As many of you readers know, I am presently in nursing school. And if you have been reading my blog for some time, then you would also know that I have quite a long and devoted history of practicing and receiving and championing (when it is legitimate) complimentary and alternative medicine modalities.
So how am I reconciling this change of direction within myself? Honestly, it is a very complex issue – here are some of the feelings and thoughts going through my mind as I ask myself, “coming from years of practicing Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy and Somatic Experiencing (trauma resolution), what is it like to be thrust into a mainstream group of scientists and future nurses?
I feel like a part of me is selling out. However, this is also complicated (see below).
I am glad to be entering a profession where it is said to be a “calling” and a “service” to be a nurse. It is not for everyone. First of all, it is extremely tough to get into (my school accepted about 18% of applicants) and once you are in a nursing program, it gets more and more complicated with each class you take. Until, suddenly after two years, you are a well-educated professional who might be able to jump right into a hospital setting and care for a wide range of patients. In other words, being a nurse is one of the worst ways to make a lot of money – it is possible to make good money, but that can take years of hard work, study and more schooling.
My nursing professors so far are very solid women. They have obviously done their personal growth work and are grounded, clear, honest and seem to radiate joy in some aspects of their jobs. Therefore it seems like the nursing conundrum (most of the 50 United States being in serious nursing shortages) has not burnt them out at least.
I suspect I am one of the only people who is doing nursing with a solid background in Craniosacral Therapy, trauma resolution and Spiritual Astrology (and Buddhism). That combination is difficult to find. A part of me wonders if my talents are being wasted… (I hope that doesn’t come off as being too brash or arrogant).
I am intimidated regarding the stories about some hospitals being short staffed. If you give someone (in this case nurses) so much responsibility and so many patients to handle in a given shift, and yet you ask them to do TWO people’s job, it seems that mistakes are inevitable. And not only that, but it seems that this situation will always lead to a focus on disease treatment rather than prevention. If you know that counseling patients might lead to preventing future diseases, and yet there is not enough time to do that counseling… wouldn’t you go out and do something about hiring more nurses? Something is very wrong with a system if all that is going on. I’m just saying (and keep in mind I have not done a clinical in a hospital setting yet).
As to why I did not stick with bodywork as a profession (and why I am in nursing today):
I am not good at marketing myself. I am / was a very solid bodyworker but I was never good at marketing myself, nor was I good at maintaining a strong practice if I built it up. As a bodyworker doing complimentary medicine, there is simply too much work involved to constantly be acquiring new clients as a few of my previous clients got better and only needed occasional “maintenance” sessions. To market, and practice, and schmooze, and take care of the accounting, etc is simply too much work for me. 😦 I’m not cut out to do it, at best I need help. Or I need a marketable skill (like nursing) that is in high demand where I will be compensated a living wage for the work I do. And aside from the emotional strain, I can pretty much leave my work at work and come home and let go… we will see if this is a pipe-dream, but I think you get my point.
Not only that, but I wonder if bodywork is a little too easy for me. Nursing is very complex and as a result, it is and will challenge my intuition and studying abilities in novel and creative ways. In other words, I needed a new challenge, and nursing is definitely providing that. This is why I did not go the route of graduate work in psychology. Because that would have been rewarding yes, but again it would have been more of the same and less of a new challenge.
So we will see where this (the nursing path) takes me.
Thanks for reading my breathless posts 🙂