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I am very fortunate. Thank you karma! And I am so grateful for all of my precious heart teachers.

They have taught me the methods for expanding my heart container, my soul container, my psychic container as it were. And with that expansion comes the added benefit of obstacles seeming smaller and smaller – or having less charge, less sway, less pull.

In other words, as I come more and more into alignment with compassion, loving-kindness and wisdom awareness, the less inner obstacles have a major effect on my state of being.

Don’t get me wrong, as you avid readers of my blog would notice, for a few weeks there I was struggling a bit. I was working through a big piece around my birth – involving shock, trauma, numbness and terror. (When a baby is taken from its mother at birth, even if just for a few minutes or hours, this is the same as dying to that baby. It is possible to repair this interruption of healthy attachment, but that requires a proficient and very aware person!)

So I had every right to hack and chew on that nasty hairball. And I am still working on it! Fortunately I have years of trauma resolution under my belt AND Pre- and Perinatal Psychology / Therapy (PPN) training. That way, I could say to my little one, “Help is on the way. I see that you are in shock. I feel you. That was way way way too hard, too much, too overwhelming. Of course you shut down.” And as I say these things, tears are not far away, although accessing them is not easy.

And I have countless mandalas of support I can lean into (see my previous posts about the precious Buddha-Dharma), wisdom beings, Jesus, Mary, animal totems and healthy ancestors who all want me to succeed. Yet more to be grateful for.

I am a member of a PPN support group – we meet once a month and fortunately we each took turns this last time around. And my little one got to warm up on the inside, reestablishing health and vitality and a desire to push and writhe and he / I got to explore that! It was beautiful and potent and shadowy. Not the kind of work you recommend to someone newer to the healing scene.

After that session, I am slowly feeling better. I am taking more down time to rest and recover.

I had the epiphany that after a potent and transformative session like that (or going through a Womb Surround Process Workshop for that matter – a PPN experience), of course it is going to take the nervous system weeks or months to catch up. I spent 40 years building a body around that inner conflict, that feeling of dying at birth, of shutting down. So if it takes my central nervous system (CNS) several months to shift gears, to clip older neurons that no longer serve me (they are stuck in that old pattern of despair and gloomy outlooks), to gradually rebuild healthy robust life-enhancing synapses, then please take all the time you need! And I will be gentler with myself in the meantime.

So that is what I will be doing with myself for a little bit. I am still seeing clients. And loving the deeper healing work which continues to unfold for them.

Let me know if you want a treatment!

And I am going slow on the inside. Realizing that it is all about quality, not quantity. I need more ground in my life, less effort. More being and less doing.

Thank you for reading!

~km

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For every $25 you donate, Kirby will write a blog post (article) on the topic of your choosing, within his areas of knowledge. Thank you!

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Pilates workout!

If you read my previous post, I have been processing an old bit of shock and numbness from my birth (for a while now – but it was more up in the past few weeks). I had a great session today with a group of compassionate, graceful healing facilitators which definitely shifted a layer or two!

And then I did Pilates this afternoon! Whoa – I did not realize how much of a workout it is to use the rings close to the floor! I am going to be sore tomorrow. 🙂

Pics to follow: (my facial expression may show how challenging it was)

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I love that I am able to do this now. Four years ago, with Lyme’s running rampant in my system unchecked, I would not have come close to doing this type of workout! Yay for health and clarity around mysterious symptoms!

Also it is exciting to have my hair long again (its only been about 25 years…). New look for Kirby.

Enjoy!

~km

If you are an avid reader of this blog, you may know that I throw the I Ching coins from time to time (a divination tool from China that is at least 3,000 years old). I work with a unique interpretation of the I Ching (Yi Jing) written by Julie Henderson, the founder of Zapchen Somatics. This interpretation is specifically for bodyworkers, psychotherapists and yogis (meditators) – it has a strong body-centric slant to it.

Any way, the I Ching tells me (or you could say that I am actually accessing my Higher Self, or my heart’s true words, or connecting with wisdom company who are also not separate from me) that I am in transition from personal joy to the more mature joys of altruistic service. But I’m not there yet.

It also tells me that my reaction to stagnation is regrettable. Horrible in fact. Fortunately, it also declares that obstacles and stagnation are on their way out. The only issue is that the I Ching has been saying this to me for anywhere from 5 to 7 years. And I am getting quite impatient. I have a lot going for me, and yet I want clarity right now. :-O

I wish this were an exciting and entertaining post where I talk about the esoteric wisdom of Chinese Medicine, or the wonder and mystery of Spiritual Astrology, or the beauty and grace of Craniosacral Therapy. I still have all of that in my life, but I feel that something is off. And I’ve been feeling this way for several weeks now.

