Khenchen’s skillful means are immeasurably vast

I had the chance to spend close to 2 hours privately with Khenchen Konchog Gyaltsen during this recent retreat (and no, I did not twist his arm to have this happen).  I was able to offer him something which I was so glad to do.  He has given me the greatest gift which exists in this world – the Buddha-Dharma is the key to unlocking ultimate happiness, free from afflicted emotions.  Therefore if I can give anything back, that will be very good.

Anyhow, in spending this time with him, I got to see his skillful means in action.

The first day (the first hour), he was more open and he asked me questions about what was going on in the news and we chatted about the Dharma in the West and a few other topics.

Then during my interview, I admitted (because I wanted to reveal everything to Rinpoche and have him give me very precise advice) that my Dharma practice had been de-railed or at least become quite scattered over the past few years.  This is mainly due to being sick and not understanding why.  When I got the shingles 3 years ago, it was barely in my astrology chart at all, which was frustrating.  Normally you can see this stuff coming.  (Although do not worry, I hardly a fatalistic astrologer and I approach everyday realistically.)  And then this bout with chronic Lyme’s disease was equally frustrating – leaving nursing school for a semester was frustrating especially!

So I told Rinpoche about how I used to play computer games but that I have given that up.  I asked him about role playing games – pretty much my only vice left – which I had to explain.  But he got the gist that these games occasionally distract me and maybe even affect my mindfulness.

Then the second day, the 2nd hour, he was more distant and he was bluntly neutral.  His disposition was much different from what it was the day before (before I had my interview with him).  I think he knew that my Dharma practice was not as diligent as it was five to eight years ago, but he did not realize how much my practice may have derailed.  And of course I am putting words in his mouth or thoughts in his mind.  I do not actually know what he was thinking .  Anyway, he sudden change in disposition made me think that something was wrong – was he feeling off?  Or had I done something wrong?  Had I said the wrong thing?

It took me driving on the road home – a 4 hour journey due to traffic and passing multiple accidents – to realize what was probably going on.

In fact, along with having a full and long day yesterday, his change in demeanor had affected my mind.  I was a little concerned – mainly about what I had done or said wrong, if that was why he changed his attitude.

On the ride home, I got the info that Khenchen was being extremely skillful with me.  I told him about my last remaining vice and he told me that letting it go was entirely up to me.  But now his actions and his disposition were that of the most loving and more importantly compassionate parent. He was letting me go, putting some distance between us so that I could get my Dharma practice in order.  Rather than me putting in a scattered, sparse amount of diligence into my practice and hoping that a Lama will be there to pull me out of trouble, he was showing me that my “salvation” as it were, is entirely up to me.

My happiness is up to me.  My suffering is up to me.  My attaining enlightenment is entirely up to me.  Yes he gives incredible advice and teachings, but at the end of the day, I need to get my butt on my meditation cushion!  🙂

Therefore, his change in demeanor was one of the most compassionate actions he could take with me.  Time to stay mindful and heedful and alert and watch my mind, guard my mind and slowly slowly complete my Ngondro practices.

Thanks for reading!

Good things are happening! Baby treatment, Lama treatment, reactions

So this has to be the most full spring retreat I have ever done.  Possibly even more full than either of the Mani Drupchens I did up at TMC six years ago!  Many good things are happening and I rejoice.

I got to treat another baby that I met up here.  He was induced so I think he has more work to do, plus it was past his bed time (impromptu treatments are difficult to get “right”) but I know that his mother benefited tremendously!  Sometimes it is more of a Mommy treatment than a baby treatment, but that will also benefit the infant.

I also got to give a massage to a Lama.  I’m not going to name names but I am very fortunate to create a deeper connection with a very realized being who is beyond attachment and aversion, and who excels at piercing through ignorance and confusion.

What is most interesting though is, while the Lama was my “client” for 50 minutes, he was still my Lama.  And once he got off the table, he was resting in equanimity as usual, just resting in neutrality.  But my mind was wondering why we weren’t making much of a connection.  I obviously have much work to do around attachment.  I am attached to whether or not he likes me.  Is it okay to attempt to please your Lama?  I think it is, but just don’t have any expectations for him liking you back any more than he loves all sentient beings.

