Wisdom Healing Arts and Kirby Moore's blog. Join me on my journey through embodied health and dynamic wellness!
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 13,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 5 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
This material is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore. Reproduction without permission is prohibited. Thank you for visiting!
As some of my long-time readers may know, I have been on a “spiritual” journey since 2002. That was the year I started studying Zen Buddhism, did my first meditation (without an authentic teacher) and had a near-death, out-of-body experience while having my appendix removed – which is a story for another time. I credit the year 2002 as a major turning point in my life. I started studying Western Astrology (and Karmic, Evolutionary and Spiritual Astrology) a year later and then got into Reiki and Craniosacral Therapy by 2004 / 2005 respectively. So there was a lot happening internally, which I was not aware of at the time. When I had the out-of-body experience, I met my guides for the first time, and I suspect that meeting (whether they are internal or external guides) was a catalyst for many changes to come.
It was in 2006 that I felt I finally came home when I met my Drikung Kagyu Lamas – Khenchen Konchog Gyaltsen was one of my first heart teachers. He gave me refuge and Bodhisattva vows initially. Then it was through his hints that I started investigating Drupon Thinley Ningpo more seriously – and eventually I would realize that Drupon Rinpoche is my main teacher. It was in 2006 that I attended my first serious Buddhist (teaching) retreat. And sleeping in a tent across the street from the Lamas’ house meant I was still in the mandala 24 / 7. I was a volunteer at the center and I cried, laughed, hiked and I absorbed as much as I could about this familiar new paradigm.
And I learned about doing the Drikung Ngondro practices – specifically about the refuge section. Ngondro means to “go before” or “preliminary” practices. These are specific to each lineage with slight variations between Kagyu and Nyingma and Gelugpa, etc; but some of the practices are the same. (I have several posts on here about the refuge section of Ngondro – see the archives.) Anyway, I learned a little about doing prostrations and doing the refuge practice. Actually, when I began doing my prostration accumulations, I knew very little about what I was actually doing or why. But I am a Pisces and faith is not my shortcoming. So I had and continue to have faith in my teachers and in their teaching the Buddhist path. And I knew that doing as many prostrations as I could manage (without causing myself harm) was the way to go.
Therefore in the four to six months after that first retreat, I completed thousands of prostrations. I feel that this big initial push was the catalyst for my de-structuring to start rapidly. In the next year or two, I would complete thousands more, continuing the momentum leading to my body / mind’s abandonment of old, out-dated structures. I should note that the typical “finishing” point of the refuge accumulation is 111,111 prostrations. I am still not there yet. (I am just an ordinary human being and life has kept me quite busy, but I am looking forward to completing my accumulations.)
So I had begun the De-structuring process without even knowing I had done so. I pushed myself to get through the local community college (2007) and then I applied and got into UVa. And I nearly completed my B.A. at UVa (2009) before the rough storms of inner destruction ravaged my energy levels and sapped my motivation to network and connect with many people. For three years I thought I had some health problems as I would go through waves of varying fatigue and increased introversion. Luckily I had a good mentor for this in Julie Henderson – I would check in with her about once every six weeks. And I had my blood tested – and the doctors did not find anything “wrong” with the results. Khandroma Julie told me to just stick with it. She said the process of de-structuring could easily take three years – in terms of what I was going through. But she said that the other side was well worth these shitty side-effects. She said that the combination of my Dharma practice, my studying / doing Zapchen Somatics (and doing some intensive retreats in this modality) and studying / receiving bodywork in Craniosacral Therapy was contributing to the destruction / re-formation of inner structures. Basically I had dived in without knowing where I was going, but thankfully I had a teacher who knew the Western mind well enough to explain what I was experiencing. * * * See my footnote at the bottom of the page please * * *
Today, near the end of 2013, I can say that I think the process of de-structuring is nearly over. My energy levels are returning (especially when I practice solid self-care). My awareness of my poor habit choices is very clear. I know right away when something is not good for me – I receive bodily sensations which I am able to interpret. I am able to embody and ground and come into alignment within minutes, even if I have chosen a poor habit for a few hours prior. And I am able to approach more types of individuals and be more compassionate toward them, as I am able to empathize with them easier (and I am now less reactive than I was seven years ago). Plus I now get a lot out of doing the Zapchen Guru Yoga practices and of course I get a lot out of doing the Drikung Kagyu Guru Yoga practices (not that I have any experience, but I do feel much clearer and cogent when I do either of these!)