Maybe I’m spoiled. Yes I have a lot of resources around me. Yes I just graduated from an awesome massage / Taoist Heaven and Earth school. Yes I still have a lot of success treating clients in my office and in the spa. I am outing myself here – I’m sure there is a little baby part of me who is confused and unsure about life and these old beliefs are influencing my present attitudes and behavior.

It is possible I offer too many modalities. I suspect this to be the case, because I am needing to advertise my business, but I don’t know where to start. I need help, or clarifying bodywork, or something. I want to be damned sure I am offering what will allow me to be of most service to people and clients. Maybe I just need a good hard slap in the face. Maybe I need to choose something and go all in with that for a while – I might make a mistake, but there would be no hesitation or doubt!

But I’m having trouble right now. Maybe it is reflected in my astrology chart (Tr. Pluto square my natal Hades Moon, Venus Rx right on my IC, Tr. Mars sitting in my 6th house for months as it goes through its Rx / direct cycle, Tr. Uranus square my Jupiter). Or maybe I need to get better at practicing confident patience (another piece of advice the I Ching gives me). Being confident that things are changing, my resources are quietly percolating into a dynamic and awesome brew which will reveal itself when I am ready.

5 to 7 years is a long time to wait though. I want to be ready right now! Yes I’ve been adding ingredients for a dynamic, unique fusion, a new modality as it were. And it is time for it to show itself. A part of me wants to tear out of my hair I am so tired of waiting patiently. 🙂 I’m no good at that kind of waiting!

Leave a comment for me if you like. Supportive would be preferable! I am in good spirits for the most part. I get a lot of enjoyment out of teaching Qigong every week. I just don’t know what to do with my business, I don’t know what direction to push in right now – if I’m meant to push at all! And then when my number of clients starts to dip and droop, I get worried. (Another ancient double bind involving early beliefs which no longer serve me today. Probably around something like: “idle hands make for the devil’s work” or basically, “if you aren’t producing, if you aren’t working, then what good are you?”)

For the most part, my posting on this blog in the past, has been similar to the Facebook effect. I usually only post when I am chipper and excited about something. Therefore, you get the sense that I am rocking and rolling forward through life. But actually, there are a few confused days from time to time. I am a Pisces after all – there are going to be some moody days (until I attain enlightenment in some distant lifetime).

Therefore, if I go for several weeks without posting anything here, that means I am either incredibly busy with a project or with work, OR it means I am struggling with some cathartic inner hairball. 🙂 And I am coughing and hacking away to get it clear and released / resolved / repaired.

May all sentient beings have clarity and the grace to move through confused times with ease and kindness to self!

Thank you for reading!

~km

Chi Kung class 4

Sometimes the basics are all you need. They are in fact the foundation on which the rest of the material is built!

This class I am leading is full of transition – some people missing a class here and there. Hence I am going nice and slow, plodding along through the basics. Of course that is what any introductory class is going to be, so we are right on track!

I am loving though how Chi Kung overlaps with acupressure. We weave in some meridian information during the Chi Kung portion of class and refer back when we are covering the points later.

We are just beginning Solar Chi Kung now, and in November we will get into Tree and Water Chi Kung! It’s exciting – to gradually progress step by step. 🙂

Thanks for reading!

~km

Chi Kung class 3

There is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path. I’m not quite there yet. There is also something to be said for experiencing deep wisdom teachings from a fellow human being directly (in-person somatic transmission). Therefore I am not going to say very much in this blog post. [Subtext – if you want to get benefits from Qigong, then take classes in person with a teacher you have a connection with.]

With that said, this class was rich! We are starting to get into juicy material in working with light and love and breathing techniques. It is a small group and they are ready to gradually deepen. Today more solar qigong, introduced the Empress’ Seal, another foundation to practice and we even discussed the concept of the Morphic Field. What a day!

Apparently this group was ready for some good stuff. At one point I started talking about how we can feel Heaven yearning for Earth, just as gods yearn for goddesses. And we discussed how Chi Kung practice is actually a love story. How can we embody that? How can we feel that with each step we take? How are we able to work with yin, yang, love and light on a daily / hourly basis?

We also discussed having the class at a beautiful location in Afton for the November dates as the crisp, clean, clear mountain Chi is abundant in the streams and large trees out there. So Tree Chi Kung and Water Chi Kung will be more efficacious out there!