So that is where I am at.  I gave two treatments today and I feel pretty good.  Good enough to start studying more Pharmacology!  🙂

I am heading back to Charlottesville tomorrow.  But I will definitely miss Frederick Maryland.  I have definitely missed being at TMC.  It feels like home.  It has so much potential that is somehow not being used fully.  Having Khenchen Rinpoche here as well helps, but he has already moved on.  He is talking about slowing down and retiring (teaching and traveling take their toll and he is in his 70’s).  He deserves a good long rest.  But he is definitely not going to retire in Maryland or Virginia  😦

Receiving teachings from Khenchen (or any qualified Lama) is one of the greatest blessings I have ever received though.  He is an overflowing swollen waterfall of Dharma and wisdom and compassion and I want to continue to drink up those healing waters for years to come.

Thanks for reading!

Baby initiation, gaining a head of steam

So I am about to write about the amazing week I am having…  I should start out by setting the context from the past year.

In a nut shell, I was locked into finishing nursing school in two years when I started developing some mysterious symptoms – arthritis, foggy headedness, nerve pain, etc.  It eventually got so bad that I withdrew from nursing school for a semester.

Fast forward to now.  I was diagnosed with chronic Lyme’s disease but I am taking a 6 month regimen of some potent homeopathic medicines specifically geared toward taking out that particular borrellia bacteria.  And 8 weeks in I am starting to feel much much better.

And then two weeks ago I was apart of a Craniosacral class which involved treating infants.  It was like that was the boost I needed.  It was a kick in the butt in a great way.  I now feel like, as a nurse I want to work with babies.  As an independent complimentary medicine practitioner, I want to work with babies for free – assisting mother and baby to release birth trauma and then giving their process back to them saying, “you are doing great Mom, keep it up!”  It was like I received a spiritual initiation of sorts – from the babies!  Yes, my bodywork teacher coached them through it, but they were the ones willing to show up and do the work.

And I am at a one week Buddhist teaching retreat with one of my first Tibetan Lamas, a sublime, precious, extremely-rare-to-meet teacher named Khenchen (his title) Konchog Gyaltsen.  Yes my personal Dharma practice got derailed by my frustrating sickness and from being in school.  But I intend to pick my practice back up.

I am tentatively committed to doing a pre- and perinatal training in Canada later this summer.  I am extremely excited about that.  I want to learn this work as quickly as possible and be of benefit to any babies and families in my area that need the assistance.  I wonder if I can get donations for my trip north of the border?  What do you think?

So I am excited about what this summer and the rest of the year holds for that matter.

Thank you ever so much for reading!

~Kirby

 

Foggy Dharma, a muse

Driving up to the Tibetan Meditation Center on Memorial Day.  Fortunately very little traffic, easy drive.  Except for the fact that I worked late last night and now the mischievous little gremlin known as drowsiness is setting in, as I drive.  Like trying to keep the squirrels away from my bird feeder, I pinch myself, slap my face a little.  Nothing is working – it just comes back in 5 minutes.  Finally I stop for a soda.  It doesn’t do much, but it is enough.

As I approach Gambrill State Park, where the Dharma center is located, I am driving up.  Up above Frederick, into the woods.  Black and blue cohosh shrubs and the edible garlic mustard greet me, watching as the world drives by.  It is a mist green tunnel this morning.

My heart is feeling better the closer I get, opening, taking a deep sigh, melting.

Then I see the Dharma sign and hanging across the driveway is a massive Tibetan Buddhism symbol laden banner – no words.

I have arrived.  But my mind is still on its journey and my body feels like it is still asleep.

I am so happy to have arrived.  Khenchen is nearby, about to come over to give his teachings.  Old friends and new are here.  It feels like coming home.  I have missed you TMC.  Life has kept me too busy.

I am looking forward to hearing the spontaneous wisdom dispensed this morning.

Thanks for reading!

treated my first baby on my own today

So I have been setting the intention to work with infants for a solid week.  Not a lot of time.  But already a precious baby manifested.  A friend at work was shaking as she described her 3-week-old niece nearly suffocating on her own thick mucous – which she and the mother had to pump out to get her breathing easy again.  So I discovered an infant in need and I offered my services.

