Meditation Informs Healing Facilitation

Eastern practice, Western mind

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I write this post as I am presently in Florida, checking out the Tampa area to see how I feel about living here. I want to be exploring the area more but I also feel pulled to go to retreat as well.

I am writing this post because I grew up in America – Hawaii for a seven plus years and then Virginia for more than 25 years. In being raised in the West (and actually, many “Eastern” cultures are now using a Western paradigm, so this post may apply to a varied demographic), I developed a tendency to feel like I always need to be doing something. I always need to be working toward some goal. A day spent not accomplishing anything is a wasted day, a day to feel guilty about… I could go on, but you know how this ends. The rat race continues, but I am consciously stepping out of it. This is not an easy process. It is messy and there are not many examples to follow to see if I am “doing it right.” In previous posts, you may have noticed how I have studied with a Western teacher named Julie Henderson (PhD) who coaches that kindness to self is more than just taking an hour or two a day for self care needs. She mentions that we need to be extra vigilant about the ways in which we are hard on ourselves, especially if we are the anxious, pleaser, hyper vigilant, or depressed sort of individual. It is time to slow down and truly track what our bodies are trying desperately to communicate. Do not wait for the nasty crisis to indicate that it is time to change jobs and create an easier lifestyle! If you are wondering, she created or gathered a set of playful, creative, mischievous exercises (breath, sound & movement) which she calls Zapchen Somatics which helps to come down out of our heads and land comfortably in our bodies.

With this context in place, I am a Buddhist practitioner. Or at least, I do my best. However, my rat-race-conditioned-mind makes it difficult to claim a Buddhist lineage when I “do so little practice” in a day. In other words, all I have to do is think the words, “I am a Buddhist practitioner” and guilt instantly arises. Why is this?

One reason is that when the Buddhist texts were written, it was in a different culture and a different age. In ancient India, or Nepal, or Tibet, there were no radios, TV’s, videos, face books, twitters, cell phones, etc. So their pace of life was much different from our Puritan-work-ethic-influenced lifestyles. I am confident that there were some days or even weeks when there was no grain to plant or harvest, there were no wars to fight, and people either could not read or grew tired of it. So that left nothing to do except sit around and drink tea or smoke pipes, etc. The key words here are sitting around doing very little.

This point was brought home to me as I listened to a Dharma talk by Dr. Hun Lye, the president of Urban Dharma center in Asheville, N.C. He reiterated that applying the Western work ethic and self-deprecation to the ancient Dharma texts will only lead to trouble. Here is why – realizing that there were days or weeks in ancient India where people just sat around literally accomplishing nothing, the Dharma texts (sutras and commentaries) state explicitly that one should not be lazy, that one should apply oneself day and night to right action. Not a single second should be wasted! Those words are meant for “lazy” ancient cultures. They are not meant for our frenetic, buzzing, high-speed brains.

Fast forward to today when we have every technological convenience imaginable (and every type of technological distraction available!), then we suddenly have busy busy minds and lifestyles where we desperately need to slow down. But we don’t know how to slow down. We don’t think it is okay to slow down. We feel guilty when someone suggests that we take a vacation because we are working too hard. Generally it takes some sort of crisis to jolt us out of this horrifyingly brutal pattern of self-flaggilation. To answer my question above – how is it that I am being kind to myself and slowing down, and yet I have this deep-seated need to be finishing as much accumulation of Buddhist practice as possible – RIGHT NOW. This dynamic leads to a very complex (and time and energy wasting) inner dialogue. Some days I set off with the sky as my goal and of course I am disappointed when I fall short. Luckily, these days I notice faster and faster the ways in which I am biting off way more than I can chew. But I still have guilt around this topic.

I am presently “attending” a Buddhist retreat where we are accumulating Amitayus mantras. Amitayus is a manifestation of Buddha Amitabha and Amitayus is one of the long life granting manifestations of enlightened mind. We “should” do Amitayus practice before starting a major practice to ensure we have the vitality and strength to complete said major practice. In this practice, we are aiming for 100,000 mantras each.

