I have never felt that I was an extremely confident astrologer. Sure, I’m a Leo Rising (Pisces Sun with Neptune in my 5th house), so I fake it just fine. But I think that due to the complexity of astrology – just Western astrology – I always feel like I could study a chart a little longer and always glean something from it. I think that is why I am usually (secretly) nervous when I am seeing a new, novel astrology client for the first time. If all I have to go on is a chart and a voice, then I don’t know much about what to expect when I meet the person.
These days however, I’m beginning to feel like I want to speak my mind more and more. In the past, I was a charmer, a shape shifter, a diplomat. I could make terrible news sound like a minor challenge. I could turn a nasty looking obstacle into a growth opportunity. But frankly, I am tired of doing this.
I say this because the way I do astrology (in the past?) is draining for me. I think it is because instead of speaking my truth, I have multiple filters going, so that my truth is run past charm weavers to make it sound less and less abrasive.
But the more I experience samsara, the more I want to tell people: if the way you are doing things is not working (to the point where you are frustrated, down, depressed or angry), then why do you continue to choose the same path over and over again? I want to ask people – what makes you feel stable? What activity do you do to be grounded and completely equanimous? If someone can’t answer either of these questions (if they do not know what it is to feel stable or grounded), I’m not sure what to do – but I know that a lot of personal growth work is needed for them to begin to find some stability. And now that I am in nursing school, I am probably not the person to be working with them on that! So I am just left with “Wow! You need to establish some inner resources in a big way…” But all I say is, “Have you considered working with a meditation or yoga teacher?” Or “Can I point you in the direction of some very skilled body-psychotherapists?” But inner work takes some incredible motivation and a willingness to stand on the edge of the “cliff.” Even if what seems like a cliff is just a step down into the darkness, we are still terrified and cling to old out-dated methods which just lead to us pin balling back and forth from defensive reaction to blaming others, etc.
So get it together people. I’m becoming a nurse soon. And I can’t really believe I am saying all these things. You would almost think that I am trying to dissuade clients… (maybe subconsciously this is true). Rather, I would prefer to have clients who have a lot of their inner resources in tact or who are willing to do the work and get started and put in the effort outside of sessions.
Or perhaps I am already strained from oodles of classes and studying. Time will tell. This fall I am going to be practicing self care, reading chapters upon chapters of nursing material, and learning even more how the amazing human body works. I’m excited. I suspect I will pick astrology back up on the other side. But it will definitely be a changed paradigm for me. I will keep you updated.
(Thanks for reading my ranting)