It’s been a year…

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Year of the Male Water Dragon, a Leap Year, 2012 (Tibetan year 2139). Wow! Anyone thinking this should be a potent year? I believe it will be a full year. A year of discovery and a year of exploring new horizons, personally anyway.

I typically cultivate and create a provocative mission statement for the Western New Year, so why not try one for the Tibetan Losar? The past year has been a time of incubation primarily, especially after graduating from UVa in May. I attended Spring Retreat at the TMC in May / June, where I also got into my first car accident (first time for everything I guess). Plus I was able and so very fortunate to attend His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s teachings on the Kalachakra in July, and I got to support several dedicated Dharma practitioners and Tibetan language students over the fall here in C’ville. Since December I have been working part time at a fine dining room at a local golf resort, which feels like a nice family of fellow employees, so it is not a bad way to pay the bills.

And it seems like some of these trends might continue over the next year.

What do I wish to hold in my heart this upcoming year?

– to continue resting in “don’t know” mind, despite yearning to control, to know, and longing to direct my life in a direction that seems to “make sense” to me (and preferably others), by resting in “don’t know” mind, I might support a brilliant, yet unknown and not-yet-able-to-be-perceived unfolding. To summarize: don’t know how long it will take, want to rest in “don’t know” mind for as long as it takes, and I don’t actually know what “it” is that is supposed to transpire 🙂 Lovely. Did I mention how difficult this was…? At least I can chuckle at the absurdity of this predicament.

For the benefit of myself and a desired future family, I want to be able to provide, to shelter and to have plenty to share, so that I can enjoy their company… hence it is a touch frustrating when the I Ching tells me that my life is blessed and that I am destined for great things, but for now, just wait! Grrrowlll! Don’t get me wrong – I’m definitely not complaining… I just impatient. I want to move toward what I perceive that to be now! Oh well, what choice do I have? I have learned, from far too many stubborn, resistant, foolish trying-to-push-through-despite-what-the-I-Ching-suggests actions, that it is now time to accept the fact that obstacles happen. Why bang my head against an enormous granite boulder when I could just wait for it to slowly roll by, revealing what has always been on my path?

– I intend to listen to my heart. In the past, it has been so easy to merge with another, to be a pleaser and basically to be in alignment with someone else’s needs / desires. I want to directly confront this pattern and to gently yet firmly choose to embody, to be in my energy, my breath and my awareness of being aware. Then I will decide what to do next. I want to do what it takes to find myself: rest down, find alignment and lean into wisdom beings’ embrace.

– I’d like to work with a provocative instruction from one of my heart teachers: Realize and act like you, your life and your practice are just fine, exactly the way they are. Oh my! I have my work cut out for me 🙂

What might this look like? Radical gentleness. New levels of resting down. Spending time with any discovered tightness / tautness of muscle, bone, tissue and working to relax into the ease of appropriate self-regulation. Being kind by slowing down just a little bit more – at work, while driving, at home, with friends, when hiking, when awake.

– If it is in the cards, I’m hoping for a slowly-unfolding, inspiring and beautifully growth-oriented relationship this year. But for now, I am withdrawn and getting used to space. My heart needs to take it slow though – I’m realizing that my brain can jump weeks ahead of where my heart is, so yet another reason to go extra slow!

– Finally I am looking for clarity in this year about what steps to take next in my life. I am sure this has to do with the first point above. At present, there is a the chance to do some incredible training with a master in birth processing counseling work. So I need to see if I want to make that commitment. Otherwise I am still on the fence about what direction to choose for grad schools, but I have feelers out as it were.

Well thanks for listening to me ramble on and on. I hope your (and all beings’) New Year is full of blessings and clarity and lasting affection.