A classic double bind

OK this material is pretty deep. I might recommend having good support around you or having a friend you can call if reading this brings anything up for you; of course you could always call and schedule a session with me if you would like. Area code +1 434, 465-0603 USA.

One neumonic for countering this deep icky psychological material is to feel your feet, to feel the base of your body and to notice your breath. 

So let’s do that now: wiggle some toes, notice that wiggle move thru your legs.  Feel what part of you is touching the floor or your chair or your sofa, etc.  notice where your weight is.  And finally feel your breath , is it shallower tonight?  Are you doing more belly breaths?  Just noticing, nothing to fix, nothing to do.

Now into the juicy material: one classic double bind is as follows: because one of my parents is not really able to self regulate and they’re not able to take care of their emotions, the child has this primary conflict within them. On one side it says “I have to sacrifice my needs or my feelings to take care of my dad’s or mom’s needs and feelings.”  Of course this is not true but this is what the child encounters when they’re in the womb or early in their development and because a young baby’s brain has so much developing yet to do, the baby has no choice but to take on that belief as if it was theirs. The other side of the conflict is that the baby says to themselves “I am not allowed to have my own feelings or needs.” And this is pretty miserable.  Both are happening simultaneously.

As a result of having this conflicting set of beliefs within them, the child also develops sub-beliefs which are also known as forks off of the main double bind. One fork off of this double bind might be: I have to make everyone feel OK. Another fork might be the child part of themselves saying: I don’t matter. And yet another fork would be “I always have to be good or happy or charming.”

And just think, if someone has these beliefs about not being able to have feelings or especially not being able to express objection or anger, then if we cut off our authentic needs and feelings for too long, is that they will have a lot of underlying rage to deal with at some point in their lives. Ooph!!  This is intense stuff.

This is a very brief overview of one typical double blind, so if you have questions please do let me know. Or contact your local therapist or counselor. If you want to see how double binds show up in the astrology chart then let me know. Or if you want to schedule a phone session or an in person session also let me know.

Thanks for Reading!


Published by Kirby Moore

Kirby Moore is a healing facilitator based in the beautiful rolling hills of Charlottesville, Virginia. He does sessions in-person and long distance via Skype and Zoom, working with Spiritual Astrology, Somatic Experiencing, Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy and Birth Process Work. His healing work is informed by fifteen years of meditation and Qigong practice. He works with client's intentions and deepest longings to attain clear, tangible results. Contact him for more info at (email): kirby [at] mkirbymoore [dot] com

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