What if this is unrealistic for me? Then I would be going against my root lama’s wishes, right? What if I am truly listening to my heart? I have spent years doing psychological-astrology analysis of my chart, years receiving process-oriented bodywork and further years of embodying forms of bodywork and yoga. I am about as grounded and embodied right now as I have ever been. I am aware of most of my gross psychological fallacies (misunderstandings, conditioned habits, etc). If there is an inner lama, perhaps I am just starting to hear “his” words of wisdom. I don’t know. I definitely do not make this arrogance-inducing claim. I just wonder if I am starting to hear “his” faint whispers which are urging me to listen to my body, to listen to my heart and to let the old tapes of guilt and ensuing confusion drop away.

Anyway, on the first day of the retreat, I noticed many layers of resistance and frustration arising. I tried to lie down and then return to the practice. This simply led to a pause and then further frustration. So I left early. And do you know how guilty I felt for departing prematurely? I actually wondered if I would make it home safely because perhaps the wisdom beings might be upset with me (although in reality it is my own karma which determines this). So when I returned yesterday, I felt humiliation, guilt and sadness among other less than savory emotions. But I kept most of this to myself. When I worked up the courage to approach my teacher, he was joyful and equanimous as usual – as if nothing had happened! I’m not even sure he was aware of my having left early. Ooph! Good grief – all that self-deprecation for nothing 🙂

So I pushed myself yesterday. There were some occasional pangs of pain as my post-shingles neuralgia pain came and went. There were one or two contractions in my belly. But overall I pushed through these on purpose. I had a dream which indicated I would benefit profoundly from returning to retreat. That is why I pushed forward. I did a lot of mantras in six hours. I am very proud of myself. I rejoice at my accomplishment. But who knows what I stirred up in the process.

I say that because today I woke up and my sinuses have decided that a dam has crumbled – they are draining like I have a winter-time cold. So I threw the I Ching to be clearer about my situation. Do I go to retreat ASAP? No – that would be unkind. Ah ha! Do I do one session today only and rest before and after? Yes, that is good. Ahhhh…. Having that reassurance, I can relax deeper and feel good about missing the morning retreat sessions. Things change, impermanence is guaranteed. What can I control? My reactions to that change. Just do my best, let go just a little bit more. And check in every day – am I being as kind to myself as possible? And perhaps kindness will take many different forms – one day I will do 10,000 mantras and another day I will purposely accomplish very little, allowing my mind and body to rest down and relax deeper. I don’t promise to feel good about accomplishing very little, but I am coming around!

Thank you for reading!

Potential moves

In a few days, I am heading down to Tampa Florida to investigate jobs and schools. I am seeing if it is a good fit to move to. My heart is saying “yes!” It is emphatic. There are so many unknowns that this is probably one of the most challenging times in terms of staying grounded and present in my body. However I am doing a surprisingly good job of it.

Previously I had considered moving to California for grad school. Several factors have turned my attention toward Florida including my spiritual teacher living there (when he is not traveling with a busy teaching schedule). Plus I have a number of friends from previous Buddhist retreats who live in or near Tampa.

I keep hearing that Tampa is the lightning capital of the U.S. So that plus tornados, hurricanes and gators makes it a precarious place to live apparently. But 4 million people seem to do just fine. Then there is the heat for a few months which many people talk about avoiding if at all possible!

But then my other option (was) is California which, after my recent visit this July, seems to be the driest area in the country. Seriously – how is it that 50 million people live in what in nearly a vast desert? Where is all that water coming from and how are they getting away with taking it? 🙂 Maybe Nevada doesn’t care.

As I am in the midst of moving, I can barely make plans for Florida other than to plan my trip. I do intend to look for jobs and to visit at least 3 schools to see if Nursing or an MSW is the right path for me. I will need to establish residency there before starting school, so I have to hurry up and wait. Ugh! But I am excited about this fresh start. Yes I have some friends and acquaintances down there but I can basically be whoever I want. I will keep you posted.

Thanks for reading.

