel so inclined, another nice pith practice is to do the 7-line Prayer to Padmasambhava (Guru Rinpoche’s 7 Line prayer) and then chant the mantra 111 times.  And finally, Garchen Rinpoche says that reciting the 37 Bodhisattva Practices is a beneficial practice to do.

I have heard that it is also very auspicious to offer a Tsog feast – an offering of delicious, clean food and drink to the wisdom beings and in particular to the lineage Lamas.  This can take some time and it would be good to know what you are doing.  But if you have the time and the training, then it might be good to do this practice.

If nothing else, then it would be good to one or more of the following which was suggested by the Buddha:

Cause No Harm,

Practice Virtue,

and Tame Your Mind.

written extemporaneously by M. Kirby Moore on June 3rd, 2012.  He who is just an ordinary human being with an afflicted mind, so take these recommendations with a grain of salt and get an authentic teacher’s recommendation for what to practice.

Compassion in relationships

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This subject has now arisen three times in the past month, so I am starting to pay attention.  To be specific, if we can be compassionate and honest and clear and direct in relationships (of any kind), then that pierces through unspoken expectations, delusions and it gets both people (or organizations) on the same page.  Instead, there are times when secrets are kept, whether for I-don’t-want-to-hurt-him/her or it-is-my-culture’s-mores-to-deal-with-this-on-a-private-individual-level  or for other reasons…  And this leads to further complications and problems.

I would argue that the most compassionate and kind thing we can do, when we are certain about a change of heart, is to tell the individuals we are in relationship with.  Even if it will be uncomfortable to hear.  Think about the Bandaid removal technique – sure it will hurt for a split second, but then the pain will be gone.  But if we take months to remove the Bandaid, then we can suffer the entire time.

A friend of mine, who happens to be incarnated as a fiery young Hispanic woman, recently commented on how “You gringos are so strange!  You can’t ever just come right out and say what you need to.”  And how accurate that sentiment is!

And not too long ago, I was involved in a curious, sticky situation where, if both people had been clear and direct and honest as soon as things were known to them, then issues could have been cleaner and tidy and understood much earlier.  Instead, I finally confronted this person to gain clarity.  And yes, we both happen to be incarnated as Caucasian Americans.  And only upon asking a direct question, saying, “Don’t hold anything back because you are afraid of hurting my feelings,” did I realize where exactly she stood.  Had I not confronted her, my afflicted mind might have gone on deluding itself for months further!  Ooooph!

I have heard that this is an “Asian” thing to do.  That is to not tell something that might hurt the other person (or group).  Instead of being direct, they tend to let it dissolve over time.  I guess the sentiment is that the other person(s) will get the message and deal with it in her/his own way and at their own pace.  And I’m also assuming that emotions are stuffed and dealt with in a very private, personal manner.  Well I say this is a potentially nebulous and strange way to go about life.  Personally, I think this method is much less compassionate and I would even go so far as to say that this is much less kind than being radically honest.  Why not be clear and compassionate and save everyone a whole bunch of time and mental energy?

I have had one woman, in the distant past, say to me, “Kirby, I have never been interested in you [romantically], I’m not interested in you now and I never will be.”  And to be honest, those words kind of smacked me in the face (right?!?!).  But then I instantly got the message and after taking a few hours to process them, I started to move on.  Within a few days, we were on friendly terms again, with an obvious change in how we related.

If I like you, and it seems you like me back, the kindest thing you can do is tell me if / when your heart changes.  Period.  None of this beating around the bush, “Oh that is not the way the [substitute an Asian culture here] do it.”  No, I want you to hurt me if it will pierce through my deluded mind.  Please show up emotionally and tell me, let me be the one to deal with my pain.  Do not try to inadvertently protect me, as this might perpetuate my delusions for weeks or months longer.  Not good!