What services are those you might ask?  Emotional and physiological process work for babies.  Bodywork for infants – just listening and offering a safe space for the babies to show you what they need to release birth difficulties.  That is what.  I am not an expert, but I have been doing this work with adults for over 10 years now.  So fortunately it is not a huge step to translate that work to infants.  And I have a solid, skillful mentor.

I did hit one snag, one obstacle.  The mother does not speak English and my Spanish is poor at best.  Although I certainly learned a bit today!  There was a translator, but this presented a definite issue.  The mother was able to detach from me (and considering she did not know me prior to today) and focus on the translator.  I would have rather her stay more present to the baby and to my questions.  But I was flexible and I worked with the baby as best I could under the circumstances and she was very open to seeing what might transpire during the session.  Plus she gave me permission to discuss the session here on my blog (without any names being mentioned).

It went pretty well.  I checked the baby’s diaphragms (energetic vortices around the babies chest and tummy), checked the baby’s cerebral spinal pump – the action of pumping its cerebrospinal fluid, tracked its CS fluid as it flowed from cranium to sacrum and finally did a brief little unwinding as the baby showed me the spirals it had to make during its birth.

There was definite evidence that positive changes were happening.  The babies eyes seem to be brighter by the end of the session – maybe every clearer.  And during the unwinding and spiraling portion, the baby’s skin tone changed colors which I pointed out to the mother.

Unlike my mentor, I do not fully understand everything that the baby is trying to communicate with me.  And keep in mind, a 3-week-old cannot communicate verbally.  When you have laid your healing hands on 1,000 bodies, those bodies start to speak to you and you are able to listen and intuit the meaning.  That is what happened with this baby.  You can tell when it is in distress due to pupil dilation or fists clenched.  I did not have to deal with much of that today.  But I do need to ask questions of my teacher regarding the mother – I think she may have been dealing with her own psychological stuff (whether her own birth issues or developmentals, I do not know).  I would like to find some resources for her however to make her motherhood journey easier.

I did schedule another free well-baby check up for two weeks from now.

I love working with babies!  By the way, if you know any babies under the age of 18 months in the Central Virginia area that might benefit from a wellness baby treatment, let me know!

Thank you for reading!

~K

lots going on: early summer 2016 update

To add to my last post about treating babies, yes I am still enthusiastic about giving more treatments over the coming months, whether to babies or not doesn’t matter.  I would like to treat more babies but finding new mothers who are willing to trust a stranger is not going to be easy and I don’t know many pregnant mothers (although I do know a couple from work!).

I am looking at healing space this week – I will probably share office space with a friend of mine who is an acupuncturist.  I will know for certain in a week or so.  But it will be nice to see clients on a weekly basis!

I have started my summer nursing class – Pharmacology.  It is a big amount of information to chew on.  But it will be challenging and nice to be back in the academic grind (using my brain cells for learning rather than just waiting tables and seeing the rare bodywork or astrology client).

And on top of all this, I am going up to Maryland next week – Frederick Md and the Tibetan Meditation Center specifically.  I am very excited to attend His Eminence Khenchen Konchog Gyaltsen as he teaches.  Honestly I don’t care what he teaches on – he is a Buddha and one of the leading scholars in the Drikung Kagyu lineage of Tibetan Buddhism.  He is also one of my heart teachers and I have a special connection with him (which hundreds of his students have with him also).  I believe he will teach on the Jewel Ornament of Liberation by Gampopa, but if he chooses a different topic, that is fine too.  Look back through my older Dharma category posts to see stories that I describe around Khenchen.  He is sublime and semi-wrathful in his wisdom, penetrating and compassionate, the real deal.

I am very fortunate to be able to attend Khenchen and other legitimate Tibetan Lamas.  (May all beings know sublime spiritual teachers whom to learn from!)

In addition to the above developments, I am working full time as well.  And I am still getting more restful relaxation in as I recover from a health issue.

This late spring is a busy time but hopefully I will handle it all with ease.

Thanks for reading!

Offering bodywork to babies

For some reason, I have been avoiding this topic in principle for years.  That would be the topic of giving treatments to babies.