Wish fulfilling temple at LMB

I attended the Land of the Medicine Buddha retreat center in Soquel CA for a couple days before realizing there was an incredible jewel of a temple up the hill. When I checked in, they said the temple was locked and that I would need to check out a key, so I figured whenever I got around to it, I might go. Well, I had befriended Samten la, the resident Tibetan monk and he invited me to join him one day as he needed to change the water offering bowls and do some cleaning at the temple. Let me suggest that if you visit LMB, do not miss this opportunity to visit the Wish Fulfilling Temple!!

At the Wish Fulfilling Temple are many murals – including a depiction of all of the 12 Deeds from the Buddha’s life. The one seen here is his enlightenment under the Bodhi tree (or it may be another as they were not in order). I have pictures of all 12 if you would like to see them. Also, there is a large seated Maitreya statue – it is at least 25 ft tall! Very inspiring and it is painted with gold.

This is Samten la standing in front of the statue. Note how the statue dwarfs him. You will notice the murals of the Buddha’s life story in the background.

This is the seated Maitreya statue. Behind him are the 7 Medicine Buddhas along with Shakyamuni Buddha (the mural behind his head). Not pictured, there is a mandala of the Medicine Buddha above the statue (on the ceiling). Very cool!

The top murals include the aforementioned Medicine Buddhas, pictured here are the 21 Taras. Below them are offering goddesses. Another mural at top was of the 35 confessional Buddhas. The offering goddesses go all around the statue.

These are the 35 confessional Buddhas mentioned above. The last mural (not pictured) is of the Nyung Ne lineage which includes the Dalai Lama and others lineage masters. Again, if you get the chance to visit this temple, you will not be disappointed! It is beautiful, surrounded by well-landscaped gardens. And it is up the hill aways from the main building, so it feels like going on a short pilgrimage to get there. Thanks for reading!

Yurt village at LMB

I stayed in Yurt number 6 in the Yurt Village at Land of the Medicine Buddha retreat center. The yurt village is over half a mile from the main buildings (including the dining room), which meant that every day, just to hike down to my car or to have breakfast was a trek. Again it had the feeling of being in another country – except the bath and kitchen hut (below) was well stocked. The yurt had electricity and thankfully the bed had some sort of heating mechanism under the covers so when it got chilly at night (I only battened down the hatches on my 2nd or 3rd night there), I could keep my feet warm using the electric warmer. There were several other people doing yoga or being contemplative in the yurt village. I stayed there for four nights. At $80 a night, it was a tad expensive, considering breakfast and lunch were extra. In the future, I would not purchase the breakfast meals. They left a lot wanting. There is a fridge up at the kitchen hut, so I could have easily fixed all my own meals. The would definitely have beat paying $7 for breakfast and $13 for a vegetarian lunch (mostly vegan and too much soy for my liking).

This is the kitchen hut at the Yurt Village. It has a fridge, microwave and hot water heater. I think there is even a stove (did not use it).

Eight verses trail at LMB

At the Land of the Medicine Buddha retreat center, above Soquel CA (near Santa Cruz), there is a mile plus trail with eight little areas for contemplating the 8 Verses for Training the Mind. It is quite beautiful really. There are tall pine trees throughout the LMB land, and their land abuts the Enchanted Forest of Nisene Marks state park, so there are large trees and vast peaceful meadows. Being above the city, only the sounds of birds can be heard. Here are some pictures from the 8 verse trail. The 8 Verses are by Geshe Langri Tangpa (1054 – 1123).

I received a teaching on the 8 Verses from HH the Dalai Lama in Hawaii. For some reason, I liked the wording from that interpretation better. But the FPMT version (pictured here) does just fine.

I really appreciated how the benches for contemplation were typically overshadowed by the massive trees as you will see in the picture below. Almost as if the 8 verses were an appetizer for the natural space around you… Don’t tell any lamas I said so 🙂

Land of the Medicine Buddha retreat center

I just got back a few days ago from a trip to California where I visited King’s Canyon Nat’l Park and then I was blessed to visit the Land of the Medicine Buddha retreat center which is near Santa Cruz (above Soquel). LMB is beautiful, peaceful, quiet, contemplative and fascinating – the road to get there is narrow and hugs the edge of a hill above a creek. Then the roads once you get there are narrow and steep, as the land is adjacent to the Enchanted Forest of Nisene Marks state park (which is very hilly). When I got there, I explored the lower buildings which include the gift shop / bookstore, the gompa (shrine room) and the dining room. Plus there are several large prayer wheels (mani la khor) which are supposed to help generate great amounts of merit and blessing when you turn them.

