How do we practice Relationship Astrology appropriately?

I need to start out by stating that I am not an expert on this subject.  Maybe you could consult Robert Hand or Liz Greene or Stephen Forrest – someone with decades of experience.  For me, I have been studying astrology for about ten years, and I have been on an accelerated path of personal growth work through Buddhist meditation practice and from giving and receiving Process Oriented Bodywork during that same time period.  Therefore I feel I do have a unique perspective on Astrology, but I stress am no expert.

For those of you who stuck with me after that disclaimer…  This post is a little bit of a rant against the oversimplification of Relationship Astrology websites and this post will explain how we practice a more comprehensive form of Relationship Astrology. I want to state that there are at least a couple of good books on this subject – for instance “Planets in Composite” by Robert Hand is a fantastic book for experienced astrologers who can stick with a subject even during a few dry spells – Hand goes so in-depth that he will temporarily lose any superficial readers.  But if you stick with it, this book is a gem of knowledge.

So, for the sake of brevity, I am simplifying the process of appropriate Relationship Astrology interpretations here.

As I mentioned in the last post, where I elucidated the merits of Frequency-based Astrology, you will recall that I mention the horribly simplified statement that “Aries women fit best with Leo and Sagittarian men.”  Yes, maybe this is true for SOME Aries women.  But the reason why it is true is not because of the one-size-fits-all theory of astrology, rather let me use an example:

Say Martha (fictitious name) is an Aries Sun (10th house), Cancer Rising with a Taurus Moon (11th house).  Now would a Leo or Sagittarian man be good for her?  Perhaps.  To know with more certainty, we would need to know the ruler of her 7th house (the house of intimate relationships), in this case Saturn (Cancer Rising means Capricorn is on the Descendant which is ruled by Saturn), and we would need to know its aspects and then we must understand that this is only the first step to see what Martha’s capacity is for relating and who she desires in a partner.  Next we would look at planets in her 5th, 7th and 11th houses, her Venus, Mars and Uranus placements and aspects to see if there are other indications of relationship needs – Mars in Scorpio in the 5th house here would be MUCH different than Mars in Cancer in the 12th house!

Say we determined that Martha would need someone to either be an authority figure to her (Saturn) or maybe she needs someone who can be emotionally intense (maybe some good Scorpio energy indicated by Venus in aspect to Pluto).  Do either of these needs describe the average Leo or Sagittarius?  No!  But, is it possible that a Leo Sun sign man could also have Saturn on his Capricorn Midheaven and be the disciplined, less-than-emotional authority figure that Martha needs?  Yes!  Or could that Sagittarian Sun sign man have a Scorpio Moon and therefore have the depth of emotional intensity that she longs for – Yes!

If you have not gotten the subtle hints, I am trying to say that Relationship Astrology is very complex!  To say that ALL Aries go well with ALL Leo Sun signs is hogwash.  There are many levels and layers to look at first before we can say, “Oh she will match up well with him.  And that relationship has a good chance of being long-term.”  Therefore, if you are searching for a very superficial answer to your relationship questions, then go ahead and use the recipe websites.  But don’t expect to have an accurate in-depth interpretation!

What is the first step in practicing Relationship Astrology appropriately?  I already touched on it a little.  Step One – We must know the individual’s chart or charts in the case of two people.  Without taking the partner into consideration, first we must see what is Martha’s capacity for relating in general.  What does she want?  Does she have several indicators that she wants to be a hermit in a nunnery somewhere and that she would be perfectly content in a celibate lifestyle?  No – of course not!  That is why she is coming to you in the first place – she wants a MAN damn it, but why don’t her relationships work out?!

Once we determine Martha’s relating ability and needs and desires and we determine that she wants to be with a member of the opposite sex, then we must also look at the partner’s chart for his capacities and needs in relationship.  Keep in mind we are blending Frequency-based Astrology with Natal Chart interpretation here.  We know X, Y and Z about him and his chart concurs with what he has told us – so we have a good fit and we know that his birth time is probably pretty accurate (something else to factor in).

That was the first step (individual needs and capacities).  What is step two?  Once we know what the two people’s capacities and needs are, then we need to see if they fit together.  Step Two involves doing Natal Chart Synastry.  We hold up Martha’s chart to his chart – let’s fictitiously name him Earl.  Okay so let’s assume we see that Martha needs someone to either mother (remember her Cancer Rising) or more likely, she needs someone to be a father-figure to her.  And this information would need to come from more than just the Rising sign – that tells us where to start but we need more evidence and strength to come to that conclusion.  Let’s say she has Venus conjunct Saturn in the 7th house (in Capricorn).  She has had some disappointments in love and she appreciate’s how Earl is a disciplined, dispassionate Leo Sun sign who is concerned with his career as a bank vice president and who has been steady in his courtship of her for five years now.  He is also twelve years her senior and they do not want to have children.  So we discover that Earl would meet most of Martha’s needs.

Next we would need to check to see – does Martha meet Earl’s needs?  Remember we are keeping all of this in mind and we are only sharing what is appropriate with the client.  There are never two perfect partners – if there was someone who met all of my needs and with whom there would never be a disagreement…  then I think I would be in heaven, but I still think there would be some conflicts  🙂   So we MUST keep in mind that Martha has the karma to be with Earl in this moment and no matter what we see, we have to support her in her decisions.  And we must be very skillful when describing conflicts and disharmonious aspects.  And of course, if everything were peachy and roses, then she wouldn’t be coming to you (the astrologer) in the first place!  🙂

In the next post, I am going to cover Composite Charts in Relationship Astrology.



Published by Kirby Moore

Kirby Moore is a healing facilitator based in the beautiful rolling hills of Charlottesville, Virginia. He does sessions in-person and long distance via Skype and Zoom, working with Spiritual Astrology, Somatic Experiencing, Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy and Birth Process Work. His healing work is informed by fifteen years of meditation and Qigong practice. He works with client's intentions and deepest longings to attain clear, tangible results. Contact him for more info at (email): kirby [at] mkirbymoore [dot] com

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