I’m not sure why – perhaps because babies seem so fragile, or because I would not want to have the parents asking me all sorts of questions when my mind is in intuitive bodywork mode.  It could also be because I have or had some unprocessed psychological stuff around my own birth and early upbringing (this is most likely the case).

My main bodywork teacher, Janet Evergreen, gives free treatments to newborns and any babies under 2 years of age.  She is possibly one of the most gifted spiritual healers on the East Coast of the United States.  And I do not say that lightly – I have had many teachers.  I have taken numerous empowerments and numerous Dharma teachings from many legitimate Tibetan lamas and yet Janet offers something unique, something a little bit different.  She is Buddhist, but she follows her heart.  She has a powerful root lama and yet she forges her own path at times.  She does not go by the book.  I do not quite know what to make of her.  But as far as teaching bodywork, there is no one else I would rather learn from.  (I have witnessed her work miracles with her clients in the most empowering way possible – we all have the ability to heal ourselves, and she does not want her students putting her on a high pedestal.)

She has been treating babies for years, and I have been taking her classes for years.  I have taken nearly all of her classes at least twice each – Craniosacral I, II, III, Supervision; Zapchen Somatics, Zapchen retreats, Advanced Zapchen 10-day retreats; Organs (visceral manipulation); Working with the Vagus system I, II.  I even joined a support group that she hosted for artists and bodyworkers and yogis and I was a part of that radically advanced and dynamic group for close to 3 years.  And this exhaustive list does not include the dozen of advanced Buddhist retreats that we were a part of together.  But I have never taken her Babies class.

Maybe I thought that I did not need to work with babies.  Maybe I thought that I would only be good at working with teenagers or adults (the populations I have had success with up to this point).

I have only worked with 3 or 4 babies with her – in 11 years of taking classes from her!

Yes, I fear that I have subconsciously been avoiding this topic.  Until today.

Today, I was blessed to be a part of treating two babies – two 6-week old baby boys.  The fact that they were baby boys resonates with me.  I was a baby boy once.  There is a baby boy part of me.  I, like other baby boys, do not wish, did not wish to hurt my mother during my long birth process.

Today we treated 2 babies in under 3 hours and I was a part of it!  I held the second baby’s occiput and helped with its rebirth process (where the baby is going through a re-do of its birth, how it spiraled its way out of the birth canal, pushing against the top of the womb with its legs).  They were miraculous treatments.  She did re-births with both babies.  She checks the dura tubes of the babies, the diaphragms, the vault holds, the vomer bone (because this has a lot to do with their ability to suck on a nipple), and the craniosacral pump – she listens for the spiral dynamics still in the birth memory of the cells and she follows the baby as they unwind any birth trauma that their bodies are willing to reveal at the time.  And she has many skills and knowledge (and wisdom) from working with Myrna Martin and pre- and perinatal psychology workshops.

It is a lot.  But babies are more flexible, more plastic, more able to change traumatic patterns within a few minutes.  Therefore they might be able to do a ton of releasing work in under an hour!

It is not a simple process.  Years of preparation and personal growth work have gone into her ability to do this.  She is not an ordinary human being.  Janet Evergreen is a dakini.  And (at the same time) she has a few human foibles (which she is working on).  But she is constantly working on herself and working to improve her classes and her teaching skills.

Somehow she combines the transcendent wisdom of the Buddha Dharma with the embodied wisdom of Zapchen and Continuum dynamics and Somatic Experiencing.  It is an amazing process which I am blessed to be a senior student of.

After working with babies today, I feel like I have discovered a new way to taking refuge (in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha).  I do not say that lightly.  Taking refuge in the 3 Jewels is a sacred and rare path toward enlightenment and joyful bliss.  I loved working with babies.  I loved having my hands on babies.  I want to learn more.  I have much to learn.  But I am eager to get started.

I fear that I have been wasting much valuable time.  It is time to get an office space going.  To attract new clients and to put out the willingness to help new babies unwind their birth trauma (and generational trauma).  Babies are the future.  Babies are extremely pliable.  If I can hold self-care and wisdom and compassion and wide, spacious awareness; then the babies will respond positively and reveal how to unwind them into the health that is never lost.

