As I sit here, my Solar Return is occurring, I’m turning 39 years old – I’m almost 40!! Good lord I’m getting on up there!
If you have not been keeping up with my posts or with Facebook, I have been in an intensive massage school program for the past 7 weeks now. It is magical, full, rich, and at times overwhelming (like right about now). Also, I have been brought face to face with my inadequacies, in a good yet uncomfortable way. Little messes I have made have come home to me days or a couple weeks later and I have to clean them up. I have heard that is the nature of Crestone Colorado – it is a very spiritual place, lots of potential growth to happen. And we either hide from it using substances or medication or food, or we set the intention to face it head on (apparently I have done this). No matter how uncomfortable it is at times.
Massage School will lead to good things though! I am very excited to share all that I am learning with clients and friends and even family! The acupressure is pretty easy to do and it is practically a spiritual practice to conduct it – I literally sit in my Chi Kung foundations the entire time I am giving an acupressure session. I am excited to open and sustain a professional bodywork practice – to have the credentials to put myself out there, to continue growing and learning one or two modalities on top of what I already know. And now that I have a significant Chi Kung and Tai Chi foundation under my belt, and I aspire to continue practicing at least 5 – 6 days a week, I feel like I will have the energy and motivation to maintain a thriving bodywork practice for months and years at a time. Of course I will take breaks for vacation or trainings!
Teaching – I foolishly or boldly felt that I had what it takes to teach bodywork starting this past year. Now I’m not so sure. Some days I have solid boundaries, other days they are a little flaky. I canceled a teaching gig I had down in the Tidewater area – it feels like I need to focus on one or two things at a time. Time to stop spreading myself so thin and actually take on pragmatic and realistic projects – and let everything else go! And say no to everything else 🙂
So I’m not sure if / when I will teach bodywork. The I Ching (one of my divination tools) says that I need to get on out there and share what I have learned. I do feel like I need to be teaching Spiritual Astrology. It was actually the I Ching that confirmed it was a good idea to cancel the upcoming workshop in Portsmouth. So I don’t know what is going on in this regard. I do know that I’m not going to share any Chi Kung until I have done a consistent, persistent practice for at least a year.
So I think this is what my next year looks like (my 40th year): focusing a lot of time and energy into getting my bodywork practice back up and thriving, taking an awesome workshop on Embryology in July and doing a restorative and potent 10-day retreat in December. I have big plans for 2019, but I will keep those to myself until they actually become tangible.
Spiritual Practice – when I actually practice on a regular basis, I feel like I am extremely blessed and I might actually have a blessing to share with others. But that has not been the case much – I am really good at practicing for a few days here, a few spurts there, but maintaining a consistent morning practice for more than a month – very rare indeed! I am the definition of ADHD Dharma practitioner – in the course of a given month, I will have done about ten practices, some multiple times (I admit rather sheepishly). I tend to practice a lot – considering I am not very good at the whole relationship thing.
Here in Crestone, at Massage School, where I have very limited time, I am loving the amount of practice I am doing. Some mornings I will wake up an hour before my alarm and do mantras for a while. Some days I even feel up to doing prostrations, although there is limited private space – so I do half prostrations in my little bedroom! =^D
On the weekends here, I visit a beautiful Dharma center and then later I trek up to a large stupa that is up a 4-wheel-drive road that I dare not bring my little car up again! It is fun to hike it though – I meet neat people and have incredible views of the San Luis Valley.
Speaking of relationships… I feel that I am finally ready to put in the work to have a right livelihood where I can take a few days off to go enjoy myself (with a healthy romantic partner). Up to this point, I was really good at talking the talk, but not so good at walking the walk. But I really want to put in 40 hours a week building client-base, marketing myself, giving treatments and getting compensated for good work. I do have high standards in a potential partner, so I’m not rushing into anything. But I would like to meet her soon… we shall see – maybe it will be best to focus the next few months on getting established.
I’m excited about what’s ahead. I have big dreams and I am doing better about being realistic. Some days I feel like I don’t have a clue as to what my destiny is (if there is such a thing – that could be summed up in one or two sentences?!) and other days I feel like I am walking my path with clarity and radiance.
May we all discover balance and equanimity and stable contentment!
Thanks for reading my rambling words,
~km
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Meditation Informs Healing Facilitation 