Let me know if you want to get on a list for future Qigong classes. Chi cultivation is a vital and rejuvenating practice – I think it is one of the most potent preventative practices we can do. If we stay robust, then it is difficult to get sick. It does take some dedication and practice, but for me, practice self care an hour / day is well worth it to stay healthy, joyful, vital and clear-headed!

Thanks for reading!

~km

Donation to Kirby’s blogging efforts

Hi dear Readers, Help me buy tea so I can continue blogging. So if you enjoy what you are reading, please make a little donation. Thank you very much!

$10.00

I am leading a Chi Kung class on Saturdays, in Crozet, for another 8 weeks. If you are interested in joining us, you might still be able to squeak in – OR let me know if you are interested in a future class. I might start another group in Charlottesville in January.

It is a great group! There are one or two people in the group who are convalescing as it were. Although in this Western rat-race society we live in, it is so easy to get depleted – as in – we have to make a conscious, daily decision to devote time to self care and repletion!

So far we are going nice and slow. Because some people are missing a class here and there, I am only adding one or two new exercises into the class each week.

In two classes, we are gradually getting into the Chen Style Chi Kung Waist Powers, we warm up with some Tap Chi Kung, and we are going slowly through the 10 Chi Kung foundations – we’ve done one per week so far. Today we had the added bonus of the sun coming out, so we got into some Solar Chi Kung – keeping it nice and basic though! Honestly though, I may have pushed the envelope a little with Solar Chi Kung. I went through an introductory practice and then added another piece. We may just do the exact same thing next week! (Not adding anything to it)

Because the class is two hours long (which is a bit much), we take a 15 minute break in the middle to rest and integrate. And then for the final 45 minutes we covered Act-Points. Today we got through Bladder 62, Kidney 6, Gall Bladder 41 and Spleen 4. I plan to add on two more of these each week – and in a few weeks start showing the students how to combine them to do acupressure on themselves or others!

Yay!

Thanks for joining me (in hearing how it is to teach)!

~km

Donation to Kirby’s blogging efforts

Hi dear Readers, Help me buy tea so I can continue blogging. So if you enjoy what you are reading, please make a little donation. Thank you very much!

$10.00

If you haven’t read this blog over the past six months (go back to January and then start reading forward), then you missed some of the experiences I wrote about from the incredible (Ninja) Massage School I attended. Go back and read those posts and you might understand why I say the word “Ninja.”

But tonight I want to write about how the Universe works in mysterious ways. In that massage training, which was more Heaven and Earth by the way (meaning a Taoist program of training), we learned the following exercise / paradigm / method:

  1. soften your gaze, soften your eyes, soften your breath
  2. let go of any desired outcome, let go of as much as you possibly can
  3. let go of everything if you are able to
  4. then have an intention or desire in mind, but not too strong
  5. if possible, just have a little slice or essence of what it is you are after – do not be specific! less is more
  6. drop that essence, like a tiny pebble, into the vast lake of the Universe of possibility
  7. drop your echo of an intention into the Universal Source expanse
  8. let go of any agenda, let go of any expectations, let go of any wanted outcome
  9. allow the Universe to surprise you

If you have done a decent job with numbers 1-8 above, you will be surprised and you may even get to the point of being surprised on a weekly or daily basis – what you want often manifests, but in unexpected ways and unexpected time. You have the brief thought that, “Hey I need to go buy some toothpaste soon.” And a couple days later, you buy an essential oil from a friend, and he just throws in some toothpaste unexpectedly! What?!

You may even get to the point of needing to be careful what you ask for. If you are very clear about your intention, then saying things like, “I can’t see” or “My back is killing me” could be very detrimental. Eventually we will need to be careful what we say – even if just to ourselves! Some part of you is listening always!

Some days that is where I hang out – in this space of letting go of everything; making nothing with my mind (this is extremely difficult by the way); and rarely do I get to the last step of letting everything be as it is.

By the way, doing the above is much much easier done with someone who has gone through the process – in other words – it is much easier to do if you receive the somatic transmission. Our body learns a lot kinesthetically – touching, seeing, being in the same presence as… and likewise, this difficult tool is best learned from someone who has received and embodied those same nuances. Just saying 🙂

Join me if you like!

Thank you for visiting!

~km

Donation to Kirby’s blogging efforts

Hi dear Readers, Help me buy tea so I can continue blogging. So if you enjoy what you are reading, please make a little donation. Thank you very much!

$10.00