As you can probably discern, I am very happy I began this process. And I am extremely grateful to all my teachers, mentors and guides. Without them, I would have swerved off the path long ago and who knows where I’d be! And this is my own path. I have included bits and pieces from several traditions and I have made it my own. I still have much to learn and as I mentioned, I am still toward the end of the De-structuring process. I don’t know what it will look like when this is “over.” (If I can even say that! I suspect that psychological learning is life-long.) But I am excited about the possibility of feeling more alive, more joy, more ease and being more authentic. And I have definitely started re-orienting to this “new” me.
I should mention that you should find an authentic spiritual teacher before you begin any rigorous spiritual or meditation type exercises. I’m not sure a yoga teacher always counts (unless they have more than just an X*100 hour teacher certification under their belts – they need to embody what they teach). You need to find someone who can communicate with you with ease and someone who knows your mind and your habits and your predispositions. Diving into a yogic / spiritual path unassisted (like only through reading books) can lead to confusion and misunderstandings at best, and in the worst case scenarios, someone can blow a fuse by pushing themselves too hard without a teacher to track them. So do be careful and find an appropriate guide!
* * * Footnote: I am not publishing this material as a way for someone who is on a “spiritual path” to use this knowledge as a way to avoid getting appropriate health check ups. Even if your spiritual teacher thinks he or she knows what is happening inside your body, if you are in pain or are having unusual symptoms which last for more than a couple weeks, you should really consider going to see a licensed health care provider. I personally am not a doctor and I do not claim to treat, cure, prevent or diagnose any disease or illness. * * *
If you would like to support Kirby’s blogging efforts, please visit his website to purchase a Spiritual Astrology interpretation or to make a donation at www.mkirbymoore.com. You can also click on the ads below. Thanks!
This material is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore. Reproduction without permission is prohibited. Thank you for visiting!
In Julie Henderson’s Somatic I Ching, she writes:
“[Gua 23] is usually called Splitting Apart, a time when conditions as we know them are severely threatened or being destroyed. In somatic terms, it represents de-structuring, which can be quite an unnerving, even shattering time. In the course of coming to know what you are, there are many times when what-you-thought-you-were – all the structures of body and mind you identify with – dissolves or dies or is shattered by circumstance. This gua is about those times.”
As I started to mention in my first post on this topic (go back and peek at it if you’d like), not everyone is ready for such an unnerving process. Not everyone even wants to change. Some people are content with their little neuroses and that is completely fine! It takes time AND effort AND requires skillful mentoring to shift our inner psychology. But for those of us who realize there is something not-quite-right internally – which could reorient or re-callibrate – and who want to change if we possibly can, then this post is for you.
And please keep in mind I am not just advocating destructuring, but also we need to take time to restructure once the destruction of old habits is finished. Basically we can rebuild our tissues, reprogram our cellular memory and start to move and think and be with ease and more grace, more fluidity. Now, you might be thinking that this sounds too good to be true. And if you thought all this stuff could happen over night, then you are right! This process is not a one month fling – “Oh you know, I think I will go out and buy the “reprogram my cells” agenda… get this fixed by next month…” Nope! This is a process that requires commitment and a deep desire to see it through in spite of all of its ups and downs. This is also not a one year process – this is more like a five to ten year plan, and that is if you have relatively positive karma. For most of us, it could be a fifteen to twenty year process… So again, it is not for everyone!