If you believe that I will not take the new information well, then what are you doing in relationship with me in the first place?  Come on.  I am an adult, I have done a lot of personal growth work, I consider myself to be emotionally mature.  I will not explode in hysterics, I assure you.  Step up to the plate and just be honest.  That is the most compassionate and kind thing you can do.

As soon as you are honest with me, then I can start to process the new information and then I can move on that much faster.  But if I am floundering for several months, wondering, analyzing and resting in confused mind, then your silence (or tiny subtle hints) on the matter do not help me in the least.  If one person in a relationship has started to move in a different direction, without telling the other, then that is not compassionate or kind in the least.

Sometimes the gentle approach is less kind – but do check in to see what the situation requires.  It is vital that we are skillful.  If we find out that we have gotten into a relationship with someone who might flip his/her lid when we tell them that we need space, then it might be best to not be direct.  But if we are both spiritual practitioners who have taken vows to not cause harm, and we both act like emotionally-mature adults, then be direct, be honest, and this is the most compassionate thing we can do.

Thanks for listening to me rant and I wish everyone clarity within relationships.

Practical Motivation for Healing Facilitation

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I am writing this because I gained slightly more clarity today about a conflict I have been noticing in myself with regard to Reiki Energetic Healing.  What I am about to describe however has to do with other forms of Energetic Healing techniques and modalities as well.

How many who are in the field of Healing Facilitation have heard someone say, “Oh, I just get out of the way and allow the healing energy to flow.”?  Or “I step back and allow the energy to flow.”  Well, as I was learning Reiki back in 2003 and 2004, this was preached in each class.  This might also be mentioned in Pranic Healing, or possibly with Quantum Touch.  Well I have a problem with this statement and the sentiment behind it.

I believe that to truly heal trauma, we must feel it.  I do not mean to scare anyone, because some of us have gone through some nasty, terrible crap (abuse, neglect, accidents, etc).  It is now being noticed through empirical research that trauma comes out of the body the same way it goes in.  And with a completely safe space, being led by someone (or a team) with years of academic training and further years of experience assisting people through the process of healthy embodiment, trauma can and will come out of the body if we are ready to work on it.  And we can go at whatever pace feels safe to our system – no use re-traumatizing or re-triggering anyone!

Revisiting the first issue, we are saying, “I’m going to get out of the way and allow healing energy to flow.”  Really?  How do you know whatever energy you are channeling is going to be completely for the client’s good?  The Universe is a big place. If we set very clear intentions and hold an altruistic motivation, then there is a chance we will encourage healthy energy to come through us.  But why not stay present and mindfully monitor the situation?

That is my first concern.  But more importantly, by “getting out of the way” or “stepping back” we are basically setting the intention to dissociate, to leave our own body and allow something else to come through us.  I feel this is an issue with some New Age-y material – that there is some magical way we will heal ourselves and others without feeling anything uncomfortable.  Really?  When was the last time you heard of getting something for nothing?  Again, I am not saying we should strive for discomfort.  But we need to be present in our bodies, we need to be present to whatever our body wants to work through and if we are going to be working with others, we must be embodied and present for the person, pretty much the entire time.

There is such incredible potency in touching someone with presence and simply sincerely wishing them well.  Actually, if you can do this much (for say, 30 minutes), you are already on your way to being a practitioner of healing touch.  By wishing yourself, and your client, and all beings well (happiness, safety, comfort), you are setting a powerful intention.  And if you can let go of any miscellaneous agendas with regards to your client, they will feel your unconditionally-kind support and they can work through some deep issues surrounded by the positive resources of kindness, comfort and safety.

But if we say, “I’m going to step back and allow the Angels to do their thing,” then we are sacrificing our presence and our embodiment.  If you want to work with Angels or other wisdom beings, then during the session, invite them to support your presence.  Invite them to offer insights for the client if that would help, if your client is okay with that.  But don’t drift up out of your body!  Don’t scooch out to the side and dilly dally while something / someone else conducts the healing session!

