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Recently I have been asking: “What am I doing with my life?” This is because big inner paradigms are shifting and I want to know what is going on, but I am not to know yet; rather I must wait patiently. Let me flesh this out a little more precisely:
So I want to be clear, within my heart, about my life’s direction. But all I know now, is what I had a glimpse of four years ago, that I am talented at astrology and bodywork (healing facilitation), I practice Buddhism, I’m interested in psychology – but not the dry, academic psychology I have met so far at UVa – I guess I should say I am interested in body-psychotherapy which is definitely “ahead of the curve.” However, like four years ago, I am smitten with an apathy, a doubting voice and a heart that is not passionate enough about any of these subjects to dive in fully. Therefore I continue to gradually dip my toes in, but I feel like a jack of multiple trades, rather than specializing in any one subject. And I do not know if pushing in any of these subjects is “what I am meant to do.”
I have spoken with Julie Henderson, one of my heart teachers about my present conundrum, and she says, “Great! You are in the midst of a huge transformation.” Well… I wish I could feel that elated about what I am going through. She said that if someone were merely changing their attitudes, even this would take some time – maybe a few months of added downtime to integrate the shifts. However, she said that if I am changing more than this – my body for instance, then it might take years. Gulp! Years??? Well I have been feeling like I am in a stasis since this past October / November of 2009. So she says to practice confident patience – knowing that shifts are happening under the surface and that things are falling into place as it were. She also gave me some advice regarding ways to possibly speed up the process, but it will not go that much faster. So here I am 🙂
This waiting with confident patience has caused all sorts of anger and frustration to arise. I want to be connected to wisdom beings and more precisely the clarity that might bring, because I do not want to waste my seemingly limited resources (Saturn in the 2nd house opposite Mars in the 8th). My magical way of thinking – my idealistic bubble – has rudely burst, and now I am unsure of what I am meant to do with my life. Luckily I have incredible resources – spiritual teachers, tools for self care and I know that any suffering I go through is only brought on by one person and their attitudes – that would be ME.
Glancing in my Progressed Chart however, I notice that I am shifting on an incredibly deep level. And that to push or force anything at this point, would not only be harmful, but ludicrous. I must wait patiently and kindly, as Julie says, with confidence. But for my Mercury in Aries 9th house (impatient) mind, this is nearly impossible. In my Progressed Chart, Pr. Mercury is at 29 degrees of Pisces, about to re-enter its sign from my birth, Aries. Pr. Mars is teetering on the verge of entering my Natal 9th house. Pr. Jupiter is within astronomical minutes of entering the sign of Leo (a once in a lifetime shift which will actually take a few years to complete). Plus my Pr. Ascendant is activating the Natal Saturn / Mars opposition (tension, strain, push / pull, tiring aspect) and my Pr. Venus is nearing a conjunction with my Natal Sun – at least that sounds like it should be pleasant, although by this point I feel a little disenchanted (see below). But as the reader can observe, there are multiple shifts occurring within my Progressed Chart which, even when taken separately, require patience and quality time to unfold.
When glancing at your Progressed chart, you can see trends arising, occurring and completing. You can see the cycles which we all go through, decade after decade, etc. However, one of the significant indications of major change in people is when the Progressed Personal Planets (Sun, Moon, Mars, Venus, Mercury and even the Ascendant) change signs or change houses then down time is necessary to integrate and re-structure. Seriously – neuroscience is discovering how plastic (flexible, fluid, able to change) the brain is, even in adults. We can change, but if we choose to do so, then it takes additional nourishment and time – new neurological synapses need to be nurtured and treated with kindness.
So that is what I am doing. Seeing clients, and watching my growth rings amount to what feels like very little. Luckily I have very solid resources as I mentioned above. So… Cheers – here’s to waiting with confident patience!
Wisdom beings, known and unknown, seen and unseen, please be with all beings. May all beings know happiness and its causes. Thank you!