If you want to see what Kirby offers as far as bodywork (in person or distant sessions) or for Astrology, visit http://www.mkirbymoore.com Enjoy your visit!
Another name for this post might be “Men Out There, Time to Shape Up.” If I slapped this title on it however, I would be wronging the 15-20% of heterosexual men out there who are in touch with their masculinity, their emotions, their showing up, their self expression, their professional life and their sex drive. Okay – having all of these clear and apparent might be asking a lot… but I know a number of men who have most if not all of these going on! And fortunately our numbers are growing more every day!
I live in a town where conscious, creative, evolved, dynamic, beautiful women are everywhere. (Seriously, if you are a dynamic, evolved male and you are looking for one of these women, come check out Charlottesville Virginia…) And therefore they are searching for their male counterparts to share life with. As a man who is in touch with my feminine side, yet who enjoys embodying my yang traits, this leads to a bunch of interesting conversations. One woman (who is happily married) said, “Kirby, in this town, you are like ice cream.” Meaning I have most of those qualities I named above – and I have done a ton of personal growth work on myself, so emotional expression is often not too difficult (for me).
Here is what I have learned from various teachers or my own experience about ideal relationship traits: first, know yourself. If you don’t know who you are, how can you possibly know what you want out of life or out of a relationship? How do you get to know who you are better? Work with a competent astrologer – Western or Vedic, work with a therapist, work with an acupuncturist, work with a certified life coach, etc.
Second, do your own personal growth work. If you don’t work on yourself, you will constantly bump into reflections of your own blind spots (and constantly blame the world or the other person or …). Along with the list I named above, develop a regular yoga practice, or learn from a meditation teacher (as in start meditating), start a daily Qigong practice (just 20 minutes a day will start to make a difference), etc. Improve yourself and then you will start to manifest and attract a similar frequency partner to yourself.
Third, write down qualities and traits that you want in a partner. My aunt claims that she manifested her amazing husband – a great cook, a lover of fine wine, incredible gardener, French and Italian speaking (yet American) doctor – my uncle – using this technique. She wrote down about 25 qualities that she had to have in a partner – and he met all but one of them!
This technique also worked for me. But in the opposite way. There is an exercise out there called Dream Partner / Nightmare Partner. I used this exercise (which asks questions about 24 areas of life) to separate from a woman with whom I had a slightly-functional-barely-healthy relationship with. I picked up the paper to work on it 6 months before we broke up, but I couldn’t go forward because I knew it would force me to analyze some painful facts. So by the time I finished the exercise, in my mind, we were done. And it was the right time.
And now I have an incredibly inspiring, creative, dynamic, professional, graceful, funny, beautiful, loving partner in my life! Actually, back in May of 2018, I moved onto her street without knowing it… and then in June I started working at the same spa as she did. So by the time we started going out to lunch in August, we had a bunch in common right off the bat!
Ideally, in a relationship, we want to have all three Energy Centers in connection with our partner: Head, Heart and Pelvis. We want to be able to have intellectual rapport with them. We want to be able to have love and kindness come through our facial expressions, our eyes, our touch. And of course we want to be able to stand on our own two feet and express our needs in the relationship as well. And if the partnership is to be romantic, then we must have that healthy yearned for pelvic connection!
I think a lot of people get away with having two of these qualities – maybe Head and Pelvis – intellectual rapport, sexual chemistry, but not much in the way of emotional tenderness. Rarely Heart and Pelvis might work – but then it would be hard to talk about any non-emotional, verbal topic without differing significantly. And I think many friends have Head and Heart going on – maybe there is zero physical attraction or maybe they just don’t act on it (for whatever reason).
I talk about all of these things and more when I do Relationship Astrology for a client. Whether you want to discuss your own chart and the what’s and where-for’s about your own personal relating, or if you provide me with your partner’s birth info as well. I love working with Relationship topics! Let me know if this interests you.
I work with Zapchen somatics and Somatic Experiencing – tools for coming down out of the head and into the Heart, into the Pelvis, into the body. And when I do sessions whether in person or long distance, I include these individualized techniques for moving toward graceful emobodiment and clarity.
Don’t settle in relationships! I know so many people who are not happy and yet they stay put – usually for good reason – like not wanting to have their kids endure a divorce, or for cultural reasons (“where else would I find a good Lebanese man at this stage of my life?” – I actually heard someone say this), etc. I know so many young women in their 20’s who are really not fundamentally happy, and yet they are talking about marrying their boyfriends. Huh?! Don’t set yourself up for failure…
Maybe they don’t know who they are though. Maybe they hear the cultural voice saying, “Well he is fairly nice to me, so he must be a good man.” But will he make a good long-term partner? Is he working to improve himself? Does he yearn to heal his own emotional blind spots?
I do love seeing a multitude of unusual relationships out there though, that work! Some people live together in a tiny house, some people sleep in separate rooms, some people give their partner a tattoo or die their partner’s hair. Some live separately and claim to be really happy that way. Others have a strict agreement about which days they want time to themselves. And all of these things work! And I have hope that all the weirdo’s out there like me are finding suitable partners! š
Thanks for reading!
Kirby Moore
Konchog Chakchen
Meditation Informs Healing Facilitation 