When we are treating someone, it happens occasionally that something comes up for us personally.  Here I am with my hands on my client’s solar plexus, and now I am noticing my own throat tightening up.  This is not a new pattern for me (which, if new, might actually be a reflection of what the client is going through).  So I gently tell my system that I will deal with this manifestation at a proper, later time, but for now I must be present with my client.  And then the tension in my throat slowly starts to dissolve and my presence returns purely to the client.  Good.  But if I talk my talk about embodiment and presence, then I must also receive bodywork and support.  I must practicing giving and receiving authentic healing facilitation.  I must have teachers and mentors who I can check in with, in case I encounter a challenging or novel phenomenon.  And by having this support, my client feels the ease in my body, and it allows them to go deeper, faster.

In conclusion, Just Breathe.  Soften your edges.  Lighten your touch.  Broaden your awareness.  And offer your simple, humble presence through your hands.  With practice, this becomes easy, routine.

Start where you are.  Be gentle.  Be kind.  And remember, “Life is not an emergency.”  (A quote from Julie Henderson.)

You will be amazed at what is possible.  (And of course, before touching someone, get proper training and supervision from a qualified teacher or school.  Preferably get your massage license, RN, acupuncture license or other medical license.)

Attending Spring Retreat 2012, TMC

I am heading up to Spring Retreat tomorrow.  Every year, the Tibetan Meditation Center of Frederick Maryland hosts a 16 day teaching retreat.  This year, Khenchen Konchog Gyaltsen is headlining the list of presenters, although Khenpo Tsultrim Tenzin and Drupon Thinley Ningpo are formidable teachers in their own right (of course).

Due to my swiftly-becoming-tedious-and-yet-I’m-bearing-with-it busy job, I will only be able to attend a few days of the retreat on the weekends.  And yes, I might put 1,500 miles on my car in just a couple short weeks…  And yes, I am actually looking forward to this!  Any time now to spend with precious teachings and precious teachers is something which I will gladly make a significant sacrifice for.

Khenchen is teaching of the Five Fold Path of Mahamudra, which is a topic he rarely covers in English.  He typically sticks to the more tried and true Lamrim texts (the basics) or texts / commentaries which he has composed.  So this is truly a blessing.  I am sincerely hoping I have the karma to be there for these teachings.

Khenpo Tsultrim is an incredibly erudite individual and he has a very sharp mind.  So I appreciate he unique insights and valuable perspectives (and not to mention all the wisdom and edifying anecdotes he shares).

And Drupon Thinley Ningpo is my root teacher, my primary heart teacher.  So any time I do anything in his presence is a profound blessing.  And if he is teaching, then so much the better!  He will cover the practice of Guru Yoga.

I will also see friends and spiritual family members.  TMC is the place that caught me back in 2006 when I needed a significant shift in my life.  It felt like home then and I hope it still does.

There are big changes on my horizon, so it may be a little while before I get back up there again.  So that is yet another reason to soak up whatever time I can spend in that blessed mandala.

Wearing Monastic Colors

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What do I mean by this title? I am discussing the merits and potential downfalls of lay practitioners wearing monastic (ordained) clothing.

Who has attended a Buddhist retreat or large teaching of one sort or another and seen people running around in the maroon skirt (the half chuba).  Sometimes they will have on a white top, possibly with a Ngakpa shawl over that.  Other times, people will be seen wearing all maroon, and yet they are not ordained…

What is this phenomenon?  Who wears monastic colors?  What is their motivation in doing so?  Do they understand what they are doing? Is there some element of ego subtly edging in and saying, “Hey, wear the same colors as the monastics and you can be more like them.  You may even become special…”

Perhaps people gain some type of legitimate benefit from wearing monastic colors.  And honestly I cannot call the kettle black – I have worn monastic colors in the past.  But now I am questioning that decision.  And why am I doing so?

