Hello Dear Readers!
It is interesting – I think I participate in the “Facebook” effect even here on my blog. That is I normally only write when things are going well and write about things I am excited and passionate for. This post is a detour from that pattern however… wishing things were going better financially, socially, professionally. This is a post about discharging, about what is going well, about concerns going forward. Thanks for reading!
BTW – there is some astrological chatter strewn throughout. Do your best or let me know if you have questions!
I wish I were writing this under easier circumstances. 2020 has been quite challenging! There was a work-a-thon in January as I prepared for 3-month retreat. Then retreat began in early February. That was sublime. And it had a funky ending, where I was given 2-weeks to move out of my apartment. Yikes! Usually after a retreat like that, it is good to take 4-6 weeks of doing as little as possible, walking in nature, resting, integrating, digesting, and continuing to practice a few hours / day – you know, gradually easing back into the mainstream-world pace. So yeah, the month of May sucked. Instead of resting, I went into hyper-drive to find a place to live, discuss / decide to move in with my girlfriend, prep / prime / paint my room, sort / move my stuff and somehow I finished with hours to spare… that was crazy exhausting.
Getting used to living with my girlfriend and her daughter has been a significant adjustment. It has been great! And it has stretched me, and forced me to be more mindful of where I am responding with rigidity toward her (daughter). The May post-retreat ordeal was so taxing that the month of June was pretty much a wash – adjusting to this new pandemic world I was emerging into… ooph! I was still full energetically from retreat, so I didn’t realize how challenging May was until later (in August).
In July, I tried to open my bodywork practice, because I had not (and still have not – damn it..) received any unemployment money. After emailing about 40 clients who I had seen in 2019, and hearing back from just five or six of them, and half of those declining my invitation to come in for bodywork… I was discouraged. Keep in mind I am a Leo Rising with Neptune in my 5th house – so I can always find the bright side of situations. Even if I was stretched super thin…
Somehow, August was semi-lucrative (for 2020 standards) – in other words, I barely broke even that month. I had a couple of clients purchase 5-session packages, so I thought, “Wow, I might actually get this practice back off the ground.” Well I was mistaken – by late September, I was only seeing a few clients / week. And most of those were sliding scale rates!
October rolled around and I was fortunate to make some money house / dog-sitting for friends. But still low client numbers – both for Astrology and bodywork.
November was very rough. Hard to believe it is December already speaking of which! I am now down to 2 – 3 clients / week. Which, in case you are not aware, does not remotely pay the bills. So my credit card debt is the worst it has been in five years. I am still unsure if I will get any PUA (unemployment) money – and at this point, I am expecting nothing – it would be awesome to be surprised, but need to be real! (Because I voluntarily quit the spa job before the retreat, I don’t seem to quality for either UI or PUA money. This is very frustrating.)
I have had more time this year though. So my spiritual practice is going quite well. I am doing my best to be patient with all these huge changes in my life, and huge changes in the world around us. Despair is more typical. Self care is more vital than ever. I am so fortunate to be able to do good mother messages several times / week, or do an advanced Qigong practice where I breath in healing light into my bones and tissues, or just stick with a powerful Tong Len practice.
And these awesome practices don’t pay the bills. With Transiting Saturn opposing my natal Jupiter for basically all of 2020 (limitation, problem solving, planning, and discontentment – and I should add, obstacles with teachers / gurus), and then with Transiting Uranus passing over my Midheaven – meaning massive changes to my profession / reputation / relationship with the public and possibly even domestic changes, I am ready for some settling and attending to my personal needs. And I want to be ready for whatever is next…
I’m not sure if that will be teaching Trauma Informed Astrology classes. Or continuing to offer emotional-process-oriented bodywork – I am really good at this, according to many clients / colleagues. As a matter of fact, I am one of the only people in Charlottesville (where there are hundreds of bodyworkers) who offers the combination of Pre- and Perinatal Psychology (Birth Process work), Trauma Resolution (Somatic Experiencing and Polyvagal work), Craniosacral Therapy, Somatic Transmission through Zapchen Somatics and maintaining a Tibetan Buddhist practice. Literally there are only 2 or 3 of us who offer all of these things.
I am not good however, at promoting myself or my business. Not great at marketing or advertising. I don’t really have a business plan. (Not sure I want one any longer.) And I have had more despair than usual this fall. I am now occasionally cycling through some doom and gloom around what things will look like if I give up my bodywork office. And actually, I am curious about working for the post office (if they will have me). At least there, I would have vacation time, sick leave, insurance benefits, retirement and more! Wow – much more than any spa can give.
I would be sad to give up doing bodywork. It feels like a “dharma,” that is a vocation. It has meaning, it has purpose and powerful motivation. High quality bodywork is meditation in action. It is compassion through touch. It is the highest form of empathy I know. By offering bodywork, I am also able to purify my own negative karma by benefiting others. It is truly a beautiful cycle. To give it up feels like a betrayal of sorts.
I know I can benefit people – especially if they are in need of trauma resolution / stress reduction / resilience building. But I’m wondering if this chapter of my life is ending (Uranus – big change anyone?). I am very tired of hustling – getting clients, offering specials, always being “on,” attending continuing education classes (paying gobs of money for them), doing laundry, maintaining and cleaning the office (it is crazy how much behind the scenes work must be done now – especially with Covid precautions).
We will see where I land once this Uranus transit moves off my Midheaven. Maybe I am coming down to earth – having benefits is extremely attractive in a job (Saturn). Even if it is working for someone else. Maybe reality is catching up with me (Saturn). I am ready for more stability. After a tumultuous 2020, I’m hoping to more fully catch up with myself next year.
May all of us have our wishes come true, moving toward peace and grace and greater compassion to self and other!
Thank you for sticking with me. Please wish me well. ❤
Kirby Moore
konchog chakchen
Meditation Informs Healing Facilitation 