In my next post, I will discuss my personal process of de- and re-structuring.
If you would like to support Kirby’s blogging efforts, you can either visit his website to purchase an astrology interpretation at www.mkirbymoore.com or you can click on the ads below. Thank you for reading this far!
This material is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore. Thank you for visiting this blog and I hope you enjoy this post!
I seem to take pleasure from biting off more than I can chew (when it comes to blog topics), and here I may have done that again. Therefore, I am going to have to provide a lot of context. And, I have tried to do some research on this topic, but I have not found much. So all I have to go on are my teacher’s words – Julie Henderson speaks about this quite a bit – and my own intuition / experience.
Somatic of course means of the body (living sentient body). And destructuring is pretty obvious, but in case not, it is the breaking down or taking apart of something (in this case parts of the body).
Somatic Destructing is the breaking down of old patterns and habits of holding. Because it is actually affecting the physical body – the cells, the fascia, other connective tissue and even the muscles and organs – it is not an overnight process. It is a slow process. It can come about for a number of reasons but first and foremost, we have to have an openness to change running deep in our veins. If we are happily stuck in a rut, or if we chant the mantra, “If it ain’t broke, why fix it?” over and over again, then your body is going to listen to your mind. But if you mind knows there is a better way. If you have mentors and teachers who embody wellbeing, who are lighthearted, playful, kind and compassionate, then you can slowly shift under the right conditions.
So it can come about because of psychological shifts. Or it can come about through spiritual practices: meditation, prayers, prostrations, mystical dance and maybe even through shamanic journeying (I’m not sure about this as I do not have a lot of experience journeying), etc. But basically, you have to have an inner motivation to change first. Second, there needs to be outer conditions to foster the change. If we are stuck in an abusive environment, you had better believe you should keep your defensive responses going until you are in a more permanent safe space! Your body will not shift until it fully believes and trusts (and this alone can time lots of time) that it is safe and in good company.
Also, Somatic Destructuring is difficult. It is challenging re-learning who we are. Watching as the old “you” slowly dissolves is one of the most uncomfortable experiences I have yet to endure in this lifetime. As a result, it is not for everyone – even if they meet the first two parameters above. But if you want to shift and if you know it is possible and have some good guides for the process, then it does not matter what age you are – you can always do your healing work and start to shift towards wellbeing!
Personally I am not done with my restructuring yet. But I know I am close. In my next post, I will describe this curious phenomenon more.
Thanks for reading! If you want to support my blogging efforts, you can purchase a Spiritual Astrology interpretation through his website at www.mkirbymoore.com or if you live in Central Virginia, you can purchase a Craniosacral Treatment which I actually recommend more. Thank you!
Wriggling, wiggling
Clinging, Gripping
Writhing, rising
Strong, verdant, long
Tangled net of life
Filling space
Reaching up
Sunlight feeds my core
Soft landing
Fertile woman
Lush womb
~ a poem arising from Winter Retreat 2013 by Kirby Moore
This material is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore. You can support Kirby’s blogging efforts by visiting his website at www.mkirbymoore.com and purchasing an astrology interpretation. You can also click on the ads below 🙂 But thank you for visiting nonetheless!
How many people felt emotional intensity on Christmas Day – two days ago? How many of you are experiencing intense, over-energetic days right now?
As usual, I need to start out by saying that Astrology is a subjective topic. I cannot write one blog post and describe everyone’s experience, because we are all so unique. We are even unique moment to moment. So my own perceptions and thoughts will change around this topic soon! With that said, this post is about the confluence of Uranus, Pluto and Mars in a cosmic T-Square, which is nearly exact as I type. Then (on X-mas day) the Moon crossed over Mars, making a few hours of emotional intensity likely for some people (I will describe who below). And over the next few days, the Sun and Mercury will move to conjunct Pluto, also getting into this intense Cauldron of Volatility.
