I just withdrew from my nursing classes. All of them. And I am feeling a lot of varied emotions in response. I did not put a lot of thought into my decision, because there wasn’t much time to do so.
I was writing essays for scholarships when I realized: I am like a delicate acupuncture needle, where as most of my nursing school peers are thick durable framing nails, and the professors are hammering at us like we are in the military (seriously, the last two lectures that we had immediately reminded me of boot camp – Newsflash!: “I’ve been there. I have no intention of going back. Ever.”
Might I regret my decision? Almost certainly. Are the wisdom beings scrambling to create a new path for me to use my gifts on? Almost certainly. Do I feel ashamed about “giving up?” Perhaps. Will I go back to nursing school? If they will have me. 🙂 Does this remind me of the past when I quit going to UVa for a year? Unfortunately yes. Who knows, this could be the story of my life: I am tired, pooped even, worn out, burnt out, exhausted. And I need a real break. The problem is that I push myself to my breaking point without realizing it.
But I am going to REALLY enjoy the next few weeks of sleeping in. And my nerve pain, which is a lingering artifact from my having the shingles several years ago, should improve. In other words, I could not cope with the stress of working full time and trying to keep track of dozens of tasks and assignments – I was near the point of overwhelm on the first day of school. And that was the easiest week – it was going to get progressively more difficult from then on!
So here I am. I am not going to admit this on Facebook just yet. Yes, I am a bit sheepish. [But I am also very tired of Facebook and all of its 90% time wasting memes and other ads. In fact, I might soon take FB down, but I don’t want to waste time deleting dozens of pictures etc.]
I just went from transitioning from winter break (which I did not actually experience because I was working so hard) to restarting nursing school to sitting here typing this with no assignments due or chapters to mandatorily read. I need time to discover where I have landed and then time to settle down for at least a couple of months. There is the chance that I have changed in the past 6 months and I haven’t had time to notice.
Maybe I need time to discover what will truly restore my frazzled nervous system. Hopefully I can find that soon.
I will keep you informed.