I am excited and nervous and worried about this promise to my heart.  Walking my talk, removing all that is harmful from my path, living in embodied visceral wisdom is not easy, nor is it comfortable.  But that is why I have taken this incarnation.  I seek to have a meaningful life.

I wish for all sentient beings to know happiness and its causes.  I wish for all beings to never experience suffering.  I wish for all babies to be free from suffering and its causes.

May it be so.

(Thanks for reading!)

May 2016 update

I haven’t written in a while.  So here goes nothing  🙂

I am primarily doing the following: working, resting, doing a little Dharma practice each day and attempting to take a nap most days.  Not the most glamorous of schedules to be certain, but it is just what I need.

I am presently taking several Tibetan medicine herbs / precious pills and I am taking Vit B spray (for neuralgia) and homeopathic remedies for Lyme’s Disease.  So my body is adjusting and working through detoxing of that harmful bacteria and it is more tired.  Plus my mind is adjusting – in the past I always assumed I would be healthy and I would play computer games occasionally, or watch a late night move and lose sleep, or hang out with friends and stay up late one night / week…  So my mind is adjusting to a more regulated, more self-care filled regimen.  It is good for me.

I am also assisting with a Vagus I class with Janet Evergreen.  So I love that work – I fill in and give / receive bodywork if they have an odd number, otherwise I walked around and answer questions the students have and support the teacher.  This is very juicy and supportive for me.

I am scheduled to take Pharmacology this summer and that starts in 2 weeks – way too soon.  If I had been in classes this past semester, that would have meant that my “summer break” was 2 weeks long…  Ack!  By taking Pharm this summer, I will be able to have an easier spring semester when I dive back into clinical rotations and hospital work.

So I am keeping it pretty simple.  Practicing more self-care.  Resting down when I can.

Thanks for reading!

~K

What am I doing about Lyme’s (and neuralgia)?

So I saw the licensed acupuncturist, Michael Jabalee (Michael Jabalee’s website) who specializes in treating Lyme’s disease.  He used a type of bioenergetic testing on me and determined that I have four major issues going on with my body: Lyme’s disease (fortunately without the associated co-infections), leaky gut (possibly in conjunction with Lyme, Herpes Zoster (from the shingles and of course chicken pox) and herpes simplex (A – I get cold sores on my lips and possibly in my nasal cavity).

Since seeing him I have done quite a bit of reading up on Lyme’s disease.  Apparently, it is one of the most complex bacteria and therefore it is a very complex disease.  It mimics many other symptoms, hence the high number of mis-diagnoses out there.  Sometimes it shows up as rheumatoid arthritis, other times it looks more like cognitive deficits and in the rare, extreme cases, it can go to the heart and cause serious dysrhythmias and palpitations.  Eventually it can go to the bones and if untreated, the person’s spine might like they are double their age…  Scary stuff.  And the most bizarre aspect in my opinion is that there is really no agreement about treatments.  Even among allopathic doctors…

One school says that a short dose of antibiotics (which I strongly disagree with) will eradicate the Lyme’s bacteria and most of any co-infections.  That is what I did, and look at my symptoms!  The school of thought that I agree with says that one needs to do a minimum of 4 weeks of antibiotics as soon as possible to eliminate the bacteria from the body.

But what do they say for people like me who are closer to having chronic Lyme’s disease?  This is where it gets even more convoluted.  Apparently the bacteria can form biofilms which prevent the antibiotics from getting to the deeper layers of infection.  The bacteria can invade the bones and deeper tissues where the antibiotics might not go so readily and easily.  In other words, I don’t think there is a quick and easy fix for chronic Lyme’s sufferers.

Rather, and this is the approach I am taking, it is best to treat the whole body and strengthen the whole immune system as a whole.  I figure if this route does not show improvements in two months, then I will consider the more invasive and potentially damaging long weeks of antibiotic therapies.