The Cardinal signs are about taking the initiative, moving forward, and making changes. The general theory (overly simplified theory that is) is that the Cardinal sign people – the Aries, Cancers, Libras and Capricorns of the world – are the ones who come up with many unique ideas about how to move their own lives forward, and how to move their company, their employees, their family, their groups forward. Then the Fixed sign people are the ones who sustain those good ideas, they are the ones who are stubborn enough to keep going in spite of obstacles. And finally, the Mutable sign people are the ones who are the communicators – they are peace makers and playful diplomats who go between the Cardinals and the Fixed people. Of course the actual situation, no matter what, is more complicated than this (because we all have some Cardinal, Fixed AND Mutable energy in our charts – somewhere and to varying degrees).
Here is what is happening right now: Pluto is at 11 degrees of Capricorn, making a Square (tension, conflict, action which feels forced) aspect to Uranus which is at 8 degrees of Aries. Then (today and tomorrow anyway) Mars is at 9 degrees of Libra making the difficult larger aspect called a T-Square (like a three legged, unstable table) whose outlet is in the sign of Cancer, because at least for now, there is no actual planet near the 8 to 11 degree point of Cancer. I have a lot of mention or else I would explain more at depth here… ask questions if you want to!
On Christmas Day, the Moon also crossed the 8 degree point of Libra, where Mars was situated, adding a heightened element to this already hot mix. So that might have been a challenging day for some people. And then coming soon (starting today or tomorrow – December 27th / 28th), the Sun is moving toward the 8 – 11 degree point of Capricorn, along with Mercury. So New Year’s Day, the Sun will be exactly conjunct Pluto (at least along one axis), with Mercury having crossed Pluto a day or two prior to that. So, this is not over by any means.
In general, when planets like Pluto and Uranus make a tough aspect like this, which is a rare occasion I might add! They will be within 3 degrees of each other for about 3 years. And this case is no exception. This is due to their retrograde motions – they part from each other for a few months, and then due to retrogradation, they come back into orb… for about 3 years! So of course that entire time is not going to be a hot tempest of emotions and unexpected changes. So how do we know when there will be personal affects from this broad, over-arching aspect? It is when the personal planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus and Mars) get involved. And guess what? The personal planets could not be more involved than they are now. Mars entered the scene first and the Moon crossed briefly through, and then the Sun and Mercury will move into play.
So who will potentially be affected by these cosmic giants interplaying with the personal movers and shakers? People who have personal planets around 7 to 12 degrees of Cardinal signs will definitely feel this. AND people who have a Cardinal Rising sign or a Cardinal MidHeaven will feel this especially if their rising sign is between 7 and 12 degrees. Therefore this is not affecting everyone. And it will not affect the people I describe above equally. Why not? See my previous posts about frequency-based astrology – we all have unique individual karmas. And astrology is simply a glimpse of your karma – once you purify the gross negative karmas, then you will be affected less and less by tough astrological configurations.
I do not have the space or time to go through and write exactly who will feel what. For instance, this cosmic T-Square will affect someone with their Sun at 11 degrees of Aries differently from someone whose Moon is at 11 degrees of Cancer. And Mars at 11 degrees of Capricorn people will feel this differently from people with their Mercury at 11 degrees of Libra. But… the essence of those personal planets will definitely be piqued!! For instance, is Mercury is the personal planet “under scrutiny” as it were, then your mental energy and perception of details and mental pace will all increase during this time (due to Uranus’ and Mars’ affects). Likewise for Venus, your relationships with people, with aesthetics and with money many shift during this radical time. Mars being tweaked by this T-Square could bring separations, conflicts, added energy and increased competitive energy. And the signs will make a difference – Venus in Aries is vastly different than Venus in Capricorn!
