Goodbye my soul brother

 

 

A dear good friend of mine just passed away under difficult circumstances…

I got the news earlier today and my heart entered my throat.  Because today another friend of mine is/was under going open heart surgery, and in fact, I have yet to hear how he is doing…  So gasp.  Breathe.  Slowly…  take in air…

Not knowing what else to do, I filled the bath tub with hot water, dumped about a fourth of an ounce of the YoungLiving Essential Oil Blend of “Release” in the water, and I sat there.  At first, depressing, angry thoughts and words arose…  Why him?  Why didn’t I get to say goodbye in person?  Why why why!!!  But then beautiful, breezy, warming, electrifying sensations began to pulse through my body as I began to grieve.  I am not someone who cries easily or often.  Like I’m lucky if I tear up once or twice a year…  Fortunately I voiced what my heart was feeling and sobs began to arise, moans and groans and wails of anguish and loss.  I wonder if I’m the type of male who internalizes several little things and then requires a large event to rupture the dam of suppressed tears (I don’t do it consciously).

These are some parting words…

You were my older brother, you were my friend, you were my mentor and at times,

You were even a spiritual teacher, because I have only met one or two other Westerners

Who can articulate and fuse psycho-spiritual / emotional concepts

with a deep knowledge and awareness of consciousness.

Now, I wonder that I won’t be able to think of the Olympics again without thoughts of you,

I won’t be able to go to the Tea Bazaar without yearning for our edifying conversations,

And my memories of the Tree House are more shadowy and complex.

You taught me many things: don’t waste my time.  Impermanence is real.

In fact, it is almost as if your transition is one final teaching along this line.

You are still teaching me to never take a friend’s presence for granted…

You showed me that when an opportunity presents itself, no matter how cautious

I wanted to be, no matter how much doubt arose, go grab it!  Don’t hesitate!

At the same time you taught me to slow down, to enjoy the moment,

And most importantly, you asked me to trust my inner Guru.

We did not always agree and you had the courage to tell me

that you could only stand to be around some people for 90 minutes tops.

It seemed that even I could fall into that category at times.

I am so happy you showed me your courage,

you showed me that even gentle men could bare their teeth,

And you showed me that compassion takes many different forms.

And from here on out, I am making an effort to connect with juicy friends and supportive colleagues.

I have at least a couple of gifts to offer, even if my light has dimmed a bit due to health concerns.

I choose life, I choose supportive good company, I choose health and I choose faith in a lineage of healing wisdom.