The LMB shrine room has the 7 Medicine Buddhas statues plus a Shakyamuni Buddha statue – very beautiful. There are several pictures of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, one of which is above an encased sand mandala.

There is a little area above the main buildings which has a statue of Ksitigarbha, a Namgyalma bell and a gong. Plus there are multiple prayer wheels up there as well. I loved resting down at the main buildings and hearing the sounds of the gong and bell drift down the enchanted hill. If you get the chance, just sit and soak in the ambiance on a weekend (when they have more visitors) and you will probably hear the same thing.

Sequoia Trees (at King’s Canyon)

I am impressed and amazed by the Sequoia tree(s) in California. When I visited recently, I learned several interesting facts. Sequoias are one of the oldest living organisms on the planet – they can reach ages of 3000 years or more. However, one of the most mind boggling tidbits was that they rarely ever die of old age. They have such pungent chemicals in their thick bark that bugs and fungi cannot kill them easily and their bark is so thick that fires have to be extremely hot and huge to do them in. More likely, what happens is a fire clears the rest of the underbrush and other smaller trees leading to soil erosion. Then if there is a rainy spring or fall, the Sequoia might topple due to the lack of top soil depth. Is that not fascinating?

When I told my Tibetan friend about this piece of info, he was shocked because according to Buddhist theory (some of which are actually more like universal cosmic reality), everything that is born eventually dies – that is of natural causes. He found it strange that Sequoias might not die from natural causes – rather outside factors must be involved to kill them. Although I guess growing to be so big (more than 2 millions pounds of tree and roots) that you cannot stay standing in a powerful winter storm or with flood waters running past you might count as natural causes… Not sure.

Due to those powerful chemicals in the wood of Sequoias, it takes years (I mean centuries) for their dead wood to decompose. There are still trees on the ground from when they were felled back in the 1890s and they have not changed very much. Plus, when the lumberjacks were sawing down one particular tree, they made large piles of Sequoia saw dust (in 1890 something). And today, these piles are saw dust can still be seen. Whoa! Also, back when sawing down trees was completely manual, it took two men 13 days to saw down a Sequoia. Goodness gracious they are large.

Nonetheless, I enjoyed my trip to California (see previous posts about the Land of the Medicine Buddha retreat center and other posts about my time in King’s Canyon Nat’l Park).

Cabin at Grant Grove village, King’s Canyon Nat’l Park

I reserved the cheap cabin on purpose, so I knew what I was getting into. No electricity, shared bath and shower house, canvas roof on cabin, many tiny cracks in walls. I am actually quite pleased. Aside from the rotting wood around the lock, meaning I’m not leaving anything valuable in there when I’m not, I am content. I was surprised to see bedding on my double beds, along with additional blankets, plus they provide soap and shampoo. It’s like a rustic motel, just I have a fluorescent lantern they gave me instead of a light switch! But I’m pooped. Five hours of driving, fitful sleep last night in my first night away from my bed plus a nice five mile hike at altitude. I need to rest to be ready for a full day in Sequoia tomorrow!

By the way, even in July, it gets chilly up at altitude! Luckily I brought my zero dregree sleeping bag. Because one night it got very very chilly! I did want to have more layered clothing. Some days were overcast with some spitting and I would have liked to have more choices of layers. I was fine but I was looking the same each day I hiked.

Driving to King’s Canyon N. P.

This is the first of several posts about my recent trip to California. I am surprised by how conservative the in-land agricultural areas of CA can be (after spending time in the dynamic Bay Area).

Miles and miles of flat dry cultivated (? Good grief how much water must they import…) California inland a.k.a. CA’s breadbasket. An educated socially conscious individual can only take but so many of the “we will scare you to Jesus” billboards! Needless to say, when the road took an abrupt left toward the distant mountains, I was stoked!

