Consciousness and moving forward

I had a much better day today (than yesterday).  This could be the effects to two (different modalities) bodywork treatments in two days.  It could also be that I spent time with more good company today as well.

The most fascinating aspect of today is this: I quit nursing school recently.  A part of me is nervous about hanging out, direction-less, purpose-less, less-goal-oriented-than-I’m-used-to…  It is tough to unhitch the horses and just rest.  It is difficult for me to quiet the heart for more than an hour / day!

But with that said, I am doing a fine job of adjusting to this new change of pace.  I am even doing pretty well coping with resting in not knowing.  I don’t know if I am going back to nursing school.  I don’t know if I am choosing a different type of schooling to plunge into.  I don’t know if there is an option “C” that I am not even aware of yet!  Or option “D” just in case Midwifery is on the table.

Speaking of Midwifery, a friend drove me to dinner and a play tonight.  It was entertaining, the food was so delicious (Zenodoa’s restaurant in Staunton) but it was on the way back that surprised me most.

Somehow we started talking about birth and how my personal birth mirrors my present predicament, and then how Nurse Midwives differ from Certified (Home birth) Midwives, etc.  And of course I was stating the virtues of home birth and natural birth and what babies need.  Somehow she talked me into considering midwifery as a possible career.

But then I started to decompress from the long evening and I asked the I Ching about this possibility and it gave me Kua 5 (Waiting, Calm Abiding, Confidence, Relaxed Anticipation) with lines 2 thru 5 changing.

So basically I am not in a good place right now to plunge forward boldly into the unknown. Rather I need to abide patiently, knowing that things are working under the surface and that they will work out fine in the end.

My favorite words from the lines are from line 3 – “You have altogether missed the point of this time.  You have shrink-wrapped your attention to a reality much too small for you. …  If you can, change the shape of your mind – greater spaciousness brings greater opportunity.”  This is from Julie Henderson’s interpretation of the Yi Jing – the Somatic I Ching, revealing story, training mind.

Sounds like that is much easier said than done…(!)

So back to the drawing board.  And back to resting in awareness.  Time to put up my feet and rest my kidneys!  And calmly and patiently abide.

Thanks for reading!

~Kirby