Because monks and nuns have gone through rigorous vigorous training.  And most of them who are considered authentic teachers have then gone through a 3 plus year practice retreat.  Some yogis in these retreats, do not leave a box-sized enclosure most of that time.  Who here in the West could possibly begin to understand what it means to study extensively for 9, 12 or 20 years, and then, on top of that, do a 3, 6 or 9 year meditation retreat?  I wonder if our American desire to achieve results as swiftly as possible blinds us to the fact that these monastics have taken gradual, diligent steps to get where they are.  They have slowly rooted out non-virtuous behavior and they have built in discipline and solid ethics over a long period of time.

I wonder if people want to be considered Ngakpas by their fellow practitioners.  By the way, a Ngakpa is a Vajrayana Buddhist practitioner who has received a highest yoga tantra empowerment (blessing or initiation).  Khenpo Tsultrim has confided in me that we become Ngakpas when we sincerely take Tantric empowerments, meaning that if we consider ourselves Tibetan Buddhist practitioners and if we have received empowerments, then we are Ngakpas.  So there are thousands of Ngakpas.  Sometimes Ngakpas are teachers, as seen in the past by practitioners wearing white robes.

Do people who wear “Ngakpa” clothing realize that by taking an empowerment they are already Ngakpas?  We in the West are almost all lay practitioners, with the rare Western monk seen here and there.  So why do some “practitioners” go out of their way to distinguish themselves from the rest?

Maybe there is something occurring of which I am not aware.  But one thing I do know, and sorry for those who sell Ngakpa clothing…  I value Tibetan’s opinions when it comes to authentic Tibetan Buddha-Dharma and the conduct around such topics.  And for the most part, nearly every Tibetan I have spoken to thinks it is strange that Westerners purposely choose to wear Dharma colors – the primary Buddhist-monk-robe-color of maroon especially.  This, to me, speaks volumes.  Here we are in the West, without any kind of organized monastic system, and no support for Western monks (at least not in the Drikung Kagyu lineage), and yet some of us try to emulate them by wearing similar colors.

This is almost an affront to all the said training which the monastics have endured.  They have gone through a crucible whose sole purpose is to extinguish the afflicted ego.  They know Buddhist philosophy in and out, such that their minds are extraordinarily sharp and the world is seen in an organized, well-structured light.  And yet, with just a few hundred dollars, we can buy clothing which makes us feel similar to them?

On the other hand, I am deeply appreciative of some worthy, solid practitioners I have met recently.  On the outside, they are not special in the least and humbly deny having any special qualities.  Over the past year or two, I have gotten glimpses of modest practitioners whose knowledge and skillful means are very profound.  Personally, I would choose to emulate them if at all possible.  And do they wear any special kind of clothing?  Not so much.  Do they wear monastic colors?  Nope.  In fact, they will rarely tell anyone they are even Buddhists or practitioners of any sort.  They just go about their business, relating with kindness and humility to whoever they come across.

So yes, I am both asking questions here and sharing my opinion, which is that Western practitioners, unless they are monastics themselves and have taken on the voluminous vows which come part and parcel to doing so, should abstain from wearing monastic colors. As I mention, Tibetans view this practice as strange and unusual.  And I happen to respect most Tibetans as grounded, practical, down-to-earth individuals who live and breath spirituality and kindness and compassion.

With that said, please do not get me wrong.  There are authentic teachers who choose not to be monks or nuns for one reason or another, and if they know the sutras and tantras well, or if they know Buddhist philosophy in and out, and if they have gone through one or more 3 year retreats, then who am I to question their skillful decisions.  [I have written a post about what qualifies someone as an authentic teacher in the past – look through the Dharma category to find it.]  But for the rest of us, do we really think that we are changing ourselves by donning monastic colors? Maybe during a private retreat, wearing monastic colors will benefit one’s mind.  But when the public sees us, is there another motivation below the surface with regard to why we wear “Ngakpa” clothing?

Do we want to (unconsciously) trivialize all that monastics have gone through and carry by trying to appear like them?  Or are we trying to pay them a compliment?  I don’t know.  But I invite inquiry into this curious phenomenon.