At first, dry rocky hills, so many boulders that I figured we could do an American version of stonehenge here in CA. Eventually the road climbed out of the irrigated orchards and the scraggily dry bushes changed to pines, just like that! Must have something to do with a snow line. For anyone with a fear of heights, don’t look down! The road hugs the edge of the mountain for about 15 miles. Plus signage tells you when you cross 1, 2 through 6,000 ft. That way you know how far down it is to the valley far below!

As I drove through Fresno in early July, it was 100 degrees. Thankfully the temperature changed as I twisted and turned up highway.

Thankfully the mtn air is cooler and the breezes are that much more comfortable as a result. Bring a fleece or sweater as some evenings are really cool! It got down to 48 the second night I was there – on July 11th! You will notice the pines shift to larger redwoods before you get to the entrance and then you will start to see the mighty Sequoias.

Celebrating HH the Dalai Lama’s birthday in C’ville, July 2013

This past Saturday was the first time I had attended His Holiness’ birthday celebration in Charlottesville (Virginia). I did not know what to expect. I have attended this event with His Holiness present in Washington DC – when he gave the Kalachakra initiation. And I have attended this event in Ladakh, India; I also blogged about that event – you can find it back in the Ladakh Pilgrimage posts.

So I knew there would be many Tibetans and that there would be a fire puja or Sang offering (offering of burnt substances). Khenpo Nawang Dorje had told me: “Oh we are going to do a quick prayer ceremony, do the smoke offering and then most people will head over to the picnic.” I did not quite believe the word ‘quick’ considering what I know about Tibetans and time management (it is precious how they embody true wisdom and compassion, but that often times does not translate to being able to manage a Western rat-race lifestyle).

Anywho, I arrived at Tashi Choeling having driven four other people – mostly students from the Tibetan Summer Language program. We were some of the first to arrive. They had been having a retreat already at the Dharma center, so there were a few practitioners there who had gotten there early to sit (I’m assuming). It took about ten to fifteen minutes for there to be around 40 people, mostly ethnic Tibetans.

Once we got started, first we offered katas to the shrine and to (a picture of) His Holiness. This was precious and sacred. Some people did prostrations as well. Then once people had done so, we chanted prayers for about ten minutes out of their prayer book (all in Tibetan U Me script). Then it was time to start the fire puja outside.

I was asked to help bring out a ladder to put up fresh prayer flags, which is always fun (I would rather be the one doing something than standing around watching it being done). While we were hanging the long strand of new flags, the others started the prayers for the Sang offering. People put dried juniper powder, roasted barley flour (tsampa), cedar branches and old katas on the fire. We took turns sprinkling water on the fire to keep it mostly smoking (low flames are okay).

Then the Tibetan children – all ages and about ten or eleven of them – sang the Tashi Delek (Auspicious Welcome) song to the shrine and His Holiness and then they sang a Tibetan version of happy birthday. And then we ate cup cakes! Yummy!

This took about two hours plus since we arrived at the center. And then we were complete there and people went home to briefly change clothes before heading out to Mint Springs – a beautiful bucolic mountain park set in the valleys West of Crozet and Charlottesville. Some of its trails go right up to the edge of the Shenandoah National Park (which is entirely in the Blue Ridge Mountains). There we set out blankets and mats and set up to have an incredibly relaxing afternoon. Some of us played some badminton while others set up the tables with food and drinks. At least forty people showed up at the park, so we had a large group. Therefore some people went swimming while others threw around a frisbee, while there were always a dozen people sitting around chatting or playing Sho – a Tibetan dice game often involving gambling.

After eating, I went in the water as it was warmer later in the afternoon. Very soothing and refreshing! There were pockets of cooler water as one went deeper, so we could determine our comfort levels by how far out we went. Then some kids started throwing around a football in the water and myself and couple other younger adults joined in to a game of water football. Note to self: if you tackle a kid in water thinking that might make them less rambunctious, then you are wrong in this line of reasoning. So long story short, I played for a while and got properly roasted in spite of having applied sun screen. But it was so worth it.

This was one of the most enjoyable days I have had in some time. I am a sensitive individual, and when everyone around me is relaxed and enjoying themselves and the beautiful scenery, then I can’t help but do the same! I am hoping to continue my connection with the Tibetan community even though I am most likely moving this fall.