I am turning 37 years old. Good grief! Where has the time gone? I was bartending last night when I realized nearly everyone at the bar was within 5 or 6 years of my age. They pretty much had all seemed to do a traditional (main stream) type of life – most of them had kids or had been married for years and they were a part of a corporate group and they were enjoying themselves.
But good lord, I am closer to turning 40 than I am to being 30. I have not let that sink in (at all). 40 years old. I don’t feel 40 (or do I). I should say I don’t feel the way I assumed 40 year olds feel. I’m pretty healthy, when I practice good self care.
I think it is time for me to re-do my list of life goals. Short term, middling length and long term goals. What do I want? How will I go about getting it? Am I staying on track?
I have been gearing up for nursing school for the past 2 – 3 years. And in that time, I have lost track of many things. I am managing to stay fairly grounded and embodied, which is very beneficial and commendable. Now that I am taking a semester hiatus from school, I have a moment to reflect. And wow!
I want to do more writing. I want to re-discover my creative muse. I won several awards for composition years back – in 2002 and 2007 respectfully. I am realizing that the constant grind that is nursing school – where one can ALWAYS be studying / reviewing / watching something no matter how much time you have already invested. There are always assignments coming due and the huge NCLEX test looms over everyone as this comprehensive behemoth to struggle through at the end of school. It is the licensing test which separates the fair students from the great ones. Long story short, nursing school and all of its prerequisites have dried up my creativity. That part of my brain is parched. I need a change. Even if it is just a cooking class or an art class. I have been working to change my mind since 2007.
When I started the UVa undergrad Psychology program, I did not realize what I was doing. I was adding tools to my feeling intuitive mind – adding layers of empiricism and rationality. I was doing non-formal mind training. But that area of life can be a bit dry. It can be overdone. Being the cold, reasoning scientist has its place. And I am a feeling, empathetic Pisces. So I need to find a balance.
Yes I want to be a knowledgable compassionate responsible professional nurse. And I want to have some juiciness in my life as well. Not too spicy. But more than I’ve got right now.
No need to beat myself up. There is time. But it is also time to get on with it. 🙂
thanks for reading my random musings