What am I doing now?  Michael Jabalee gave me homeopathic sprays – one of which targets Lyme’s disease.  I have 4 sprays total, which I take 3x/day for a month.  And then I will slowly back off of that dose using another Lyme’s spray.  And I am taking 2 weeks worth of Tibetan medicine from a Tibetan doctor.  When I saw him – I did not realize I had Lyme’s disease quite yet.  Although he felt my pulses and said that I felt exhausted (right on with Lyme’s), that my digestion was not quite right (in agreement with leaky gut) and that I felt more irritable and possibly even had a temper on my bad days (also true – if I get really exhausted or if I push myself too far physically, I can get really irritable.  Although this has only been happening in the past 6 months – also a Lyme’s by-product).  So I am taking 4 different types of Tibetan herbal medicine once/day each.

Jabalee also told me several things to add into my diet / supplement routine to benefit my nervous system (from having shingles along my trigeminal nerve).  He also sold me a couple of Vit B supplements, saying that some Vit B deficiencies are so bad that they are becoming epigenetic – the deficiency is being transferred from mother to child.  So that sounded like good advice – it also resonates with much of what I have been reading online.

To avoid making neuralgia worse he said that during episodes of nerve pain, I should avoid anything containing high amounts of arginine (amino acid) which includes nuts and shell fish, and to definitely avoid taking that as a supplement.  I don’t do that, so that is easy advice to follow.  This is common knowledge though – he just pointed me toward it.

Second he said that the following can help to build a strong nervous system and to restrict the herpes zoster virus from strengthening: St. John’s Wort, Lemon Balm, Vit B1, Vit B12, Vit B complex, taking L-Lysine (amino acid) and Zinc during any herpes flare-ups.

So I am working on a paradigm change.  No more computer games.  Less screen time.  More rest.  Getting some exercise every day if possible, but only pushing as hard as is comfortable.  Incorporating some of these supplements.  Getting regular body-work (maintenance self-care).  Eating better and more regularly.  Going to bed earlier.

I have only been putting this into effect for the past few days.  So I will update everyone on how things are going.

Thanks for reading!

Further thoughts on Lyme’s disease

I had the bull’s eye rash about 18 months ago, and then I took two weeks worth of antibiotics – doxycycline.  Let me just say now, after doing some research, that two weeks is not enough.  If I could go back, I would take at least 4 weeks worth.  Minimum.  I have a feeling that that round of antibiotics knocked out a lot of the Lyme’s bacteria – the mysterious spirochete, but obviously some stayed around.  It went dormant for at least 6 months.  I did not have any (significantly noticeable) symptoms during that time.  However, I might have felt off.  I did not have the “usual” bouts of flu-like symptoms or headaches as far as I can remember.  But at least a year ago, I definitely knew something wasn’t quite right.

First my knees would ache if I bent them for half an hour and then straightened them out.  They were definitely growing more stiff.  Then a couple months later, I started noticing joint pain in my knees and elbows and wrists.  Then I tried to go for a bike ride – I may have only made it 4 or 5 miles when I started to get tired and irritable.  I turned around promptly, knowing something was off.

Keep in mind I was extremely busy with nursing school, so I did not have a lot of time to check into my still functioning but stretched body.  I had had a lot of tests done – no I did not have HIV, no I did not have TB (not that I had any of those symptoms).  My blood tests were mostly positive and showed no signs of issues.  The one thing that was low was my platelet count.  After doing some research, I’m thinking I also need to be tested for the co-infection of anaplasmosis – a parasite that can come with Lyme’s disease, also transmitted by ticks.  Anaplasmosis can cause low platelet counts.

Then last November, December, as I was stressing out with nursing school assignments and labs and clinicals and tests…  I began to notice inflammation creeping up my arms – specifically my ulnar nerves.  And at the height of the problem, it was starting to affect my pinky and ring fingers on both hands.  (The ulnar nerve innervates the pinky and half of the ring fingers.)  This definitely got my attention.

What if this problem got worse?  Would it possibly affect my nursing career?  This got my attention to be certain.  And as I began to worry about this problem, I was working too much and anxiety started to creep in.  Long story short, I decided to withdraw from most of my nursing classes this semester.

I rested more, thinking that it was a stress issue.  Of course, I should have gotten some blood tests done sooner.  I should have ruled out the really bad inflammatory diseases – Lupus, Crohns, Epstein Barr, etc.

Now that I know it is Lyme, the complex bacterial infection, I have to change my entire mindset.  It is time for serious rest, recovery and rebuilding.