If you are an avid reader of this blog, you may know that I throw the I Ching coins from time to time (a divination tool from China that is at least 3,000 years old). I work with a unique interpretation of the I Ching (Yi Jing) written by Julie Henderson, the founder of Zapchen Somatics. This interpretation is specifically for bodyworkers, psychotherapists and yogis (meditators) – it has a strong body-centric slant to it.
Any way, the I Ching tells me (or you could say that I am actually accessing my Higher Self, or my heart’s true words, or connecting with wisdom company who are also not separate from me) that I am in transition from personal joy to the more mature joys of altruistic service. But I’m not there yet.
It also tells me that my reaction to stagnation is regrettable. Horrible in fact. Fortunately, it also declares that obstacles and stagnation are on their way out. The only issue is that the I Ching has been saying this to me for anywhere from 5 to 7 years. And I am getting quite impatient. I have a lot going for me, and yet I want clarity right now. :-O
I wish this were an exciting and entertaining post where I talk about the esoteric wisdom of Chinese Medicine, or the wonder and mystery of Spiritual Astrology, or the beauty and grace of Craniosacral Therapy. I still have all of that in my life, but I feel that something is off. And I’ve been feeling this way for several weeks now.
Maybe I’m spoiled. Yes I have a lot of resources around me. Yes I just graduated from an awesome massage / Taoist Heaven and Earth school. Yes I still have a lot of success treating clients in my office and in the spa. I am outing myself here – I’m sure there is a little baby part of me who is confused and unsure about life and these old beliefs are influencing my present attitudes and behavior.
It is possible I offer too many modalities. I suspect this to be the case, because I am needing to advertise my business, but I don’t know where to start. I need help, or clarifying bodywork, or something. I want to be damned sure I am offering what will allow me to be of most service to people and clients. Maybe I just need a good hard slap in the face. Maybe I need to choose something and go all in with that for a while – I might make a mistake, but there would be no hesitation or doubt!
But I’m having trouble right now. Maybe it is reflected in my astrology chart (Tr. Pluto square my natal Hades Moon, Venus Rx right on my IC, Tr. Mars sitting in my 6th house for months as it goes through its Rx / direct cycle, Tr. Uranus square my Jupiter). Or maybe I need to get better at practicing confident patience (another piece of advice the I Ching gives me). Being confident that things are changing, my resources are quietly percolating into a dynamic and awesome brew which will reveal itself when I am ready.
5 to 7 years is a long time to wait though. I want to be ready right now! Yes I’ve been adding ingredients for a dynamic, unique fusion, a new modality as it were. And it is time for it to show itself. A part of me wants to tear out of my hair I am so tired of waiting patiently. 🙂 I’m no good at that kind of waiting!
Leave a comment for me if you like. Supportive would be preferable! I am in good spirits for the most part. I get a lot of enjoyment out of teaching Qigong every week. I just don’t know what to do with my business, I don’t know what direction to push in right now – if I’m meant to push at all! And then when my number of clients starts to dip and droop, I get worried. (Another ancient double bind involving early beliefs which no longer serve me today. Probably around something like: “idle hands make for the devil’s work” or basically, “if you aren’t producing, if you aren’t working, then what good are you?”)
For the most part, my posting on this blog in the past, has been similar to the Facebook effect. I usually only post when I am chipper and excited about something. Therefore, you get the sense that I am rocking and rolling forward through life. But actually, there are a few confused days from time to time. I am a Pisces after all – there are going to be some moody days (until I attain enlightenment in some distant lifetime).
Therefore, if I go for several weeks without posting anything here, that means I am either incredibly busy with a project or with work, OR it means I am struggling with some cathartic inner hairball. 🙂 And I am coughing and hacking away to get it clear and released / resolved / repaired.
May all sentient beings have clarity and the grace to move through confused times with ease and kindness to self!
Thank you for reading!
~km
Meditation Informs Healing Facilitation 