So what are some potential remedies for this difficult week? Slow down! You will not receive any cosmic messages if you are bopping rapidly from event to event, from party to party. And even if you are in the midst of hectic travels to and from relatives houses, take a few minutes to catch your breath. See what your body is trying to communicate to you. Is my digestion happy? What does it need today? How can I slow down just a little bit more? Slower gentler yoga would be very helpful and meditation, especially in an established, authentic tradition would be very helpful. Because purifying one’s karma on the meditation cushion is much better than having a physical event purify it for us! (I’d rather have a really irritated, angry day meditating than have an angry reactive encounter with another human being.)
Well I tried to summarize this hectic, busy, energetic and transformative configuration in less than a thousand words. I came close. I wish you good luck with your process! And you can always feel free to contact me for an astrology interpretation if things are getting too intense for you.
May all beings experience ease and clarity!
Thank you for reading!
Yet again, I don’t have the time or energy to make this structured or a decent “looking” composition, but I am very happy to be sharing the essence, the pithy version of events from yesterday’s full day. Hopefully I will have the time to tidy it up within a few weeks. This is a long post… Thank you for visiting!
Whoa! Woke up so super groggy. I’m lucky I put the “right” clothes on. Drove the short distance to retreat, at 5:45 am again. Did my prostrations to the shrine, and then sat down, my head a thicket of dense fog…
We played with a practice from Zapchen which is actually a little more advanced than the basics (so I recommend having a qualified teacher before you do this at home…). We chanted mantras into our brains, then into our hearts and finally into our pelvises. The idea is to enhance the clarity of mind, the compassion of the heart and the potency of the pelvis. Very yummy!
Then I took a short nap. I had some brief dreams / visions as I lay on the sheep skin in the darkness of the morning. Don’t remember much from them.
37 Bodhisattva practices and reading the 8 Verses for Training the Mind. This is good. We mentioned which ones of these were pertinent to us on that particular day. I am working with the “How do I find balance between having appropriate boundaries and compassion for myself, while still honoring the fact that all sentient beings have been my mother in the past – so they are basically all family? And especially if one or two sentient beings are beings of ‘bad nature,’ then how do I remain authentic to my own heart and stay present for them.” I think this will take at least another 10 – 20 years! 🙂 At least! One of the mentors in the retreat suggested that I am honest about my reaction to these people – they are who they are – I am the one having various reactions depending on my moods… Lots to ponder!
Breakfast consisted of sautéed trout and oatmeal, along with toast, jam and butter. I can honestly say I have rarely, if ever had trout and oatmeal for breakfast. Maybe once or twice when camping long ago… 🙂 It was so delicious – there was something (a mineral, essential fatty acid, something) in the fish skin which my body just danced to be taking in. Luscious, delicious, and lots and lots of bones – it was a good reminder that I was eating a fellow sentient being, so don’t get too excited!
Oh – then we did Chi Kung. This was fascinating. The video we watched was silent (we muted the music on purpose) so it was simply a man doing the numerous Chi Kung movements with their names appearing as subtitles from time to time. In other words, I did not know how to breath or when. All I could do was follow the movements, and I was reminded once that I was doing them different from the video (I was very groggy – did I mention this?). And yet, after doing the exercises, I was so exhausted and needing a nap. Something powerful happened simply in attempting to track the Chi as I did the movements. I experimented with breathing at different times throughout the exercises, but WOW! I think I need to get into a Chi Kung class ASAP when retreat is over.
