It is quite amazing how little adjustments can make a huge difference.
Since I returned from Canada, I have gone through my nursing school books and notes and I recycled hundreds of pages which were just sitting on my shelf gathering dust. By moving all of those nursing books further away (because I am heavily leaning towards not going back to finish nursing), I felt a massive burden lift off my chest and shoulders. It was wild. I had been sitting with the dilemma of whether or not to go back and attempt nursing school again, for 8 months! And by sorting through that stuff, I made the decision on a somatic level. My head is still is a little wonky about it – I suspect a double bind is rearing its ugly head saying, “If you aren’t successful, people won’t respect you.” Or some such garbage – who cares about other people’s respect? I want for me to be content first and foremost. Then I might concern myself with other people’s reactions.
And I have been avoiding (consciously) an old acquaintance who, in the past, when I spent time with him, I always felt something was off. Turns out that his boundaries are not the greatest. The I Ching occasionally points out that spending time around people who are too resistant to change or to learning is a massive energetic drain. Any good psychology teacher would say this too. And that is what was happening with this person. I care about him and his family, but I am no longer going to spend one-on-one time with him and bring myself back to an earlier pattern of superficiality in the pretense of an authentic relationship. I am done twisting myself up into a pretzel to fit in with a tension field which I have no control over. In other words, when I feel certain somatic signals, it is time to get myself out of Dodge. I realize this paragraph might not make the greatest amount of sense if you don’t have a somatic background, but feel free to leave a comment if you need clarification.
Nonetheless, by clearing out stagnating energy or people from my life, I have made room for ease and grace and abundance. Nothing to force, nothing to make, nothing to tees into existence. I am (mostly) content with the way things are. Yes some days I still want things a certain way, but eventually I remember this simple practice:
Body rests like a mountain.
Breath like the ocean.
Heart like the sky.
(from Julie Henderson, PhD)
Thanks for reading!
May all beings know ease and grace.