Boundaries in relationships (basics)

Hello Dear Ones,

I wrote this piece below for a friend. And then I realized that, wow, it is possible many people need to be reminded of this! Especially with the short-lived Astrological T-Square happening in the sky (Transiting Saturn square Uranus opposite Sun / Mercury).

First of all, be RESOLUTE. If you decide something about a person (an ex perhaps), like if they or simply hanging out with them causes you harm, set a boundary ahead of time and stick to it. Ideally you want to only spend time with people who feed you, people who are supportive and people who wish you well (this can be a high ideal – but mutual well-wishing is an awesome thing!).

Lack of boundaries affects many facets of our lives – remember the liver has to do with mental clarity and ability to make healthy decisions (according to Chinese medicine). If we have porous boundaries, then the liver may get a bit overloaded leading to possible health issues as the immune system gets depleted. This can create a negative feedback loop – the more my boundaries are flaky, the more confusion and mental fog could potentially set in, leading to poor decision making, leading to questionable boundaries. Ideally, we want to start with ourselves – take care of me first. If I don’t have time for that, how could I possibly have time for hanging out with ambiguous “friends” at a winery? Start with yourself! Then you can know how much you have to give out to others. And you can do so in a sustainable manner.

Boundaries are literally what the immune system is all about – what is me VS what is foreign? This is what the different types of white blood cells are doing – marking pathogens, consuming them, eliminating them. Skin as boundary, skin as container. Can I slow down just a little bit more to actually feel my skin? What would that be like? If we have poor boundaries, then the immune system surely suffers.

Keep in mind that boundaries are the ability to say NO. Only when we can be in touch with our authentic “NO” that we start to get in touch with our authentic “YES!” Without being clear about saying NO, we will never be able to fully embody a YES. Boundaries are healthy (primary) anger. If someone violates my boundaries, I should get upset. That is healthy primary anger. It is only when this anger gets suppressed / repressed / swallowed that it turns into secondary anger and turns side-ways – becomes distorted anger. And this looks like many things including suppressed resentment (explosions down the road over something very petty) or passive-aggressiveness etc.

You might feel stretched thin right now (for the next day or two) by a passing T-Square in the sky. Take it easy, do some self-care, but rest if / when you need to! Maybe find some water – either lay down next to a mountain stream, swim in a lake / river, hang out near a body of water etc. Or simply an epsom salt bath might be what you need?

Thanks for reading!

Kirby Moore


Published by Kirby Moore

Kirby Moore is a healing facilitator based in the beautiful rolling hills of Charlottesville, Virginia. He does sessions in-person and long distance via Skype and Zoom, working with Spiritual Astrology, Somatic Experiencing, Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy and Birth Process Work. His healing work is informed by fifteen years of meditation and Qigong practice. He works with client's intentions and deepest longings to attain clear, tangible results. Contact him for more info at (email): kirby [at] mkirbymoore [dot] com

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