From 10 to 11 am, we looked at the Ganges Mahamudra text, which again, is way over my head. But the main retreat leader asked me to say something about it. Again I do not know much about the text itself, but I love the life stories of Tilopa and Naropa, so I talked about their complicated Guru / Disciple relationship and that provided a tiny bit of context for the actual text. It was fun – an impromptu, super brief Dharma talk… I think I can call it that? But I was feeling pretty awake and alive and clear and potent after having that delicious breakfast. I took a nap from 11 – 12. Are you sensing a theme with me and napping yet? I want to take lots of naps right now as there is a complex and difficult astrological configuration in the sky and it could lead to me burning out…
Yet again, a delicious lunch was had. Lentils, cilantro, sweet potatoes, salad… Mmmmm… Then I went for a walk with a friend of mine. And this was a delectable experience. Because of the retreat, we barely talked (I was actually planning to leave retreat later in the day to go to an interview… so I figured a little talking might actually do me good – better to gently ease back into talking and samsaric mind than to leave retreat later and be plunged into busy busy samsara life without preparation!). But we said enough to acknowledge that we were both in awe of the mighty, roaring river. Plus a magical mist was coming up off the river (the Rivanna) and there were little droplets of water on the trees from the earlier rain.
She is a photographer, so I got to see the world through an artists eyes for just a few minutes, but she was pointing out (very little talking – but it is amazing what you can communicate with gestures) good photo spots. We both said, “I wish I had brought my camera at about the same time.” She has a professional, many-adjustments camera and I had my simple point and shoot digital one. So we decided we would take a short cut back (up the steep hill) to the retreat house and grab our gear! Doing so I got to witness her curiosity, intuition and sense of wonder with her camera in hand. Because I wanted to stay in retreat mind, I took my space too and tried to take some decent pictures, but unfortunately the grey sky masked the beautiful, mysterious mist rising off the grey river… Ah Shucks! Maybe it is time to get a better camera?
The mist changed every minute or so, which meant there were many photo opportunities. We got back to retreat just before the start of the afternoon session!
Then… another WOW moment. We continued in the Hum Book from Julie Henderson which I must say is one of the best articulated books on how trauma gets locked in the body and how we can slowly and gently start to loosen the bonds of conditioned misery! So we did more humming into our bodies as a partner tracked the hum. Bodywork on retreat is always delightful (especially when the group can handle it).
Because I had done the humming yesterday, I got to hum further – into my arms, legs in addition to my guts, midline and brain stem. WOW! It was almost as potent as yesterday’s session, but I think I was a little cooked from all the retreat time leading up to that Hum Book time.
But there was one funny story I want to relate from the humming. So when I was the outside person listening and tracking the lying-down-person’s hum… the leader of this exercise suggested (and demonstrated with her partner) that I lean in close to my partner’s belly and chant the mantra “Om Ah Hung” in a very gravelly and deep voice. So I did so and the sound reminded me of gears turning deep in the earth.
But what my partner said to describe it was hilarious. She had a sparkle in her eye as she said, “Wow! Can you do that again? It is like having an enlightened troll dancing on my belly!!” So I was happy to do it again. We all laughed about it!
After Zapchen I had to leave retreat and it would turn out to be a long delay… I also got food elsewhere and somehow ended up buying a little Buddha statue from one of the Tibetan vendors on the downtown mall who always gives me a deal (probably because I understand when he says, in Tibetan, “for you my friend, I will give you a deal. This is normally $80 but I will give it to you for $60.” And it is a nice looking cast brass statue that can be filled. So I did get a deal! I could buy one of those from a Dharma website for probably $150… Wow! So later, when I got back to retreat, I set up my little new Chom Den Dai statue on my table. “He” is not filled yet (some statues can be filled – see another post from the past about how that works) so he is very sensitive – he could pick up anything around him until a Lama fills the statue with blessings and then seals them in. 🙂 Therefore I left him in the shrine room over night and he will sit there soaking in the magnificent blessings (mandala blessings) until the last day of retreat when I can go fetch him.
I had been offered a relatively free apartment in Downtown Charlottesville (having been looking at housing for the past month). There were going to be strings attached but I was okay with them. And the general manager said she wanted to have this resolved ASAP… So I decided it was important enough to leave retreat (which is typically only a one-year thing in this particular case – it is a very dynamic, unique retreat!).
