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In Part One, I describe the tangle about having moved to a new location (Tampa Florida) and I briefly described how I deal with that stress (which I heap on myself). You should go back and read Part One if you’ve not already.
In this part, I will continue to mention how I unravel the enormous ball of self-inflicted pressure and then I will conclude with what my guidance is saying about my situation.
Somatic exercises seem to be best for me for unraveling my tangled emotions. When I start fretting, which these days is at least once per day, the tangle starts to build. Then if I search for jobs and expend effort and mental energy in the process, the tangle grows and grows.
One of my teachers is Julie Henderson, PhD. She is the founder of Zapchen Somatics and she is a spiritual teacher in her own right. She has written several books on energetic self care, Zapchen and she has two interpretations of the I Ching out. Yes, I prefer using her versions, although I have several copies of different interpretations for balance and perspective. In Zapchen Somatics, we are radically penetrating and playfully disengaging from strict internal conditioning and beliefs. Rigidity is rooted out and played with until it either dissolves or needs a nap. It is a profound and potent modality. I am not able to do it justice with words. But one MUST have an authentic teacher of it who embodies the work in order to truly receive the transmission of gentle loving mischievous kindness.
It allows me to notice when conditions of inner tangling are starting. I notice when I start to disembody or disassociate (to drift up and out of my body). If this is occurring though, that means I did not heed the yellow warning flags from earlier and rather I am now faced with red caution flags. This is an immediate sign that I need to pause whatever I am immersed in and do some self-care. And once I do so, I can generally come back into alignment within minutes. My body is starting to rest in easy present alignment so I notice the discomfort of conforming or reverting to old rigid patterns.
Therefore I am definitely experiencing a different reality than most people. Now the question is, what do I do with myself having realized that I am in a relatively different place than I was five years ago, or even last year? I am not independently wealthy. I need money to pay the bills. In this regard I am just an ordinary human being. So this is where frustration sets in. What the hell do I do now?
I like what the latest interpretation of Julie’s I Ching has to say on this subject (by the way, you should really consider picking up a copy of this book if you have the chance – Julie’s website – www.zapchen.com is a little out dated considering she has been recovering from illness or been in retreat for about five years now. But you should get this book). Kua 46, Yao 6 (line 6) says, “You have grown like the grass in the spring, beyond the edges described in the stories of your culture. Take care. Progress, both relaxed and alert. Take time to examine the new scenery and compare it to what you know. Learning really new things will open reality for you and keep you safe.”
Now I know several things: I have a tendency to allow fretting to become a big tangled mess inside; AND I have the skills and patience to move through these obstacles one right step at a time; AND I am experiencing a slightly different reality than most people (while being an ordinary human being on many levels).
Knowing these things, I still don’t know what to do with my life or my time or my energy and I still have to put food on the table. So I am just going to try to heed Julie’s advice: “Do your best not to fret, just keep going.”
I do know that I have innate gifts as a healing facilitator – whether using healing touch with bodywork or using soothing insightful words with Spiritual Astrology – and I appreciate putting these gifts to use in benefiting others. But so far, there are obstacles as people do not know how to reach me or maybe the obstacles are internal. Who knows. May I be able to benefit many beings very soon!
Thanks for sharing this journey with me.