I am very fortunate. Thank you karma! And I am so grateful for all of my precious heart teachers.
They have taught me the methods for expanding my heart container, my soul container, my psychic container as it were. And with that expansion comes the added benefit of obstacles seeming smaller and smaller – or having less charge, less sway, less pull.
In other words, as I come more and more into alignment with compassion, loving-kindness and wisdom awareness, the less inner obstacles have a major effect on my state of being.
Don’t get me wrong, as you avid readers of my blog would notice, for a few weeks there I was struggling a bit. I was working through a big piece around my birth – involving shock, trauma, numbness and terror. (When a baby is taken from its mother at birth, even if just for a few minutes or hours, this is the same as dying to that baby. It is possible to repair this interruption of healthy attachment, but that requires a proficient and very aware person!)
So I had every right to hack and chew on that nasty hairball. And I am still working on it! Fortunately I have years of trauma resolution under my belt AND Pre- and Perinatal Psychology / Therapy (PPN) training. That way, I could say to my little one, “Help is on the way. I see that you are in shock. I feel you. That was way way way too hard, too much, too overwhelming. Of course you shut down.” And as I say these things, tears are not far away, although accessing them is not easy.
And I have countless mandalas of support I can lean into (see my previous posts about the precious Buddha-Dharma), wisdom beings, Jesus, Mary, animal totems and healthy ancestors who all want me to succeed. Yet more to be grateful for.
I am a member of a PPN support group – we meet once a month and fortunately we each took turns this last time around. And my little one got to warm up on the inside, reestablishing health and vitality and a desire to push and writhe and he / I got to explore that! It was beautiful and potent and shadowy. Not the kind of work you recommend to someone newer to the healing scene.
After that session, I am slowly feeling better. I am taking more down time to rest and recover.
I had the epiphany that after a potent and transformative session like that (or going through a Womb Surround Process Workshop for that matter – a PPN experience), of course it is going to take the nervous system weeks or months to catch up. I spent 40 years building a body around that inner conflict, that feeling of dying at birth, of shutting down. So if it takes my central nervous system (CNS) several months to shift gears, to clip older neurons that no longer serve me (they are stuck in that old pattern of despair and gloomy outlooks), to gradually rebuild healthy robust life-enhancing synapses, then please take all the time you need! And I will be gentler with myself in the meantime.
So that is what I will be doing with myself for a little bit. I am still seeing clients. And loving the deeper healing work which continues to unfold for them.
Let me know if you want a treatment!
And I am going slow on the inside. Realizing that it is all about quality, not quantity. I need more ground in my life, less effort. More being and less doing.
Thank you for reading!
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