Oh my god! Samsara is so distracting. My body did not want to leave the retreat space. It was begging and pleading with me to stay in retreat. To stay in the mandala. I moaned and groaned (because in Zapchen Somatics work it is a well known fact that if we try to push through something without expressing our objections, that then we start to form tight tense dense dry tissue rather than expressing our objections and at least allowing some energy to move and flow even though it might be uncomfortable – but being honest about discomfort is better than denying its existence!!!) and even that barely helped. My body, my heart in particular kept yelling, “go back downstairs, go sit on your cushion!” Oh well.
I probably should have listened but I am glad I went to the interview and got the living quarters that I need. So I got the job and I got the “free” apartment. I will be the night manager of a local Inn which means I am on call every night – with some nights not having any calls and on weekend nights there could be a few… We will see how this goes. I am hoping I am mainly a “we need to have someone around in case of emergencies” rather than a “we need to bother the night manager every night about the silliest little things…”
It was amazing though. Just starting to drive away from the retreat neighborhood was difficult. My mind started to get distracted with wanting to turn on the radio, wanting to sing a popular radio song at the moment (without having heard it for a few days!)… Then walking among so many people on the Downtown Mall was a challenge. Maintaining my clarity and potency were not easy – especially during my interview, but I think I did okay…
This is a long post! Thank you for sticking with me and reading along. May all sentient beings know happiness during these holiday times! ❤
So… at 5:45 this morning as I drove over to the Sanctuary… it was 70 degrees outside. Yes, I knew it might be an unusual day before I even got to retreat place! First day of winter in Virginia and it is warmer than some summer days…
I am still in retreat mind, so not being ultra creative right now, nor do I feel like structuring my post. So enjoy this piece meal format 🙂
Om Ah Hung practice was nice. So was the Zapchen stretching. I ate a bowl of oatmeal before leaving home (meaning I had two breakfasts), but nothing like gaining some healthy weight when on retreat, right? Delicious (!!!) food while on retreat so far. Many choices for lunch and breakfast was a mixture of mashed squash and aduki beans – whoa! Does food taste better on retreat or is it possible to have sweet food like that without sugar? Wow!
After breakfast, went down to the river trail. It has been wet over the past couple weeks so the roar of the river is right there! In fact, you can hear it easily from the Sanctuary. Very calming and meditative just to sit on their porch and soak it in!
But… the rain clouds were hanging low all morning and therefore we started to get soaked on the trail. I ran back to the safety of the Sanctuary. Rain walk river clouds run.
After breakfast, we read through the Ganges Mahamudra text… which is extraordinarily over my head and I have not received teachings on it yet… so when trying to contemplate it, I started to doze off. After nearly falling off my cushion – oh did I mention I only got 4 hours sleep last night? I lay down.
Woke up an hour later having slept through the 10 minute break between hours… And I felt like a brick wall. Thick, dense, hard, stubborn, resistant. Not the greatest feeling but I am very happy my body felt safe enough to rest down that deep. ZZZZZZ
Oh wow – then the highlight of the day was just after lunch. We do a Zapchen session then (some movement or some breathing or some energetic awareness or some humming). In fact, this session was all humming because we worked from Julie Henderson’s Hum Book! And I learned how to do a new treatment when the outside person tracks the person lying down as they hum through their body. It was so potent.
I will say more later if I remember (can someone remind me – say in a week or two?) 🙂 Let’s just say my kidneys released some wildly old stuff and it felt like a hurt-so-good kind of discomfort in my gut as it released. I am happy to be moving toward more permanent alignment and liberation! Even if it is not always comfortable getting there.
Later as I was resting down again, I had a dream / vision where I was putting my foot down and standing my ground. Whoa! Maybe that kidney humming organ treatment from earlier was starting to work already!
Then a dream dance drama therapy (from Continuum) session. We worked someone’s (else’s) dream. Ask me if you want to hear more – I think I would send that out as a private email.
Thanks for reading!
I am writing to say that the Winter Retreat at the Sanctuary in Charlottesville is happening again. It is a dynamic retreat, not just one practice done for hours on end. Personally I get a ton out of doing it – coming down into my body, resting back and down with ease, finding alignment and resting in that juicy space of kindness and clarity… The list of reasons I’m doing it go on and on.
I think there is a requirement that if you want to participate, you need to be able to commit to at least two hours over the course of 3 days (6 hours total). This requirement allows for more continuity and stability in the space and in the practitioners who are doing more meditation time. Yay!! The most important thing is that you contact the host ahead of time to register and that you show up on the hour. Don’t come in for a 10 AM sit at 10:20 – that might interrupt some people. So try to arrive early so you are sure to be there on time. Good good!
Here’s the link: http://janetevergreen.org/winter-retreat.php
Thanks for reading and happy holidays to everyone. I hope all beings have good company to relax in.
This material is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore. You can support Kirby’s blogging efforts by purchasing Spiritual Astrology Interpretations, Astrological Coaching sessions and Process-Oriented Bodywork from http://www.mkirbymoore.com Thank you for visiting!
I want to write a post about trust. Trust issues in relationships and regarding trusting ourselves.
Why am I writing this? I feel this is a tiny bit remedial for anyone who maintains a high level of ethics and morality, but I think a return to the basics can be very vital and necessary at times!
I am going to start out by naming the 4 Stages of Trust that I learned in a conflict resolution workshop at the Eastern Mennonite University in Harrisonburg, Virginia.
1st Stage of Trust – “I trust you mean me no harm.”
2nd Stage of Trust – “I trust that you are willing to listen to my needs.”
3rd Stage – “I trust that you care about my needs and my interests.”
4th Stage – “I trust you care enough about my needs and interests that you would even represent them (and me) when I am not present.”
As I mentioned above, these Stages of Trust are important both within relationships and within ourselves. Has anyone else ever had a rough day where they could eat any junk food in the house (or is that just me)? Well I’ve been there! At that particular moment, I don’t know if I trust myself enough to clear the first stage, not to mention any of the other three!! It seems that at least for a few minutes, or half an hour, or a few hours there that I might be willing to harm myself through eating too much sugar or pretzels or… [fill in the blank].
So… I think most of us need to look closer at this list. What are my deeper needs? What am I actually interested in? If I had the resources – time, money, support – what would I be interested in? I think these are important questions to ask. And of course, trust issues will arise at least on a weekly basis in most relationships.
Does your partner do what (s)he says they are going to do? Are they manipulative at times? Do they truly care about my needs and interests or are we just in a mutual sexually satisfying acquaintanceship? These are very important questions and for some people, just getting past the first stage will take lots of time.
If someone has a history of trauma, then they might have some unresolved fears and anger and terror and resentment, etc! So there are many layers to work with and strands to untangle! Be gentle with yourself, but if you think your partner can handle it, I would recommend mentioning these in a skillful manner.
Deeply trusting someone is important for authentic intimacy. How can we possibly open our hearts more fully to someone whose sarcastic remarks cut us to the bone? Not going to happen right? So we need to have a language of trust, to be able to communicate our needs and desires and to try to compromise to make a win / win situation come about, if possible.
I guess what it might come down to is, are you content with your inner landscape (do you trust yourself – do you practice self care, eat well, etc)? And then, once that is established, are you content with your present love partnership? If not, then what are you doing? Why are you dragging your feet?
Now I’m not suggesting you get up and get out of Dodge immediately, but if you know you can be happier, then what are you waiting for? At least start the dialogue about ways you could become more happy!
Explore trust. Work with a qualified therapist or bodyworker or coach to learn more about trust. Then when you are ready, you can play with resting in trust. Opening to trust. And finally trusting the Universe and letting go…
Aaahhhh… Big sigh!
Thanks for reading!
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